Can any Drill Sergeants out there give an honest assessment of being a DS with a family?

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 01 Dec 2015 09:07:42 -0500

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 1 at 2015 9:18 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 01 Dec 2015 09:18:22 -0500

Its tough long how and when you are off you just want to sleep! What was the key was my wife would bring my kids by so I could see them awake. Me and my battle would trade off and break out and try to eat lunch with or family. When I got off at night I always tried to give my wife at least an hour of time before I crashed. When I was off I always did something fun. This is important because if the quantity isn't there you need to have quality and make some good memories! My marriage made it but you have to make you family a priority just as you do your Soldiers!

Response by SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 1 at 2015 9:40 AM

SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 01 Dec 2015 09:40:49 -0500

told my wife in year 1 of 3 "I sleep at home, but live at work"

Response by SGM Erik Marquez made Dec 1 at 2015 10:09 AM

SGM Erik Marquez — Tue, 01 Dec 2015 10:09:46 -0500

It was a long 3 years, the first year was the worst..
It literally revolved around me leaving home hours before they got up, and coming home hours after "dinner" time. Many nights I fell asleep at the table in front of a plate of cold of food, my wife would wake me up and off to bed I went.
Next 2 years were better as I had learned a self preservation rhythm and sustainability.. To include family visits at work, daddy day care while doing TA-50 layouts and more.
Of course this was all in Mid 90's, when there were no restricted training hours, you trained or works from when ever needed to when ever done. Those were the days of DS doing ALL of the training, we also owned our own gear....for an entire platoon.. accountability, maintenance exchange. We did our own barracks maintenance like retiling the barracks floor, and painting. ..because if we did not do it, it was not getting done, and it had to be done. We were both short handed, most platoons only having 2 of 3 DS authorized ..and of course we were the first Gender Integrated units,,so we were dealing with that as well.

Bottom line,,,,,, MAKE TIME for the family, find it in bits and pieces, a 10 min visit is better then not seeing them for three days. If your Chain of command is worth a damn, they will work at keeping thier DS's happy... Happy DS's keep thier junk in thier pants (male and female junk), they don't act out in frustration or anger....and all of that makes the CofC easier and happier.

Response by CW2 Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 2 at 2015 4:21 PM

CW2 Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 02 Dec 2015 16:21:26 -0500

It is tough duty Drill! The first month my kids were asking if I was in Iraq again. That should put it into perspective. Expect to be up before the family and get back home long after bed time. I have met many families that divorced or were on the brink of divorce. If you have marital issues before being on the trail... well... they won't get any better. You have to make sure you make big deposits in the Love Bank now! That way, when the Army says you have to withdraw, you won't be braking the bank.

The good thing is predictability. I was working hard but playing even harder. I planned some decked out mini vacations with the family every 10 weeks (if I could afford it). Some of them included Disney and visiting relatives.

The one thing many spouses hate; the FRG. Our FRG was STRONG!!! It definitely made a difference. It was nice to come back to a full breakfast in the company day room with all the families coming together at 0300, all shortly after the final FTX and 10 mile road march. Trainees hardly ever saw family members, but they were there, specially when they were marching in at 0300 and they were there to cheer them on. They appreciated it. It also showed them how the Family should be integrated into the Army lifestyle. Sadly not all FRGs worked like that. I did enjoyed having family members coming together IOT decorate some cookies for valentines day; that was neat.

If you and your family make it together, you will only be stronger, wiser, and more resilient. My kids took pride in what I did. My wife knew that under the hat I was supposed to be the meanest son of a gun under the sun; that is why I was not allowed to bring the hat into the house... literally. They knew and understood that The People of the US have untrusted us with their most valuable asset; their sons and daughters. My family understood that our sacrifices and efforts helped shape the future of our nation. I made sure they knew their tears at night were not in vain; you have to make sure they know it too.

It is tough duty Drill!!! but not impossible!

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 2 at 2015 7:50 PM

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 02 Dec 2015 19:50:23 -0500

DS duty is tough, but if you have a good group of battle buddies then things will work out. You will have to come up with a rotation so that all of you can get some type of break during the phases. An example we did was one day I was late DS putting the Soldiers to sleep and doing barrel count and then the other night I would leave at dinner chow. No matter how you work there will be times that it will be hard for you and your family but as stated below in several responses it can be done and you will have to find out when and where is the best time to make it happen.

Response by SSG Kevin Chapman made Dec 3 at 2015 2:47 PM

SSG Kevin Chapman — Thu, 03 Dec 2015 14:47:39 -0500

never bring your work home brother.I got a cast iron skillet thrown at me once lol...

Response by SSG James Valentine made Dec 8 at 2015 3:54 AM

SSG James Valentine — Tue, 08 Dec 2015 03:54:18 -0500

Ya, worse then a Combat deployment! You spend all kinds of time away from your family, yet work 5min away. You leave before they wake, and return after family time is over. At least on deployments there's more of a reason to be away so much, distance.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 22 at 2015 11:26 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 22 Dec 2015 11:26:01 -0500

They have to be 100% supportive. You wont be home much, especially during Red Phase. Its a very demanding job. Very demanding job!!

Response by SFC Joe S. Davis Jr., MSM, DSL made Jan 10 at 2016 6:52 PM

SFC Joe S. Davis Jr., MSM, DSL — Sun, 10 Jan 2016 18:52:59 -0500

SSG Private RallyPoint Member it is challenging and rewarding at the same time. I went through a divorce on the trail, but it was personal and not professional. It is long hours and training to the DUTY OF BEING A DRILL SERGEANT. I loved it and note I did make my E-7 on the trail, but family life was non-existence (Jan 06-Jan-08) 8 cycles on the trail at Fort Benning, GA with C-2/47th IN-Charlie Rock, Panther Battalion.

Response by LTJG Robert M. made Jan 10 at 2016 7:34 PM

LTJG Robert M. — Sun, 10 Jan 2016 19:34:44 -0500

I was DS at 18 & single

Response by 1SG Richard Evans made Jan 10 at 2016 8:14 PM

1SG Richard Evans — Sun, 10 Jan 2016 20:14:15 -0500

I was a Drill Sergeant with my wife and son and was successful. Your spouse needs to be understanding and understand the importance of the mission. Those trainees deserve the best leaders in front of them and your family can be proud that are one of the best. Spend as much time with your kids as possible and if they are old enough to understand the mission, take them to work whenever possible and safe to do so. My son used to love going to work for short visits. Most of all make family plans and keep them during down time. Take care and make the best of the great opportunity to shape the future.

Response by SFC Craig Canzoneri made Jan 28 at 2017 1:51 PM

SFC Craig Canzoneri — Sat, 28 Jan 2017 13:51:32 -0500

My 2 years as a DS was married but deployed, just across the base though... Lol. Rewards are great career wise and personally. I would do it all over again. Some memories with my family at Benning we're the best. Just keep the family informed and we'll cared for. Hang up the hat before going into the home, I was fortunate to have a coat closet right at the door of my home. Helped me leave the DS attitude and concerns behind!

Response by SSG Edward Messervy made Jan 30 at 2017 12:41 PM

SSG Edward Messervy — Mon, 30 Jan 2017 12:41:33 -0500

My first year in was newly married, with our first child on the way. That was hard. The second year was better but still hurt. I would have liked to have been deployed better.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 31 at 2017 5:26 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 31 Mar 2017 17:26:42 -0400

I was only TPU, our mission was to bring more Drills into the program. Out AT was extremely difficult but full filing.

We learned a lot from AD, both good and bad, and were successful at training Joe. We would have our "right hand, left hand" time as well as the AAR, with the BC and when they asked if we had questions my hand would go up and ask if we could just get to work versus all of the formalities. It was well received.

Response by SFC Olivero Rodriguez made Jun 30 at 2017 2:10 PM

SFC Olivero Rodriguez — Fri, 30 Jun 2017 14:10:50 -0400

it is hard, back in 1986 I went to Ft. Dix to Drill Sergeant School, and then became a Drill, for two years, I got up early and went to sleep late, when ever I had a day off, I took my family somewhere, if it was a 3 to 4 days I left the state, just have your family with you and enjoy every minute with them, talk to your wife live your problems at work, be fare with your children and passionate with your spouse. And give God thanks for all your travels.

Response by 1SG Frank Boynton made Aug 23 at 2017 8:22 PM

1SG Frank Boynton — Wed, 23 Aug 2017 20:22:58 -0400

I spent almost 3 years on the trail. I was involuntarily extended for a 3rd year. Married with 3 children. During that time, and during cycle I never saw my children. I was gone before they got up in the morning and they were in bed when I got home. During the first couple weeks of training when we were doing most our training in the garrison area, she would drive around looking for me and if/when she found me, would park up from a distance and point me out to my daughters. Out of cycle (which I seldom got because we trained back to back cycles when you have a female company) we only worked 9 hours a day so it wasn't so bad. It's tough on the family and the Drill Sgt. But a successful trail time will be a big qualifier and help your career.

Response by PFC Jeff Langer II made Aug 4 at 2019 6:02 PM

PFC Jeff Langer II — Sun, 04 Aug 2019 18:02:09 -0400

Recruiters are way scarier.

Response by 1SG Ronald Rieck made Aug 5 at 2019 5:49 PM

1SG Ronald Rieck — Mon, 05 Aug 2019 17:49:47 -0400

Hands down the best job I ever had. Hours are a bitch on wheels though...

Response by CPT Robert Holden made Nov 12 at 2019 10:15 PM

CPT Robert Holden — Tue, 12 Nov 2019 22:15:03 -0500

No one can speak for anyone else . While I haven’t been around a DS for over 30 years I have no idea who had a family and who didn’t . I’m sure the other DIs knew. Trainees didn’t dare ask