Country, Family, Self....In that order?

2015-01-25T17:07:54-05:00

Our CO addressed us a couple weeks ago, you know the ole pep talk after stand down and before shipyard period. He stated that first, we need worry about the ship, next we need to work on our families since we just returned from deployment, and third we need to worry about ourselves, staying healthy and what not. What is everyone's take on this order of priorities? I am of the opinion that without a strong family foundation, I could not serve my Country so that is my first priority, next if I am not healthy or strong myself, I again am no good to my country. Don't get me wrong, if I had to step out and take a bullet so to speak for our great Nation, that is what I said I would do and I would do it. But my thoughts for doing it would be for my family's welfare and freedom as well as my Country...Thoughts?

Response by PO1 Michael G. made Jan 26 at 2015 11:30 AM

2015-01-26T11:30:54-05:00

PO2 Private RallyPoint Member You know, that balance depends mostly on your own family set up and values. For example, with my parents (Dad's a retired CMC), my mother has said that she made choices that put his career first, understanding that the needs of his ship would often take priority over certain family milestones.

On the other hand, one of my instructors at NAVSUBSCOL told me that he has actively sought billets that would reduce his time away from his family, and understanding that it could take a toll on his career advancement.

Long story short, I think that that list of priorities is less a finite list and more of a shifting balancing act. For the most part, I would be in agreement that those other priorities of family and self are intrinsic to being able to serve my country.

Response by PO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 26 at 2015 12:33 PM

2015-01-26T12:33:12-05:00

I think your CO put things in order of precedence from his outlook. His command, his ship is priority number 1, he knows you can't function properly without a secure home life so get that straight 2nd, and then 3rd is your Physical well being.

The one that will matter the most when you've just been fired upon is the ship...for a grunt that is his weapon...for armor it's their tank, etc...

Just my two bucks (inflation is terrible).

Response by COL Jason Smallfield, PMP, CFM, CM made Jan 26 at 2015 1:12 PM

2015-01-26T13:12:24-05:00

- Individual priorities are just that, individual priorities.
- Your CO provided his thoughts on what your individual priorities should be (ship, families, self). He/she got you thinking about (and hopefully taking positive action upon) these three things so I would argue he/she created the effect that they wanted to create for you.
- Individual priorities can and should change over time based upon the overal situation, your self assessment, and your goals. For example, I assume that your priorities while deployed are different than when you have just returned from deployment and are different from when you are preparing to deploy. This is a good thing in my opinion since, by definition, a person prioritizes when resources (such as time and money) are limited and everything can not be done.
- Another example of changing priorities is life changes. My priorites were different when I was single, changed when I got married, then changed again when we started having children.
- My recommendation is to take what your CO told you, apply it to your situation, and then make decisions on priorities based upon your assessment of both.

Response by SPC David S. made Jan 26 at 2015 1:13 PM

2015-01-26T13:13:08-05:00

As I remember it, it was one hand for your self and one hand for the ship. If you're not in ship shape order I see it as being rather difficult to take care of anything else such as family or a ship. I can see it from your CO's perspective where his ship is top as he can always get another PO2. I say take care of yourself first but don't forget your other obligations. Welcome home.

Response by PO1 Autumn Sandeen made Jan 26 at 2015 2:18 PM

2015-01-26T14:18:30-05:00

My corollary though on the personal side of things: with ship first in this CO's mind, how would you like to be his or hers spouse? -- or even more a salient thought, how about being his or hers child?

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 26 at 2015 4:29 PM

2015-01-26T16:29:45-05:00

For me personally God, Country, Family and Self. But only you can decide order of precedence.

Response by Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS made Jan 26 at 2015 4:40 PM

2015-01-26T16:40:35-05:00

Your priorities are going to be in a constant state of flux.

When you are deployed, it will be your unit, then yourself, then your family. You have to relay on your home support structure to take care of them since you can't be there, just as your unit has to rely on you because you are there for them.

When you are home, it's family, unit, yourself.

The situation is constantly evolving.

Now, that doesn't mean your family doesn't "always come first," but that doesn't mean the task in front of you is directly related to them all the time.

Some days you have to focus on your number one player (you). Some days on the team (unit). Some days on the fans (family). That's how you win the game.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 26 at 2015 4:56 PM

2015-01-26T16:56:11-05:00

My thoughts are....if you do not take care of your family or they are not being taken care of you will be distracted and unable to perform. You also must take care of yourself or you will not be able to take care of others (ie: you do not take care of yourself you gain weight and are over time 100 lbs heavier and unable to stay in the military, you are unfit and unable to do anything for anyone). As they say in the plane, put your mask on before you help others put theirs on. I agree that all three are up there, but not necessarily in that order given.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 27 at 2015 6:29 AM

2015-01-27T06:29:35-05:00

For me personally it has always been God, Family, Job(Military service), Self.
I have been blessed to have a Family that understands sometime I have to go somewhere or do something away from them for the Job, but that doesn't mean I have switched priorities.
I still believe that if I ever have to put my Job before my Family, in an overall sense, not just on occasions, then it is time for me to get another Job!

Response by SPC Stewart Smith made Jan 29 at 2015 7:18 PM

2015-01-29T19:18:30-05:00

I often wonder how many people actually hear the words of the soldiers creed that they speak.
"I will ALWAYS place the mission first"
My NCO brought this up to me years ago. And the only answer I could give him was, "I don't think I could place an insignificant mission before my family" and to my surprise, he did not chastise me, but agreed.

I do understand that missions may seem insignificant at the time and hold huge consequences, but how many of you would actually place the mission first 100% of the time?

Response by PO3 Jonathan Cooper made Jan 29 at 2015 8:10 PM

2015-01-29T20:10:10-05:00

I think the priorities are good, depending on the point of view, or religious values not included, but those priorities don't need to be in that order. All your CO wants is for you to keep in mind that the ship still needs to be ready for the call, you need to enjoy all of your time waspec

Response by LCDR Jamie Galus made Jan 30 at 2015 11:26 AM

2015-01-30T11:26:54-05:00

Shipmate,
I have been thinking about your question for a while prior to answering and wanted to give you my take on it as a guy who has given the "ole pep talk" a few times.

Personal and professional priorities aren't also compatible, apples and oranges, and I would never ask an Sailor to adhere to a set of personal priorities that myself or someone else had established.

This has been Galus' Ole Pep Talk for my Sailors...

Ship, Shipmate and Self

Ship - We need to take care of our ship because she is going to take care of us. We need to ensure that she is in the best possible material condition as possible to ensure that she can withstand the rigors of wind and waves. Additionally, combat and navigation systems need to be operational to ensure safe navigation and force protection. With these things accomplish, once underway, we will know the ship is taking care of us while we are off watch.

Shipmate - We need to take care of our shipmates on and off of the ship. It could be that one of our shipmates need some assistance in obtaining a higher qualification, needs a ride home after drinking a bit too much or just needs someone to talk to. You need to have your shipmate's because they will have yours.

Self - Once the ship and our shipmates are taken care of then we can concentrate on ourselves.

Sure, it isn't easy, but it is something that I believe in. It is up to the individual to prioritize their own agenda when it comes to their personal lives. Personal and professional priorities do collide all the time impacting one another. This is just one of the struggles of military life. I have had my own, during my last sea tour, the boss (aka my wife) told me that she was tired of having dinner alone due to me spending a lot of time on the ship. We came to the agreement that I would set the alarm on my watch for 1700 and if I was still on the ship when it went off and whatever I was working on wasn't a priority I would wrap it up and head home.

And before I hit "respond"...I have been through three shipyard availabilities and it took the first two for me to figure out how property lead my Sailors through it. Surely, your CO has been through more than me and knows how they can end good or bad. Knowing this, I would offer up that it is better to spread the pain throughout the yard period instead of leaving it for the end. It is a sad sight when departments and divisions are working weekends and long night in the last weeks of the availability because they failed to execute earlier.

Ramble/Rant complete....

Response by PO3 Tanis Huston made Apr 13 at 2015 2:45 AM

2015-04-13T02:45:46-04:00

I may think backwards but I think, self then family then country. The old saying you have to love yourself before anyone can love you well its kinda the same thing. If your not heath and fit what good are you to anyone and if it's not for the support of your family we would be joining. I know if it wasn't for my family and all their support I never would have made it to being able to take the oath for my country.

Ultimately I joined the Navy to serve my country but I had to have the first two in place to succeed!

Response by PO2 Stephen Dash made Jul 9 at 2015 3:06 PM

2015-07-09T15:06:00-04:00

Though we all took an oath a strong family makes an even strong soldier or sailor. The military old way of think was your family was not issue to you in your seabag. This was a way for them not to deal with problems that occur most normal families. Point being that they are changing ever so slowly