As a leader, what are the most important things you’ve learned? What were “AHA” moments to that helped positively change the way you lead?

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 28 Jan 2020 23:09:00 -0500

I was thinking about it today after a talk with a soldier about difficulties in his life. It got me feeling like I want to do more and get more involved. I already feel like I’m a pretty involved leader. My soldiers have told me specifically that I’m “one of the few leaders they can trust” and make them feel like I care. At first I was flattered, but the more I thought about it I felt disappointed because I’ve identified issues with other leaders within my troop and unit and fully understand why they feel that way. It’s kind of sad that they think I’m one of the only leaders they can turn to. I’ve confronted a few leaders tactfully to have a conversation to try and help encourage them to be more involved and invested, even bringing up ideas to improve moral and get the soldiers more involved as a team collectively (most are above or the same rank as myself). Every idea I have seems to fall on uncaring ears. I’ve come to a conclusion that overall, there may be small change with these leaders, but they won’t full change they way they lead or the way they think. Now, I’m not saying these are bad leaders by any means. They’re incredibly proficient and knowledgeable. I’ve been strongly mentored And influenced by these leaders. Sometimes though it feels as though they have little investment in the soldiers and only develop soldiers as much as they need to, usually when the soldier messes up. They tend to have as little involvement as possible. Now, of course we have team leaders and section leaders to develop and push down information to the soldiers, but the level of distance is.....different. Instead of trying to continue to change others mentalities, I want to push myself to do more and be able to take some ideas and implement them in a way that will help increase morale, build some common ground and the feeling of a cohesive team. Any thoughts and insights would be appreciated!

Response by CPT Griff Tatum made Jan 28 at 2020 11:11 PM

CPT Griff Tatum — Tue, 28 Jan 2020 23:11:44 -0500

Check out the book 5 levels of leadership by John C. Maxwell. Changed my life. Good luck!

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 28 at 2020 11:30 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 28 Jan 2020 23:30:24 -0500

1. As a leader, it’s not about me. It’s about them, the led. I left my ego back in the heady days of being a young buck sergeant.

2. Anyone who tells you there is a perfect approach or a one-size-fits-all approach to leadership is a weak leader. What matters is that your soldiers receive the mission, not how you send the mission.

3. Soldiers do not come with a TM and quite often operate under unusual conditions. Be adaptive, be creative, think critically and make the best decision you can.

4. Foster an environment where your soldiers work with you not for you. There is a lot to be said for the principle of mission command that states “build relationships based on shared trust”

5. Treating everyone fairly and impartially does not mean you have to treat everyone exactly the same. Sometimes it’s hard to walk that line but if you know your soldiers you’ll know how to be fair

6. Never be afraid to explain why. I know sometimes time or circumstance doesn’t allow this, but explaining why helps grow future leaders and motivates soldiers once they know how their seemingly menial task supports the commander’s intent

7. It’d okay to not know what you’re doing. It’s okay to accept prudent risk and make informed guesses. Being wrong is acceptable risk, being reticent is not.

The fact that you asked this question speaks well of you. It tells me you care and you’re passionate, and that you also possess the self awareness to know you have a lot to learn. That’s most of the leadership battle right there. Give a damn and put in the effort. I think you’ll be fine.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jan 29 at 2020 1:06 AM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 01:06:14 -0500

It sounds like u r tracking as a leader. Some leaders love their soldiers and some don’t. Some leaders who love the soldiers know how to show it and some don’t. As a leader l deemed building a good culture an imperative. A culture of army values is a good start point, and put a special emphasis on building morale. Here are some things we did:
- Say Thank you and good counseling
- Birthday soldiers got cake and day off
- Soldiers who worked on the weekend got comp time
- Sometimes I BBQ
- Friday football
- I passed down gift certificates to restaurants
- 3 mile run & how chow at the end point
- Helicopter rides
- Designate sponsors
- Promote professionalism & personal growth
- Fight for them, they will accept things better if they knew fought for them
- Have empathy and compassion
- Get in the mud with them

Sometimes in training meetings an NCO would passionately give a different course of action. I often rewarded them for their input. Cultivate passion.

I had a few chapters due to drugs or DUIs. However, I pulled them aside to give them pep talks and instill hope in them. I wanted them to have confidence when they were no longer mine.

The bottom line is soldiers know when a leader loves them, the tricks is how to show it. Build morale and have fun with your soldiers. Love them. Train them. Fight for them. Have fun with them. Grow them.

Response by MAJ Bryan Zeski made Jan 29 at 2020 6:47 AM

MAJ Bryan Zeski — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 06:47:32 -0500

Never do something where you cannot articulate the "WHY" you are doing it to both your newest Private and the Division Commander.

Keeping Soldiers late? You better be able to explain WHY it's necessary to your Joe and your Boss.

Punishment for Article 15? Be able to articulate how you think it's a just punishment.

Denying a leave or school? Be able to explain it.

It's simple really, if you can't explain the WHY in a way that isn't, "Because I said so," then you should rethink that.

Don't be the reason your unit ends up on USAWTFM for not sending a Soldier home when they get a Red Cross message. This isn't WWIII. We aren't fighting the Battle of the Bulge. That Joe is likely not the difference between success and failure. Do what's right by your Soldiers and their Families.

Response by SGT Robert Wager made Jan 29 at 2020 7:15 AM

SGT Robert Wager — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 07:15:09 -0500

A long time ago when I was the headcount at the last supper... a very smart SMA (Kidd) gave me the best advice I ever got as an NCO, it was as a leader you should always try and catch your soldiers doing something right.

That stuck with me both in the my military career and while supervising civilians. So often leaders are only looking for someone to make a mistake they forget the hundreds of times they get it right. When a soldier does something right a simple “Hey SPC Smith I really appreciate you catching that (insert whatever) goes a lot further than “Dammit Smith I thought I told you to get a haircut!” Praising and recognition of a good job is 10X more important than an ass chewing for a simple mistake. If your Joes know you genuinely appreciate their work, they will want to work hard for you.

Response by SSG Jose M. Hernandezsanchez made Jan 29 at 2020 7:38 AM

SSG Jose M. Hernandezsanchez — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 07:38:04 -0500

SSG Mistark,
One of the things I learned is that with every new Soldier you have to employ new tactics or methods on how to deal with him/her. A simple conversation can take care of that, and not just by simply watching them how they operate on a daily basis. I fell like that was the best way for me to truly understand them.
Realize that some time ago you were a Soldier looking for guidance and direction. Put yourself in their shoes and provide those things for them. Remember that someone did they same for you. Speaking of putting yourself in their shoes Soldiers question why they are doing the things they are doing. Don't shy away from explaining why. Especially when applying corrective training.
I think the best quality is to have the ability to make them follow you. I never asked a Soldier to do anything I haven't or didn't do myself. I'll never going to forget what a Soldier told me after a mission during my last deployment to Afghanistan back in 2011..."wow Hernandez, you did more in one night than what other individual did in six months". I didn't do it because I wanted to be accepted, I did it because that's how I am, and Soldiers will remember you for that.
Understand that you do not know everything. Sometimes we are put in difficult situations where are knowledge are in question, and that's a really hard spot to be. Be truthful with them.
Last but not least, be professional with your Soldiers at all cost. I have seen this problem in the past when NCOs try to be their daddy and mommy to their Soldiers, that's when the line is crossed and all respect goes out the window.

Good luck brother!
You're on the right track

Response by LCDR Joshua Gillespie made Jan 29 at 2020 7:45 AM

LCDR Joshua Gillespie — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 07:45:51 -0500

The single most important thing I've learned about "leadership" is this...if you do it, others will do it as well. If you cut corners-so will they. If you show weakness-that weakness will be reflected in those you lead. If you are careless-your team will operate carelessly. When you follow and uphold standards, so will your people. If you're the first to act, others will join you. If you give credit to others...others will give credit to you.

Response by SFC James Cameron made Jan 29 at 2020 8:12 AM

SFC James Cameron — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 08:12:39 -0500

There are some outstanding answers here. I always took pride in knowing that I could take the Soldiers that no other leader wanted and then then into a proficient Squad.

Every Soldier should get clean slate coming to your Squad. Practice “let’s go do” over “you go do” leadership and treat them like men instead of children. They’ll follow you to hell and back, always have your back, and know that regardless the task you have their backs.

Just my .02

Response by CPT Aaron Kletzing made Jan 29 at 2020 9:12 AM

CPT Aaron Kletzing — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 09:12:08 -0500

You have to learn to delegate well. It can be so hard to get comfortable with at first.

Response by SGT Kevin Hughes made Jan 29 at 2020 9:27 AM

SGT Kevin Hughes — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 09:27:40 -0500

Man, there is some deep thought and tons of experience shining through on this thread. Way better advice than I can give on leadership. And I agree with most points. Especially two: no two situations fit under one solution- there are many ways to the mountain Top. And "my way or the highway" rarely works.
I found that most times, the Soldier didn't want a solution - just somebody to listen. For many of them, that is all they need to sort it out themselves. Then you have another type of soldier who just wants the responsibility and accountability taken off their shoulder, they will do what you tell them, but no more. In those cases, you have to be very specific, as one of the other Leaders on this thread alluded to: state the mission, tell them the mission, explain why this mission, repeat until they understand the mission. LOL
You can fail as a Leader, as long as they know you did the best with what you knew at the time- because they know Sh*t, happens, but as long as they know you are consistent in your policies...they will keep the trust safe. They know you are growing just like them, so don't try and be perfect, but strive for perfection.
The last thing I would mention is to hold yourself to every standard you expect from them- if you believe in them, they will believe in you. Don't be afraid to say: I don't know. When you don't know.
And borrow the good tips from other leaders.
Bad leaders can be spotted right away...so you learn what not to do. Learning what to do just means asking the ones who did it "right", what they did!
The fact that you even posted your thoughts means you are on the "right" track. Keep it up!

Response by SGT Chris Stephens made Jan 29 at 2020 10:04 AM

SGT Chris Stephens — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 10:04:15 -0500

1. If you're not listening to the needs of your soldiers, you're screwed.
2. Contrary to popular opinion, young Soldiers do like discipline and a sense of order. Just don't go overboard with it.
3. If you value their off-time and not have them do frivolous stuff for the sake of doing frivolous stuff, then you'll get more out of them during working time.
4. If they complete the training or the mission for the day, don't keep them wherever you're at. We say we train to standard and not to time, so if they've met that standard early, then let them go home.

Response by SGT Kevin Hughes made Jan 29 at 2020 10:08 AM

SGT Kevin Hughes — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 10:08:03 -0500

I already commented Sarge, but I just wanted to say a heartfelt thank you for posting. This thread has been nothing short of enlightening to read. A pleasure to learn from. And I did learn a lot! So, I salute you, and even though I don't drink...the first round is on me!

Response by SGM Erik Marquez made Jan 29 at 2020 10:17 AM

SGM Erik Marquez — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 10:17:22 -0500

I don’t think I could list all of them in this format.

I learned something often that I think made me a better leader.

The simple ones
Yelling is not leadership.
Listen before speaking if the event allows for it.
Ask why they did “it” before proclaiming its wrong
The task does not have to be done your way to be successful
Don’t write emails mad
Don’t send and email if you can say it in person
Be the first to announce your mistake or task failing and know what you will so differently next time.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 29 at 2020 12:48 PM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 12:48:46 -0500

Thank you for this post, and all comments attached, as a manager in the civilian world all this is very helpful!

Response by CAPT Kevin B. made Jan 29 at 2020 10:02 PM

CAPT Kevin B. — Wed, 29 Jan 2020 22:02:20 -0500

My "aha" was the first death. Brings things into sharper focus and clears the clutter so you can pay attention to the things that matter. Much easier to connect the dots thereafter. Second "aha" was the first suicide. No matter what, you'll never know everything you need to know in time. You can head some stuff off, but you can't do everything. Third "aha" was the first rape. Pay attention to this stuff as it's a cancer. Probably the only good thing about the events was they were early in my career so the scarring helped shape me into something I wouldn't likely drift into later on. Bad thing was policies at the time were absolute garbage. Better today, but the MIL side is too reliant on processes and too light on focus. Bottom line, paying attention to and taking care of your people will go a long way. That and a belief that everyone knows their job better than you do.

Response by SSG Jim Schimon made Jan 31 at 2020 8:59 AM

SSG Jim Schimon — Fri, 31 Jan 2020 08:59:48 -0500

When briefing a group of people. And you have one person say So you mean this. You stop That person right there .Don't let him say another word. Or that person will confuse the rest .Than you take that person aside after . As I had this happen one time and I had one solder say I had it and now I have no clue after so and so try to reinterpret what you have said.You ask any ????? but do let some one say so you mean this. That will set you up to fail.

Response by CPL Mark Kirkpatrick made Jan 31 at 2020 4:59 PM

CPL Mark Kirkpatrick — Fri, 31 Jan 2020 16:59:55 -0500

One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was when Drill Sergeant Damon Stinger said "NEVER forget where you came from". Another great one was when my Smoke, Terry Hamilton said "You have to temper your 'Oh Shits' with 'atta boys'."
As a leader in the civilian world, I use both of these every day and when I was in charge of my section (for short periods only) I used and use both of these every day.

You can learn a lot from good leaders like the two I named by name so hopefully they read this and know they did good.

Response by SSG Christopher Conklin made Feb 2 at 2020 9:33 AM

SSG Christopher Conklin — Sun, 02 Feb 2020 09:33:45 -0500

The one thing I remember my leaders telling me was never send someone to do a job that u have not done yourself.

Lead from the front.