Dealing with suicide

Cpl Micah Wing — Wed, 02 Sep 2015 09:39:51 -0400

I just had a dear brother-in-arms take his own life last night. He is the 13th one this year for me. Is there anything that anyone does to help with dealing with loss? I can't listen se anymore friends/brothers, especially this year.......

Response by SSG Warren Swan made Sep 2 at 2015 9:42 AM

SSG Warren Swan — Wed, 02 Sep 2015 09:42:34 -0400

You're taking the first step now. You can pray for them while you grieve, but talking to those who understand, and care is the best way to cope. I'm truly sorry for your loss. One is one too many. But you have to remain strong. Not just for your friends, but for your own sake. I got your six Cpl.

Response by Capt Seid Waddell made Sep 2 at 2015 9:43 AM

Capt Seid Waddell — Wed, 02 Sep 2015 09:43:24 -0400

A friend sent me this, and I found it helpful. Do you think that it applies to PTSD?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RmWrAoML2hE

How to Deal With Evil Spirits - Swedenborg and Life

Are there negative spiritual influences at work in our lives? How do they operate, and what can we do about them? Join us as we discuss Swedenborg's accounts...

Response by PO1 William "Chip" Nagel made Sep 2 at 2015 10:05 AM

PO1 William "Chip" Nagel — Wed, 02 Sep 2015 10:05:39 -0400

Talk to Everyone, Talk to Anyone. Don't try and deal with it all by Yourself. We all know you are a Rough Tough Marine Cpl Micah Wing but you have plenty of Salty Dogs here that are your shipmates and Comrades in Arms if you need to reach out to anyone of us. I'm starting to have to deal with losing a lot of Mates to Cancer and Heart Disease and it is really bumming me out right now. Don't hesitate to use any of the Veterans Hot Lines. I want to hang out for a while longer and I would really like to know that you are out there too with me.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 2 at 2015 10:35 AM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 02 Sep 2015 10:35:11 -0400

Do something productive.
Talk to your subordinates about it, and how they can look out for each other when trouble hits.
Want to get away from the Corps for a bit? Try volunteering with youth sports or after school activities.
There is a lot of healing in the joy of children.
Stay strong, Cpl Micah Wing

Response by COL Jean (John) F. B. made Sep 2 at 2015 10:48 AM

COL Jean (John) F. B. — Wed, 02 Sep 2015 10:48:49 -0400

Cpl Micah Wing - So very sorry for the loss of your friend. Talking to people about it and not keeping your feelings bottled up inside of you is a good thing. Know that people genuinely care about you and how you feel, whether it be close friends and family or your extended family here on RallyPoint. We are all here for you, buddy....

Response by GySgt Moses Lozano made Sep 2 at 2015 10:53 AM

GySgt Moses Lozano — Wed, 02 Sep 2015 10:53:54 -0400

All you can do is focus on the positive things in your life.

Everybody has a breaking point but nothing is ever so bad that you shouldn't try reaching out to someone even if it is to bitch and complain about the world!

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Sep 2 at 2015 4:03 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Wed, 02 Sep 2015 16:03:33 -0400

The key to helping a suicidal friend is for them to know who or where to contact when they are mired in the misery of depression or PTSD.

Response by Cpl Micah Wing made Sep 3 at 2015 7:53 PM

Cpl Micah Wing — Thu, 03 Sep 2015 19:53:07 -0400

As of late when the night gets cold,
I try my best to remain bold.
Every day since we lost you
We have all prayed that it isn't true.

With every breath we wish we could bring you back,
Ha, We all know you would have another joke to crack. :')
With every breath we wish you were here,
I don't want to shed another tear.

We didn't just lose a friend, We lost a brother.
We will be daughters and sons to your weeping mother.
We will watch over her with all of our strength
No matter how hard, nor how long the length.

We are so mad we want to scream
Praying to God that this is all a dream.
We all wonder what we could have done,
Just to see you rise with the morning sun.

We all wish that you were just asleep
The pain this is causing is cutting us deep.
We will never forget you, our dearest friend,
I wish I could have been there with you in the end.
To try to make you change your mind,
If only you would have given us a sign.

This poem I write for you,
Know that every word is true.
You will always be our brother even though you are gone.
Our memories with you will play on and on.

Response by SPC Thomas Moosey made Sep 9 at 2015 12:15 PM

SPC Thomas Moosey — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 12:15:03 -0400

Bro', I wish I could give you the magical answer but there isn't one. I had a close friend attempted suicide, being the only medical trained person on the small post I was ordered to respond. According to the doctors I saved her life, the command was so happy they pinned a metal on my chest. Instead of re-enlisting I ETSed out. And lived the life of an untreated PTSD soldier for many years. With all that said, go get help, don't be ashamed, don't think you don't need the help, if you didn't you wouldn't have posted your question. My command fail me for not seeking help for me, so don't think yours will do the right thing. Go to sick call and start the process of healing, trust the doctors, if you get any hassle from your command blow it off, your life is more important then any mission.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 9 at 2015 12:21 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 12:21:03 -0400

CPL Wing, I am so sorry for your loss. I have lost a great deal of friends and family in my lifetime, and the sadness never goes away. The way that I deal with loss is to remember all the good times that you had. Try not to think of arguements or disagreements you may have had, as they aren't important. Just know that they meant a lot to you and I am sure that you meant a lot to them as well. Talking to someone about how you are dealing with this and seeking some grief counselling is a great path to follow. I know God will bless you and give you peace. All my best!

Response by Sgt Stanley Mayer made Sep 9 at 2015 12:44 PM

Sgt Stanley Mayer — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 12:44:16 -0400

Hey brother, Check out Project 22. You can watch the trailer at medicinalmissions.com It's a documentary made by us and it's saving lives on a daily basis. We realized we have to be the ones to help ourselves, Uncle Sam doesn't have a clue and has been consistently fucking up veteran reintegration since the revolutionary war. This film is how we change that. When we have been affected by suicide and have lost brothers to it, we can either find a spark of purpose to stop it or follow them.

We're all going through this together. I've been there. Over and over. Trust me, this helps.

Look me up on Facebook, I'll get you involved somehow.

Also check out Highly Functional Veterans on FB

Response by SMSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 9 at 2015 1:06 PM

SMSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 13:06:07 -0400

Take it one step at a time, as others have said, you have taken the first step. Please reach out to your chaplains, mental health personnel, Command Master Chief, etc. The people in your unit are your family too, they can help you deal with the losses that you and the whole unit have suffered. There is no shame in asking for help. Your unit family, your personal family and your brothers and sisters here on Rally Point are here to support you. God Bless

Response by FN Windy Barton made Sep 9 at 2015 1:29 PM

FN Windy Barton — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 13:29:54 -0400

Hey
First don't stop talking about it. There are tons of groups that are working on this. Personally I love Team Rubicon, but there is the mission continues, team Red,white and blue and IAVA. I am so sorry for your losses, it sucks, when you find your place tell everyone you know and give back it helps!!

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 9 at 2015 1:38 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 13:38:22 -0400

I hear you brother. I loose 1-2 brothers every year like clockwork. It is just damned crazy. Some was kinda expected, some was straight out from stage left. I have realized that I cannot do anything... i have tried with various results.

Response by CW3 Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 9 at 2015 1:38 PM

CW3 Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 13:38:52 -0400

Talk to people I am here for you if you need it. I had a close friend we ran the S3 together he called out of the blue one day said he wanted to come down and eat got to meet his new baby boy and wife he finally got to see my family. We had dinner a few drinks went our separate ways. Next day his wife calls from his phone telling me what happened less than nine hours after we went home and he showed no signs. So I feel your pain like I said I am here if you need it

Response by CH (MAJ) Thomas Conner made Sep 9 at 2015 1:43 PM

CH (MAJ) Thomas Conner — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 13:43:08 -0400

CPL Wing, find someone you trust who will listen without judgment and talk. Do not allow inappropriate guilt overtake you, when a person truly decides they want to die, no one and nothing can stop them. Allow yourself the opportunity to grieve your losses, we are emotional beings so allow yourself to feel. Let us (Rally Point brothers and sisters) know what you need.

Response by COL Robert Davies made Sep 9 at 2015 1:55 PM

COL Robert Davies — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 13:55:40 -0400

Hopefully you know who you chaplain is and how good they are. Sit down and have a conversation. If they seem to have their head screwed on straight then have more conversations.

Response by SSG(P) Claudett P Hillotero made Sep 9 at 2015 2:10 PM

SSG(P) Claudett P Hillotero — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 14:10:14 -0400

I'm so sorry for the pain, of a loss brother in arms. Prayers up for his family. Stay strong brother. Here is someone I met on here you can email personally if you need to talk.

Kathe Skinner, M.A., L.M.F.T,

Marriage & Family Therapist at Private Practice (Mental Health Services)
Colorado Springs, CO

Response by SP5 Jeffrey Ludwig made Sep 9 at 2015 2:21 PM

SP5 Jeffrey Ludwig — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 14:21:56 -0400

CPL Wing, I have dealt with the grief of suicide of a loved one, talking about the grief with family and brothers and sisters in arms can help strengthen ones resolve. Seek counseling from a chaplain or other leader you respect, counseling is a sign of strength and helps one on the path of life. Those who have endured this type of loss have the ability to help others. I said a prayer for you just now and your departed friends. Know that you have taken a solid step forward, be strong, continue to seek help and guidance, and know you have brothers and sisters here who really give a damn.

Response by SSG(P) Claudett P Hillotero made Sep 9 at 2015 2:23 PM

SSG(P) Claudett P Hillotero — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 14:23:43 -0400

To speak with trained professional immediately, all military families can call the numbers listed below, 24/7, free of charge:

The Military Crisis Line (visit the Military Crisis Line Chat or call 800-273-TALK to talk with a crisis counselor)
The DCoE Outreach Center (visit the Real Warriors Campaign Live Chat or call [login to see] to talk with a health resource consultant)

Response by PO1 Lyaman McPherson made Sep 9 at 2015 2:43 PM

PO1 Lyaman McPherson — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 14:43:38 -0400

This is certainly a difficult situation to be in. We need to be able to shield ourselves (somewhat) from the continued pain and sense of loss. However, we also look to balance that and the potential saving of a life. I have taken to playing guitar, running away from the world for a weekend, but the shear numbers you are experiencing is beyond what I've dealt with. Perhaps, you need to take a break and find that confidant or mirror that you can work with. You obviously care a great deal about others and they would lose out if you simply shut down or walked away. Wish I had a better answer for you........I wish you only the best

Response by Cpl James Tobin made Sep 9 at 2015 4:37 PM

Cpl James Tobin — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 16:37:03 -0400

CPL Wing, this may be "out there" because it is so specific and specifically "Spiritual" in nature. I and many others have found help in "realizing our identity" in Christ. A Pastor/Professor/Author by the name of Neil T. Anderson wrote two amazing books back in the 1980's that deal with "identity". The books are "Victory over the Darkness" and "The Bondage Breaker". I can share more info if interested. James Tobin CFMA - [login to see]

Response by SSG Catherine Jenkins made Sep 9 at 2015 4:57 PM

SSG Catherine Jenkins — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 16:57:18 -0400

That's a lot to deal with. Seriously. Talk to someone, like a real counselor for yourself. You know this **** is affecting you. Take care of yourself first, you know. Buddy aid (ok, maybe that's an Army term) and if you have any contacts for friends that might need to hear a real voice call. Project 22 is great. I just helped a friend who was almost over the ledge. He's about to get out of rehab but he's on track.

Response by SSgt Robert Jorgensen made Sep 9 at 2015 6:55 PM

SSgt Robert Jorgensen — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 18:55:23 -0400

http://m.journaltimes.com/ptsd-a-firefighter-s-story/article_47da0904-9605-5ffd-9198-61f153224eb6.html?mobile_touch=true

Here is my story, yes I'm a vet, but I'm someone who's been there and almost did it. Need to talk contact me 24/7/365 - [login to see]

Response by MSG Jim Gawne made Sep 9 at 2015 9:12 PM

MSG Jim Gawne — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 21:12:41 -0400

Corporal Wing,
Seek professional counseling. I know that there is still a lot of stigma attached, but from my own personal experience, you need to see somebody who has had extensive training in this area. Chaplains are a great place to start. (My son is a Navy Reserve Chaplain, I would be glad to get you his contact information if you wish)

Response by Sgt Cody Dumont made Sep 9 at 2015 11:14 PM

Sgt Cody Dumont — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 23:14:11 -0400

I am sorry man, if your around New England email me [login to see] and I will be glad to lend a helping hand. Even if your not email me and I will call you.

Response by Sgt Cody Dumont made Sep 9 at 2015 11:26 PM

Sgt Cody Dumont — Wed, 09 Sep 2015 23:26:01 -0400

Call the Marine recruiter. Introduce the two of them.

Response by Cpl Glynis Sakowicz made Sep 10 at 2015 7:57 AM

Cpl Glynis Sakowicz — Thu, 10 Sep 2015 07:57:28 -0400

First, I so very sorry for your loss. Please know, you are certainly not alone, and so many of us are wading around, looking for ways to cope with the pain, while at the same time, trying so hard to find a way to make that the last loss of its kind.

I wish I had some brilliant, amazing answer for you, Cpl... I wish I could just pull out the perfect words, because that see-saw of grief and guilt is the worst experience. You grieve for the person who took their life, while at the same time, you feel rage at them for doing so, and leaving you to pick up all the little pieces while trying to make sense of it all, then, just when you think you have got a handle on it, along comes the grief, like a fist wrapped around your heart.

So far, in my life, I've lost seven people who took their own lives. The thing is, four of them were terminally ill, and I understood that... didn't agree with it, but I certainly understood it. The loss was still as devastating, no matter why it happened.

Speaking from experience, I can tell you, if someone comes to you, needing to talk, you listen... you don't walk away, because the guilt that is waiting when you just shut someone down and tell them you can't listen to them, is five times the pain, my little brother... not something you ever want to feel or to live with as I do.

You do a little research get a few phone numbers, get a support system going for yourself, a list of helpful people and numbers, and then, when you need them, you use them as well, because being that last line of hope for a fellow 1%'er can leave you with the same state of mind.

Most of us are wading around in this right now, trying to find the magic word or the right way to hang onto our more fragile brothers and sisters, and we just keep loosing them... All we have right now, is each other, and yes, its going to hurt, but we have to keep holding each other up, because its obvious no one else will.

Response by 1SG Bill Wayne made Sep 10 at 2015 9:47 AM

1SG Bill Wayne — Thu, 10 Sep 2015 09:47:59 -0400

Back Ground, I am one of the lucky or unlucky ones. My wife and I were Veterans of at least 1 one war. During the first Gulf we had to leave our 2 year old behind to serve under the same command. She was SCUDed many times, this broke her and I did not know it. I lost her to Suicide 4 years ago. I have had to carry the guilt of not being there for her the one time she needed me the most. That being said, I tried and I mean tried to join her a few times during that first year. Pills, hand gun, Car at over 100. I was well on my way to being institutionalized or making the goal. It had gone so far as I made it to the V.A. List of expected death by suicide. It normally takes 3-4 attempts before you get it right. Its rare to succeed on the first attempt.
Perspective, If it was not for a special Doctor at VA I would be gone ( He spent more time on my case than the VA would allow) It became personnel where he would call me on my cell during the day to make sure I was alive. That being said, communication and self-worth is the trick to save lives. Im not a doctor so this is not clinical, I still suffer and like the wise man said once the option is on the table it remains for the rest of your life. Support is the key.
What support. Mission have a reason each day to get your ass up and moving. Call a vet each day and listen. Someone who is going to take their own life will say good by in so many ways that we don’t pay attention to. They will nest. Clean everything and make sure its right, Justify it. It the warrior way, Family will be better without me. It gos on.
My life saving event was being selected through my Brother no less to help train solders in Africa. Seeing people that needed my help both military and civil gave me a reason to continue to live.
I continue my work in Africa as well as support charity’s in the area.
My brother has a saying (I AM MY BROTHERS KEEPER) Communication is the secret to stopping this.

Reach out each day to your brothers and sisters that serve.

Response by PO3 David Thistle made Sep 10 at 2015 11:04 AM

PO3 David Thistle — Thu, 10 Sep 2015 11:04:14 -0400

I know where your heart is. I've been there myself. Even to the point that I made an attempt on my own life in disparity. You need to find a possitive thing to put your energy and feeling into. Start a charity fundraiser or volunteer your off time to others. Know though in your Heart your brothers are here for you. You can go fishing, ride a motorcycle, or go for a walk. When you are ready then you can talk. We're here if you need us. Come to us in your time. Help is just beIng brave enough to go for a coffee. Camping if you've vacation time works too.

Response by SSG Leonard J W. made Sep 10 at 2015 3:42 PM

SSG Leonard J W. — Thu, 10 Sep 2015 15:42:17 -0400

Cpl Micah Wing, thank you for being smart enough to talk about this with others. Agreeing with several others, you've already taken the first and best step - talk about it. Coping is never easy when death is fresh, but it gets easier with time. One never forgets those we've lost, and I can only hope that you weren't the one that found him, because that image is the hardest to get over. The next step is to take time to grieve about it, but don't spend all of your time grieving. To not express emotions can hurt you in many ways. Lastly, as 1SG Private RallyPoint Member mentioned, find productive ways to spend your time - usually with others. They can keep you encouraged and watch out for you. We're also here to help.

Response by SSG John Erny made Sep 10 at 2015 4:33 PM

SSG John Erny — Thu, 10 Sep 2015 16:33:27 -0400

Cpl Micah Wing CPL Wing, no matter what you must carry on. You must be strong and unafraid to reach out for help, which you have done here with us. We all have your six and will do what we can.

Response by Cpl Heather Billgren made Sep 10 at 2015 5:25 PM

Cpl Heather Billgren — Thu, 10 Sep 2015 17:25:09 -0400

I don't know if you are religious or not, but I suggest praying to God to help you through it. I had a friend who shot himself in the head...I even drove by his car moments before it happened. It tore me up. I became suicidal myself shortly after, but through the strength of prayer, I am still here. He listens and will hear your pleas for help. Rely on Him and your friends, and you will make it through it if you believe. Don't keep it in. Talk. And remember, there is nothing wrong with seeking professional help. I still see a psychiatrist to this day, and it's been many years since the incidents.

Just hang in there, Micah. And please remember this: the decision to end their lives is their decision, but you don't have to make the same one.

Response by SGT Samuel Luna made Sep 10 at 2015 5:29 PM

SGT Samuel Luna — Thu, 10 Sep 2015 17:29:06 -0400

We have to talk and stay connected to all our brothers in arms with whom we experienced the trauma or brothers/sisters we know experienced war. Talk and listen to the experience(s) that caused trauma but more important talk about the emotions it caused at the time AND the deeper emotions the experience continues to create in us today and every time we have those thoughts.
This is the most important thing we do at our no-cost weekend veterans retreats. Please think about joining us if this conversation creates some stress and tension in your body. Thank you for your service. texasforheroes.org

Response by PO2 Christopher Taggart made Sep 10 at 2015 7:49 PM

PO2 Christopher Taggart — Thu, 10 Sep 2015 19:49:24 -0400

Sorry to hear more guys taking their own lives....depression is something many of us deal with in so many different ways. Sometimes takes years to overcome and sometimes decades. MY best suggestion is each guy must find that which gives him the most happiness and reason to live. Whether it be kids, wife , new home or home he wishes to purchase...an old car he loves working on or just working long hours at new employment if he enjoys that? Best thing is to do something so one does not focus on depression or bad thoughts.

Response by MSgt Richard (Rick) Celia made Sep 10 at 2015 9:38 PM

MSgt Richard (Rick) Celia — Thu, 10 Sep 2015 21:38:16 -0400

Hello Cpl Wing,

I lost my first wife to an aneurysm. She was 25 and I was 28. What got me through was God, Friends and time. Loss is a roller coaster of emotions. Just when you are dealing well with things, a memory trigger brings everything back. That is when you have to smile and cherish that memory and be glad you were there with them to have that experience. I am very sorry you have lost so many brothers. My Faith and my friends were there. I now know (29 years later), that they wanted to be there and they wanted to help. Give them that opportunity. Let them be there when you need them.

God Bless,

Rick

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 10 at 2015 11:49 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 10 Sep 2015 23:49:37 -0400

Sorry for your loss, but you are not alone. Resources.... Chaplain, Army family one source offers free counselors, I think there is a hot line too. Go to your Army Community Service building and they have plenty of resources.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 11 at 2015 12:00 AM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 11 Sep 2015 00:00:54 -0400

Cpl Micah Wing I'm sorry. A loss from any death is a painful experience. My condolences.
Find a loss and bereavement group to join, join a Survivor group, celebrate life, don't get caught up in self blame, (I should have called him, why didn't he call me, I should have seen it, why didn't I see it) don't try to make sense of it, recognize everyone grieves differently, don't replay last moments over and over in your head, don't isolate yourself, feelings..., and get support from other survivors. Above all else remember you are a survivor.

Response by PO3 Gregory Davis made Sep 11 at 2015 12:47 AM

PO3 Gregory Davis — Fri, 11 Sep 2015 00:47:04 -0400

try the Fleet and Family Service or talk to your chaplin. a guy in my division hung himself in his shop. the XO came on the 1MC and informed everyone. he was jokeing and drinking beers with friends having a good time, didn't look like anything was wrong, then that night it was the end. the best thing you can do is talk about it and let it all out.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 11 at 2015 5:56 PM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 11 Sep 2015 17:56:42 -0400

You can reach out to me anytime Cpl Wing. I'm a Doc who has spent his whole career with Marines, I deal with this daily and it hurts my heart every day hearing these stories. Give me a call anytime [login to see] I mean it brother, I'm always available.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 11 at 2015 6:06 PM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 11 Sep 2015 18:06:30 -0400

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 14 at 2015 5:11 AM

Sgt Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 14 Sep 2015 05:11:39 -0400

I'll reach out to you with some info. i have uncovered on such matters. It will make angry. But stay cool and try to live your life out in peace and happiness if you can. This kind of experience (Death) is shocking and hurts. Stay calm , i stand with you.

Response by Cpl Micah Wing made Sep 27 at 2015 2:54 PM

Cpl Micah Wing — Sun, 27 Sep 2015 14:54:43 -0400

Response by Cpl Micah Wing made Sep 29 at 2015 2:04 AM

Cpl Micah Wing — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 02:04:23 -0400

I don't know how much more of this I can take! The nightmares keep coming back, all the same. I am not saying I'm suicidal, I never will be, but these nightmares are eating me away. How did anyone ever get rid of them?!

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 5 at 2015 10:41 PM

Sgt Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 05 Oct 2015 22:41:48 -0400

http://petitions.moveon.org/sign/expose-the-fbi-do-not.fb51?source=s.fb&r_by=10913546