Craziest Profile you have seen, heard of?

2015-10-05T09:03:52-04:00

I think the longer you serve, the crazier things you see, however, I got to see the craziest profile in my AIT. One morning we were conducting PRT, early May at +60 degrees, we were in summer PT's and this Soldier is in full winters. When the PS asked him why he wasn't looking as the rest of the company he answered, I have a "COLD PROFILE". Yes, I kid you not, he said that he had something in his skin that can't stand cold. While that one is on top of my list, I've seen "formation profiles", "weapons profile" (the guy had the shoulder so messed up he couldn't even fire a weapon, he got med board out), and the latest one, "Stay out of the barracks profile", the guy got sick because of an infestation at the barracks and he couldn't get near them.

What's the craziest profile you have ever seen or heard of?

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 5 at 2015 9:21 AM

2015-10-05T09:21:53-04:00

Male Soldier was required to masterbate for his profile. His religion said it was a sin to touch himself inappropriately. Something was wrong down there so the doc said that the problem would go away if he touches himself down there.

You can just imagine how the Drill Sergeants reacted.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 5 at 2015 9:46 AM

2015-10-05T09:46:52-04:00

The craziest one I saw was a guy in Germany, he had been rear ended in a car accident. His back was so jacked up his profile was a deadmans profile. Walk own pace/distance. PT own pace/distance. Breathing own pace/distance.

Response by CPT Brian Delrosario made Oct 5 at 2015 10:08 AM

2015-10-05T10:08:19-04:00

Man, that's hilarious. All of it. Even the picture.

Response by SrA Edward Vong made Oct 5 at 2015 11:21 AM

2015-10-05T11:21:34-04:00

We had a guy during basic that never wore a cover so a TI stopped him and chewed him out about his cover. He told the TI he had a waiver for not having to wear a cover, the TI said "BULLSH*T" . He pulled out the papers, and his profile said he can't wear anything on his head because of severe sweating.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 5 at 2015 11:51 AM

2015-10-05T11:51:56-04:00

I have a rare condition called exercise induced anaphylaxis. PT can trigger full blown on the floor anaphylactic shock if I'm around anything I'm slightly sensitive to.

Posting proof as well. I wouldn't exactly call myself fit to continue service with this one.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 5 at 2015 3:55 PM

2015-10-05T15:55:55-04:00

Turns out there is actually a medical condition that causes massive swelling when you skin gets cold. My Nephew found that out when he moved from Texas to Mass. Needless to say he now lives in Arizona. (probably best to Med Board people like that out)

I've seen a body tape profile, that was the weirdest. Soldier got a bacterial infection in his intestines which made his belly swell by six inches, needless to say he failed his tape, but had lost 10 pounds and his belt was too big after he lost the weight. That profile made sense to me after reading the medical report.

Response by SGT Roberto Mendoza-Diaz made Oct 5 at 2015 4:03 PM

2015-10-05T16:03:32-04:00

My craziest profile while in Iraq... No Video Game profile. I injured my right hand wrist and the Doc gave me a wrist brace and told me not to play my xbox for two weeks. He actually wrote "Do not play video games" on my profile.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 5 at 2015 8:33 PM

2015-10-05T20:33:30-04:00

I once had a NCO that could only work 8 hours a day, 4 days a week and couldn't be in a leadership position.

Response by SGT Dave Tracy made Oct 5 at 2015 8:47 PM

2015-10-05T20:47:02-04:00

The cartilage in my throat got damaged due to Combatives injury, so I got a "no yelling, no cadence calling" profile once.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 6 at 2015 1:07 AM

2015-10-06T01:07:26-04:00

The crazies profile I have seen was that the Person need it to leave the office whenever his wife call that she was ready to coincide a baby; it lasted six months; And the can't live in the barracks assigned to the School, so my boss make him stay at an Open bay barracks.

Response by SrA Matthew Knight made Oct 6 at 2015 2:00 AM

2015-10-06T02:00:24-04:00

Blues profile, I.E. Not allowed to wear Service Uniform. There was dozens of airmen at Keesler while we were there for tech school that were on blues profiles. Our Squadron CC at the time had forced everyone to wear blues everywhere anytime you leave the dorms on and off duty for over about a month and a half to two months. As a result some airmen's feet started to get "sore" so those airmen were put on blues waivers and were told to wear ABUs instead.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 10 at 2015 1:34 PM

2015-10-10T13:34:45-04:00

I remember a couple of years ago I jacked up my back pretty badly and as a result of how I compensated when I was walking, I jacked up my hips and knees as well. After I went to physical therapy to try and correct the issue, they issued me a profile that said, I shit you not, "Use of stairs only when absolutely necessary." That was on top of the almost dead man's profile I already had. I was pretty self-conscious about that profile; I really felt like a POS because of it.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 10 at 2015 3:45 PM

2015-10-10T15:45:04-04:00

No standing or sitting for more than fifteen minutes; walk at own pace for no more than ten minutes; no work before 0900 or past 1700; no weekend Duty. Yup all on one profile

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 10 at 2015 4:45 PM

2015-10-10T16:45:43-04:00

I got injuried while in San Antonio Texas and had surgery on my right side of the face. I was able to get that mysterious No Shaving Profile although every NCO still stopped me and tried to correct me.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 10 at 2015 7:57 PM

2015-10-10T19:57:14-04:00

I have a run at own pace and distance permanent profile that allows me to pick my aerobic exercise as pain allows I rotate between the run and walk. It's funny to me I know it pisses them off to ask me what event I want to do

Response by SGT Bill Robison made Oct 10 at 2015 8:14 PM

2015-10-10T20:14:52-04:00

I had a no hat or mask profile once. I had 5 staples in my head. Soccer crash during PT.
Also had a no shaving profile, we were clean up one of the ammo dumps in Germany. And I got into something that broke me out.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 10 at 2015 9:35 PM

2015-10-10T21:35:02-04:00

I'm currently on a temp profile. I can't fire a rifle, do push-ups, or lift over 20 pounds due to a shoulder injury. I had a soldier who was in the process of a MEB, and he claimed he needed a cane, but I never saw the paperwork.

Response by CW2 Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 10 at 2015 9:44 PM

2015-10-10T21:44:11-04:00

My first real unit CSM. CSM Robinson. He was a Drill SGT. He had framed a profile from a soldier that said "No Drill SGT Robinson.ñ

Response by CW3 Eric W. S. made Oct 12 at 2015 11:23 AM

2015-10-12T11:23:18-04:00

Had a soldier in Korea provided with a "no sexual activity" profile. I honestly didn't want to know how or why he had that profile, but that is what it said.

Had another soldier that was allowed to carry toilet paper in his cargo pocket and was allowed to leave work, formation, duty, or any other incidence that he chose to "utilize the latrine at will without authorization".

Had a soldier with 'foot issues' that was not required to "run, march, walk, or stand more than comfortable". Needless to say, this one never even stood in accountability formation. He would just carry the stool from a field desk and sit down everywhere he went. Funny thing was that profile kinda disappeared when I made him carry the stool with him on the weekends when he went out on the town...

Response by SGT Lloyd Burge made Mar 25 at 2016 11:42 AM

2016-03-25T11:42:28-04:00

I was scheduled for a hearing test. The civilian audiologist gave me a profile that said I was to avoid loud noises. I asked him how an artilleryman in direct support to an armor company was expected to avoid loud noises. He told me to just ignore the noise.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made May 26 at 2016 12:51 PM

2016-05-26T12:51:32-04:00

Back when I was a SSG, one of my buddies had just returned from Korea. He told me a story about how he had "strongly corrected" a Soldier for being jacked up. Mind you this Soldier wasn't in his section and I cannot even recall if the Soldier was even in the same Maintenance company as my buddy. A day or two later and when my buddy noticed said Soldier was again jacked up, my buddy went to correct him. As my buddy approached the Soldier, the Soldier pulled out a profile that named my buddy and was basically a "no "my buddy" profile"...effectively a restraining order saying that the Soldier could not be within x amount of distance from my buddy. I thought he was bullshitting me, until he showed me the profile.

Response by SSG Roger Ayscue made Jan 8 at 2017 11:45 AM

2017-01-08T11:45:14-05:00

I had a Soldier once in the 82d Airborne that went on sick call several times for "Painful Testicles". After much ribbing and many many tests, they found a urologist that figured out that it was because his Vas deferens would get clogged.
To this end, the Soldier was to be allowed "The opportunity to ejaculate" every day to avoid the clogging of his vas deferens.
That was the source of many many unique situations.

Response by SSG Laurie Mullen made Feb 9 at 2017 2:18 AM

2017-02-09T02:18:17-05:00

I had a five day "No PT, no sweating, no showering" profile in the spring of 2005. I was stationed at Ft Hood and was being seen by a dermatologist at Ft Sam. The dermatologist was doing patch testing on me to see what was causing my fingers to split open. They had little test samples taped to my back so I couldn't get my back wet. I had to take sponge baths while on profile.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 24 at 2017 12:03 PM

2017-03-24T12:03:35-04:00

On my last deployment we had a guy have a cyst removed from the back of his neck. He got a "no sweating" profile, in Baghdad in 100 degree weather.

Response by 1SG Stephen Burgess made Mar 24 at 2017 10:49 PM

2017-03-24T22:49:44-04:00

Had a Soldier, when I was a DS, that got a profile stating that she could not pull CQ runner duty during hours of darkness.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 11 at 2017 4:37 PM

2017-04-11T16:37:15-04:00

I had a boonie cap profile for about five years. I was diagnosed with skin cancer and the dermatologist gave me the permanent profile. I wasn't happy about it, but my commander found out and made me wear the boonie. I tried to get rid of the profile a few times, but wasn't able to until I PCS'd into recruiting command. Needless to say, I was stopped constantly by everyone for wearing a boonie in Garrison. My squad leader had skin cancer too, same doctor, same profile...not kidding. We avoided standing outside together at all times. Lol.

Response by SSG Tommy Brock made Apr 12 at 2017 10:14 AM

2017-04-12T10:14:26-04:00

My ex was in the reserves and had a profile for the sun....no bs....she couldnt be in the sun

Response by SGT Chester Beedle made Apr 12 at 2017 12:14 PM

2017-04-12T12:14:55-04:00

No helmet, no pro mask, no going to Yakima Training Center...

Then later, "only deployable to locations with comprehensive medical facilities."
I was going through chemo for the cancer I came home from deployment with that had soread to my lungs.
The no mask might have been from the first time after surgery and radiation on my face.
The deployment one was after the second recurrence... at which point I asked about early retirement at 15 years, and instead was med boarded and medically retired.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 12 at 2017 12:37 PM

2017-04-12T12:37:07-04:00

I once had a no cadence profile when I lost my voice

Response by SSG Paul Riedman made Jul 13 at 2018 8:52 PM

2018-07-13T20:52:52-04:00

No walking on uneven ground my E7..no field duty

Response by SSG Brian Carpenter made Jul 14 at 2018 10:45 AM

2018-07-14T10:45:12-04:00

The no soldiering profile. I shit you not this profile was so bad she basically couldn't do anything a normal soldier did every day. No PT no formations no marching no anything but sit in the 1SG's AO as a clerk. Top didn't want to chapter her but I pushed it until he did. I didn't let her med out because I knew half of her symptoms were made up.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 20 at 2018 1:16 AM

2018-11-20T01:16:25-05:00

Cold weather profile... in ALASKA. Soldier was compassionately reassigned.

Response by SGT Donald Croswhite made Nov 20 at 2018 4:52 AM

2018-11-20T04:52:23-05:00

I had a kid whose profile read "soldier cannot be at work for more than a half an hour." He was claiming anger issues. I framed his ETS DA31 and put it up in my office. What a bag of jellyfish sh*t.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 8 at 2019 3:30 AM

2019-01-08T03:30:38-05:00

Legit power house of a kid comes to basic training. 6’2, 225 of muscle. Max scale on first APFT. Next one a few weeks later, 300. Next one, a few weeks later, 270. His drill sergeants are ripping him upside down, calling him a shammer and an other name they can think of.
He finally goes to sick call for nearly fainting. They send him to hospital for testing.

He comes back, with a profile that states to the effect of, ‘SM will eat no less than double meals/mre at every meal, until tolerance’. Because he was in such excellent condition when he got there, the drop in food intake and uptick in cardio was throwing his system for a loop. His strength and speed were quickly decreasing. Doctor attributed it the fact that he couldn’t sustain his body. From that point on, he never had less than two full meals per meal.

Never saw anything like it since

Response by CW3 Thomas Knight made Mar 6 at 2019 7:37 PM

2019-03-06T19:37:52-05:00

I had a profile rider in my Bn. I was the Bn PA and one Monday morning he showed up for sick call. He was bruised all over and had profile from the ER that lasted until sick call. He had gone the post stables and rented a horse. Riding down the trail between A lline of trees on each side of trail the cinch slipped and the saddle slipped. He didn’t remember how many trees he but it was more than one! I wrote him a prescription, signed his sick slip and told him to report back to his battery. He was upset he didn’t get a profile. I took the sick slip,wrote a profile.and folded it up. He put in his pocket and off he went. Next comes a call from a really angry 1SG. Asked why did I give soldier a profile? I said “I said did you read the profile?” After several seconds of silence roaring laughter and the phone went dead. The profile? NO HORSEBACK RIDING TIMES 2 WEEKS

Response by SGT Charles Bartell made Jun 6 at 2019 3:13 PM

2019-06-06T15:13:40-04:00

I wish I had known about such a thing. Cold realy does make my skine hurt and turn brite red.
With all the time I spent at Fort Drum.
I just sucked it up and went on.
just like the old days, When that is what every one did.

Response by SFC Melvin Brandenburg made Jul 8 at 2019 7:50 PM

2019-07-08T19:50:02-04:00

I tore my vocal chords in basic training. I had a two week no speaking profile. It was loads of fun at headcount.

Response by SP6 Guy Slater made Oct 21 at 2019 2:52 PM

2019-10-21T14:52:24-04:00

Came home, Medevac, from Vietnam in 71, right hand blown to hell. After almost a years worth of surgeries to save my right (and dominate) hand, wound up with a standard P-3 Upper Extremity Profile: "No PT, no PT testing, now weapons, no lifting more than 50 (?) pounds." (It may have been 30 pounds.)
Pitched one at the Doc who wrote it because I was a 31M (Primary) and an 11B (Secondary.) Was told that he (the Doc) didn't want me to re-injure the hand because that would possible/probably lead to an amputation.
That profile remained intact for about 13 years, during which time I re-enlisted twice, and attended about 6 service schools, including an MOS producing school. Only after the Army decided to RIF in 83/84 was the profile changed to something a bit less restrictive.
Go figure.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 28 at 2019 11:47 AM

2019-12-28T11:47:32-05:00

I knew a guy who was trying to conceive with his wife. They tried and tried and couldn’t conceive. Went to the doctor and found nothing wrong. Doctor ran some tests and found out the best time to conceive was mid to late morning, how, I don’t know. Long story short, dead man profile and he had to go home to try to conceive a child. A month later, they did.

Response by SFC Casey O'Mally made Dec 28 at 2019 2:59 PM

2019-12-28T14:59:40-05:00

I had a Soldier allergic to grass with a "no outdoor activities" profile.

Response by SPC Stewart Smith made Dec 28 at 2019 5:40 PM

2019-12-28T17:40:57-05:00

The craziest I've ever seen was a guy that actually had a "bike for pt test" profile.
Now I'm sure the guy must have been injured, but whenever he was outside of PT he seemed fine. He would play basketball and run around just fine. He didn't limp. There were literally 0 signs this guy actually had any sort of injury and he only limped around for PT formation. Dude got to ride a bike for his PT test.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 28 at 2019 5:51 PM

2019-12-28T17:51:09-05:00

I had a soldier that had a no standing profile, she would literally sit down wherever she was. We would be doing field day on the common areas and she would just sit down and watch everybody work. I want to bust her balls and ask her how do you get from A to B if you’re not supposed to stand.

Response by SPC John Smith made Dec 28 at 2019 6:45 PM

2019-12-28T18:45:45-05:00

A guy in my platoon had a pretty bad skin issue and had a "No Camo Profile." No joke. He had a camo head veil when we were in the field while the rest of us wore the loam face paint.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 28 at 2019 6:54 PM

2019-12-28T18:54:13-05:00

Had a soldier that would pass out when she got near a PLS that was idling....after idk... a year of being an 88m and she decided to try and get out as fast as possible she passed out by a pls that was idling...got a damn profile saying she couldent be within the proximity of idling us military vehicle of 25m.for a month..........

Response by SSG Darrell Peters made Dec 28 at 2019 7:39 PM

2019-12-28T19:39:07-05:00

Way back when I was a line medic. I had a class on how to write a profile The Doctor Gave us Guidance and told us what profile we were allowed to write. Shaving profiles were at the top of the list. Each profile I wrote had to have a specific line at the end. "Follow up in five days with PA or MD at tmc." Any profile a medic writes is temporary and at the discretion of the MD they work for. To cover our rear we had to refer them to the TMC usually in 3 to 5 days. I can honestly say if I did not have that authority I know some troops would have been made to do things that would have aggravated their condition. However, with that Authority comes Responsibility, I always aired on the side of caution and common sense. The Platoon SGT, Platoon Leader and the Company Commander knew me and if they had a question about any course of treatment I provided in the field they could always talk to me about it. An example I had a kid in Denmark who got really sick. I wrote; Bed rest for three days follow up with Dr. Smith. Squad leader or who he designates is to check on him hourly. Have his meal brought to him I will check on him in 24 hours. In 24 hours the kid hadnot gotten any food, no one checked on him. I did my evaluation and said soldier come with me. I gave him rather admitted him to the Danish Doctor at the nearest Kaserne. At that time it cost the U.S. Government $100 a day to the Danish TMC and the Danes kept him for 2 weeks. The Bn Commander understood what I did and though he may not have agreed with it. It was a decision based on sound medical judgment but could have been prevented if the chain of command had followed the Profile recommendations.

Response by SSG John Jensen made Dec 28 at 2019 8:06 PM

2019-12-28T20:06:33-05:00

one of my NCO's (medical) at the end of CQ duty, for his partner wrote him a profile of 24 hrs bedrest for "Atari Thumb"!

Response by 1SG Steven Imerman made Dec 28 at 2019 8:18 PM

2019-12-28T20:18:59-05:00

In Bamberg in 1995, one of my platoon sergeants was getting after a brand new troop about his uniform right after formation. The kid suddenly reaches in his pocket and pulls out a playing card sized thing and holds it in front of the platoon sergeant's face. The bemused sergeant very calmly asks what that thing is. "It's my stress card, sergeant. I display it when I'm feeling stressed and need some time to compose myself." The sergeant takes the card and says, "You know what stress is? It's when I tear your little stress card up in front of you!" Which he did, and continued chewing the kid out over the sloppy uniform.

This first sergeant smiled to himself and wandered back to the orderly room.

Response by SFC Bill Kurtz made Dec 29 at 2019 1:28 AM

2019-12-29T01:28:20-05:00

While working at The NCO academy Ft Gordon I’d have to go to the clinic and pick up the med records for graduating classes. The Sp5 pulling the records had a culture d goatee. I asked his MCOIC who said the guy had a shaving profile for the ‘bumps’. I can understand a profile for sensitive skin? But the non-goatee area was as smooth as a baby’s bottom. The CO refused to do anything because of ‘racial sensitivity’. Jeez Louise

Response by SFC Bill Kurtz made Jan 2 at 2020 9:44 PM

2020-01-02T21:44:43-05:00

While working at the NCO advanced course we had a Sgt from the Jersey NG come in with a no PT, no formations, no weapons fire, no extended hours. Our SGM sent him home.

Response by Cpl Rc Layne made Feb 20 at 2020 2:43 AM

2020-02-20T02:43:05-05:00

Not military related. I worked for the Virginia Department of Corrections and an extra duty was as the emergency response team commander. Once a quarter we would have a regional training exercise with about ten institutions attending. Our training location was a state park in Chesapeake. I asked one individual, who was not participating in a walk through of the escape drill why he was not participating. His reply was, and I quote, "I can't, I am allergic to trees and here is my Dr.s note." And it was legit.

Response by SPC Phillip Vossler made Feb 20 at 2020 6:21 AM

2020-02-20T06:21:08-05:00

After we got back from Kuwait Feb 04, i ended up on a Trial of duty profile. That is a 3 month profile, you end up with 4 in a row, I've heard, they put you out. By the time i was about to go on terminal leave Jan 05, i was just starting my 3rd TOD. I did my VA final physical and left the army with a 60% rating. People thought i turned into a shyte bag there at the end. Not realizing i was broken, now im 100% rated. It is what it is.

Response by SPC Ramon Cruz made Feb 21 at 2021 5:09 PM

2021-02-21T17:09:32-05:00

I once gave an S-2 guy a must work within 5meters of latrine x 2 days profile because he got wasted on Soju and wanted bedrest.

Response by MAJ Ron Peery made Feb 25 at 2021 2:47 AM

2021-02-25T02:47:39-05:00

I was going to talk about my SPC who wanted to go on missions outside the wire, and who insisted on being our gunner. I'll admit, the boy could shoot, but he also had serious motion sickness. We decided to leave him behind after a couple of missions, since we were tired of washing puke off the roof of the HMMWV, not to mention that he was always dehydrated. But that story doesn't measure up to the other comments on here.

Response by SGT Rayburn Keltner made Aug 18 at 2022 7:38 AM

2022-08-18T07:38:29-04:00

Marching in formation and one particular recruit being called out many times for walking like he was in a cow pasture