Can a Leader "Care Too Much?"

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 19 Jan 2015 12:15:09 -0500

I had a former Senior sit me down and tell me that, “I care too much” This individual did not elaborate. I have thought about this since it was said to me and seen where maybe that is possible but I feel guided to help others.

Is that possible. I try to take care of everyone around me and give advice on the things which I know of either through reading or first hand experience.

When I see someone not being taken care of I try my best to assist.

I would really like to hear from the Rally Point Team please. Thank You for your responses.

Response by Capt Richard I P. made Jan 19 at 2015 12:17 PM

Capt Richard I P. — Mon, 19 Jan 2015 12:17:09 -0500

Perhaps the leader meant you need to know how to pull back to protect yourself sometimes. You can't save everyone all the time.

Response by PO2 Jonathan Scharff made Jan 19 at 2015 12:29 PM

PO2 Jonathan Scharff — Mon, 19 Jan 2015 12:29:05 -0500

SSG Private RallyPoint Member I would say that its no different that good parenting. If you are a parent you know that you can't care more. You have to show the correct path as well as teach, but also sometimes allow your child to fail so that they can learn from their mistakes also. There is no easy answer to good leading or good parenting. It takes time and experience, but with those you will find your comfort zone. Good luck.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 19 at 2015 1:43 PM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 19 Jan 2015 13:43:35 -0500

You know, I find myself with same tendency oftentimes. I had to learn that it was OK To care too much SOMETIMES when I was personally confronted about with myself.

I found myself burned-out at times or let people's words go to my head a bit too much to the point of being labeled as 'gullible'.

That's when I had to take a mental 'step back' and do personal reassessment. I knew I was working hard and had no complaints by leadership except for occasional human mistake.

I had to dig deeper so as to not feel overwhelmed or listen to everything people say. I got better at it.

I'm now at a point where I can listen easier to everything around me and sift through stuff with a more mature judgment.

As for you, please ask your leadership to elaborate on what specific qualities he observed in you that present such image. I would right away personally. I'm always seeking self-improvement and could care less if my leadership feels like I'm being too inquisitive or arrogant, a quality which I also had to learn over time.

From what I see here, better 'care too much' than not enough, because the latter one is more likely to result in your men ending up in hot water.

PM me if you wish to chat some more and best wishes!

Response by CMC Robert Young made Jan 19 at 2015 2:11 PM

CMC Robert Young — Mon, 19 Jan 2015 14:11:14 -0500

SSG Fay, I would offer that it's never possible to care too much. It's what leaders do. They must care or they wouldn't make the sacrifices they do for the people they lead.

However, it is very possible to be so deeply invested in other people's worlds that you shield them from the natural consequences of their actions.

Mentor, advise, lead, guide, teach, encourage, but allow the service member to experience the joy of success and the bitterness of defeat based on their own decision and course of action. It doesn't mean that you don't want the best for them; it means that you can't carry the load for them.

If they fail, and subsequently endure the consequences of their actions, reengage them. Don't shield them from making the decision or the resulting fallout, but don't allow them to lose the lesson either.....

Sounds to me like you are already well on your way to being the type of leader I would follow. Good on you.

Response by SSG Chris Choate made Jan 19 at 2015 2:34 PM

SSG Chris Choate — Mon, 19 Jan 2015 14:34:14 -0500

SSG FAY. Careing to much is not a bad thing. You as a good leader should care enough about you soldiers that you stand to fight for them even if you have to take the heat. I had a soldier that was one of the best as long as he didn't go out after work!! 1sgt wanted to always put the kid out but I fought tooth and nail because I know he would someday be a great nco. I can tell you now if I didn't care about that kid he would not be the man he is today! He is now a Ssg and one of the best I have seen!

Response by SSG Chris Choate made Jan 19 at 2015 2:35 PM

SSG Chris Choate — Mon, 19 Jan 2015 14:35:26 -0500

Also I'm in anachorage as well hit me up and we'll do lunch!!!

Response by CPT Richard Riley made Jan 19 at 2015 3:43 PM

CPT Richard Riley — Mon, 19 Jan 2015 15:43:40 -0500

I'm not sure you can ever arrive at "Care too Much" because that doesn't make sense to me. When you care about what you do, the people you work with and for, the environment you help create ... those are all good things. You've invested some of your energy and spirit into the interactions with the people & environment around you. These are things a good person inherently does.

Is it possible to cross the line and, while good intentioned, create a worse situation by interference? CMC Robert Young has the right calibration on the issue. Capt Richard I P. has good advice - it is sometimes difficult to know when you've done what you can & you have to permit life to run it's course. A seasoned leader knows when to encourage, persevere, and when to step back. It's learned with time and experience.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 19 at 2015 5:04 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 19 Jan 2015 17:04:28 -0500

The answer SSG Private RallyPoint Member is yes, you can care too much.
If it compromises your ability to remain impartial, you are getting too close to your subordinates. I have struggled with this at times myself. It made it very difficult to enforce rules when the time came. You get too invested in a positive outcome, and it keeps you from making the hard choices later.

Don't stop caring, though. It is the mark of a good leader and a good person to care deeply for the welfare of others. You probably can't change who you are. If not, find a "bad cop" to help when the situation warrants.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 19 at 2015 6:07 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 19 Jan 2015 18:07:17 -0500

Yes, you can care too much. I can say with certainty that if I cared more about ME, I would be further in my career. Regardless, I stand by my choices because they were aligned with my values. I just wish others shared my (The Army) values.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 19 at 2015 11:21 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 19 Jan 2015 23:21:40 -0500

What defines as "Caring to much?"

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 19 at 2015 11:58 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 19 Jan 2015 23:58:12 -0500

SSG Private RallyPoint Member, I guess, as a leader yourself: How do YOU define "too much"?

This conversation has obviously impacted you, or you wouldn't be thinking about it.

Caring about the welfare of your soldiers is an asset. What you do in assisting the younger ones is what they will remember when they become leaders.
All of us remember horrible leaders, but it's the good ones we try and emulate.

Continue being one of the good ones, SSG. Your soldiers will never forget it.