Can Enlisted and Officers date or marry ?

2020-09-24T09:11:09-04:00

Have the rules changed between enlisted and officers dating ? My grandson and his girlfriend are about to join and she wants to be a Nurse, he wants to be an EMT. Now nurses are officers right ? And EMT's are an enlisted job. They expect to marry while in and I don't think that would be allowed.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 24 at 2020 9:46 AM

2020-09-24T09:46:54-04:00

So if they join the military, she is an officer and he is enlisted, well they would have to “date” before getting married. Yes that would NOT be allowed. That would be fraternization. This may help Department of the Army Pamphlet 600–35 Relationships Between Soldiers of Different Ranks.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 24 at 2020 11:19 AM

2020-09-24T11:19:17-04:00

They can get married, but they can’t date while she’s an officer. But if she’s going to be a nurse she won’t be an officer for several years. Unless she’s going to be an LPN which is an enlisted job

Response by SFC Casey O'Mally made Sep 24 at 2020 11:30 AM

2020-09-24T11:30:46-04:00

There are exceptions for previous relationships, but those have a time limit (I believe 2 years, but I am not positive) to either marry or break up.

*If* they find themselves in an officer/enlisted situation (see SFC Private RallyPoint Member 's answer about nurses being enlisted) then they BOTH need to talk to their chain of Command on day 1 of AIT / BOLC.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 24 at 2020 1:14 PM

2020-09-24T13:14:20-04:00

Are they both going to be active duty? That’s also a factor

Response by MSgt Don VandeBogert made Sep 24 at 2020 3:34 PM

2020-09-24T15:34:04-04:00

Fraternization is the cautionary word here.

There are specific rules against fraternization between officer and enlisted ranks, often for good reason and sometimes for ridiculous reasons. Do officer and enlisted ever marry? Yes. Happens often and I know a few. Often its from a previous relationship and one member gets commissioned or were married before a commissioning. If both are on AD fraternization can be an issue. Even if they magically get married one day and tell leadership the next there can still be an investigation. It's up to their leadership and investigations do happen. The usual base line for investigating, as with most things in the military, starts with "good order and disipline." If anything comes up prior to the marriage then the officer, as the ranking member, may face anything from nonjudicial punishment to court martial. I've seen and been involved with a few of these investigations and seen some "heads roll" when members and witnesses lie.

V/R
Bogie

Response by SGT Robert Pryor made Sep 24 at 2020 4:42 PM

2020-09-24T16:42:52-04:00

Wow, does that strike close to home. When I was an E-4/E-5 and a patient I became close to one of my nurses -- a CPT (O-3). It was innocent at first, but being a typical enlisted swine I saw an opportunity and took it. It started with what were probably too long of innocent chats in my room. Then watching TV and eating together -- and eventually picnics on the lawn of the hospital. It never went as far as I wanted, but we were caught one day with her on my bed with me. She was still in uniform, minus her shoes. I was in my hospital pajamas. Her supervisor, whom I'll just call Nurse Ratched, walked in on us. Had Nurse Ratched walked in a half hour later she would have been in time to watch me getting the piss slapped out of me or my nurse and I committing a court martial offense. As it was, the CPT got the butt shewing a lifetime. Nurse Ratched had it all wrong, I was the instigator and my nurse was the innocent victim. And don't give met that crap about she had primary responsibility as a Captain. "Enlisted men are stupid, but extremely cunning and sly, and bear considerable watching." I used my charm to get her guard down. I knew what I was doing, and what my ultimate goal was, all along. She didn't.

Response by MCPO Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 24 at 2020 7:56 PM

2020-09-24T19:56:31-04:00

The way the regs are written in five of the six branches (can't say anything about Space Force...), it is EXPRESSLY FORBIDDEN for Es and Os to date or carry on romantic relationships. However, it _IS_ allowed for Es and Os to be married.

Don't let your brain explode over that one.

I've seen several times when the people involved kept everything hush-hush while they dated, then showed up one day with a marriage certificate. They got the stink-eye from their commands, but they "didn't date" - they were "just married."

It's messed up - AND brings their integrity into question... if they're willing to turn their backs on THAT regulation, what other ones will they ignore for their own personal convenience? BUT - legally, that's the scoop.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 25 at 2020 9:29 AM

2020-09-25T09:29:53-04:00

many years ago but when I was AD USAF I worked with a SSgt who was married to a CPT.

Response by Lt Col Jim Coe made Sep 25 at 2020 4:18 PM

2020-09-25T16:18:37-04:00

Yes, nurses are officers in all Services. Grandson and GF can marry, but they can't date while they are both on active duty. Some commands might look the other way, but it's not worth the hassle if either of their commanders object. They might consider getting married before entering the Service.