Best Deployment Conversations/Quotes?

SSG Andrew Dydasco — Fri, 14 Feb 2014 15:06:18 -0500

So I was having a funny conversation with a roommate today and afterwards I was thinking about all the hilarious conversations and debates that go on during deployment.  It started when I was telling him how I dropped my dog tags in a porta-john once, and I was just like, "Glad I got two pairs of those!"  We were discussing what we would/wouldn't retrieve out of a porta-john if we dropped it inside.  I don't know about you, but if I dropped my ID card in a nasty deployment porta-john, I'm gonna say I lost it and take that 4856!  My roommate said he wouldn't even get his wedding ring.  <br><br>What are some of your memorable deployment conversations, just BSing with your peers? Bonus points if you can contribute to the porta-john scenario!

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 14 at 2014 11:22 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 14 Feb 2014 23:22:13 -0500

PFC Dydasco,

Here is by FAR the funniest deployment conversation I've ever been apart of, let me paint the picture!

Iraq, September 2010

My buddy (LITERALLY A DAY OLD SGT) and I (A DAY OLD SPC) are sitting in our shop playing WWE on X-Box. We were apart of a 4 man commo team that supported our BDE CDR at our COB, but also had an Infantry BN with us, and with that, come hardcore, tough as nails CSMs and 1SGs.

While Im kicking his a** in WWE, he goes "I've got to take a sh*t so bad, but were all out of TP!" So I say, just go hit up the porta-johns outside the compound, its right there. He says f&ck it, and grabs a stack of brown paper towels we use in the latrines and jets out the door.

About 15 minutes later, he comes back and says "Oh sh*t, I think Im in trouble!" He goes "I went to the latrine inside the TOC (Latrines had stalls with NO DOORS and NO TOILET SEATS, so all you could do was piss)..So I respond with..soooooo how did you...ya know ? He goes "I hovered over the shitter!!" Im laughing my ass off...then he says, right when I dropped a shit, a MAJ (BN XO) walked in, looks right at me while Im hovering and goes "Who the f&ck are you?!" My buddy tells him who he is, and the MAJ walks off. So Im like "Well, if he walked off your good, cause a MAJ would've done SOMETHING by now!" No shit, the second I get done saying that, the biggest, meanest 1SG I've ever seen in my life kicks the door in and bellows "WHO THE F&&K IS SGT WHITTEN?!?!" My buddy goes "I am, 1SG!" 1SG yells as if his feelings were hurt, "You took a shit in my latrine!!!! GO PICK THAT SHIT UP WITH YOUR F&CKING HANDS DIRTBAG AND GET THAT SHIT OUT OF MY TOILET! YOU DIDNT EVEN FLUSH ASSHOLE!!!!" As soon as 1SG left, I about died laughing my ass off as I watched my buddy literally pick up his own shit with his bare hands and take it to a dumpster!

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 1 at 2014 4:50 AM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 01 Apr 2014 04:50:44 -0400

Groundhog Day!!

Response by COL Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 1 at 2014 5:28 AM

COL Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 01 Apr 2014 05:28:09 -0400

"What Bubblegum machine did you pull that out of?"
"The juice just ain't worth the squeeze!"
"I've got a Brain! (and it works like a squirrel)"

Response by COL Vincent Stoneking made Apr 1 at 2014 9:47 AM

COL Vincent Stoneking — Tue, 01 Apr 2014 09:47:38 -0400

Watch it! If you screw up, they may send you ..... here!

Response by LCDR Doug Nordman made Apr 1 at 2014 10:56 PM

LCDR Doug Nordman — Tue, 01 Apr 2014 22:56:49 -0400

Submarines used a green 8"x11" logbook (one in almost every space) labeled with one version or another of the title "Famous Naval Sayings". After a particularly humorous (especially embarrassing) incident, someone would announce "Well, that's goin' in The Green Book."

You might not like what you read in your performance reports, but you'd recover from it. On the other hand you absolutely dreaded being written up in "The Green Book" because those quotes would follow you around the fleet for the rest of your career.

My favorite quote was "Hang on!" Unfortunately I was written up for "Lower the damn scopes":
http://the-military-guide.com/2011/04/07/sea-story-hang-on/

Sea story: "Hang on!!"

I'd like to dedicate this very long post to a certain NROTC midshipman who's considering joining the submarine force. You have... no idea. You can still make a different choice! The subtitle of thi...

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made May 16 at 2014 9:17 AM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 16 May 2014 09:17:39 -0400

I remember back in 2004 I had just came back from a recover mission and was pretty tired. I used the porta-jon before heading into the tent. I still had all my gear on and had my weapons. While I was in the porta-jon the magazine from my 9mm fell out of my pocket and into the pot!! The next day. I walked into the BMO's office for a maintenance meeting and he was cleaning up a 9mm magazine. Not even thinking about the day before, I jokingly said to him "plan on killing someone today Sir". He said no, I found this magazine out next to the porta-jon and it looks like it has been laying there for a while but when I took the rounds out they were wet!! I didn't have the heart to tell him the story of the day before.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 5 at 2014 9:35 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 05 Nov 2014 09:35:32 -0500

This is currently my third tour, and I have had some really great conversations with some stellar personnel. My last tour I had I would have some great conversations with my XO and BN Chaplain. I worked as a PZ performing battlefield circulation, and as such the "terminal" we used had a few amenities like a TV, DVD player, etc. I, being the science and space nerd I am, bought a few seasons of the universe from one of the Local National's shops, and would watch them avidly. My XO, being like in nature, started into some of the conversations he had a college. He started into a few, and began discussing how "if a cat always lands on its feet, and toast always lands butter side down, what would happen if you dropped a cat with a piece of toast tied to its back butter side outward?" This conversation continued for about 45 minutes until his bird arrived.

This tour, we are in the midst of a "Superhero Fantasy League." It acts a lot like Fantasy Football, but we use Superheroes, create a bracket, and have conversations about who would win one on one between those two. That makes for some fun.

Response by SSG Richard Reilly made Apr 9 at 2015 9:53 AM

SSG Richard Reilly — Thu, 09 Apr 2015 09:53:38 -0400

Written on a port-o-potty: "Chuck Norris can flush a port-o-potty."

Response by CW5 Mark Smith made Aug 3 at 2020 6:10 PM

CW5 Mark Smith — Mon, 03 Aug 2020 18:10:00 -0400

"Keep screwing up, Marine, and we'll cut off all your hair and send you to Viet Nam (Viet Nam 1968).

Response by SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 4 at 2020 11:21 AM

SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 04 Aug 2020 11:21:54 -0400

While passing through Ali Al Salem Airbase Kuwait, I overheard an argument between a male and female. As the tempers and volume increased, my curiosity was getting the better of me, so I listened without being obvious. The argument ended with the male shouting to the female: "You're one plane ride from being ugly!" I had to beat feet outta there before I lost it.

Portashitter story: Had one guy in my unit who spent $900 on a combat knife. Long story short, he dropped into the portashitter hole. He went in after it. Yuck!

Response by SSG Watis Ekthuvapranee made Aug 4 at 2020 12:39 PM

SSG Watis Ekthuvapranee — Tue, 04 Aug 2020 12:39:19 -0400

A long time ago, in a desert far far away...
"Hay, Serge, is the moon still out?", me.
"Yes, and?", Serge.
"I see the moon in my scope.", me.
"What'a @#$% you are talking about? You are looking in the south.", Serge, "Let me see...".
...
"You, dumba**, that's S@#$%^@. put that sh*% on low mag.", Serge.
"Oh..." .... "Damn! That's some hot sh** he is dropping.", me.
LOL from all (driver, gunner (me), Serge, assault team leader - on crew helmet inside the Bradley).
"Shut'a !@#$ up get back on the target and finish bore sighting.", Serge.
3 hours later...
"All unit moving out...", over the comm.
...
"Ok, let's go driver.", Serge.
"... as a we are imparted into the valley, shadow of dearth, we shall fear no evil...", me.
"Shut'a !@#$ up. This is not Desert Storm!.", Serge cut in, "Besides, you are Buddhist."
"Yeah, you are right.", me, "While you were having fun playing video game with the Iraqi, I was waiting for my plane in Germany."
"It ain't video game, A558013.", Serge. "Before 93 East'ing my drinking buddy got Maverick by the Apache. Sh** ain't fun as you think. ... You'll see."

A many years later, I'll be damn, he was right. Your friends don't die in a video game. You don't have to console their survivors.

Dedicated to our fallen comrades. RIP.

Response by SMSgt Bob Wilson made Aug 4 at 2020 3:42 PM

SMSgt Bob Wilson — Tue, 04 Aug 2020 15:42:28 -0400

Getting ready to deploy to the sand box on normal rotation. An E-6 coming in and telling me he is about to become a father and can he pass up this deployment for another later. This was out of me hands for he had been selected to fill an E-6 position and I could not change it because he was the only E-6 in that specialty. Elevation Time: To the Maintenance Officer who asked a couple of questions and called me in to "tear me a new one". The E-6 was about to become a father of triplets--puppies that is. Yes, puppies. Needless to say, he went on the deployment.