Be truthful: Marry for LOVE or BAH?

2015-04-27T18:39:37-04:00

As a Chaplain seeing Soldiers and prospective spouses in my office, I ran across this issue more times than I'd like to admit. Even discovered a 'contract marriage ' racket run through Craigslist off-post. So I ask, do you marry for LOVE or is there a case where marrying for BAH is appropriate? Let me be clear. The reason I ask has to do with the brouhaha over gay marriage. Critics say it cheapens the sanctity of marriage. I was wondering if a heterosexual couple (or gay couple ) marrying to get BAH/BAQ or performing a contract marriage also cheapens the sanctity of marriage? Are there more than a few ways to cheapen the sanctity of marriage ?

Response by LTC John Shaw made Apr 27 at 2015 6:41 PM

2015-04-27T18:41:00-04:00

Love is the only way marriage is worth it. 23 years on my first!

Response by SSG John Erny made Apr 27 at 2015 6:46 PM

2015-04-27T18:46:05-04:00

This used to happen all the time on Bragg, couple of E-4's would hook up just so they could live off post and get some extra cash. It for the most part ended badly for all involved.

Response by SGT Dylan Epp made Apr 27 at 2015 6:46 PM

2015-04-27T18:46:23-04:00

Love thats why I'm still single (in my mind haha). I do see alot of people get married for BAH though, I feel the military should give E-5 and up BAH regardless if they're married or not.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 27 at 2015 6:46 PM

2015-04-27T18:46:26-04:00

Marrying for money is a horrible decision. You will pay more in the long run.

Response by TSgt Joshua Copeland made Apr 27 at 2015 7:46 PM

2015-04-27T19:46:00-04:00

Love, if I wanted money, I would have kept my appointment to USAFA.

Response by SFC Michael Jackson, MBA made Apr 27 at 2015 8:00 PM

2015-04-27T20:00:34-04:00

Marrying for BAH must cheapen the sanctity of marriage because it cheapens the individuals involved. Contract marriages clearly indicates the parties has lowered their values and sense of morality. The parties are engaging in a fraud against the government. Essentially, you're screwing over the hand that feeds you and your comrades.

Response by CAPT Kevin B. made Apr 27 at 2015 8:04 PM

2015-04-27T20:04:36-04:00

Just think of maintenance, depreciation, and disposal costs!

Response by SGT Anthony Rossi made Apr 27 at 2015 8:09 PM

2015-04-27T20:09:36-04:00

Great post sir. It's amazing how shallow our culture has fallen. It's things like this that illustration the need for men and women of concrete faith regardless of their religious affiliation. For to many money has become their deity.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 27 at 2015 8:26 PM

2015-04-27T20:26:51-04:00

Even though I know it happens it just absolutely blows me away that the sanctity of marriage is used as a tool to earn income. I guess I'm old school in that way but it is certainly something I could never do.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 27 at 2015 8:46 PM

2015-04-27T20:46:04-04:00

The best post by CAPT Kevin Ball..."the maintenance, depreciation and disposal costs." LOL

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 27 at 2015 10:39 PM

2015-04-27T22:39:50-04:00

I got married for the BAH but I had dated her for three years prior to that and really never wanted to get married. It wasn't a contract marriage and I would be with her with or without the money but not married. ("Married" for ten years now)

Response by Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS made Apr 28 at 2015 9:32 AM

2015-04-28T09:32:04-04:00

I married for love.

But...

The difference in quality of life between a Married Junior Enlisted, and Un-Married Junior Enlisted is so dramatically different that we are literally putting them in an ethical challenge to where it's hard not to consider.

Chaplain. This has nothing to do with "marriage." This has to do with troop welfare. Troops in the barracks (E1-E5) are treated essentially like "children." You are under constant supervision. You can be grabbed at any time for almost any purpose. Your "room" is NOT your "home," it belongs to the government, and you are constantly reminded of that, with little things. There is just no escape from that until you reach SSgt or you get married. It takes about 8~ years to pick up SSgt. Finding a spouse...

As others have said, there are huge downsides to this route, but for a young immature troop, who is at a "breaking point" from living with the guy he works with... I can understand why they might consider this.

Response by SrA Daniel Hunter made Apr 28 at 2015 9:56 AM

2015-04-28T09:56:40-04:00

I divorced when I was an E4 and moved into the barracks. It was like getting a pay raise since I no longer had a wife spending more than I made.

Marry for love, it's long term BAH is temporary :)

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 28 at 2015 11:32 AM

2015-04-28T11:32:54-04:00

Been married for 11 years. I married for love. My wife and I joke that the next one will be for money...lol

Response by CH (MAJ) William Beaver made Apr 28 at 2015 12:38 PM

2015-04-28T12:38:49-04:00

Be honest....Marry for LOVE or for BAH??

Response by SSG Daniel Miller made Apr 28 at 2015 1:17 PM

2015-04-28T13:17:14-04:00

Marriage isn't a public union, it's a union of two people (more if you're one of those radical Mormons). The sanctity of marriage does not exist. You can only advocate for or against the sanctity of -a- marriage. People will always find ways to "cheapen" marriage by marrying for what others consider the "wrong reasons," but does this really affect your marriage? Stop worrying about why people get married and be hopeful or thankful that you do it for reasons you believe to be right.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 28 at 2015 2:31 PM

2015-04-28T14:31:22-04:00

This really wasn't an option for me, as I was married with children well before I even decided to join the Army. I have known people who strictly marry for the benefits and I do not approve of those marriages.

Response by SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 28 at 2015 3:09 PM

2015-04-28T15:09:58-04:00

CH (MAJ) William Beaver in BCT there was this guy that was married but didn't use a ring, when I ask him why he didn't have a ring he told me that he got married in a hurry. I won't judge him, there could be some love after all...

Response by MSgt James Mullis made Apr 28 at 2015 4:15 PM

2015-04-28T16:15:26-04:00

I married for love...after 20 years of unmarried service.

However, early in my career, I worked with a young airman (let's call him idiot #1) who married so he could live off base. They didn't love each other and never lived together. The girl (idiot #2) told me she married him for the free health care. I PCS'd soon after the union took place, so I don't know what happened to the happy couple, but I doubt the marriage lasted.

Response by Lt Col Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 28 at 2015 5:25 PM

2015-04-28T17:25:55-04:00

I married for love...but I was married before I joined.

Stop forcing people to live in the dorms, and you'll eliminate a lot of the "contract" marriages.

Response by SPC Chelsea Fernandez made Apr 28 at 2015 8:36 PM

2015-04-28T20:36:29-04:00

When I get marry I will marry for love because money comes and go... I don't need no one BAH or TRICARE unlike some military spouse I work hard for what I want.

Response by SrA David Steyer made Nov 23 at 2015 11:44 PM

2015-11-23T23:44:52-05:00

My father in law's soon to be ex-wife (wife's soon to be former stepmonster) has two daughters. One married a guy in the Navy shortly after meeting him. In fact she was engaged to someone else when they got married!

I wonder if they married for love, or if it was for him to get off the ship and for her to get insurance as supposedly she had health issues when they met.

I don't know her or her husband, but they have been married for a while now. So hopefully it's working out for the right reasons, not extra $$$

Response by SPC Michelle Rehman made May 29 at 2016 9:51 PM

2016-05-29T21:51:34-04:00

My ex husband actually did this shut. Slept with my best friend. Found out from her Facebook

Response by SPC David Hannaman made Mar 20 at 2017 12:29 AM

2017-03-20T00:29:20-04:00

I think the sanctity of marriage is long lost, not just in the military but overall in America. Historically marriage, births, and deaths were recorded in the towns church, and because the town hall was usually burned (but the church spared) when the town was raided it was accepted as a legal document. Somewhere along the lines this went through metamorphosis into a legal document.

Most gay couples aren't interested in a Christian marriage (at least not a traditional one), they're looking for the same legal rights as a man and a woman getting married. They're not looking to force a southern baptist minister to marry them.

I'm a big fan of separation of Church and state. To ME that means religious groups should be allowed to follow their personal beliefs, even if I don't agree with them. After all, I can become an ordained minister in the church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster for $25 and I fit the *legal* description of someone that can perform a marriage. Does that mean anything to a person's faith? I hope not... I hope the people who join that "church" aren't serious about their "faith".

There needs to be a simple legal document that says "If I die you get my stuff, you get to make the call on my end of life decisions in case I'm incapacitated, and if I decide to renege on this agreement you get half my stuff." remove sex from the equation entirely, after all two old widows who have meth-head kids may not be sleeping together, but that legal agreement would serve their needs well.

Churches should free to support families in accordance with THEIR faith. e.g. The pope says birth control is bad, people can choose to be Catholic or not.