How likely is my spouse to be charged with adultery and fraternization? What type of punishment should be expected?

2023-01-24T12:27:56-05:00

While I was deployed, I found out my husband was unfaithful and having extramarital affair with a Pfc from another unit. Him being a SGT. This was not the first time he was unfaithful to me prior adultery affairs. I gathered evidence, such as confessions from previous mistresses and pictures of him being unfaithful, such as kissing, hugging text
Messages showing him being affectionate, making comments like saying I love you to them and he’s so proud to have them as there are lover etc.

Now with this Pfc , I confronted her, and I let her know my husband was married to me, and that it would be smart. If she let us figure out these issues, and to leave him alone. this Pfc was around my child. She showered in my bathroom. She stayed in my house. She slept on my bed. She had sex on my bed. She sent me pictures of them with him on top of her, kissing her on the head and I was able to get pictures from her of them holding hands with his tattoos showing. He has abandoned me in order to be with this girl, and she claimed I was harassing her when I was asking her and begging her to leave my husband alone and let us figure things out on our own upon returning from my deployment. He and she continues the affair upon my return from deployment, and she lied to my commander about not seeing him yet she was caught with him the very same day she lied to my commander and claimed harassment.

The affair is continuing, but I don’t have any new evidence. My husband has been flagged for four months now and today he claims to have a second reading with his battalion commander.

During this whole investigation, I provided sworn statements with dates, timelines, pictures, telephonic confessions from the mistress ( she did not know she was being recorded) but it is legal in my state to record a conversation. How likely is my husband to be punished and what are the punishments looking like this has affected my mental health upon returning from deployment, knowing that I lost my entire family in my home due to the selfish actions of my husband and his private first class who knew what they were doing and had no remorse for the family I am now mourning. Not only is it affecting myself, but it is affecting our child as well..

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 24 at 2023 12:34 PM

2023-01-24T12:34:50-05:00

a leopard's spots never change... time to seek counseling for you & your child and move on with your lives.

Spoken from someone who has experienced your unfortunate circumstance.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 24 at 2023 1:15 PM

2023-01-24T13:15:46-05:00

Look up Article 134 in the Manual of Courts Martial for Adultery. Those punishments listed are the possible outcomes. Your husband and PFC could face reduction in rank and pay. They could also be kicked out of the Army. But, honestly, their punishment(s) would be at the discretion of the convening authority. Turn and burn both of them, I say.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 24 at 2023 1:24 PM

2023-01-24T13:24:59-05:00

You should focus on getting a divorce.

If your husband is having a second reading it sounds like the command has already decided on non judicial punishment.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 24 at 2023 2:01 PM

2023-01-24T14:01:06-05:00

It ultimately depends on how big of a deal it is to his command team. It sounds like they're investigating.

Honestly your best bet is to just divorce your husband and work on putting it behind you. I wouldn't even stress over if he gets punished or not through UCMJ. You focus on getting you and your kids help you need. Let her have that pos. He'll just cheat on her next anyway. But let her deal with him. You do you.

Response by COL Randall C. made Jan 24 at 2023 2:15 PM

2023-01-24T14:15:35-05:00

Working backwards ... the textbook answer first about what punishment could he face.

Technically there is no separate article of 'adultery' in the military (i.e., there is not a specific article of UCMJ regarding it). However, it IS a crime and is prosecuted under Article 134 which is the "General" or 'catch-all' article for doing stuff you shouldn't do (specifically, Article 134 - Extramarital Sexual Conduct).

Fraternization is also prosecuted in the military under the same article.

Article 134—General article
Though not specifically mentioned in this chapter, all disorders and neglects to the prejudice of good order and discipline in the armed forces, all conduct of a nature to bring discredit upon the armed forces, and crimes and offenses not capital, of which persons subject to this chapter may be guilty, shall be taken cognizance of by a general, special, or summary court-martial, according to the nature and degree of the offense, and shall be punished at the discretion of that court.

If found guilty, the maximum punishment for adultery under Article 134 is a Dishonorable Discharge, forfeiture of all pay and allowances, and confinement for one year.

Now to the question of "how likely".

Assuming what you say is factual (no offense, but I have no experience with you other than you're an account on a social media platform, so I'll just talk in hypotheticals), the evidence of fraternization and an extramarital affair seems pretty solid. If so, it will likely come down to the judgement of his chain of command and any absolutes you are given by anyone else is a guess.

I won't begin to guess the thought process of his commander and where he comes down on these actions. One commander will do everything in his power to hold your soon-to-be-ex (by your account, that's probably what should happen) accountable while others will just want to be rid of the bad seed as soon as possible.

Response by 1LT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 24 at 2023 2:16 PM

2023-01-24T14:16:21-05:00

I'm sorry for what you're currently experiencing. As a Christian, if I can pray for you and your family in anyway please let me know. To answer your question, I believe these situations vary from unit to unit, and from family to family. There are some policies at play, but the punitive decision does rest with the commander.

Not only have I seen situations like this throughout my years, but a close friend of my wife and I went through this situation very recently. She lived a few houses down from us and when her husband returned from his latest deployment, she found out about the affair. He was also an NCO having an affair with a junior-enlisted Soldier. After his commander was made aware of what was going on, no punishment ever occured, as far as I know. However, I do know that the man continued the affair.

The last thing I remember is my wife and I helping our friend pack up all her things and all her children into her car at about 0400 so she could start her drive towards her parents house in Florida. The only ones not crying were the children. They were divorced shortly after that.

On the other side of situations like this are a few stories of triumph and redemption. I have a very good friend, now a warrant officer, who cheated on his spouse when he was a younger NCO. He wanted to end his marriage, but his wife and him talked about their faith and the consequences his decisions would have on their two daughters. They made it work, and to this day they have a strong and healthy marriage. I am not sure if he ever received UCMJ, but I can tell you that it doesn't matter to them now whether or not he did. He received his corrective action from his wife and it worked. He changed for the better.

As a Soldier, I hope your husband receives UCMJ benefiting his crime of character. As a Christian, I hope you and your husband can find a way through this difficult time.

Response by CSM Darieus ZaGara made Jan 24 at 2023 3:32 PM

2023-01-24T15:32:13-05:00

A second reading essentially says it all, except, will he request a Court Martial. Not likely, if what you portray as true is substantiated he will definatley feel the pain. In any case you should seek counseling for you and your child, you both would need assitance finding a better place in your collective minds.

Did you bother to share with the PFCs unit the same information, she very clearly knew he was married, taunting you okly caps it off.

Response by GySgt Kenneth Pepper made Jan 25 at 2023 9:51 AM

2023-01-25T09:51:30-05:00

Hire a lawyer. Get a divorce. Get orders for somewhere on the other side of the country. Move on. Focus on you and your child. If his asshole behavior has left you emotionally wounded, seek help from the many, many resources provided by the military.
Making sure he is punished will only diminish his capability to provide financial support for your child.
He doesn't seem to be worth another ounce of your energy.
Breathe in, breathe out.

Response by SSG Roger Ayscue made Jan 29 at 2023 11:51 PM

2023-01-29T23:51:39-05:00

Turn copies of the evidence you have over to her chain of command. Have a meeting with her Commander and First Sergeant, and express your desire to see her brought up on charges as well as your husband.
Her commander will not be really happy with either of them. Commanders hate when a spouse comes in with proof of this. Trust me, the Captain that was having an affair with my ex wishes that I had never dropped off the photos with his boss. He went from a promising military career to attending Truck Master with a Big Chicken Dinner.

Response by SSG Watis Ekthuvapranee made Feb 22 at 2023 3:52 PM

2023-02-22T15:52:33-05:00

You can:
1. Call the IG if all else fails.
2. Pursue a divorce and have him pay the alimony.
3. Filing a lawsuit toward the PFC.
Note: There was a 180 year old law in Georgia (If I remember correctly; please, verify before proceed with a lawyer) that a woman used it to sue another woman for stealing her husband back in the 90's. There may be something you can do similar to that.
4. Join them in bed and everyone goes down together:-- you, your husband, your kid(s), and the PFC; but you may have fun on the way down at least.
5. If I were you, I would divorce and move on with my life.

Good luck,

Response by CPL Phillip Alder made Feb 24 at 2023 9:53 AM

2023-02-24T09:53:23-05:00

First, I'm not a lawyer and don't play one on TV either. However, I suggest you look at your situation from another perspective. Try to take out emotion as hard as that is. If your husband gets demoted your combined household income will be reduced. BUT people who cheat once will almost always cheat again. In your situation, as you described, your husband has had more than one affair. My point is, do you expect him to change? Or more precisely, why stay married? If I were you, I'd file and cease trying to prove your case to his commander. Drama like this can consume all your energy and is unhealthy. Aside from being female, the person who files first holds more cards in the process. You will be the plaintiff and he will be the defendant. Most states are no-fault states. Find out if yours or isn't. Adultery isn't material in no-fault states. Anyway, you want to be the plaintiff. Keep your moves classified. Tell no one but your lawyer. Let your lawyer tell you if you need any caught red-handed evidence. You probably won't. Side note: if you are dealing with emotional issues, seek professional help. Make sure it is in your Mil medical records. Airborne!

Response by GySgt Robert Sutton made Feb 25 at 2023 8:48 PM

2023-02-25T20:48:24-05:00

As a dependent your are free to send proof and voice your concerns to the highest levels of command. A well placed email to the EEO or someone who is a mandatory reporter will shake things up.
Trying to work up the chain of command using a formal process usually stalls and you invite 20 different people's point of view and proof beyond a reasonable doubt. Don't spend another moment being miserable if you can do something about it.

Response by SP5 Robert Kennedy made Feb 26 at 2023 10:44 AM

2023-02-26T10:44:15-05:00

Dump the bum. I know this sounds a bit callous, but getting this issue resolved fast is best for you and your son. Divorce is not the end of the world... it's an escape hatch to a new and better life. I was the first in a very large family to get a divorce - 49 years ago. I was the oldest male in a family of 8 siblings - Catholic schooling and 80+ cousins (very prolific family). I'd do it again. BTW, there was no cheating involved... she was a good mom, and a beautiful lady, but we were wrong for each other. Her second husband was an incredible man. I liked him alot, after the dust settled on our divorce. We became friends and often we'd dine together. He died two months ago, and I flew to Michigan to pay my respects - and my son hired my sister to care for my first wife who struggles with elderly diseases. She and I both had better outcomes because of our divorce. Divorce is good medication for a failed marriage... don't rule it out. You and your son will enjoy a better life without that strife.

Response by SPC David Buttrey made Feb 26 at 2023 12:27 PM

2023-02-26T12:27:09-05:00

I know it sucks but my advice would be to get some counseling and move on. Obviously he already has.

Response by PFC Thomas Pendley made Feb 28 at 2023 8:03 PM

2023-02-28T20:03:43-05:00

When we were deployed to Panama a sp4 in my platoon had to go back to ft Polk because his wife had been reported by a fellow soldiers wife of adultery.he went home to arrange care for his kids. The cg kicked his wife off base and sent the mp she was messing around with to the brig. They were charged with the break up a military family and adultery. Not sure what else because it was over 30 years ago and the memory ain't what it used to be.

Response by SP5 Timothy Cooper made Mar 3 at 2023 12:51 PM

2023-03-03T12:51:05-05:00

Sorry to here it but it been done more then we know. The UMCJ cover's it I say look it up but four most get the help to till with wait is going on for you an the child. life will go on for you no madder wait you keep your hear SGT Mary an god be with you.

Response by SSgt Eugene Ball made Apr 2 at 2023 1:35 PM

2023-04-02T13:35:19-04:00

Why are you still with him if I may ask. Seems like he is not likely to change his ways.

Response by PO2 Mike Vignapiano made Apr 2 at 2023 4:15 PM

2023-04-02T16:15:08-04:00

Sounds like both, your husband and the Pfc can be charged with multiple counts under Article 134. Possibly Conduct unbecoming. Fraternization. Infidelity. Adultery (FYI adultery only refers to physical sexual contact outside of a committed relationship, infidelity encompass all other forms of cheating), Endangering the Welfare of a minor. It depends on how hard you and the command and Legal, want to push the issue against him, her, and both.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 6 at 2023 6:15 AM

2023-04-06T06:15:55-04:00

Flagged for 4 months prior sounds like he was already doing things that he shouldn't have been. As far as Article 15, he can expect a maximum of 45/45, reduction in one rank, and forfeiture of 1/2 month's pay for 90 days. The pay forfeit can be suspended but then the flag will be extended to 6 months.

Response by PV2 Tommy Smith made Apr 30 at 2023 7:03 PM

2023-04-30T19:03:10-04:00

Ignore the Rank on this site. I got out in 77 and am a long way from there. Get rid of the ass. He has done it once he will do it again.

Hears what I would do. You are not being heard by command on a verry serous issue. I would file an Article 138 complaint against the commander who is ignoring this. i would write three letters with your evidence. You you send the all certified mail to each of the following. Regardless of want anyone tells you do the three letters it will save your ass. To the officer who is ignoring the issue, The base commander, and your congressmen. By law they have to act one it. It is comely known a s a congressional.

An Article 138 Complaint is a grievance procedure for Soldiers to request redress for alleged wrongs committed by their commanding officer. If redress is denied, Soldiers file a formal complaint against the commanding officer.

A word of warning the shit will hit the fan and it will affect all involved.

https://home.army.mil/stuttgart/application/files/1715/4712/5685/article138.pdf#:~:text=An%20Article%20138%20Complaint%20is,complaint%20against%20the%20commanding%20officer.

How do I write an article 138 complaint?
Format for an Article 138 Complaint
(1) State that your letter is written pursuant to Article 138. (2) State the grievance/problem in detail with statements from witnesses (attach evidence if appropriate) and reference appropriate military regulation. (3) State the solution to your grievance/problem in detail.

Before you file an Article 138 Complaint ShareThis
The actual filing of an Article 138 complaint will go on the officer’s official military record and thus the actual filing is not something to be taken lightly. Even before you request redress, which always comes before you file an Article 138 complaint, consider orally conveying to your chain of command that you are contemplating submitting an appeal for redress in pursuit of an Article 138 complaint. One option for this is to use the open door policy to meet with your commanding officer. In a polite and formal tone you could suggest something similar to the following:

Sir/ma’am, I have been trying to resolve __________ and I know I’m being harmed by __________, and I am thinking of filing an Article 138. I know this is really serious, so I just wanted to speak with you first and see if we can’t work something out.

Before you file a request for redress or an Article 138, we suggest that you call the GI Rights Hotline at [login to see] .

Making an Article 138 Complaint ShareThis
An Article 138 complaint has two stages:

1. A request for redress in the form of a letter.
Address the initial request for redress of wrongs to the lowest ranking officer in your chain of command who is responsible for the problem; include these four items:

(1) State that the letter is pursuant to Article 138 of the UCMJ.
(2) Describe the problem, along with all available documentation, including statements from witnesses, and if appropriate, reference to military regulations which your commanding officer is violating.
(3) Give specific actions that can be taken to resolve the problem.
(4) Give a reasonable deadline by which the problem must be solved.

Remember that this letter can be seen as a threat. To make it seem less like a threat and more like a win-win opportunity, consider using a tone that politely conveys, “I want to give you the opportunity to do the right thing so I can get this fixed now without having to file a formal complaint.

2. The formal filing of the Article 138.
If the wrong is not addressed and fixed after the deadline in the initial request, you can submit a formal complaint. The law states that you can submit the complaint to “any superior commissioned officer.” Generally your complaint would go up your chain of command to the officer exercising general court-martial jurisdiction over the officer from whom you initially requested redress. This should be submitted through your chain of command beginning with your immediate supervising (superior) officer.

(1) State “I am officially filing an Article 138 Complaint against _______ [the person to whom you wrote the initial letter] because of ________ [restate the grievance].”
(2) State the officer’s response to the initial letter, or lack of response.
(3) State what actions must be taken to redress the grievance.
Be sure to include your initial letter requesting redress and any supporting documentation.

Format for an Article 138 Complaint ShareThis
FORMAT FOR REQUEST FOR REDRESS (filed before the filing of an Article 138):

FROM: Name, Rank, Social Security Number
TO: Commanding Officer, Unit
SUBJECT: Request for Redress of Grievances Under Article 138.

(1) State that your letter is written pursuant to Article 138.
(2) State the grievance/problem in detail with statements from witnesses (attach evidence if appropriate) and reference appropriate military regulation.
(3) State the solution to your grievance/problem in detail.
(4) Give a reasonable timeframe for this issue to be resolved.

Reminders: Be polite and avoid making any overt threats. Thank your chain of command for their time. Make multiple copies.

FORMAT FOR FILING FORMAL ARTICLE 138:
(To be submitted to your immediate supervising (superior) officer.) (For Navy or Marines, see Footnote [4])

FROM: Name, Rank, Social Security Number
TO: Court-Martial Convening Authority over _______________.
VIA: Commanding Officer, Unit (your immediate supervising officer)
SUBJECT: Article 138 Complaint
ENCL: Initial request for redress to Commanding Officer and Collected Evidence
REF: Article 138 of UCMJ
CC: Member of Congress (send the formal complaint to your member of Congress)
CC: Secretary of the Service
CC: Secretary of Defense

(1) State that you are officially filing an Art. 138 complaint against_____________.
(2) Address the unresponsiveness of the chain of command to you initial request for redress.
(3) Restate your grievance/problem and request that it be addressed and an order be given from higher for redress.
(4) Address any abuse you have faced since filing your initial request for redress in detail with statements from witnesses.
(5) State, “I understand that UCMJ requires you to order a complete investigation into this matter and that you must send a copy of my complaint along with the results of your investigation to the Secretary of the _____________ (Army, Navy, …). I request that I be permitted to speak before the investigating officer as appointed by the General Court-Martial Convening Authority (GCMCA).

Reminders: Be polite and formal. Make multiple copies to keep and to give to your immediate supervising (superior) officer. Include a copy of your initial letter requesting redress.

Legal Citations ShareThis
ART. 138 of the UCMJ: Complaints of Wrongs

Any member of the armed forces who believes himself wronged by his commanding officer, and who, upon due application to that commanding officer, is refused redress, may complain to any superior commissioned officer, who shall foreword the complaint to the office exercising court-martial jurisdiction over the officer against whom it is made. The officer exercising general court-martial jurisdiction shall examine into the complaint and take proper measures for redressing the wrong complained of; and he shall, as soon as possible, send to the Secretary concerned a true statement of that complaint, with the proceedings thereon.

Army:

AR 27-10, Military Justice (20 Nov 2020), Chapter 19

Air Force:

AFI 51-505, Complaints of Wrongs Under Article 138, Uniform Code of Military Justice (4 APRIL 2019), defines a “wrong” as:

A discretionary act or omission by a commander that adversely affects the member personally, and that, for example, is:

in violation of law or regulation.
beyond the legitimate authority of that commander.
arbitrary, capricious, or an abuse of discretion.
clearly unfair or unjust.
Navy and Marines:

JAGMAN (JAGINST 5800.7F), Chapter III of the Manual of the Judge Advocate General (26 JUN 2012), Chapter 3 defines wrongs as:

“Any act, omission, decision or order, except those excluded by subsection 0304, taken, caused, or ratified by a “commanding officer,” under color of that officer’s military authority that:

(1) results in personal detriment, harm, or injury to a military subordinate;
(2) is without statutory or regulatory basis, unauthorized, an abuse of discretion, arbitrary and capricious, unjust, or discriminatory.” See page A-3-a for a sample copy of the formal complaint.

(Article 1150 (see Chapter III of the JAGMAN) of Navy Regulations lays out similar complaint procedures for Navy and Marine Personnel to supplement Art. 138. This article allows military members to seek redress from any superior other than their commanding officer, including superiors not in their chain of command. Article 1150 complaints are submitted via the commanding officer of the complainant.

Footnotes ShareThis
[1] AR 27-10, Military Justice (1.3 MB), Chapter 19
[2] Article 138, UCMJ
[3] AFI 51-505, Complaints of Wrongs Under Article 138, Uniform Code of Military Justice (485 KB)
[4] Those in the Navy or Marines must use the format specified by:
JAGMAN (JAGINST 5800.7F), Manual of the Judge Advocate General (22.6 MB) (see Appendix A-3-a, below)

0306 PROCEDURE
...
c. ... This form must be completed in its entirety, unless a particular subparagraph, such as that providing for an explanation for untimely submission, does not apply.

Date

From: (Rank, Name, SSN/Designator)

To: (GCMCA over respondent at the time of the alleged wrong)

Via: (1) (complainant’s current commanding officer, if needed)

(2) (Respondent)

(3) (other intermediate superiors in chain-of-command prior to GCMCA)

Subj: COMPLAINT OF WRONGS UNDER (choose ARTICLE 138, UCMJ or 1150, U. S. NAVY REGULATIONS)

Ref: (a) (choose Article 138, UCMJ or Article 1150, U.S. Navy Regulations (1990) ) (b) JAGMAN, Chapter III

Encl: (1) (list individually all documents enclosed with the complaint to support the complaint, including written request for redress, response to request for redress)

1. This complaint of wrongs, under reference (a), is submitted in compliance with reference (b).

2. COMPLAINANT: (person making the complaint) a. Rank, name, SS#, designator: b. Current command: c. Command at time of alleged wrong: d. EAOS/EAS/PCS/Separation/Retirement Date: (list date (s) as appropriate) e. Permanent home address: (place where correspondence should be forwarded upon separation from active duty)

3. RESPONDENT:(person against whom complaint is made) a. Rank and name: b. Organization: (title/position and current command, and if different, provide same information for respondent at the time of the alleged wrong)

4. COMPLAINT: (explain what happened and how it adversely affected you personally) a. Date wrong discovered: b. Date written request for redress was submitted: c. Date answer to request for redress was received: d. Number of days between wrong and submission of complaint: (difference between date in block 4a above and date this form is submitted, excluding the period respondent considered the written request for redress, which can be determined from blocks 4b and 4c above; if complaint is submitted more than 90 days after discovery of the wrong, the delay must be explained in block 4e below) e. Explanation of delay in submission: f. Specific nature of wrong: (include date and place of wrong)

5. RELIEF REQUESTED: (relief must be personal in nature and directly connected to the wrong alleged in block f above; it may not include, for example, a demand for public apology or initiation of action against another) a. (list each relief requested)

6. I CERTIFY THE ABOVE INFORMTION IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE, AN THIS COMPLAINT IS SUBMITTED PER THE GUIDELINES AND PROCEDURAL REQUIREMENTS IN CHAPTER III, MANUAL OF THE JUGE ADVOCATE GENERAL. SIGNATURE OF COMPLAINANT: ___________________________ Date: ___________________ WITNESS: ___________________________ Date: ___________________

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Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made May 31 at 2023 11:37 PM

2023-05-31T23:37:41-04:00

It truly astounds me how far the world even the military has moved far from the scripture of “adultery.” Knowing full and well it was not created out of pure whim but based off of biblical commandments. Jesus, himself said that adultery is based on the lust of the heart. How often have you, yourself fantasized of another man. Or anyone that is not your husband? No one dares bring this into question not even the so called Chaplain. But just as in the case of the adulterous woman, “let he who is without sin cast the first stone.” Go and sin NO MORE! You’re awfully quick to throw your husband to the fire, but how innocent are you in your heart? In your thoughts?

Response by TSgt Tommy Amparano made Jun 1 at 2023 1:43 PM

2023-06-01T13:43:08-04:00

Why go through all this? Just divorce. What is your end goal? To make his life as miserable as yours and affect your child as well. Even if you win you don't win. Put your child first and move on.

Response by Sgt Bob Corridan made Jun 1 at 2023 6:23 PM

2023-06-01T18:23:27-04:00

Forget the UCMJ...get a civilian shark of an attorney and nail his bootie with alimony and child support up the wazzoo....trust me it hurts a heck of a lot more when you get into his payck than to sit around and get dumped while you try and figure things out...there is nothing to figure out and for God's sakes don't for a second buy off on that "I'm so sorry" routing...if he's sorry he's sorry because 1) he got caught and 2) you are deep deep deep into his wallet...with his apology all you will get in time is the same dog but with a different set of fleas.

Response by SPC Rick Price made Jun 4 at 2023 2:36 PM

2023-06-04T14:36:00-04:00

I’m really sorry—that is AWFUL

Response by CPT Kurk Harris made Jun 4 at 2023 7:15 PM

2023-06-04T19:15:00-04:00

It’s hard to prove. Unless there is clear evidence of the act, he is unlikely to ever face charges.

Response by LTC Ernest Edge made Jun 11 at 2023 6:43 PM

2023-06-11T18:43:48-04:00

He could get anything from an Article 15 to being discharged for conduct unbecoming of an NCO. So can the mistress(es). I’ve seen it happen before. When I was deployed in Iraq there was a huge bust on Soldiers who basically had a hush-hush sex club.

Response by PO1 Don Uhrig made Jul 20 at 2023 8:22 PM

2023-07-20T20:22:05-04:00

You stated that they are not in the same command. Since he and she do not report to each other, it seems to be a civil matter. Divorce his a$$, collect money and move on. He WILL revert to the same behavior at the first opportunity. Clearly he does not love or respect you.

Response by SP6 Peter Kreutzfeldt made Jul 21 at 2023 9:39 AM

2023-07-21T09:39:31-04:00

Please be smart and do not worry about punishments for your spouse. BUT FIND A GREAT ATTORNEY and get rid of him

Response by CH (CPT) Jerry McGowin made Jul 21 at 2023 12:54 PM

2023-07-21T12:54:21-04:00

Praying for you during this very difficult situation. I would advice you seek out a Chaplain.

Response by CH (CPT) Jerry McGowin made Jul 21 at 2023 12:54 PM

2023-07-21T12:54:59-04:00

Praying for you during this very difficult situation. I would advice you seek out a Chaplain.

Response by SCPO Jeffrey Conz made Jul 23 at 2023 8:06 AM

2023-07-23T08:06:40-04:00

You should divorce him!!

Response by SSG Eric Blue made Jul 24 at 2023 10:59 AM

2023-07-24T10:59:32-04:00

Based on what you're providing me, your husband is a scumbag. As far as his punishment, I'm not sure. I know that adultery is frowned upon, but I'd rarely seen anyone actually punished for it in the military. I have, however, seen lives get destroyed for fraternization. I know of soldiers still confined in South Korea over it. Every single one of them I saw get busted for it while I was there also got busted down to Private. I'm going to exclude the senior leaders that were guilty of it, though, because none of them were ever punished for it. I'm sorry I don't have a better answer, but best of luck to you.

Response by LT Michaline Schalton made Jul 24 at 2023 12:33 PM

2023-07-24T12:33:17-04:00

The first question I have is: What do you want out of your marriage? Do you want to remain married to a man who flagrantly cheats on you? Do you want a divorce? Make that decision first. Let the Army figure out whether they'll punish him because other than revenge, there's no reason for you to care at this point. If he is reduced in rank, then that's less money for his family and if you pursue divorce and child support, you want him to be earning top dollar. Just some food for thought. Take care of yourself and your daughter. Embrace and lean on the rest of your family to support you through this turmoil. He has made his decisions about the importance of his marriage vows, fidelity to his wife, and his family commitments. Time now for you to make your decisions.

Response by PO1 Terry Scott made Jul 30 at 2023 11:33 PM

2023-07-30T23:33:43-04:00

I might be old enough to be your grandfather. We bump into each other you get a free hug. There is some great advice in these pages. God, family, home, country in that order. A base lawyer will cover your military butt. But a good civilian lawyer will get half his shit, a good settlement, child support and make him pay for your lawyer. But do not obsess over it. Come out with your head held high. Yep when I was in and the pay sucked there were only a few things we could do for cheap adult entertainment but rules didn’t get broken and lines crossed. I don’t know what your relationship is but God is the only one who has never disappointed me to include myself. The trick is knowing what not to ask for. You’ll be fine and there is someone out there deserving of you. Take your time. I hope you have support for you child so your duties don’t conflict too badly.

Response by SSG Rick Miller made Jul 31 at 2023 9:25 AM

2023-07-31T09:25:25-04:00

Okay, there are a couple things you seriously need to consider. First, DO NOT have any further contact with the PFC. Karma will take care of her sorry ass. He has abandoned you and your child to be with this C-word B-word. Let her have him, trust me, he'll cheat on her, too. Second, get a good lawyer and file for divorce. You have documented proof of infidelity, so you also occupy the moral high ground. This asshole cheated on you while you were deployed. Third, don't believe a word he says from this point forward. Any kind of apology/reasons/excuses are nothing more than him trying to save his own ass. Fourth, don't waste any more of your time or energy on what charges/discipline he might get. He has proven he's not worth your time or effort. Drop him like a bad habit, walk away with your head held high, and take that sorry sack of shit for everything he has. Make sure the divorce decree includes monthly alimony and child support. I have been on the receiving end of infidelity, and it hurts. Unfortunately, we had to be separated for a period of two years before any filing for divorce could happen. Once that divorce happened, I moved on, but it took time. I found out after the fact that I had been paying child support for another man's kid for 13 years. No recourse on that. Stop worrying about punishment from the military. It sounds like he's getting a field grade Article 15 at the very least. If he's just about stupid enough to request a Court Martial, he's going to get turned, burned and flayed. Kick him to the curb, walk away, and restart your life. There's someone out there who deserves you, and you will find each other eventually.

Response by William Drummond made Jul 31 at 2023 2:09 PM

2023-07-31T14:09:52-04:00

Based on an entire lifetime around the military, I would advise that you forget about sticking it to him. The only person you make miserable is you. Instead, get divorced, melt all the gold, make a freedom ring, and count yourself lucky that you have most of your life in front of you still. This plan is the absolute best for your child. Never say anything negative about your husband if the kid is close enough to hear it. Hint: assume the child can listen to everything you think or say unless they are in another city.

If you succeed in ruining his military career, how will that affect your child's life? How will it impact your divorce settlement? How can someone who has difficulty finding a job with decent pay afford child support? STOP! Before you say, "I do not want child support," understand that it is not yours: it belongs to the child. You have no legal right to refuse it. If nothing else, open a college fund for the child. It is their money; you merely exercise custodianship and the duty to spend it wisely.

Do you plan to stay in until retirement? Does your husband? If you do not intend to, but your husband does, what benefits do you forego as a former spouse by sending him to Leavenworth? Would you give up part of his retirement pay, commissary, exchange, and medical coverage? Would the child give those up as well?

If you can get the anger out of your system and move forward with your life, your road to happiness is much shorter. Holding onto bitterness only hurts you. Even worse, hatred means he still has control over you. Dump him, flush his hurt, fake politeness around him (graduation, marriage, grandkids), and find someone who makes you happy (if you need someone). You just completed your first attempt, so you know what to avoid the next time. It is a lot like buying your second new car: you learned how the dealership screwed you last time, and now you know how to push them away this time.

Develop a dark sense of humor. The more you can laugh, the better you will feel. Do not hold a grudge against the other woman if she is a stranger to you. Guess how that relationship will terminate? You can start working on your sympathetic, "Oh, my God! He did what to you? Bless your heart."

Love your job, love your kid, and love your life. As for the husband, forget about him. You have the best he would ever have given you in your child.

Response by SGT Erick Holmes made Sep 19 at 2023 7:14 PM

2023-09-19T19:14:05-04:00

WOW!!! Where to begin. For 1 sorry for this happening. 2. This way above my pay grade. Its hard me to comment. Not trying to sound like im on one side, I'm sure there is another side to this. However I'm just going by what your saying. My advice, this can get real ulgy and go wayyyy left quickly and messy (more than what it is now). I would say whatever happens stick with facts and not hear say etc. Present factually evidence to whoever you have see for a divorce and keep civil and peaceful not so much for yourself but for your child. They will feel the brunt of it. Sorry I can't help you more and I'm sorry you are going through this.

Response by SGT Jody Beach made Sep 26 at 2023 8:44 AM

2023-09-26T08:44:45-04:00

Not going to happen.
The Army only wears blinders. So do not look for them to see it any other way.
I lost my carrier over this. I understand what your going through. I did not want my kids growing up in divorced home. In the end I needed to be happy.
You need to decide.
If you want the kids you need to file for emergency order of custody before hand. Do not let him know. Then you need to file for a divorce and kick him out. The only way you will be protected is by filling emergency order of custody. Other wise you will have to move into the barracks. If you go this route you need to be prepared. You will have your kids but you'll also you will become non deployable. That means you could possibly be chaptered out. It is Honorable Discharge ......

This will not stop. He will continue to do this. The last thing anyone needs to have on their mind while deployed is if their spouse is cheating on them.
I noticed this was 8 months ago. I hope you left that POS ....

Response by SSG Douglas Shaffer made Sep 26 at 2023 3:28 PM

2023-09-26T15:28:48-04:00

He is a lost cause, cut your loss with him, now that is said. Get yourself a lawyer now! Now have your lawyer review the adultery laws in that state and alien of affection laws, you may be able to sue both through the civilian side of the law. In which case may land you additional funds if not from him but may be from both depending on the laws. So, there is a small chance that they both will just keep on paying based on what the judge awards you.
If your evidence is as strong as you say, more of your evidence may be allowed in in civil court then most other court cases, again this is based on the state you are in.
It is good for you that your command is involved and is perusing this matter, unlike my command was in my similar case.
Sue the crap out of them

Response by Deon Bell made Sep 29 at 2023 1:02 PM

2023-09-29T13:02:29-04:00

consider yourself lucky who found out and move on he's not worth your time and take your evidence to a divorce lawyer. Sorry for your pain!

Response by LCDR Mike Scott Singh made Sep 30 at 2023 6:31 AM

2023-09-30T06:31:31-04:00

It is much more serious than you realize. He could face a General Courts-Martial for misconduct unbecoming an NCO and discharged. Being she was an insubordinate he could go to Leavenworth.

Response by CW3 Cleasy Kelly made Sep 30 at 2023 7:00 AM

2023-09-30T07:00:36-04:00

So let’s first start with being honest. Is your desire for him to get punishment a result of breaking military policy or is it because you are angry and hurt and want some sort of payback. The mechanism for resolving your husband’s behavior is called getting a divorce and then what he does or who he does it with is no longer your concern. With evidence of infidelity you would easily get full custody of your kids and he would have to pay child support. That alone would limit his extra curricular activities far better than you confronting whatever girl he is "engaging” with.

Response by SPC Cherry Walker made Sep 30 at 2023 9:37 AM

2023-09-30T09:37:49-04:00

Sorry you're going thru this. Follow thru by seeking medical care and mental health care for your trauma and possible exposure to STDs. Take steps to protect yourself from retaliation. I've been in your shoes.

Response by MSgt Michael Ivey made Sep 30 at 2023 8:12 PM

2023-09-30T20:12:33-04:00

If he was a Colonel or General, likely he would just be made to retire and ride off into the sunset with full pension and benefits. An enlisted troop. Not so much. Probably be busted back to E-1, loss of all pension and benefits, and might even do prison time(not likely) but the Double Standard is real!

Response by COL Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 30 at 2023 11:56 PM

2023-09-30T23:56:25-04:00

I strongly urge you to pay a visit to the unit/post chaplain and spend some time talking through this with him/her.

Response by 1SG Dean Mcbride (MPER) (CPHR) made Oct 2 at 2023 8:40 AM

2023-10-02T08:40:19-04:00

I did not read everyone's response... However, in what I read, I did not see anybody advise you to go to JAG for assistance. That should be your main course of action. Get JAG on your side for protection against future retaliation and assistance in how to handle everything...

Response by Sgt Ed Allen made Oct 4 at 2023 4:18 AM

2023-10-04T04:18:28-04:00

1. Based on the history, I would seek a divorce and counseling. You need to get out of the bad situation. You say it isn't the first time, why would you tolerate a second or third time?
2. Being in the armed forces, why don't you write his ass up and charge him under Article 134. Same for the PFC. She is also guilty. Make sure you have all your evidence lined up for the charges and don't limit the 134 to just the adultery, include anything that is conduct unbecoming.
3. Speak with the Chaplain for your unit or post. He/she will be one of the best counselors you can find.

Wish you well.

Response by SP5 Robert Kennedy made Oct 4 at 2023 11:08 AM

2023-10-04T11:08:43-04:00

I really hate situations like what you're describing. Unfortunately, for me, I can feel the pain and suffering now and in the future as it continues growing. Sounds like you hitched onto a problem that will not bend unless or until this Pfc leaves him... and/or until he finds another target first. For your kids sake and your sanity DUMP HIM and be sure to arrange to have the child support deducted from his pay by the US Army payroll section. Life is a fight.

Response by Cpl Daniel Marcano made Oct 5 at 2023 3:49 PM

2023-10-05T15:49:53-04:00

Is your wife in the Military. Then did she play you and you are mad at her and what to report her to her command. Just asking.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 17 at 2023 8:58 PM

2023-10-17T20:58:09-04:00

First off, I am sorry that happened to you. I was divorced while serving myself, also because of being on assignment, albeit under somewhat better circumstances. Your well being emotionally and financially is paramount now. At this point, if you have not done so already, seek an attorney. There are attorney's at JAG that can explain the full ramifications of the situation without actually representing you and the advice is at no cost (At the time I was in and this happened, we didn't get paid much). If possible, try to achieve any legally binding contracts (such as a divorce agreement, child support, spousal payments) with as much mutual agreement as possible to save as much of your assets as possible, but not to your disadvantage. It can be very hard in a bitter situation such as this. This may sound a little counter-intuitive, but him getting UCMJ punishment, although it might satisfy the feeling of revenge somewhat, might actually be financially detrimental to you under certain circumstances. An attorney will be able to evaluate your particular situation to see how you should move forward. In a few years time, if not so already, you will be glad that this person is out of your daily life. Wishing you strength, perseverance, and the best outcome possible in this situation.

Response by GySgt Marc Dickerson made Oct 27 at 2023 1:03 PM

2023-10-27T13:03:20-04:00

Is your spouse in the military? If your spouse is a civilian, there is no way your spouse would be charged.

Response by MSgt Mason Manner made Oct 31 at 2023 4:57 PM

2023-10-31T16:57:27-04:00

First my suggestion is simply get is to terminate your marriage, this sounds alot like an incident from the 1990s where the first female rated B-52 pilot started a relationship with the civilian male spouse of female A1C. After repeated requests from the A1C to end the relationship and warnings from the female First Shirt of the A1C (keep in mind this female officer was the AF Poster Child of bomber pilots)pushed the issue the Lt was discharged and I believe had to pay back the cost of her USAFA tuition and since she was high profile a less than Honorable discharge.I hope there are NO children involved

Response by MSgt J D McKee made Nov 2 at 2023 5:07 PM

2023-11-02T17:07:13-04:00

Go find somebody that won't run around and send you pictures.

Response by SGT Kerry Sommers made Nov 4 at 2023 7:06 PM

2023-11-04T19:06:25-04:00

I hope you can move forward without this loser. Your life will eventually be better. This guys brain is not in his head, it is in his underwear. Get yourself help for you and your child and let the military take care of the cheaters.

Response by LTC George Morgan made Nov 6 at 2023 9:01 AM

2023-11-06T09:01:10-05:00

Seems like a problem that needs to resolved personally. Pfc can probably be charged but is worth it. If cannot resolve the problems then need to dissolve and try to start again. If problem is not resolved and you gain something from the charging then maybe. Divorce is messy and that appears to be what you are facing. I would be if they couldn't keep their pants on.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 15 at 2023 10:04 AM

2023-12-15T10:04:22-05:00

Just get a divorce and move on. You can be vindictive but what good is that going to do you? He obviously doesn't care about you so, move on.

Response by LCpl Kenneth Heath made Dec 15 at 2023 12:39 PM

2023-12-15T12:39:24-05:00

Get even with her... Let her have him!!!
If they cheat WITH you, they'll cheat ON you! She'll get replaced by the next PFC to shake her butt at him soon enough!

Response by SSG Shawn Mcfadden made Dec 17 at 2023 7:56 PM

2023-12-17T19:56:22-05:00

Your husband SHOULD BE FUCKED So is the PFC, And if SHE is also married, she signed her death warrant as well. However, be prepared for this as well. When my wife cheated on me back in 2013, the SCUM she cheated with was not only in the Army, but was also married. He was SUPPOSED to have been kicked out of the Army under two counts of Adultery. However, his unit's chain of command lacked the spine to do that, all they did was kick him out of the unit and he transferred to Fort Bliss. It's all going to determine how far whichever's Chain Of Command is willing to push this.

Response by LTC George Morgan made Dec 20 at 2023 9:07 PM

2023-12-20T21:07:56-05:00

OK, I understand your position, I was there with my first wife, but she was the unfaithful party. Even though we were in different units, I saw no reason to ruin her career. We amicably divorced and soldiered on.

Response by SSG Harvin Baggett made Jan 13 at 2024 2:00 PM

2024-01-13T14:00:50-05:00

Divorce him before he gets and article 15. That way you get more money in the end. And he

Response by CWO4 Carter Owens made Jan 15 at 2024 7:41 AM

2024-01-15T07:41:51-05:00

Not sure. There is an awful lot going on here.

Response by SGT Juan Robledo made Jan 15 at 2024 4:38 PM

2024-01-15T16:38:11-05:00

If she/ he were a willing participant then charge them, pull their Military ID, kick them off base, if they live on Base, I've read where Military Officer's are Culprits in many of the Shenanigans that occurs with ENLISTED spouses, those officers should be Court Martial and removed from the Military with a Bad Conduct Discharge and ENLISTED as well

Response by SPC Tim K made Jan 15 at 2024 9:54 PM

2024-01-15T21:54:44-05:00

Let it go and divorce him. What are you going to do, destroy his Army career just because he was getting a little SNAP on the side from someone else? You're no different than the woman who just royally screwed up Johnathan Majors' movie career. A career worth many MILLIONS of dollars because he allegedly smacked her around and she probably had it coming anyway. Think before you file charges and make allegations!

Response by SPC Rick Price made Jan 21 at 2024 3:12 PM

2024-01-21T15:12:29-05:00

I am really sorry

Response by PV2 Glen Lewis made Feb 8 at 2024 2:27 AM

2024-02-08T02:27:15-05:00

I don't know about official consequences for the SSG and PFC but I don't think people with that lack of morals and character would be someone I'd want to serve with. I'd find it very hard to pay them any respect and I think that is essential in the Armed Forces.

Response by SrA Cecelia Eareckson made Mar 22 at 2024 9:38 PM

2024-03-22T21:38:13-04:00

Ya know, one great thing about life in America is you can leave pretty much any situation at any time. Me, I could not do that when I was in jeopardy. Zero sympathy. Edit. Do you want to go to your next duty assignment with a reputation for being a vindictive witch? Think that over, cause duty stations give gaining station heads up.

Response by A1C Medrick "Rick" DeVaney made Mar 23 at 2024 1:42 PM

2024-03-23T13:42:16-04:00

OOPS ~~ I'd Have FAR Too Much Fun Replying To This One...
But I Sure WOULD Like A Few Copies Of Those Photos...
I'd Sell Them On E.Bay As Wall Paper, And Become An Instant Millionaire..
And I'm Assuming...."THIS Was The First Time... He Was CAUGHT?
And Perhaps HE Should Be Checking HER Out.......

Response by AN Ron Wright made Mar 23 at 2024 5:20 PM

2024-03-23T17:20:11-04:00

what they say below... But i will say a prayer for you and YOUR health and recovery. That you can move forward and get this behind you where you may find respect you deserve and a Better life deserving of you moving forward
When i cam home from deployment wife handed me my car keys and that was the last time i ever saw her.. I think i got off lucky

Response by SPC James Fitzpatrick made Mar 25 at 2024 8:46 AM

2024-03-25T08:46:44-04:00

Just divorce him and be done with it.

Response by CPT Gurinder (Gene) Rana made Mar 25 at 2024 10:22 AM

2024-03-25T10:22:33-04:00

SGT Private RallyPoint Member, please understand this that violations of the Military Model Code of Conduct, which includes adultery and fraternization, are dealt using the Articles of the Uniform Code of Military Justice. It is therefore best to get familiarized with the UCMJ and grasp the legal consequences of extramarital affairs in the military.

Response by SGT Keith Smith made Mar 26 at 2024 3:57 PM

2024-03-26T15:57:44-04:00

You’re not going to like this but I have dealt with issues very similar to this. To prove guilt they both have to confess. One does not make the case. The next option is irrefutable proof. Pictures videos and recordings can all be faked and are not considered as reliable. So what would be irrefutable? DNA. So if she got pregnant and the child was confirmed to be his then that would do it. A collection after sex by a rape kit. For these reasons it is very hard to get a conviction for adultery. However if he was ordered by his commander to not have any contact with this woman he would be violating a direct written order but this is also not so easy to stick. It is in a grey area where does the commander have the right to tell you who you can be friends with? Now if he knows to just say no that nothing happened then most likely he will get nothing because there is no confession by both parties or undeniable proof. If he doesn’t know and he says something happened and she says nothing happened then he will accept a field grade article 15. If they or he pushes this farther then he will get everything dropped and sent to another unit. If he and her collaborate the story then the outcome will be a field grade article 15 for both and most likely a chapter 12 for bad conduct. If he has spoken to council, which is after the first reading, and counsel informs him of these facts then he will say nothing happened and request a court martial which will lead to nothing. Sorry but these have been the things I have witnessed occur. Be very curious how this plays out though.

Response by SP5 Donna Barr made Mar 26 at 2024 4:09 PM

2024-03-26T16:09:11-04:00

I remember when the only punishment for fraternization was for between Officer and NCO or Enlisted. Do any of you really think that the military is supposed to punish someone for a marriage infraction? In too many cases, the wife is a citizen, and the husband is military - we're not citizens until we get the right to a jury trial back. Technically, the wife, as a citizen, outranks the husband. What she should be asking are what the penalties are in a civil trial, with no reference to him as a public servant. Get a lawyer. A real one. Not some court martial mule.

Response by SGT Keith Smith made Mar 26 at 2024 4:20 PM

2024-03-26T16:20:12-04:00

Having dealt with cases very similar. If he doesn’t say nothing happened, then most likely a field grade article 15. Then most likely a chapter 12. If he says nothing happened and there is not undeniable evidence then nothing. The evidence that you presented is considered undeniable. All of it could be faked. All of it. So unless she is pregnant or had an exam after they had sex then there is no proof. Any evidence coming from you is circumspect being the aggrieved party. Sorry but this is what I have seen happen over and over. My advice is to figure out why he strayed. Was he missing you so bad that he needed to fill that you shaped hole and just got caught up in it? I have seen this as well and to not feel so guilty they convince themselves they are in love. This normally does not end well. Divorce and suicide are the normal outcomes. Is there something missing from the marriage? If so or even if he doesn’t think so I would say give counseling a try. Just from this little information I would think there must be intimacy issues and trust issues. A marriage will not survive without trust and once gone it is exceedingly hard to win back. You need to do whatever is best for you and your lovely daughter. Forget the hate. Forget the thirst for revenge. Concentrate on your daughter and then do what is best for her. Love to know how this turns out. Will pray for you and in that prayer will be love and healing because you need both very badly

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 28 at 2024 3:06 PM

2024-03-28T15:06:10-04:00

Adultery- not likely. Fraternization- if you have pictures of them kissing then more likely. Adultery is almost impossible to prove unless there is photographic or video evidence of penetration or she gives birth to his kid. In all the adultery cases I had to deal with MPI was unwilling to proceed on the charges bcuz they didn't have any of the items listed above.

Response by SFC Benjamin Varlese made Mar 29 at 2024 7:42 PM

2024-03-29T19:42:17-04:00

So I provided irrefutable proof that my wife, an O-1 in MIBOLC with STRATCOM SMDC was committing adultery with at least two other students and a Lebanese intelligence officer (and lied about her past as a stripper and past drug use on her SF-86; Heather Healy if anyone is interested) and I was hemmed up for reporting it. These careerist officers will throw you under the bus at the first opportunity if it gets a bullet on their OER or will otherwise help them with the institutionalized bobble-heads above them.
Divorce her