LTC Private RallyPoint Member 343429 <div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Are we as leaders treating married and single Soldiers fairly?<br /><br />I have heard and read on here and other places that some married Soldiers are upset that they are asked to miss special events while sometimes single Soldiers (for this topic that means not married or have any kids) state that they are always voluntold to cover down for married Soldiers or those with kids when they are not at work. I have seen married Soldiers or ones with kids get priority of when they take leave during deployment and heard the single Soldiers state that a lottery would be more fair to determine who picks first.<br /><br />Do we put too much burden on these Soldiers who are not married or have kids as they have to cover down for others if their kids are graduating, sick, have conferences, have games, spouse has surgery, etc? I pick the big events such as most would understand, but some would argue that leave must be taken for each of these events so everyone is covering down for others when they are on leave anyways. But as we all know, not everyone takes leave and just sneaks out or is covered by others.<br /><br />What are your thoughts? 2014-11-26T14:26:13-05:00 LTC Private RallyPoint Member 343429

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Are we as leaders treating married and single Soldiers fairly?<br /><br />I have heard and read on here and other places that some married Soldiers are upset that they are asked to miss special events while sometimes single Soldiers (for this topic that means not married or have any kids) state that they are always voluntold to cover down for married Soldiers or those with kids when they are not at work. I have seen married Soldiers or ones with kids get priority of when they take leave during deployment and heard the single Soldiers state that a lottery would be more fair to determine who picks first.<br /><br />Do we put too much burden on these Soldiers who are not married or have kids as they have to cover down for others if their kids are graduating, sick, have conferences, have games, spouse has surgery, etc? I pick the big events such as most would understand, but some would argue that leave must be taken for each of these events so everyone is covering down for others when they are on leave anyways. But as we all know, not everyone takes leave and just sneaks out or is covered by others.<br /><br />What are your thoughts?

2014-11-26T14:26:13-05:00 2014-11-26T14:26:13-05:00 CW5 Private RallyPoint Member 343553

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div><a class="dark-link bold-link" role="profile-hover" data-qtip-container="body" data-id="209691" data-source-page-controller="question_response_contents" href="/profiles/209691-12a-engineer-officer-pacom-hq-pacom">LTC Private RallyPoint Member</a>, I saw single soldiers get the short end of the stick in this regard, time and again, during my 30 years of active duty. I like your comment about taking leave for special events and occasions. That might even things out a bit.

2014-11-26T16:03:51-05:00 2014-11-26T16:03:51-05:00 SSgt Private RallyPoint Member 343609

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>This is true on so many levels. First being barracks life and living like fish in a fishbowl. Then people who may be Privates escape room inspections and other annoyances like buffers banging on your door when you work rotating shifts...

2014-11-26T16:59:59-05:00 2014-11-26T16:59:59-05:00 CPT Private RallyPoint Member 350002

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2014-12-01T15:24:21-05:00 2014-12-01T15:24:21-05:00 SSG Private RallyPoint Member 379773

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>We have all been there, someone has to do it, let them earn "theirs" just as everyone else has. Its a process, make SPC, get married, ruin your life, get divorced, return to barracks, preach of your bad experience, learn from it, try it again, repeat. lol. But no, obviously they/we arent going to be treated the same.

2014-12-21T01:14:41-05:00 2014-12-21T01:14:41-05:00 SFC Private RallyPoint Member 448350

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Man the amount of crappy weekend details I got out of when I got married was mind blowing. I don't think it is about being married or not, I think its Soldiers living in the barracks are treated unfairly compared to their married counterparts.

2015-02-01T12:17:14-05:00 2015-02-01T12:17:14-05:00 SGT Kristin Wiley 448618

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>I can't speak from a married perspective, but there have been countless times when I was assigned a duty so a married soldier could go home and spend time with their family. For some of these duties, it was barracks only soldiers because "we lived closer". We might not be married and have a family, but we still have a life and it's very demoralizing to be tasked constantly when the married soldiers often avoid these taskings. As an NCO, I have even given my married soldiers time off work to care for a sick spouse or child. Well I understand they have obligations most single soldiers don't, it needs to be a fair exchange rate. Something a single soldier would never get. In the military it pays to be married (in more ways than one), and this is what leads to rushed marriages and contract marriages.

2015-02-01T15:20:44-05:00 2015-02-01T15:20:44-05:00 SFC Dan Sorrow, M.S. 448646

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Are you considering fair as the same as equal? If so, then no. I've been in units where married personnel didn't catch duty (CQ, guard duty, etc) on holidays. No way the roster works like that unless all of the married soldiers put in for leave or pass. Other units, it was different. <br /><br />God question!

2015-02-01T15:36:18-05:00 2015-02-01T15:36:18-05:00 MAJ Monique Ruiz 448667

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>I can respond as the one from the spouse side. I had to be very patient and understanding. Being Hispanic-Mexican, everyone across four generations is considered important to us. You can imagine how many special occasions I attended without my husband because he had duty, including our anniversary. The game changer happened when his unit was getting reassigned to another state, I was furious because they would not let him reassign to another unit so he could stay in Texas. His reasons were that I was a Govt employee and in the Guard with Texas. The unit didn't care, even though they had two other single officers to choose from and they got to stay. I know how it works but I know why women, who aren't in the service dont understand what their husbands go through, end up asking for a divorce. It's unfortunate that people take advantage of the ability to say no. Just because you can, doesn't mean you should. Communication needs to happen between sections. Gather for a meeting. Talk out holidays and special occasions to see who can cover down what. For example, I had Christmas last year, you can have it this year (just like you would child visitation during a divorce). Talk to your significant others and lay down a plan for the year. Get their buy in and then discuss with them what came of the meeting at work. Leaders need to give time for feedback from significant others. Explain that it's a proposal and may not be approved but will be considered to a degree that everyone can come out with a favorable solution. Being open-minded, honest, and considerate will help this plan be successful.

2015-02-01T15:49:05-05:00 2015-02-01T15:49:05-05:00 SFC Private RallyPoint Member 448687

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>It gets old quick. I've been single most of my career and it doesn't get better as you climb. I don't mind volunteering to help a guy out but when it's mandated it starts to piss you off. I've had a lot of relationships strained by this but I've sucked it up and drove on. However I've ensured that it doesn't happen to my Soldiers. If my single soldiers do get screwed for being single I comp the hell out of them.

2015-02-01T16:00:11-05:00 2015-02-01T16:00:11-05:00 COL Jason Smallfield, PMP, CFM, CM 448728

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>- Fairly and equally are two different concepts.<br />- Are married and single Soldiers treated equally? Absolutely not. BAH, family separation, BAS is but a few examples of different compenstation based upon marital status. No fortune 500 company that I am aware of provides monetary differences in compensation based upon marital status or support responsibilities. I am not arguing that this inequality if unfair. I am only arguing that fair and equal are not the same. There are logical reasons for why the military is different for each of the examples I cited.<br />- Are married and single Soldiers treated fairly? <br /> - At a macro level. Yes for the most part. Strategic rules and regulations are generally written and designed to enable a uniform standard across the military.<br /> - At a micro level. No for the various reasons delineated in other posts. I would like to think that leaders are trying to do the right thing but, at the end of the day, we are all paid (base pay) based upon our rank and longevity and within each rank we should each have to shoulder an equal among of the load. A single Soldier should not have to do more than a married Soldier of the same rank and position.

2015-02-01T16:27:40-05:00 2015-02-01T16:27:40-05:00 SFC Private RallyPoint Member 448730

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Single soldiers in the barracks absolutely get screwed. Some of it is inadvertent and unavoidable, but a lot of it is just thoughtless or systemic "thats how it is" type bs.<br /><br />BAH and family separation allowance.<br />-Nothing really to be done about that.<br /><br />Barracks soldiers getting tasked after the duty day is over.<br />-Leadership needs to track these inequities so that either the married children are pulling their weight as well or that the single soldiers are going to get some of that time back.<br /><br />Leave prioritized for soldiers with spouse &amp; children.<br />-This should never happen at the command level IMO. If you are married with kids it is up to you to be at your place of duty. If you are living right, one of your peers and/or leaders will take the spot for you if you have a significant event happening. If nobody steps up, either they all had important stuff to do(in which case it was just your turn to sacrifice) or maybe you need to reassess when the last time you stepped in and pulled a detail for someone else when they didn't want to.

2015-02-01T16:30:05-05:00 2015-02-01T16:30:05-05:00 SFC Royce Williams 448894

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Life isn't fair! Leaders try to make the best decision they can with what they have. Sometimes it's fair sometimes it's not. It depends in what side of the line you stand on.

2015-02-01T18:56:14-05:00 2015-02-01T18:56:14-05:00 SFC Royce Williams 448900

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>I remember as a young PFC&amp;SPC living in the barracks the first thing I would do after work is crack a cold beer and if anyone knocked on my door I answered with the beer in my hand because the Soldiers living in the barracks where always top of the list when it came to "hey you" details.

2015-02-01T18:59:35-05:00 2015-02-01T18:59:35-05:00 CPT Private RallyPoint Member 448986

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>I'm the only single person at my work and they don't give anyone preferential treatment married or not.

2015-02-01T20:29:38-05:00 2015-02-01T20:29:38-05:00 SGT Private RallyPoint Member 449012

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Maybe i was just lucky. I never came down for any duty because the duty roster was always change before my last name. But then again im also in a company of 400+ personnel. If anyone came down for a duty tho and didnt want it i always offered to take it.

2015-02-01T20:49:56-05:00 2015-02-01T20:49:56-05:00 Lt Col Private RallyPoint Member 449954

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Well, the phrase "paying the single's tax" exists for a reason - I've seen this off and on - single personnel get asked (or "asked") to work a weekend duty, or work a holiday because they "don't have a family." I got married pretty late compared to my peers, so while this seemed to lessen as I got upwards in rank, it was definitely still there. Overall people expect you to work longer and harder hours than your married counterparts - they just do, and I think it's human nature to expect that. You have to actively fight that assumption.<br /><br />Our single members may not have _dependents_ but that does NOT mean they don't have families!!!! Always remember that.<br /><br />When I was single, I actually volunteered for the late shifts or the holiday shifts, because the truth is I usually got something on the back end for it - an extra day off or something like that, but it's bad when your leadership or peers _assume_ you're going to pull the holidays or late shifts - that part I resented a little bit. Now that I am married with a kid, I'll be even more honest, I'm sure as heck not going to volunteer for a holiday shift, but I'm not going to assume that one of my younger single airmen has nothing better to do than work late on Christmas Eve or something like that.

2015-02-02T10:13:04-05:00 2015-02-02T10:13:04-05:00 SGT Private RallyPoint Member 450317

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>I think it depends on the Unit and the Chain of Command and the person that is being shown favor. I am a single mom, with three kids. I don't see these favors. I don't have many issues, but the few that have come up (btw which were minor, fixable within 24 hrs) I have had the family care plan thrown up. I stock pile leave, so that I can make sure that I can spend every Holiday with my sons with out hassle and sometimes that is not guaranteed. I have seen a married NCO with children, thrown on a last minute assignment and have to miss his daughters birthday party, which was planned and a chain of command knew about it. I have heard Single NCO's say that they will take a shift or cover for a mission, because they wanted their soldier to spend time with their family, but that was just them stepping up to the plate and taking care of their soldiers.

2015-02-02T13:13:01-05:00 2015-02-02T13:13:01-05:00 SFC Private RallyPoint Member 451673

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Absolutely not! They are treated different for some reason. I was a PVT way back when living in the barracks in the 82nd. Man we would get the short end of the stick everytime. Hey YOU's, he doesn't have a family so he can do it, he has no plans he can do it. That crap got old fast. All the while my battles that happen to have some non issued equipment( Family) got off scott free. It put a divide amoungst the Soldiers. People where going out finding the first drunk person that could say I do and getting married just to get out of the details. Deployments were no different. Man those were a long 4 years in the barracks...

2015-02-03T04:01:12-05:00 2015-02-03T04:01:12-05:00 MAJ Ronnie Reams 456789

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>When I was in I often was volunteered or actually volunteered to let married folks off, go on R&amp;R, etc Knowing when I got married I would be off. When we went on block leave before the 199th went over, I volunteered to be in the first bunch, so the old married folks could see their wives and kids up until the last minute. Same same for when I went to work for PD and had no kids of Santa age at Christmas time. I volunteered to come in and work for those that did just because it was the right thing to do. I mean if you're single what are you really going to, basically go to the beer garden or open mess and drink. Maybe more so today because a lotta places troops go today they can't legally consume adult beverages. At least, we had a well stocked Class VI, a liquor ration card and, for beer lovers, choices of all sorts of American Beers, ROK Beers, Philippine Beers and, of course, the ever popular Beer 33! I think today's troops have to home brew.

2015-02-05T14:01:57-05:00 2015-02-05T14:01:57-05:00 PFC Private RallyPoint Member 459727

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>My husband and I are both active duty and not currently stationed together. We both live in the barracks and do not receive separation pay or BAS. Our COC's have been accommodating for us visiting each other, (before he deployed I got a 4 day pass to go see him). Since we are geographic bachelors we are treated as single Soldiers. There is definitely a difference between how single Soldiers and married Soldiers are treated.

2015-02-06T19:35:02-05:00 2015-02-06T19:35:02-05:00 SSgt Private RallyPoint Member 525824

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>Good Evening Sir,<br />That's when you as a Captain, Company Commander, come into play, "Hey 1stSgt, why are all these duties filled by barracks troops" ?

2015-03-12T00:28:09-04:00 2015-03-12T00:28:09-04:00 SSG Private RallyPoint Member 525855

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>As much as I don't like to quote this guy, I had a BN commander once that loved the matrix and said "when yall were about to sign that bill, you had options, the red pill said no, the blue pill said yes, but I took the green pill" and continued on to say "soldiers, mission, family" that's our focus. Take care of the soldier so they WANT to complete the mission, and get you home to your family"<br /><br />That being said, all the programs out there make it easy to take care of both at the same time... BOSS, retreats, FRG "joke", but nothing can compare to good leadership. I stick with the "task, guide, and motivate" attitude. If my troops know what the goal is, how to do it, and how the result will benefit them.... They will never fail me.

2015-03-12T00:46:54-04:00 2015-03-12T00:46:54-04:00 CW5 Private RallyPoint Member 736075

<div class="images-v2-count-0"></div>I remember a time where we would have a long day and single troops had to be released to go eat or they would miss the DFAC. Of course, married Soldiers stayed behind and continued to work. It made sense that they had to be afforded the opportunity to eat their meal since they didn't get BAS but I remember that the majority wouldn't even eat there and in the long run, I stayed until 2000 and beyond and didn't have the time to eat a hot meal with my family.<br /><br />Nope, its not fair but then again that was 1996 and I'm still around.

2015-06-09T14:57:17-04:00 2015-06-09T14:57:17-04:00 2014-11-26T14:26:13-05:00