Debating on getting out of the Military

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 23 Feb 2014 22:49:54 -0500

Ladies and Gentlemen, I have been serving in the Army National Guard for 9 years, and currently on my second deployment in Afghanistan.  I have about 13 months left in the Guard.  I am in serious debate with myself on staying in or not.  I have a daughter with my ex wife and continuing to leave on deployments and training is interfering with a lot of my time with her.  I grew up without a father around and I dont want that for my daughter.  I want to be able to be there for soccer games or whatever else she wants to do.  Also, people may not believe it but it is really hard to get a good job being in the Guard.  Employers know that you will be leaving a lot and use other "reasons" not to hire you.  On the flip side of things, I want to stay in for Tri-Care, you just cant beat that insurance. Having an extra pay check during retirement is not a bad thing either.  Also I have moved up pretty quick, and I believe I could continue to do so.  If any of you have any advise, it would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you in advance

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 23 at 2014 11:25 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 23 Feb 2014 23:25:01 -0500

Don't know your MOS or anything, but have you considered the United States. army Reserve and changing career paths. We have a lot of different options that might benefit you. Send me a message if interested and I can give you some tips that might benefit you.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 24 at 2014 9:47 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 24 Feb 2014 09:47:07 -0500

SSG White, Your emotions might be getting the best of you right now because you're currently deployed.  I would wait until you get back to make a decision.  By the time your time is up you will be over half-way to retirement.  I do understand the need to be with family though.  There are many pros to staying in the Army but ultimately you have to do what's best for you and your family.  In my opinion family outweighs everything.  Good luck and get home safe.

Response by GySgt Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 24 at 2014 10:48 AM

GySgt Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 24 Feb 2014 10:48:59 -0500

Not sure if this will help you out because every unit is different and plus we are of different breed and situation.  I just ended my active service in the Corps after 9 years, over 4 of those years were spent in Iraq, Afghanistan, and many other southwest asian countries.  The operational tempo for me was not going to stop despite requests for doing special duty assignments like drill instructor or recruiting to place me in garrison for 3 years +.  I always found myself in units where I couldn't be released due to MOS shortage and importance in command billet.  In order for me to catch that break from conducting deployments and short missions overseas, I decided to transfer to the Select Marine Corps Reserve.  The SMCR has given me more than a break but allowed me to stay plugged into the Corps that I love so much and the time to raise my daughter and time with my wife.  A weekend a month, two weeks a year, to continue what I do best and love, while being able to pursue other interests full time, spend more time with family, and still have great health, dental, and retirement benefits was a selling point for me to go into the reserves.  Another point for staying in partly and not fully separating was staying plugged into the Corps for when that time comes again when our nation engages in another major conflict, I would feel great obligations to serve and wouldn't be able to do so again in the Corps unless I stayed in it in some form.  

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 28 at 2014 2:09 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 28 Feb 2014 02:09:34 -0500

SSG White, I'm right there with you. I have over 11 years TIS, and I'm not indefinite yet, my ETS is next year. So I have a choice to make; do another 9 (at least) or ETS. I'll share a few of my thoughts. People say "do you want to feel like you wasted 11 years?". Well to me, it's not wasted. I invested 11 years to make myself very marketable, gained some of the best experiences, went to college, and got paid while doing it. You know, the minute that you realize that you're in this for the retirement check, you can't throw the "service to country" trip on somebody. Also, take the time, and I mean a LOT of time, and shop around with employers. Talk to HR directors and see what's out there and look at their compensation packages. For example, I'm in healthcare recruiting. There's a hospital system offering me a job with a base pay that's more than my total pay, plus they offer bonuses. They offer free healthcare, just no dental. 3 weeks paid vacation, paid holidays, and they have a 401K matching program. Now I know it comes with a risk, civilian companies can fire you without warning, I'm just saying to leave no stone unturned to see what's out there. But overall, do what you love. You'll find companies, like I have, that offer similar packages that the military offers. Then again, a civilian company won't get you discounts and freebies like the military. I just want to point out that I'm not taking that job, it's not the direction I want to go, I'm just saying that opportunities are out there just like there are opportunities in the service. I still don't know what I'm going to do, I just know that I'm not using the "retirement" package (if it even exists 11 years from now) as a decision maker. We've got one life my friend. Do you love what you do now? Or would you be happier elsewhere?

Response by SSG Dave Rogers made Feb 28 at 2014 2:53 AM

SSG Dave Rogers — Fri, 28 Feb 2014 02:53:41 -0500

I say stay in, if I could have I would have. There is also the option if you are looking for a job, to go AGR. You can be full time while not deployed, enjoy all the benefits of active duty while staying in your home state.

Response by CSM Christopher Irwin made Feb 28 at 2014 8:28 AM

CSM Christopher Irwin — Fri, 28 Feb 2014 08:28:59 -0500

Here's the deal SSG White, If you elect too stay in, do so based on YOUR desires alone. If you get out, do so on YOUR desires alone. Your ex-family shouldn't play a role. I say this not because I am insensitive but because if you make either decision on a family that you're no longer part of, you will likely hold them responsible in some way, even subconsciously. Make the decision purely based on what YOU think and no other. Leave the "my daddy wasn't around" drama out of it - that plays no bearing in what you want to do for your daughter. Base your decision on what you feel is right and what you can afford to do. Trust me when I tell you, if you get out and can't find employment, your life will become difficult if you can't pay the bills...If your civilian job is solid than you should be okay. The bottom line is don't over think your decision and make it for yourself. You are the one who has to lay your head down on your pillow at night (no one else) so the decision you make must be truly yours based on only your feelings, lest you may blame someone else if things go awry. I've been where you're sitting regarding the decision point and two kids with their mother. You can only make it for yourself - the rest you cannot control.

Response by SSG Shannon Howe made Feb 28 at 2014 9:44 AM

SSG Shannon Howe — Fri, 28 Feb 2014 09:44:21 -0500

Have you tried talking to a Career Counselor? They really are the best source of information as far as your options in the Army go. I too am a single parent but on the active duty side, so I completely understand your dilemma. I'm actually set to go to Recruiting school in April, have you even considered going Recruiter? You will be in an active status with full pay and benefits (plus special duty pay), and you won't have to worry about deployments. I believe even for AGR its just a 3 year initial tour, and if you do well and decide you like it, you can apply to convert your MOS to Recruiter and stay on active status. As with any other job there are pros and cons, so you have to decide what's best for you. You may also want to consider applying for WOCS or Green to Gold. Just some ideas for you. Good luck!!

Some helpful links:

https://www.hrc.army.mil/Enlisted/Become%20an%20AGR%20Recruiter

http://www.usarec.army.mil/hq/recruiter/index.aspx

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 28 at 2014 10:16 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 28 Feb 2014 10:16:32 -0500

SSG White, when I reached my 10th of service, I had to decide if enough was enough or do I continue. I 'm glad I stayed and it's allowed me opportunities that I am very grateful for. SGT(P) Howe brought up a good point about recruiting that it could be an option to apply for the AGR program. Check out your state's ARNG HRO website for opportunities. Changing MOSs is not a bad thing, in fact I think it makes you more marketable and shows a willingness to change to further your career.

Response by 1SG(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 28 at 2014 10:05 PM

1SG(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 28 Feb 2014 22:05:21 -0500

I guarantee the regret you'll experience if you get out will far outweigh any you'll have if you stay in. bets of luck to you and your family.

Response by SGM Matthew Quick made Feb 28 at 2014 10:11 PM

SGM Matthew Quick — Fri, 28 Feb 2014 22:11:46 -0500

SSG White,

You can always find a comparable job/career with similar benefits...don't weigh the current benefits too high on your priority list, unless YOU think you can't do better.

I empathize with you about your family...weigh what is important in your life and go with that. I can see your daughter is important and you CANNOT get these years back; you can always get another job/career.

Note: I'm an active Army Career Counselor.

Response by Lt Col Luis A. Rojas made Mar 1 at 2014 10:01 PM

Lt Col Luis A. Rojas — Sat, 01 Mar 2014 22:01:16 -0500

I applaud your concern for your daughter and not wanting her to grow up without her father.  But, when I here the phrase "without a father", to me it signifies a father that has abondoned his children.  By your comments above, it is obvious that you have not abondoned your daughter...you are still there for her...if not physically 100% of time, in spirit.  The beauty of today's technology is the ability to use many different ways to communicate with your daughter from just about anywhere in the world. I recommend that you base your decision, on whether or not to separate from the military, on what is best for YOU. I always say that being a little selfish is not a bad thing....you need to take care of #1 (yourself) in order to be there for your loved ones (e.g., your daugther).  Do what makes you happy and also feel better about yourself.  I almost separated from the Air Force at my 7-year point (a captain at the time), now I look back and am glad I did not.  This June I will have 26-years of service and plan to serve until June 2016 which is my mandatory retirement date. Other than back in 1995, I have not considered separating again.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 14 at 2014 6:11 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 14 Mar 2014 18:11:56 -0400

Thanks everyone, I have spoke with my mentor that has brought me up through the Military and I believe it is clear what I should do.

Thanks again,

SSG White

Response by SSG James Seets made Mar 25 at 2014 12:15 PM

SSG James Seets — Tue, 25 Mar 2014 12:15:50 -0400

You better not leave me you SOB, We have a few good years ahead of use to F*ck Sh*t up and train the next generation.

Response by SFC Stephen P. made Mar 25 at 2014 12:25 PM

SFC Stephen P. — Tue, 25 Mar 2014 12:25:16 -0400

I'm a little late to the party, but I have an often under-appreciated option: reenlist with concurrent assignment to the IRR. That way you can return to a drilling status fairly easily, you continue to earn time in service, get some retirement points, you can even get promoted if you play it right. It's not great on the benefits front (no Tricare, expensive dental), but slightly better than separation.

If you get out completely, you'll have a much tougher time coming back in.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 25 at 2014 4:07 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 25 Mar 2014 16:07:50 -0400

If the deployments are your biggest thing going against you staying, think about this. Iraq is done. Afghanistan is almost done. Not to make light of your deployments, but in 9 years you have done 2, and we have been at war the whole of your enlistment. With no more wars currently, this is probably your last one.

Response by 1SG Michael Blount made Mar 25 at 2014 6:23 PM

1SG Michael Blount — Tue, 25 Mar 2014 18:23:17 -0400

SSG - let me ask a couple questions.

1. Who says you must STAY in the National Guard? I started in the CTARNG - home of the old boy network and homesteading. Take a look at the Army Reserve.

2. What do you want to do? If your MOS is satisfying and you like it, that's one thing. If you think your career is beginning to stagnate, that's something else. Getting a second MOS and changing units (either in the Guard or USAR) just might be an answer.

I promised to only ask two questions, but will ask another - where do you see yourself in three or five years? Don't debate - drive towards that goal. And when that goal is in the rearview mirror, select another within a 3-5 year timeframe, and drive towards it. Whatever decision you make, make it with a clear head, and look at the facts as they are, not as you would like them to be.

Response by SSG Jeffrey Spencer made Dec 23 at 2014 8:37 PM

SSG Jeffrey Spencer — Tue, 23 Dec 2014 20:37:22 -0500

I found an article that would best serve those thinking about transitioning to civilian jobs. It is a harsh reality, but being prepared is the best strategy.

http://www.businessinsider.com/hiring-veterans-tips-2014-1

Thank You For Your Military Service — Now Here Are 9 Reasons Why I Won't Hire You

Use these to figure out what you may be doing wrong in your job search.

Response by CPT Jack Durish made Dec 24 at 2014 2:06 PM

CPT Jack Durish — Wed, 24 Dec 2014 14:06:19 -0500

The key word in "military service" is "service". Yes, it's a privilege to serve, but also a sacrifice and, in some cases, the ultimate sacrifice.

We don't/didn't serve for the money, that's for damn sure.

I hope that you aren't asking us to make the decision for you. It's a hard one that each of us can only make for ourselves. However, we can help you better see the pro's and con's. Have you made a list, written it down? That might help.

When faced with the decision, I volunteered to return to Vietnam. Fortunately or unfortunately, the Army RIF'd me and I didn't have to leave my family behind. (Had I, my first wife probably would have divorced me sooner.)