Dealing with a wife that doesn't understand PTSD. Any others with marriage problems?

SFC Jeffrey Couch — Tue, 06 Oct 2015 17:56:05 -0400

I feel like a dumbass for saying this but has any other soldiers had problems out of their marriage since coming home

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 6 at 2015 5:58 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 06 Oct 2015 17:58:12 -0400

My wife and I had some issues when I came home. On occasion we still do. But we find a way to sit down and talk it out before it gets blown out of control.

Response by MSgt Curtis Ellis made Oct 6 at 2015 6:26 PM

MSgt Curtis Ellis — Tue, 06 Oct 2015 18:26:56 -0400

Yes... Some of us stuck it out through professional assistance, and some of us didn't...
I'm one of the ones that chose "didn't"... After professional assistance, of course... Start there first before making any rash decisions...

Response by CSM Michael J. Uhlig made Oct 6 at 2015 7:12 PM

CSM Michael J. Uhlig — Tue, 06 Oct 2015 19:12:26 -0400

I had the same mindset initially (me having to deal with the wife that didn't understand)....some of that misunderstanding belonged to me. I know I have changed after every deployment.

Response by Sgt Spencer Sikder made Oct 6 at 2015 8:24 PM

Sgt Spencer Sikder — Tue, 06 Oct 2015 20:24:53 -0400

VA offers family counseling. There is also NAMI that offers great programs directly related to the military and it has helped many here in our community to understand. While still tough to accept, understanding has help tremendously to bridge some of the gap. NAMI.ORG

Response by Sgt Ken Prescott made Oct 6 at 2015 9:12 PM

Sgt Ken Prescott — Tue, 06 Oct 2015 21:12:58 -0400

I met my wife after coming home and getting some therapy.

That said, I can still inadvertently scare the crap out of her 22 years after we first met. Fortunately, she's patient and understanding.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 6 at 2015 9:19 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 06 Oct 2015 21:19:28 -0400

You may have tried this already, but I would try to put myself in her shoes. She only knows and acts as most civilians do. It's not her fault that she doesn't understand how you feel, but it isn't your fault either. Also, try to put things in terms that she can understand and let her know that sometimes you need your space, but you need her support all the time. I hope this might help at least a little!

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 6 at 2015 10:03 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 06 Oct 2015 22:03:20 -0400

Many have this issue. You are certainly not alone. This is the third thread on the subject I've seen this week.
If you are anything like I was, you are keeping to yourself, trying to spare your wife the images and thoughts that keep you awake at night, that keep you from wanting to be around lots of people, for changing how you interact...
Not knowing what to do, she copes as best she can. She sees the changes, and wonders if you'll ever be the same...

PLEASE talk to each other frankly and openly about what is going on. If you can, chart a course together on finding ways to adjust and re-center yourselves. It may be time together, it may involve professional assistance. Whatever you do, don't just wait and hope it gets better. It doesn't.

If there is anything I can do... and I know something about this...message me directly. My door is open to you, truly SFC Jeffrey Couch.

Response by SSG Jesus Sijalbo made Oct 8 at 2015 3:14 AM

SSG Jesus Sijalbo — Thu, 08 Oct 2015 03:14:45 -0400

Your not the only donkey here SFC! Our wives will never completely understand what we go through. Its doesn't matter how much we explain or how to explain it to our love ones, it will never be Lima Charlie to anyone but the ones who has to deal with it. Remember always that your not alone and there are others who can relate and punishing self and love one are not the way to go on. Take it one day at a time, one problem at time and do your best to tamed that damn Elephant thats tuanting or telling you otherwise. Your doing your best for now. Its okay to kick our own Ass but not too much that we can't come back and try again. LITTLE STEP/ ONE STEP AT A TIME, SFC. We all in this together! The other thing that I can share is that you cared, you cared alot and you gave a shit what happen and how it happen just don't try to examine it. We call it," Intellectual Masterbation". It may feel right at the moment but its not!!!!! God Bless SFC, Stay Strong!

Response by SSG James Arlington made Oct 9 at 2015 10:36 AM

SSG James Arlington — Fri, 09 Oct 2015 10:36:26 -0400

Your wife has the problem and needs counselling.

Response by CPT Joseph K Murdock made May 31 at 2016 12:30 PM

CPT Joseph K Murdock — Tue, 31 May 2016 12:30:58 -0400

You two need family counseling as well as solo counseling for her.