An Oversized Gluteus Maximus Will Now Prevent Military Service

RallyPoint Team — Fri, 12 Aug 2016 10:20:31 -0400

Amid rising concern about obesity and various medical conditions preventing military service, the Pentagon has just published a new policy against those with oversized gluteus maximus muscles. This will be the first time in over 20 years that the military is rewriting body composition standards to this advanced degree. Simply put, new methods will be administered in order to determine whether or not troops are carrying too much weight behind and underneath them to serve effectively in the U.S. military. Among civilians, this is further shrinking the pool of qualified prospective recruits. And among the active-duty force, a rising number of big-bottomed troops poses risks to readiness and health care costs.

“You can look around and see all the soldiers that are bulging out of their ABU pants,” said Dr. Leonard Jefferson, a professor of fitness and human ecology at Yale University who has studied military nutrition and body composition. “They must do something about it.”

Seaman Matthew Jolistein of the United States Coast Guard praised the new policy saying, “Spinal conditions should be taken very seriously by our military. Extremely physical demands are asked of all of us, and back issues caused by guys with huge asses shouldn’t be detrimental to the readiness of the force. People need to have normal bodies to protect our country.”

The pending changes may be far reaching, possibly trickling into law enforcement as well. This will be the first time this pressing matter will be addressed primarily by certified military health professionals — many of them trained physicians and scientists.

“We are taking a slightly different perspective on this, focusing on the health of our military members and what may impact that. What determinants can we identify quickly and easily that would relate to predispositions for injury or illness?” one defense official said.

This official, who requested anonymity because the internal proceedings are still confidential and some final decisions are yet to be made, also hinted at a few other new tests which could further limit military service. Among those mentioned, a common sense test, an ingrown hair test, and a flammability test seem to be the frontrunners for new military-service qualifications.

*This piece is purely satire. Don’t believe a thing.

Response by SCPO David Lockwood made Aug 12 at 2016 10:22 AM

SCPO David Lockwood — Fri, 12 Aug 2016 10:22:06 -0400

I hated getting measured for PRT. No matter what I did I was always right at the max. Hated it.

Response by 1SG Dennis Hicks made Aug 12 at 2016 10:32 AM

1SG Dennis Hicks — Fri, 12 Aug 2016 10:32:09 -0400

They certainly put rather large 4th points of contact in charge :)

Response by CAPT Kevin B. made Aug 12 at 2016 10:42 AM

CAPT Kevin B. — Fri, 12 Aug 2016 10:42:41 -0400

Guess that makes Beyonce and some of the Kardashians ineligible. What next? Thighs? That would eliminate gymnasts and speed skaters. They need to make the uniforms fit reality, not the other way around. I had a Polynesian Master Chief who had an oil drum for his body. His measurements always said toss. Thing was his BMI was 6 and he was pure muscle. BTW one look at him and you'd know that nobody ever messed with him.

Yep, can't get that song out of my mind either "Bertha.... Bertha Butt.... One of the Butt Sisters."

Response by Capt Daniel Goodman made Aug 12 at 2016 10:48 AM

Capt Daniel Goodman — Fri, 12 Aug 2016 10:48:28 -0400

Lol....

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 12 at 2016 12:15 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 12 Aug 2016 12:15:42 -0400

I have a question, where are all of these soldiers with guts hanging out. I admit I have seen an ocassionally large soldier but not like the article made it out to be. I do think the tape method is not the best method to use. I served with a SSG who was into body building, built like a rock but had to tape everytime according to the chart.

Response by CPT Pedro Meza made Aug 12 at 2016 1:16 PM

CPT Pedro Meza — Fri, 12 Aug 2016 13:16:24 -0400

New rule to keep the Kardeshians from joining.

Response by Capt Seid Waddell made Aug 12 at 2016 1:40 PM

Capt Seid Waddell — Fri, 12 Aug 2016 13:40:15 -0400

Got to be DuffleBlog.

Response by CPT Jack Durish made Aug 12 at 2016 2:45 PM

CPT Jack Durish — Fri, 12 Aug 2016 14:45:27 -0400

What? First the railroads removed cabooses from trains. Now the Army wants to remove them from soldiers. They better keep their hands off my women.

Response by SGT Tim Carpenter made Aug 12 at 2016 4:41 PM

SGT Tim Carpenter — Fri, 12 Aug 2016 16:41:18 -0400

Lol. Well I'm still good to go. I suffer from Noassatall syndrome.

Response by SSG Warren Swan made Aug 12 at 2016 5:10 PM

SSG Warren Swan — Fri, 12 Aug 2016 17:10:18 -0400

I would love to see the counseling statement chaptering a woman for having some bootie...now be the man that tells another one he has too much.....this should be good lol

Response by 2LT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 12 at 2016 5:34 PM

2LT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 12 Aug 2016 17:34:15 -0400

tell that to the big boys on the squat rack... And then tell them that a 120lb woman will be better off at Ranger school too....

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 12 at 2016 6:31 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 12 Aug 2016 18:31:34 -0400

Can they do the job? I knew guys 280 pounds who outrun and outmatch someone with 6% body fat.

Response by SFC Joseph Weber made Aug 12 at 2016 9:07 PM

SFC Joseph Weber — Fri, 12 Aug 2016 21:07:51 -0400

Well, I guess my dream to change my identity and join back up as an old ass private is over. Of course you did say muscles so maybe I still have a chance.

Response by MSG Dan Castaneda made Aug 12 at 2016 11:15 PM

MSG Dan Castaneda — Fri, 12 Aug 2016 23:15:17 -0400

So you mean to tell me that a person with a big ass can't serve his/her country honorably yet transgenderes can? what happened to everyone should be offereded the opportunity to serve. SMH.

Response by CPT Chris Loomis made Aug 13 at 2016 1:21 PM

CPT Chris Loomis — Sat, 13 Aug 2016 13:21:40 -0400

Whew!!! Shit scared there for a minute!

Response by PO3 Leroy Walters made Aug 13 at 2016 3:04 PM

PO3 Leroy Walters — Sat, 13 Aug 2016 15:04:22 -0400

They are just big boned.

Response by PO1 William "Chip" Nagel made Aug 13 at 2016 9:45 PM

PO1 William "Chip" Nagel — Sat, 13 Aug 2016 21:45:11 -0400

Hey, Hey, Hey! I have a Shapely Arse Now Thank You! Not the Wooden Board Flat Ass that I had as a Navy 5K Runner. I have the Perfect Form for a Life Experience Gentleman!

Response by SCPO Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 14 at 2016 12:46 AM

SCPO Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 14 Aug 2016 00:46:32 -0400

Well, that would certainly eliminate a large number of WOPERFERS!!!

Response by Amn Cassandra Lynn made Aug 16 at 2016 7:54 AM

Amn Cassandra Lynn — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 07:54:09 -0400

Seaman Matthew Jolistein of the United States Coast Guard praised the new policy saying, “Spinal conditions should be taken very seriously by our military. Extremely physical demands are asked of all of us, and back issues caused by guys with huge asses shouldn’t be detrimental to the readiness of the force. People need to have normal bodies to protect our country.”

Who is to say what is normal?? Even when I was a size 6 at 105 lbs, I still had a big butt!

Response by Amn Cassandra Lynn made Aug 16 at 2016 7:55 AM

Amn Cassandra Lynn — Tue, 16 Aug 2016 07:55:37 -0400

And to the "official" who said... This official, who requested anonymity because the internal proceedings are still confidential and some final decisions are yet to be made, also hinted at a few other new tests which could further limit military service. Among those mentioned, a common sense test, an ingrown hair test, and a flammability test seem to be the frontrunners for new military-service qualifications.

WTH?!?! tests for ingrown hair, flammability test??? I can understand the common sense test, because a LOT of people don't have it!! lol

Response by CPT Tom Monahan made Aug 19 at 2016 5:26 AM

CPT Tom Monahan — Fri, 19 Aug 2016 05:26:31 -0400

As a man with a long torso and short legs, I always was "overweight". My body fat measurement was usually half of the max allowed and PR scores were near 280-290 (short legs made the run extra fun). How is it that a Soldier could nearly max the PR test and be considered overweight? I always thought that we should do away with height and weight standards and focus on real readiness measurements. This may mean raising PT standards or changing the test completely. Thinks about this, we all are not able to meet the height weight standard to guard the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 22 at 2016 4:24 PM

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 22 Aug 2016 16:24:09 -0400

http://www.Duffleblog.com is awesome!

www.Duffleblog.com

Response by MAJ Rene De La Rosa made Oct 16 at 2016 1:13 AM

MAJ Rene De La Rosa — Sun, 16 Oct 2016 01:13:13 -0400

Had me going there for a minute. I was looking all over for the punch line, and JP4 found the appropriate song below.......or above....

Response by SGT David Petree made Aug 12 at 2017 2:02 PM

SGT David Petree — Sat, 12 Aug 2017 14:02:49 -0400

Down size every thing. Min. 110 lb. Max 115 . hump 120 lb. ruck up hill at a deed run for 2 miles. really ?? get a Robot with no brain . so that the higher up`s can sit on there ass & get fat !!!

Response by SGT Patrick Reno made Aug 28 at 2017 10:08 AM

SGT Patrick Reno — Mon, 28 Aug 2017 10:08:16 -0400

I hope that is just for having a big ass. Because if we get rid of people for BEING a big ass we are going to run out of NCO'S really quick.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 10 at 2017 12:05 AM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 10 Oct 2017 00:05:06 -0400

has the wrong measurement tape i know this because as a Diet Tech we had to measure soldiers as well civilian

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 13 at 2017 12:11 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Oct 2017 12:11:51 -0400

That means Kim Kardashian snd her sisters, had they been younger, could not join the military period in basic training, we had a female recruit that the drill sergeant named 'action Jackson' who was kicked out of basic training because she messed around with other recruit the way Kim Kardashian got famous to begin with lol.https://youtu.be/isMFxOLbiro

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Response by SPC Sheila Lewis made Oct 13 at 2017 2:03 PM

SPC Sheila Lewis — Fri, 13 Oct 2017 14:03:54 -0400

they start out as fat civilians.

Response by CW3 Harvey K. made Oct 13 at 2017 9:08 PM

CW3 Harvey K. — Fri, 13 Oct 2017 21:08:00 -0400

Butt, butt, butt I was born this way!!

Response by SSG Edward Tilton made Dec 29 at 2017 9:48 PM

SSG Edward Tilton — Fri, 29 Dec 2017 21:48:12 -0500

Gamaglobulen was a hepatitis shot that was painful as hell. The amount you got depended on your weight. We had one cook who got four

Response by SPC Mike Lake made Feb 15 at 2018 8:33 PM

SPC Mike Lake — Thu, 15 Feb 2018 20:33:28 -0500

Alot of my Puerto Rican sister's are gonna be out too...lol

Response by Capt Daniel Goodman made Oct 30 at 2018 7:38 PM

Capt Daniel Goodman — Tue, 30 Oct 2018 19:38:48 -0400

OK, I'll give ya on that one, ya actually had me going there for a cpl of mins, you know? Clever....

Response by CSM Charles Hayden made Jun 23 at 2019 12:08 AM

CSM Charles Hayden — Sun, 23 Jun 2019 00:08:10 -0400

WHERE IS THE DOWN VOTE THUMB FOR STUPID CRAP?

Response by Capt Daniel Goodman made Aug 14 at 2019 7:08 PM

Capt Daniel Goodman — Wed, 14 Aug 2019 19:08:49 -0400

You know, you guys really had me going with that one till I saw the last line and the smiley face, ya know?

Response by SFC Melvin Brandenburg made Sep 25 at 2019 12:12 PM

SFC Melvin Brandenburg — Wed, 25 Sep 2019 12:12:43 -0400

Keep going and too few will be qualified.

Response by SFC Melvin Brandenburg made Feb 4 at 2020 1:45 AM

SFC Melvin Brandenburg — Tue, 04 Feb 2020 01:45:07 -0500

This shit, this shit right here is some of the craziness that has encouraged me to retire. Hey stick man, yeah you, all 150 pounds soaking wet. Hump that .50 for the next ten miles. Or, I don't know, here's one more nugget, how about when we encounter the enemy, let's not have a size advantage. Oh, yeah, and to protect our backs, let's not have skeletal muscle when we head out on patrol with full packs.
Yeah, and I forgot, let's not fill our ranks because we wanted to shrink the available pool of qualified candidates. I mean, we don't have problems meeting recruiting missions without huge bonuses because there are so many people beating down the recruiter's door who meet the standards.
This is an utterly stupid direction to move. You know, I get that it is satire, and 600-9 is important. Maybe I am taking it personally because I am a larger guy. I max my pushups. I max my situps. I pass the aerobic event with about 20% of the time to spare (on perm profile because I have had several surgeries to ankle, knee, wrists, and shoulder). In spite of constant pain, I still pass my PT test with flying colors. I hover between 1% under and 1% over bodyfat limit. In spite of being flagged for about 1/3 of my career I still managed to make E7, because I am really freaking good at what I do, maxed out civilian education, completed all of the Army correspondence tests, Outstanding NCOERs, commandant's list at WLC and ALC and I board well. I have successfully handled extremely difficult assignments, earning impact awards. I qualified with grenade, .50, SAW, M4, and M9, scoring expert in grenade, M4, and M9. My value as a soldier, and as a leader, is not defined by my bodyfat percentage. My value as a soldier and as a leader is summed up in the four things that has shown up in every, I say again, every NCOER in all 13 years worth of NCOERs. 1. I place the mission first, 2. I gave a damn about my soldiers and communicated that to them, 3. I had no lost time injuries - safety first, and 4. I maintained 100% accountability of my personal and section hand receipt equipment. I finally decided to retire because I do not like the direction I see the Army moving as an organization. But, make no mistake, I am proud to have served, I am proud of what I have been able to do, and I have great love for soldiers entrusted to me.

Response by CPO Nate S. made Mar 30 at 2020 8:09 AM

CPO Nate S. — Mon, 30 Mar 2020 08:09:36 -0400

sfc-james-j-palmer-iv-aka-jp4 Well! At least someone upfront said "...* This piece is purely satire. Don’t believe a thing...."

BTW, and in all seriousness, fitness for duty is a real issue and the number injuries suffered by recruits in training is a problem.

- https://www.armytimes.com/news/your-army/2018/10/10/americas-obesity-is-threatening-national-security-according-to-this-study/ "...It’s well known at this point that just under 30 percent of Americans ages 17 to 24 ― the prime age to join the Army ― aren’t eligible to join..."

- https://www.cdc.gov/physicalactivity/downloads/unfit-to-serve.pdf {These other issues impact fitness to serve.} "...The Department of Defense, our nation’s largest employer, spends about
$1.5 billion annually in obesity-related health care costs for current and former service members and their families, as well as costs to replace unfit personnel..."

- https://theconversation.com/half-of-employers-say-they-are-less-inclined-to-recruit-obese-candidates-its-not-ok-109821 {From a non-military employment perspective being obese / overweight is an issue in the civilian community as well. "...It’s still very common to hear even clinically trained experts, as well as ordinary folk, trot out tired old certainties about a lack of willpower, or that it is a lifestyle choice for which people should take more responsibility. Even in some modern businesses, it seems that it’s still OK to target discriminatory practices against those living with obesity...."

- https://www.chicagotribune.com/news/ct-xpm-2013-07-29-ct-met-overweight-recruits-20130729-story.html {Fitness to serve has been some the military has been dealing with before the dawn of the 21st Century and more recently in the early 21st Century.}

- https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/ [login to see] 32120 {Men can have big butts too!!! Studies have and are being done to see who and how weight loss in men can improve! "...Obese men are at an increased risk of chronic disease and are far less likely than women to attempt weight loss. There is a need to successfully recruit men to weight loss clinical trials....Current prevalence estimates indicate that 33.7% of men and 36.5% of women in the United States are obese (BMI ≥30), resulting in over $190 billion in medical costs, annually (Ogden, Carroll, Kit, & Flegal, 2014). "

So, while this started out as "Satire" it is a very serious issue on many fronts:

(1) Defense of the nation;
(2) Increased cost of medical care resulting from the issues impacted by being overweight/obese;
(3) Mental health. There are studies that link physical health to mental health. So, why not work to improve mental health by improving physical health?

Simple questions, not so simple answers!

COL Mikel J. Burroughs; LCdr (Rabbah) Rona Matlow; Maj Marty Hogan; SMSGT Gerald "Doc" Thomas; SCPO Morris Ramsey; Lt Col Charlie Brown; LTC Private RallyPoint Member; Maj William W. 'Bill' Price; LTC Stephen C.; LTC Stephen F.; COL Lee Flemming; Capt Dwayne Conyers; CMSgt Private RallyPoint Member; SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth; LTC Jason Mackay; MSgt Robert "Rock" Aldi; MSgt Paul Connors (Publishing); SFC James J Palmer IV (JP4)

America’s obesity is threatening national security, according to this study

The rise in American obesity is making it harder for the Army to find healthy, qualified soldiers and keep them that way.

Response by Lt Col Charlie Brown made Mar 30 at 2020 8:11 AM

Lt Col Charlie Brown — Mon, 30 Mar 2020 08:11:12 -0400

Glad to hear it is satire. I could see some lawsuits pending

Response by SCPO Morris Ramsey made Mar 30 at 2020 8:45 AM

SCPO Morris Ramsey — Mon, 30 Mar 2020 08:45:59 -0400

So for all those times when the Chief shouted get off your fat ass and get to work, he was just being observant.

Response by SPC Robert Bobo made May 2 at 2020 9:00 PM

SPC Robert Bobo — Sat, 02 May 2020 21:00:37 -0400

Seems like the norm, no one overweight was accepted in 73, they may have had a delayed entry program to allow folks to lose the weight , I saw zero heavy folks in basic

Response by SP5 Michael Cates made May 18 at 2021 12:49 AM

SP5 Michael Cates — Tue, 18 May 2021 00:49:37 -0400

Really it is ALL ABOUT OBESITY going wild in our SOCIETY and THE MILITARY IS GETTING LITTLE HELP FROM PHYSICAL EDUCATION TEACHERS EVERY WHERE! TEACHERS UNIONS CARE MORE ABOUT THEMSELVES THAN OUR CHILDREN! THE UNIONS TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD BUT THE CHILDREN! SO HAPPY AND SAD AT THE SAME TIME AS I MADE THE CHOICE AFTER 'NAM TO GO BACK TO COLLEGE AT CSUN got my Sec. Teaching Cred. and did my student teaching at a Local High School was asked to take over for my Master Teacher who was retiring that year! But after one semester with him saying to me Mike just forget about the FIVE BOYS IN THE BACK OF THE CLASS ROOM THEY WIL NEVER AMOUNT TO ANYTHING! HELL I SURVIVED VIETNAM '67-'68 I SURLY COULD HELP THEM! SHORT STORY 15YR'S LATER WHEN I WAS INTO THE 15TH YEAR OF OWNING MY OWN GYMNASTIC SCHOOL IN SANTA MONICA, CA. I HIRED A YOUNG MAN FROM SACRAMENTO AND ONE DAY HE SAID MY YOUNGER BROTHER KNOWS YOU! I SAID I DON'T THINK SO I NEVER TAUGHT IN SACRAMENTO! ONE DAY HE WALKDED INTO BROADWAY AND HE SAID HI MR.CATES!!! I SAID HI! ---------IT WAS ONE OF THOSE YOUNG MEN IN THE BACK OF THAT CLASS! HE HAD BECOME A VERY SUCCESSFUL MUSICIAN! WOW!

Response by Lt Col John (Jack) Christensen made Jul 13 at 2021 7:46 PM

Lt Col John (Jack) Christensen — Tue, 13 Jul 2021 19:46:32 -0400

Well, we did have a regulation that prohibited extra cushioning on ejection seats, so.......

Response by SFC Joe S. Davis Jr., MSM, DSL made Aug 5 at 2021 10:40 PM

SFC Joe S. Davis Jr., MSM, DSL — Thu, 05 Aug 2021 22:40:51 -0400

Thanks for sharing