As a leader is it better to be feared or loved?

2016-01-02T08:36:13-05:00

After watching A Bronx Tale last night and seeing the scene is it better to be feared or loved I wanted to pose the same question here. We all have different leadership styles and some may have a different answer to this question.

Response by LTJG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 2 at 2016 8:41 AM

2016-01-02T08:41:27-05:00

I think you need to find a balance that works. Take care of those who work for you and they will take care of you (most of the time at least). Dont think leading by fear is required, but I do think it needs to be understood that you mean what you say and accept nothing less than the best.

Response by Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS made Jan 2 at 2016 8:42 AM

2016-01-02T08:42:58-05:00

Fear is an instinctual reaction, because you don't know what is coming.Once you know what is happening, fear is significantly reduced.

A leader who is "feared" is chaotic.

Love is an extension of trust. However we must not mistake Love or Trust for Charismatic Leadership which is a manipulation of emotions much like the use of fear.

So all that said, it is better to be a leader who is trusted to the point of love than one who is feared.

Response by Cpl Jeff N. made Jan 2 at 2016 8:54 AM

2016-01-02T08:54:04-05:00

I am speaking of this primarily in the military context. Somewhere between love and fear is respect. It is sort of an amalgam of the two. Pick a great leader (Patton, Puller or insert your name here). They were both loved my their men as they would do anything for them, they were revered. There was also a sense of fear. The fear of letting them down, not completing the mission, not living up to the standard etc.

This is the struggle between the authoritarian or persuasive leader. There are times when each should be used. When it is time to get something done, right this second, without question, discussion or dissent you better have a streak of authoritarian in you or you are toast. If people will not/do not move on command for you, you are finished. Similarly when the pressure is off there is time to explain, discuss things and guide folks in the way they should go you can be more persuasive, mentoring etc.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 2 at 2016 8:59 AM

2016-01-02T08:59:32-05:00

Fear will ultimately fail because in combat a leader who relies on fear cannot create a scenario more fearful than a soldier risking his life. So if his choice is "charge the hill" so to speak or have the leader yell at him, or humiliate him or court martial him, there is no comparison in the fear levels. So a leader who can only motivate soldiers to act out of fear of the consequences will fail.

But even in peacetime, the fearful style has limitations. Soldiers who act based on fear of consequences will only do the minimum required to avoid the consequences and no more. Plus, given a changing or ambiguous situation, they will default to inaction rather than action. They won't want to do anything they weren't explicitly told to do, out of fear of choosing the wrong course of action and suffering negative consequences.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 2 at 2016 9:04 AM

2016-01-02T09:04:09-05:00

As a team leader I have used fear to get a job done, but normally I reserved this method for brand new soldiers who displayed a hard headed attitude or who was talking back to a soldier put in charge of a class or detail and trying to undermine the authority given by a TL or Squad leader. This method I used sparingly however because if you use it to long the soldier gets resentful. Directly after instilling the fear in a new soldier I began to teach his job and develop raptor and respect very quickly the respect would compleatly replace the fear. Sun Zu said "Regard your soldiers as your children, and they will follow you into the deepest valleys; look upon them as your own beloved sons and they will stand by you even unto death" there is no amount of fear that can inspire this kind of loyalty. Any leader who can ask his men to follow him into what everyone knows is certain death and be absolutely confident that they will follow has tremendous influence and responsibility to his soldiers. For me as a leader this is the relationship I seek to build with all my soldiers. It is by no means a fast method of leadership but it is far more solid and durable than fear the only reason to use fear is to get that initial compliance and lay the new foundation for the trust.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 2 at 2016 9:23 AM

2016-01-02T09:23:04-05:00

It's better to be trusted and respected. A leader needs to be open to being wrong, gaining knowledge through being open, and be willing to admit it. People follow those they trust and they work harder for those they respect. Respect like trust is earned. It's earned through actions and not words. Having a strong work ethic, getting results, getting in the trenches. People are motivated and inspired by leaders who are action-oriented, self-directed thinkers, do-ers, and learners.

Response by SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 2 at 2016 10:24 AM

2016-01-02T10:24:53-05:00

LTC Private RallyPoint Member right out of AIT, when you still have this picture of DS and PLS smoking you for not having enough water in your camelback, I got here with that sense of fear to NCO's. Then my 1st OIC showed me a whole different version of leadership. Although she left my office in June, we still get in contact because we built a relationship where she lead me with a pure intention of getting the best out of me. In the other hand, my 1st NCOIC used to be an infantry guy, an E7 with lots of combat experience and not a single drop of need of love. From a subordinate point of view, I rather a leader that shows love for what he does even if he/she is not expecting to be loved. Fear is not permanent, duties are not permanent, assignments either, memories are and I rather being remembered with love than with fear.

Response by SGM Mikel Dawson made Jan 2 at 2016 10:26 AM

2016-01-02T10:26:12-05:00

For me I think the proper balance between the two is "Respected".

Response by Capt Seid Waddell made Jan 2 at 2016 11:38 AM

2016-01-02T11:38:23-05:00

Wanting to be feared or to be loved are just different forms of leadership failure, IMHO. It is better to be trusted and respected by your men; for them to have confidence that you have their backs and that you know what you are doing and that you will not ask them to go into harm's way needlessly.

"Now I think, speaking roughly, by leadership we mean the art of getting someone else to do something that you want done because he wants to do it, not because your position of power can compel him to do it, or your position of authority." - Dwight D. Eisenhower

Response by Capt Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 2 at 2016 11:53 AM

2016-01-02T11:53:54-05:00

Some people are motivated by a pat on the back. Others require a kick in the rear. A leader should be able to do either and far more importantly know when each is required.

If a leader is loved by all OR hated by all he/she is probably a leader only by position and most likely not followed very well.

Response by SGM Steve Wettstein made Jan 2 at 2016 12:58 PM

2016-01-02T12:58:14-05:00

LTC Private RallyPoint Member Sir, I always like a good mixture of both. IMO you can use both to your benefit to get the mission accomplished. But I feel you get your troops to work harder for you if they like coming to work. If they truly hate you, that aint going to happen.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 2 at 2016 2:03 PM

2016-01-02T14:03:06-05:00

You should be a leader that is respected. A good unit is like a family: A Sergeant should be like a big brother; someone you can look up to and someone that can take care of you, but also someone you don't want to upset. A Staff NCO should be more of a stepfather that is taking care of you. Officers are supposed to fill father figure roles; Colonels and up are more of the grandfather roles. If your men and women don't feel like this is the case, then your doing it wrong.

Response by 1LT William Clardy made Jan 2 at 2016 3:25 PM

2016-01-02T15:25:06-05:00

That was a surprisingly insightful scene, LTC Private RallyPoint Member. However, speaking as one who doesn't mind leveraging fear (my sons learned to believe me whenever I told them that whatever punishment I inflicted would be enough to make them regret the poor choice they made), I say that the best choice is to be respected -- fear may keep someone who would otherwise be loyal from coming to you with bad news and misguided love may keep someone from pointing out your mistakes, while respect carries with it trust in your judgment and leadership.

Response by MAJ Raúl Rovira made Jan 2 at 2016 7:24 PM

2016-01-02T19:24:11-05:00

I choose none of the above. Leaders are not a movie star to be loved or the Terminator to be feared. Personally, I aim to be fair in my actions and decisions. I expect my senior NCO to let me know when I am steering towards the dark side of the force.

Leadership through fear or leadership through love both carry a distinct set of challenges and problems. In my mind, leadership is never black and white. It is situational.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jan 2 at 2016 7:26 PM

2016-01-02T19:26:15-05:00

A leader needs to be able to prepared for different situations.

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 2 at 2016 7:26 PM

2016-01-02T19:26:35-05:00

Sir, neither, a leader needs to be respected.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 2 at 2016 7:27 PM

2016-01-02T19:27:51-05:00

Neither. Best to be respected.

Response by BG David Fleming III made Jan 2 at 2016 7:52 PM

2016-01-02T19:52:19-05:00

If I only had these two options, I probably choice fear, but reluctantly. Trying to be loved by all will always lead to being disrespect by most, because no one takes there buddy seriously! If you want things done without question, fear is a great motivator! I would however prefer to earn respect through competent leadership and listening to my Senior NCO's! Just my opinion.

Response by MSgt Keith Hebert made Jan 2 at 2016 9:58 PM

2016-01-02T21:58:53-05:00

I might be a little of both
Hear me out
The fear that the leader will do the right thing and follow the standards no matter what or whom

Response by SFC Joseph Weber made Jan 3 at 2016 4:33 AM

2016-01-03T04:33:37-05:00

I prefer being cuddled.

Response by Cpl Rc Layne made Jan 3 at 2016 5:17 AM

2016-01-03T05:17:27-05:00

Treat your soldiers as your children and they will follow you into the deepest valleys. Treat them as your own beloved sons and they will follow you unto death.

Response by SPC Stacey Lowell made Jan 4 at 2016 6:09 PM

2016-01-04T18:09:05-05:00

If I were ever in a leadership position of any kind, I would rather have the soldiers Respect me for my decisions which ultimately would affect them instead of being referred to as some kind of Captain or LTC that is hell bent on demanding everyone's respect and honor. Honor and Respect have to be earned. Dwight D. Eisenhower was very much respected by his troops and those he commanded in WWII. George Patton had respect until he slapped a soldier for cowardice. General Norman Schwarzkopf certainly was well respected by the guys he commanded in Vietnam, Grenada and in Iraq. My former CO, LTC Richard Wiles was certainly a go get em kind a guy, well what do ya expect from a Ranger, eh?) But he had my respect. Then-CO, CPT Richard Wiles took great care of his troops and I hav e always thought well of him and the Battalion CO, LTC White. Those were heady days in the 4th Battalion, 502d Infantry of the Berlin Brigade.

Response by Capt Richard I P. made Jan 5 at 2016 10:47 AM

2016-01-05T10:47:22-05:00

Depends on the goal and timing. Fear is effective in the short term, love is effective and stronger in the long term. Both would be ideal in a balanced mix.

Steven Pressfield has some very good things to say about this in regard to leadership in combat. Fear (Phobos) is the god that rules the battlefield. You can manipulate fear to drive people against their own fears, fear of shame, of letting down friends, but in the end fear of death will overcome other fears. To truly overcome fear you need its opposite, love. When you love your brothers you will willingly risk death and may even choose your own death over theirs. "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. "

Response by CMSgt Mike Esser made Jan 18 at 2016 10:04 AM

2016-01-18T10:04:07-05:00

Respected. Watch Platoon, interesting question, on the tails of mission first or people first.......everyone has a different leadership style. I always believed take care of people and they will take care of you.

Response by TSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 19 at 2016 11:27 AM

2016-01-19T11:27:24-05:00

As a leader it is better to be loved. As a manager, it is better to be feared. Leaders are charismatic figures and they should draw people to them, not away from them. In most cases, when read people's descriptions of leaders, they would say I love him or her, but they do not fear them. On the other hand, people fear the leader's enforcers or henchmen.

Response by Maj Marty Hogan made Aug 22 at 2016 10:34 AM

2016-08-22T10:34:03-04:00

Depends on the situation- need each at different times. The PC answers is loved- but in a tough spot those that love you can leave you- those that fear you will react. I think fear should be replace with something less ominous; we have lost that in the military of today. When I came in we did what we were told- then bitched while doing it. That is somewhere between love and fear- respect.