An actual police report from Camp Pendleton

RallyPoint Shared Content — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 09:41:47 -0400

Apparently this was an actual police report from Camp Pendleton in San Diego, CA...

Response by PO3 Steven Sherrill made Sep 29 at 2015 9:46 AM

PO3 Steven Sherrill — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 09:46:37 -0400

Improvise Adapat and overcome. Even if it means using some poor bastard raccoon as a bellows on your interlock device.

Response by LTC Stephen F. made Sep 29 at 2015 9:47 AM

LTC Stephen F. — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 09:47:04 -0400

Hopefully the raccoon was not rabid. The Navy sailor may need to have his head examined based on extreme foolishness :-)

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 29 at 2015 9:48 AM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 09:48:41 -0400

I would almost have to say that this PO1 really shouldn't face too much NJP since the raccoon messed his world up enough. Let's face it, he is never going to live that one down. On top of the fact that he was creative enough to try and use an animal to bypass the machine, so I will give him points for that. Otherwise, just slap that "Dumbass" stamp on his forehead.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 29 at 2015 9:56 AM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 09:56:10 -0400

I think I am going to start posting the "Friday Funnies" from the Naval Safety Center

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 29 at 2015 9:56 AM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 09:56:58 -0400

WTF that's some serious drunk ingenuity. I'm: a) Impressed b) laughing c) shaking my head

The guy probably needs counseling and alcohol treatment (I mean the breathalyzer on his vehicle is a sign already...)

Response by CDR Terry Boles made Sep 29 at 2015 10:07 AM

CDR Terry Boles — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 10:07:46 -0400

Too funny to be true, but definitely a hilarious twist to beating the breathalyzer.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 29 at 2015 10:14 AM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 10:14:36 -0400

If this is true (verified) - this is arguably the greatest "sea story" of all time. *Insert Will Ferrell's "I'm not even mad..." meme*

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 29 at 2015 10:26 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 10:26:50 -0400

Awesome story!

Response by SGT Patrick Reno made Sep 29 at 2015 10:40 AM

SGT Patrick Reno — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 10:40:51 -0400

That is the funniest story I have read in a long time. Had to have 3 other guys come over to my office to read it. Since it was a Navy guy it is good to see the raccoon was not sexually assaulted also.

Response by SFC Christopher Springs made Sep 29 at 2015 10:53 AM

SFC Christopher Springs — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 10:53:14 -0400

That's crazy

Response by CAPT Kevin B. made Sep 29 at 2015 11:03 AM

CAPT Kevin B. — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 11:03:50 -0400

Kinda reminds me of the two guys in an old pickup that went off the road. The cop figured they were drunk, but no. Seems the headlights went out due to a blown fuse. They didn't have a spare but did have a 22 long rifle. The truck went a ways before the bullet blew into the driver's nuts, hence the accident.

Response by CPO Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 29 at 2015 11:14 AM

CPO Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 11:14:07 -0400

Brilliant! I'm drafting up the NAM paperwork right now.

Response by LCpl Mark Lefler made Sep 29 at 2015 11:14 AM

LCpl Mark Lefler — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 11:14:25 -0400

Marines: Improvise, adapt and overcome.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 29 at 2015 11:24 AM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 11:24:04 -0400

I call BS on the authenticity of the document....but it is damn funny.

Response by SGT Freddie Richard made Sep 29 at 2015 12:40 PM

SGT Freddie Richard — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 12:40:10 -0400

I can't quit laughing

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 29 at 2015 12:49 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 12:49:22 -0400

No word on the condition of the raccoon...
Turns out next week's solution presented itself when the Petty Officer purloined one of the floating mats from the pool. Interlock starter in a bag... that should last him months.

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 29 at 2015 1:19 PM

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 13:19:23 -0400

Seriously, Don't believe everything you read on the Internet. It's very humerous and thought provoking, though. I give it 4 out of 5 stars for originality.

Response by PO2 George Smith made Sep 29 at 2015 1:20 PM

PO2 George Smith — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 13:20:35 -0400

Sounds like a scene from "tommy boy"... LMAO

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 29 at 2015 1:26 PM

Sgt Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 13:26:13 -0400

JTTOTS is always watching.

Response by SSG Roderick Smith made Sep 29 at 2015 1:34 PM

SSG Roderick Smith — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 13:34:11 -0400

I'm with LTC Private RallyPoint Member , I call BS on the authenticity too... because typical military police reports don't sound that intelligent, nor are they that complete. They usually look like a drunk racoon wrote them.

Response by PO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 29 at 2015 5:47 PM

PO3 Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 17:47:49 -0400

Oh lord even though this is clearly a heaping pile of steaming horse sh*t it's still pretty funny

Response by CW5 Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 29 at 2015 5:56 PM

CW5 Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 17:56:11 -0400

Classic. While that guy should not have been driving, he's got a story (and a police report to prove it) to share for the rest of his life. I hope he changes his ways before he hurts or kills himself or others.

Response by GySgt Moses Lozano made Sep 29 at 2015 6:09 PM

GySgt Moses Lozano — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 18:09:53 -0400

I believe it! I loved working their as an MP because there was never a dull moment while working on patrol there. You also get to work with the Border Patrol, CHP and Ocean Side Police department.

Response by Sgt Tom Cunnally made Sep 29 at 2015 6:55 PM

Sgt Tom Cunnally — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 18:55:27 -0400

Look like the PO1 had a very bad day....or don't squeeze a Raccoon they just like other Raccoons to do that...

Response by PO3 Sherry Thornburg made Sep 29 at 2015 9:39 PM

PO3 Sherry Thornburg — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 21:39:06 -0400

Geez, Teach him to mess with a raccoon and try to cheat the tester.

Response by SSG Toryn Green made Sep 30 at 2015 12:29 AM

SSG Toryn Green — Wed, 30 Sep 2015 00:29:28 -0400

Wow...just wow.

Response by LCDR Rabbah Rona Matlow made Sep 30 at 2015 10:41 AM

LCDR Rabbah Rona Matlow — Wed, 30 Sep 2015 10:41:25 -0400

Life is tough, but...

Response by SSgt Alex Robinson made Sep 30 at 2015 12:24 PM

SSgt Alex Robinson — Wed, 30 Sep 2015 12:24:26 -0400

Sounds like duffle blog to me

Response by Capt Seid Waddell made Sep 30 at 2015 12:34 PM

Capt Seid Waddell — Wed, 30 Sep 2015 12:34:21 -0400

Nothing is idiot proof; idiots are too ingenious.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 30 at 2015 12:37 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 30 Sep 2015 12:37:53 -0400

Can someone get a copy of the blotter report for 26 SEP 2015 at Camp Pendleton? Funny story. I would say never in a million years could someone write a story like this. One of those "you cant make this shit up" moments.

Response by Capt Brandon Charters made Sep 30 at 2015 1:11 PM

Capt Brandon Charters — Wed, 30 Sep 2015 13:11:11 -0400

I'd hate to see the scene in the 1SGT's office Monday morning.

Response by SA Harold Hansmann made Sep 30 at 2015 2:47 PM

SA Harold Hansmann — Wed, 30 Sep 2015 14:47:34 -0400

That sommina beach, sure has a LARGE set of cajones.
Raccoons aren't a light weight fighting critter. They can do some damage.
I am roflmao reading this one.

Response by PO1 John Miller made Oct 1 at 2015 4:12 AM

PO1 John Miller — Thu, 01 Oct 2015 04:12:36 -0400

I've only seen this on Facebook up until now, so I doubt it actually happened.

Response by PO1 John Miller made Oct 1 at 2015 4:15 AM

PO1 John Miller — Thu, 01 Oct 2015 04:15:17 -0400

Not true:

https://www.google.com/search?q=navy+man+uses+racoon+&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8#q=navy+man+uses+raccoon

navy man uses racoon - Google Search

Response by LTC Bink Romanick made Oct 1 at 2015 7:49 PM

LTC Bink Romanick — Thu, 01 Oct 2015 19:49:50 -0400

RallyPoint Shared Content Good imitative, bad judgement!

Response by LT Mike R made Oct 2 at 2015 11:03 AM

LT Mike R — Fri, 02 Oct 2015 11:03:22 -0400

There is NO WAY someone (even drunk) can pick up a raccoon ACTIVELY rummaging in the trash, carry him into a car, and start squeezing the piss out of it without it attacking you. He would have been bit and clawed the minute he stuck his hands anywhere near the coon. The story is BS.

Response by LCpl Ben Spalding made Nov 16 at 2016 9:17 PM

LCpl Ben Spalding — Wed, 16 Nov 2016 21:17:45 -0500

This is utterly fantastic. This guy should be hit with the whole book, however he needs a NAM for thinking outside the box.

Response by SSgt Dave Henry made Feb 22 at 2017 5:51 PM

SSgt Dave Henry — Wed, 22 Feb 2017 17:51:14 -0500

This has to be straight out of the Navy Safety Center...loved to read them as they came out on the Message Board...they got wider dissemination than the Promotion board results!

Response by SFC Casey O'Mally made Dec 7 at 2021 3:54 PM

SFC Casey O'Mally — Tue, 07 Dec 2021 15:54:44 -0500

NCOs find a way to get it done!

Response by SPC Lyle Montgomery made Oct 26 at 2022 8:25 AM

SPC Lyle Montgomery — Wed, 26 Oct 2022 08:25:50 -0400

This sounds so rediculous that it's hard to believe, but this crap actually happens. Take for example the great United States being led by an incopent senile leader. I think that the jerk who used the coon to bypass a breathalizer test probably has more sense than Biden

Response by LCpl Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 26 at 2022 2:39 PM

LCpl Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 26 Oct 2022 14:39:22 -0400

BBBBBB SSSSSS.
Not going to sneek up on a racoon in a GI can,or a dumpster.. 17 years living in the contry taught me that. Lots of stray dogs hangout there though. If he was wasted, he probably didnt know the difference anyway.

Response by A1C Medrick "Rick" DeVaney made Oct 26 at 2022 10:38 PM

A1C Medrick "Rick" DeVaney — Wed, 26 Oct 2022 22:38:05 -0400

I Would NOT Doubt This To Be True:
Here's Another One For You.

One Evening, Dark And Late At night,
We Received An ER Alert,
Someone, Actually In A Pick-Up Truck,
Had Penetrated A Security Zone, In An Out-Of-The-Way Field,
Just Outside Of The Landing Strip.
We Surrounded The Area; Even Had A Vehicle With Flood Lights All Across It's Top.
We Quietly Approached The Truck When The Flood Lights Flashed On & Covered The Entire Area. Much To Our Surprise, There Was A Couple In The Truck;
By Then, Both Were Totally In The Nude. ...
We All Cracked Up Laughing As They Scurried To Find Their Clothes, Except The Well Endowed Female, Who Jumped Down To The Floor And Tried To Cover Up.....(Little Rock AFB, Around May Or June Of 1962.)
..An Evening To Live In Infamy.

Response by PO1 Sam Deel made Oct 27 at 2022 12:04 AM

PO1 Sam Deel — Thu, 27 Oct 2022 00:04:21 -0400

Ain't there a TV lawyer for that? "If you have ever Served at Camp Pendleton and was viciously attacked by a racoon while intoxicated...you might be able to receive compensation for your injuries."