Did any of you get married young while in the military? Did it work out as hoped?

PO3 Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 21 Feb 2014 00:05:29 -0500

Were any of you married young? Say, under the age of 25 or less than 4 years in the service?<div><br></div><div>In the very short 4 years I was in the service, I saw lots of marriages.... and divorces..... many by the same people. Ladies on my ship had 2 or 3 names and it was a matter of remember which one to call them one week to the next (maybe that's a SLIGHT exaggeration, but not by much.)</div><div><br></div><div>One of my young sorority sisters joined the navy a year ago in January. She worked her tush off for over a year before she was finally able to ship out. She was a nuke. All she wanted was to join the navy, be a nuke, have a career and make something of her life. She had some pretty crummy relationships and swore up and down she wanted nothing to do with boys for a few years until she could get her life on track.</div><div><br></div><div>1 year later, after graduating boot camp, and sitting at THU for 3-4 months, for background investigation and medical reasons, she was finally cleared as fit for duty and allowed to go to nuke school. During that time, she met a boy. In January, she flunked out of nuke school (much to her delight, she said it was too much drama and BS). Said boy got engaged and married in a 2 week period back in January and today she announced that she is pregnant.</div><div><br></div><div>Good job sweetheart. Way to ensure that you won't be shipped to the fleet undesignated since you couldn't focus in school and keep that dream career you always wanted. And way to ensure that (right now) you wont be placed on a different ship than your hubby.</div><div><br></div><div>I'm so disgusted and disappointed in/for her. Disappointed in her because she has literally done the exact opposite of everything she said she wanted out of the navy. She even said that she would get out of the navy if it meant not having to be on opposite deployment schedules from her hubby. So much for that dream career - sounds like you wanted and MRS instead. Disappointed FOR her because she has no idea what she's gotten herself into.</div><div><br></div><div>I so hope that she's doesn't become a statistic :(</div><div><br></div><div>This isn't an uncommon thing. I feel like it's much more common in the military than not due to the benefits. Maybe I'm just cynical, though.</div><div><br></div><div>Please.... somebody give me a positive young military marriage story. Did you get married young? If so, are you still together? How long? Do you have kids? Do you have a NORMAL FUNCTIONAL family life? I know there are some... but I have to be honest, I didn't know of many while I was in. That's another contributing factor to why I didn't make it a career. I decided that based on what I saw, there was no way I would ever be able to have a normal family life. I did, however, marry my military sweetheart - 2 months after he separated from the service (I was 26, he was 29 at the time, we've been married over 6 years now). He, unfortunately, was a young statistic, and I'm his second (and last, if I have anything to say about it!).</div><div><br></div><div>This is why that locality allowance based on rank and rank alone (and not family dependents) should be enacted. BAH is BS, and I've always thought it was a really bad use of taxpayer dollars to give young smucks extra money just because they got married or knocked up. You wanna get married or knocked up? Civillian jobs don't pay you more just because your family situation changes. Why should the military? Medical benefits are one thing, but paycheck in the form of BAH? Bah humbug.</div><div><br></div><div>Pardon my negative nelly attitude tonight. I'm really really disappointed in my friend, and I'm very frustrated. Nothing I can do about it, and doesn't really affect me, so I know I shouldn't care. But I do.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div>

Response by SSgt Gregory Guina made Feb 21 at 2014 12:31 AM

SSgt Gregory Guina — Fri, 21 Feb 2014 00:31:04 -0500

Unfortunately there are many stories like this out there and most of them don't end well in the long run. My first marriage sure didn't work out. However I do know a guy that married his high school sweetheart either right before he joined or while he was on leave from boot camp. They are still married today and he has been in for more than 20 years so there is hope.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 21 at 2014 7:52 AM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 21 Feb 2014 07:52:18 -0500

As people grow up their wants and aspirations evolve in life and it isn't productive to anyone to be judgmental towards them for changing. She isn't hurting anyone so leave her be to live her life the way she deems fit and be happy for her and her choices because those are the one's that she has to live with. The only person you can control is yourself, so why bother expending the energy to be disappointed in another human being for doing what makes her happy.

That being said...I think the dependent rate for BAH is bogus and should be disregarded because it does push soldiers into getting married when they shouldn't.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 21 at 2014 8:01 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 21 Feb 2014 08:01:49 -0500

After over 12 years of multiple deployments, its hard for marriages to endure, young or old ones.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 21 at 2014 8:11 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 21 Feb 2014 08:11:38 -0500

<p>I married my wife after 2.5 year TIS, I was 24 she was 19; 6 years later, we're stronger than ever.  </p><p> </p><p>When I proposed the idea of marriage to her, I made expectations very clear...I told her I loved her, but she met me when I was in the Army and that being in the Army was a big part of who I am.  I explained that my career requires long days, long nights...hell even years away.  I told her that the only way a marriage would work is if she could accept that and support my career decisions.  She agreed, and it was bumpy at first as she learned to integrate fully into our life...but I could never have asked for a more perfect companion to spend the rest of my life with.</p><p> </p><p>I think the problem, in truth, is our throw away culture in America.  Don't like being married and too lazy to try and work on it?  Divorce.  Married but don't want to stay faithful?  Divorce.  Don't want to take the time to do something right?  Just quit.  It's a cultural problem, that can only be adjusted with good parenting and holding people accountable.</p>

Response by SMSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 21 at 2014 8:27 AM

SMSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 21 Feb 2014 08:27:22 -0500

<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3><FONT color=#000000><FONT face=Calibri>PO3 Hicks<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></FONT></P>
<P style="MARGIN: 0in 0in 10pt" class=MsoNormal><FONT size=3><FONT color=#000000><FONT face=Calibri>I feel your pain and frustration.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">  </SPAN>I have witnessed numerous young couples that leaped into marriages in tech school that have failed.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">  </SPAN>But like Cpl Fittizzi, I’ve also got a success story.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">  </SPAN>I would consider my marriage young. <SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </SPAN>I was 23 and my wife had just turned 20.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">  </SPAN>Some other odds that were stacked against us, we had only been dating for about 6 months, we were in a long distance relationship, I was stationed at RAF Mildenhall and she lived in North Wales, I am American she is British, I am African American she is Caucasian.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">  </SPAN>Many of my friends didn’t think it would last, but our parents believed in us and how head strong we both are.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">  </SPAN>That was 3 PCS’s (3 countries), 8 deployments, 2 kids, more fights than I can count, and 13 years ago in 2001.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">  </SPAN>We’re still going strong.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">  </SPAN>I’d also like to add that being a “MRS” is nothing to bat an eye at, especially a military MRS.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">  </SPAN>The military spouse is in my opinion probably harder than being in the military, especially for my wife as she isn’t even American.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">  </SPAN>In the military we have rules and regulations and are trained to be experts at what we do, but there isn’t any guidance on how to be a good, supportive wife, mother, home caretaker.<SPAN style="mso-spacerun: yes">  </SPAN>My wife is truly amazing and I try to express that to her every day that I appreciate her support and I couldn’t have made it where I am today without her.<o:p></o:p></FONT></FONT></FONT></P>

Response by CW3 Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 21 at 2014 8:28 AM

CW3 Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 21 Feb 2014 08:28:29 -0500

I was 24 when I got married after a little less than 3 years on active duty.  Twenty two and a half years later, I'm still married, to the same woman.  Left active duty and entered the Army Reserve after twelve and a half years, and been in the Army Reserve ever since.

Response by CW4 Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 21 at 2014 9:42 AM

CW4 Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 21 Feb 2014 09:42:14 -0500

Both my wife and I were young sailors (first termers) and both were on 21 when we got married. This year will be 20 years since then. I am still in and am a senior leader and my wife has been out of the service since 1997 and raised our 3 awesome boys. My oldest is now in the Navy.

I have seen both sides. Some of my collegues have multiple marriages and then there is me still together after 20 years. The military can be very difficult on marriages. Both memebers must be commited in order to survive.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 21 at 2014 10:12 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 21 Feb 2014 10:12:38 -0500

I got married during HBL at Basic. My wife was an Army brat. Grandparents on her mother's side and both her parents Army. Grandfather and father retired Army.

Its been two years and we are still hanging in there.

Response by 1SG Alan Bailey made Feb 21 at 2014 11:20 AM

1SG Alan Bailey — Fri, 21 Feb 2014 11:20:07 -0500

This May me and my wife will have been married for 24 years. We were married about 2 weeks after I graduated AIT. We have two great sons and have a stronge marriage. Don't get me wrong we have had the same streeors has everyone else but we make it work. I do get tired of hearing Soldiers blame a failled marriage on the military, it might have some to do with it, but i feel there are other things envolved.

Response by LT Jessica Kellogg made Feb 21 at 2014 5:59 PM

LT Jessica Kellogg — Fri, 21 Feb 2014 17:59:51 -0500

My husband and I were married when we were 22, right after his first deployment and before I joined.

I think a lot of young couples think that getting married is the only way to be able to move with the service member, or that marriage is some sort of magic guarantee that their relationship will survive a deployment.

Conversely, I think young couples should experience military life before committing to it. Some people just aren't happy being away from their loved one for that long.

If I had a young sailor considering marriage and they wanted my advice, I'd tell them to get married because they want to get married, not because the military makes it appealing.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 21 at 2014 6:14 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 21 Feb 2014 18:14:55 -0500

Civilians get married for really crazy reasons all the time. Military personnel get married for really crazy reasons all the time. The BAH incentive is one of many irrational reasons people get married when they aren't ready or for the wrong reasons. On the flip side of all these irrational reasons, the BAH incentive actually HELPS out a lot of people as well.

I am disappointed to hear that people want the extra dependent BAH pay to be taken away because our soldiers are making wrong decisions based on its existence. I'd rather us, as professional soldiers and leaders, educate military personnel on pros/cons of a marriage.

If my kids get into the cookie jar without permission I don't take the cookie jar away so they aren't tempted. I discipline and educate them to overcome the temptation of getting into the cookie jar without permission.

Response by CSM Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 21 at 2014 6:23 PM

CSM Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 21 Feb 2014 18:23:22 -0500

My first duty station was 15 miles from my home town. I went back home, and got married within 8 months at 20 years old. I knew her while I was still in school. I was buddies with her cousing. We have been married nearly 18 years. We have been through 5 deployments, a myriad of schools, field exercises and training rotations. It has not always been easy, but we got through it. I think if you are not mentally prepared for the hardships, it definitely will not work. Being married and a young soldier makes it even more difficult. We got pregnant just weeks after getting married. I wish we had waited, because boy did it make things tough on a E2s paycheck. I am now on the downhill slide of my career. I have 3 awesome kids, who despite me spending alot of time deployed, turned out alright. So statistics are just that, statistics. If they work at it, they can succeed.

It is not impossible, but it will be difficult to make it through it. I hope your friend makes it, and doesnt become that statistic. Good friends will definitely help.....

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 21 at 2014 6:51 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 21 Feb 2014 18:51:37 -0500

My marriage is still going strong after 16 years!

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 22 at 2014 10:22 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 22 Feb 2014 10:22:31 -0500

I got married at 19, dumbest thing i have ever done. While we were dating she walked away and left the Pizza Hut we were eating in, and I didn't chase her. She came back... I should've never stayed with her...  completely changed my perceptions and outlook on life.  People ask if there is anything you would ever change in your past, and even though we have a son together and I was granted custody in the divorce, in a heartbeat I would change the fact that I ever met her worthless a$$. <br><br>Fast forward about 5 years. I met a lil lady, started dating. Deployed twice from 03-04 and all of 05 and she didn't screw me over like most army wives/ gf's do, so, I figured why not, and married her. 12 years after we met we are still together. She put herself through college while working full time and even attained her masters while I was deployed, 2 years on the trail and a year in korea all while raising two kids, and is now teaching at a local middle school. I got lucky with this one.<br><br>Sometimes people will listen, most of the time they just want to prove how right they are even though they are wrong in trying to get married young. Some people just need to learn the hard way. But back then I didn't have any NCO's or peers telling me the bad things of getting married early. I sure as sh!t make sure I tell my story to young joe's as well as pass on the horror stories from others to let them know it isn't all peaches and cream like they think it will be, especially if they want to keep their own property and good credit scores  etc.<br>

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 22 at 2014 11:21 AM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 22 Feb 2014 11:21:13 -0500

This story is old and distinguished, having played out many times throughout my 23 year career. I think though, that although highlighted by the small community we associate with in the military, the story is all to common throughout our nation.

Young people get together and 'fall in love', get married - get pregnant or vice versa and then they finish growing up and realize they don't have anything in common with this person beyond a child. Sometimes it's easy to blame the outside stressors of life but in reality, they were just looking for a reason to escape a marriage they didn't TRULY want to be in. People no longer have the tenacity to deal with adversity, it's easier to just walk away and get another spouse.

The truly sad part of these stories, and the part that always angered me the most, was the majority of the time their were children involved. When divorcing parents begin to use the children as tools to get what they want from the other, they should be taken out back to the wood shed and slapped until they get some common sense about them. Children should never be leverage in a dispute between adults.

We have all heard the stories of others, the advice from family, friends, coworkers, parents, NCO's etc. but when your 18 years old you only hear it, you don't listen to it. We as humans unfortunately don't listen until we get older, live it and then realize that we should have listened and we start telling the same stories, words of advice to the next generation of 'wet behind the ears Soldiers/Sailors/Airman/Marines/Coasties' who hear it but don't listen just like we did.

Oh and I didn't get married until I was 27 and my wife is two months younger than me. WE have had our ups and downs in this first 16+ years of marriage just like everyone else. Deployments, training/exercises, advance schools, PME course etc. We chose to work through our problems and move on with life. Is it because we were older? Or was it just because we truly wanted to be in the marriage with each other and the fact that we waited until later in life to marry affected that? By the way we dated 6 months, got engaged and then married after 8 months so we definitely did not know each other all that well when we got married either. We had never lived together and only lived in the same time zone for a month before getting married. I did however travel across the country a lot back then to visit her. :)

Response by SPC David Wyckoff made Feb 22 at 2014 11:29 AM

SPC David Wyckoff — Sat, 22 Feb 2014 11:29:35 -0500

I met my wife when I was 12. Sunday school. I knew she was the one. She dated other people during HS. I wasn't interested. Married her as soon as I was 18. We had a boy already when we were married, he was a year and a half old.

I didn't join the Army until I was 22. We had two more kids, both girls.

In April we will have been married 28 years. All three of my kids have served and gotten out of the military. My oldest daughter has given me two precious grandbabies that I spoil rotten. I am a lucky man and I live a charmed life.

I can tell you that without my wife, I wouldn't be here. I didn't come home from the desert the same man I went. We have weathered changes in both of us. What we never let go of is that we watch each others backs. Always. I trust her implicitly with every aspect of my life and I can honestly say that I have never lied to her in any regard. She is my reason for living.

Happily ever after does happen.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 22 at 2014 8:29 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 22 Feb 2014 20:29:47 -0500

It's good to see positive marital stories when all to often it is the opposite of what we are hearing. I guess I would rate my story up there as another success story. I met my wife in basic training. She was in a different company, but we met at a security briefing that we had to attend because if our MOS. When we graduated basic we went to AIT and boy did we hate each other. At the next phase of AIT we ended up out together one night before her birthday and the stars aligned. This April we will have been married 10 years. When we got married neither one of us had been in the Army more than 2 years. We have 2 kids and have been through our ups and downs, but at the end of the day it's about remembering why we love each other. She is my better half. To young people reading this, marriage is a second full time job. If you give up, so will she/he. However, if you work at new ways to keep the spark alive, than it's one of the best steps you can ever make.

Response by SFC Siva Williams made Mar 15 at 2014 12:15 AM

SFC Siva Williams — Sat, 15 Mar 2014 00:15:05 -0400

My wife and I met at McGregor Range, Fort Bliss, TX. She was 19 and I was 20 when we met. We dated for nearly a year before we got married on the 1st of August. Saddam invaded Kuwait while we were asleep and when we woke up we knew that we our unit was going to war. Back then married couples in the same unit could not deploy together so she was reassigned to garrison while I deployed. This set the tone for the next 24 years of our marriage. We married young and we are also a interracial couple. My wife has weathered the storm of multiple deployments and challenging assignments during the 90s. Not only was I deployed less than two weeks after we got married I was sent back to Saudi Arabia in 1993 for six months. The next year wasn't any better since I spent the first 17 weeks of 1994 in BNCOC followed by a deployment to Korea (they let me have a little over two weeks at home). I was gone 10 months that year. The time away for deployments should have been the kiss of death for our marriage but we manage to survive and press on together. My deployments were six months long back then. I can't imagine being gone for years at a time at the start of a marriage. It would take a strong and determined spouse to make the marriage work when deploy lengths are a year long. I think marrying young while both parties are still immature is not the wise course of action during a time when units are suffering high optempo deployments. Now that we are transitioning back to a contingency military the challenges young couples face will not be as severe as combat and deployments. Now couples will have to figure out how to make ends meet with shrinking benefits and compensation. Young couples can make it but they will need support and mentorship. The good news is that young military couples have their kids earlier than civilians and will be empty nesters by the time military retirement comes around.

Response by CPT Richard Riley made Mar 16 at 2014 3:19 PM

CPT Richard Riley — Sun, 16 Mar 2014 15:19:28 -0400

Since you want a positive story, even though this is somewhat dated, My Father-in-law married at the age of 20 in his first enlistment in the Navy. Through Korea, Vietnam, and the ready reserves and their marriage lasted over 50 years. They had 3 kids, went through multiple ports, yet managed to stay together & joined at the hip for all those years. While they were both alive it was just about impossible to see one without the other. Was it a 'different time' yes, but the basics were the same, the marriage stresses were similar. Have to hand it to them and appreciate that 'til death do us part' was factual for them - and a real promise they made one another. Wish I could say the same applied to me, but I had to make a mis-step before marrying his daughter. We've been together for over 21 years & 6 kids later we're still an item. Love her to death & would not trade her for anything!

What I've learned over those years is to be happy and satisfied with what I have, because even if the grass 'looks greener' somewhere else, it still has weeds, has to be cared for and nurtured, and takes work on both sides to be viable.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 6 at 2014 2:42 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 06 Apr 2014 14:42:05 -0400

I had just been in the Army for a year when I met my wife in 1984. I was 19 years old. She was an Army brat. Her father had served in the Army for 23 years and she knew what to expect when marrying me. We were married in Novemeber 1985. I had been through multiple deployemnts. I left the Army for 10 years, and if it wasn't for her encouragement, I would not be where I am today. I returned to active duty in 2002 (one of the best decision we have ever made). Knowing more deployements were ahead, she was still very happy being back in military life. We have raised three great children, with one of them having served for 4 years, and another one about to join the military. We have had great times and tough times, but we knew no matter what, it is a commitment. We have traveled many places together, seen many things, and met a lot of great people. I look back now and smile knowing, marrying her was also one of the best decision I have ever made. She has always been there behind me and beside me. Soon, it will be ready to retire. I know it will be a sad day for her and I when I do, but she will always be there for me, as I will be for her.

Response by SSG William Sutter made Apr 21 at 2014 11:51 PM

SSG William Sutter — Mon, 21 Apr 2014 23:51:12 -0400

I don't understand what the problem is with her. What I see is a woman, thought young she is, joined the Navy to persue a dream and found out that it wasn't what she thought it was. Found a man she loves, married and now she is having a baby. Sounds like she was young and dumb (as most young people are when they join) and found what she wanted. This sounds like college as well. When young people go off to college, a lot of them end up parting so much that grades take a dump and some even drop out.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made May 11 at 2014 12:48 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 11 May 2014 12:48:35 -0400

I am very interested in this topic and have my own personal hypotheses about marriage and divorce in the military. I am actually in the process of recruiting participants for my clinical psychology doctoral project on the subject. I would really appreciate your participation.

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The survey only takes 5-10 minutes to complete. Please forward this link to anyone who you think may be eligible to participate!

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2LT Chester

Marriage Research Study

Married & divorced MEN, 18-50 y/o, can participate in my research study! It only takes 5-10 min!

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made May 12 at 2014 2:58 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 12 May 2014 14:58:46 -0400

I got married at 20 to another service member. We had our first child at 22. 12 years and three children later we are still going. There were some really bad times, mostly over deployments, but we wanted it to work. So we fought for it. Every says that 20 is too young. Yes it is young, but you have to understand going into it that you will change, they will change, and you will have to work your butt off.

Response by Maj Chris Nelson made May 21 at 2014 4:04 PM

Maj Chris Nelson — Wed, 21 May 2014 16:04:09 -0400

Looking through this, looks like I was fast approaching Old Hag status. I got married at age 26, wife was 24 at the time. That was in 1995. Still going strong, even with a few bumps along the way.

Response by MSG Wade Huffman made May 23 at 2014 11:22 AM

MSG Wade Huffman — Fri, 23 May 2014 11:22:19 -0400

I was 19 when my wife and I got married. She was 18. We're still together, over 30 years now. Was it easy? Hell no. Has it been worth fighting for? Absolutely. So, yes.. young marriages can be successful, but like everything else in life, you have to work at it.

Response by Cpl David Garcia made Jun 9 at 2014 12:11 PM

Cpl David Garcia — Mon, 09 Jun 2014 12:11:43 -0400

I think you misread her intentions, maybe she wanted a nuclear family not nuclear school. (sorry bad pun)

I along with a group of my peers had bad marriages. I married at 24 and was divorced in two years. The happiest of that marriage was during the two deployments while I was married. I married for honor because she got pregnant. I am not a bad person and knew that divorce was the best course of action. I have been happily divorced for nine years with full custody of our child.

The best marriages that I witnessed in the Corps were ended because of job hazards. I felt guilty for the widows because I was going through a crap a marriage and chose to divorce whereas their marriages were going well and life ended their happiness. Things will never make sense to those outside of the experiences. All we can do as spectators is to be supportive and guide with tactful advice.

Response by CPT Catherine R. made Jun 12 at 2014 10:29 PM

CPT Catherine R. — Thu, 12 Jun 2014 22:29:19 -0400

Met my hubby in May 2000 (ages 22 and 28), got married in October 2000. It's been 13.5 years, we have 4 kids and are still happily married.
It can be done!

Response by PO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 28 at 2014 8:48 PM

PO3 Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 28 Jun 2014 20:48:06 -0400

I was placed on "extra duty" after refusing to "date" my NCO at the duty station. The duty: picking up gumballs off the Officer's golf course and painting fences with the civiliams. The petty officer in charge of the detail was a good guy. Had no problems with him and we became good friends. Dated him weekly for about a year, and then married him in 1978. Eleven years ago, he passed away from an injury he received from an accident in the reactor room of a nuclear sub back in 1970/71 though the veterans administration declined to accept responsibility. We raised four children together. We worked together for 25 years on our marriage, our life, and our children. We stayed "best friends" for all of those years and no regrets for either of us except I wish he was still with me to finish growing old with. I miss him. (my only marriage, his second)

Response by Cpl Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 28 at 2014 10:54 PM

Cpl Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 28 Jun 2014 22:54:16 -0400

I was married the day after I graduated boot camp at age 19. I have been married 24 years and have 5 kids. I guess we were just stubborn.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 24 at 2014 7:05 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 24 Jul 2014 07:05:44 -0400

I married my husband 11.5 years ago. We are both in the military and have deployed together. We have 8yr old twin boys. I can't lie and say it is or was easy but it takes two to make it work and I'm hoping to spend the rest of our lives together. :)

Response by SSG Christopher Freeman made Jul 29 at 2014 9:15 AM

SSG Christopher Freeman — Tue, 29 Jul 2014 09:15:25 -0400

I got married when I was 22 and had just over 4 years in. 3 years later and we are married, have a daughter, and have one on the way. Life is good

Response by SPC Richard White made Jul 29 at 2014 6:29 PM

SPC Richard White — Tue, 29 Jul 2014 18:29:58 -0400

I married at the age of 24 and I had plans to get married before that but it didn't work out.I took a marriage class to get myself ready.

Response by PO1 Ricky Allen made Aug 1 at 2014 5:03 PM

PO1 Ricky Allen — Fri, 01 Aug 2014 17:03:47 -0400

I got married during my second tour of duty. I laid out to my now wife my foundation of who I am, where I'm going, and how I'm getting there. In fact, I gave her an "out", because I didn't want to waste her time or mine with a long drawn out relationship.

Remember, this is Rota Spain we're talking about! :))

Nonetheless, she took my hand and told me she was all in. A year later we were married. 14 years later, we're still making it happen. Keep your head up.

It's about the person and what your foundation is. Mine is God, period. Maybe someone else's is based on prior experiences with other relationships. Nonetheless it's about foundation. Without a strong foundation, everything eventually falls.

Response by SGT Jim Barrows made Oct 19 at 2014 12:44 AM

SGT Jim Barrows — Sun, 19 Oct 2014 00:44:33 -0400

My first marriage was at18 she didnt like the time downrange at Ft Carson.She left before we made it two years I'm on me third and I thank God for her she is the best . I think it's all in growing and understanding each other .life's been a great walk I'm proud of what's been learned.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 19 at 2014 1:46 AM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 19 Oct 2014 01:46:40 -0400

Married on June 30th at 18 left for boot camp July 5th. Married for 35 years now.

Response by 1SG David Niles made Oct 19 at 2014 11:13 AM

1SG David Niles — Sun, 19 Oct 2014 11:13:07 -0400

Yes, see my pride of service photo. Married at 20 years old, have been married for 25 years. It was hard, but not to hard.

Response by SGT Michael Glenn made Dec 24 at 2014 2:54 PM

SGT Michael Glenn — Wed, 24 Dec 2014 14:54:24 -0500

I saw MANY marriages fail while in the service because they were kids with no real clue to what it takes to sustain a marriage. Had one who was just 18 , his wife 17, he was deployed when she got to Germany and wound up being sucked into the party scene by other soldiers who thrive on people like her, she wound up getting PG and had a black child, the hubby went off the deep end and she tried to blame him for everything, for not being there when she landed , for not being there to help her with housing and many other issues when in reality she was there just two weeks by herself and knew before she left the states that it would be this way, I think the love she professed t him was false as two weeks is a drop in the bucket to wait for someone. I also worked at a club where it was a known spot for wives to cluster looking for no strings attached sex while hubbies were deployed, it wasnt uncommon to go out to the shooting range behind this dive and find bodies laying all over the places. It may be fun at the moment, but it ruins lives and its even worse when kids are involved as they suffer the worst.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 24 at 2014 10:50 PM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 24 Dec 2014 22:50:51 -0500

My wife and I got married when I was 4 days shy of turning 20. We've been married 8 years now, and expect many more to come. I would not be able to afford being in the Guard if it weren't for BAH. Simply doesn't pay enough for me to take the necessary time off work without BAH.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 25 at 2014 12:25 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 25 Dec 2014 00:25:13 -0500

When I was in AIT in 2004 I saw two Airmen get married and divorced before they graduated. Imagine the paperwork of trying to get assigned to the same base and then backtrack.

Response by SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 28 at 2014 3:24 PM

SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 28 Dec 2014 15:24:18 -0500

I petition to not allow anyone in the US to marry before the age of 25...

Response by CPT Jack Durish made Dec 28 at 2014 6:40 PM

CPT Jack Durish — Sun, 28 Dec 2014 18:40:34 -0500

When I entered the service in 1966, we were told that if we needed a spouse, one would be issued to us. Few of us were deluded enough to believe that an E1 could afford their own at $89/month. Even as a 2LT at $303/month, I could see that marriage was out of the question. (I know, you're surprised that any "butter bar" had that much common sense.)

I've known couples who have married at tender young ages and successfully avoided the pains of holy deadlock, and others of more advanced years who have not. Thus, I'm not certain that the issue is the age at which one marries, but rather the circumstances that may lead to lifelong pairings or divorce. Sadly, the military life puts strains on marriage that are rarely encountered in civilian life. Money is scarce. Absences are prolonged. Temptations abound for geographical bachelors and bachelorettes.

Sadly, everyone thinks that love, their love, will conquer all and divorce, well, that only happens to other people. Thus, short of a prohibition on marriage together with a stiff penalty to enforce it, I doubt that much can be done. Even then, boys and girls will be boys and girls, and the birds and the bees will prevail. What will you do then?

Response by LCpl Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 28 at 2014 7:01 PM

LCpl Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 28 Dec 2014 19:01:41 -0500

I would honestly think a contractual obligation to not get married in your first term of enlistment would do a lot for the junior ranks. Would have sorted my shit pretty easy and might have saved my career.

Response by PO2 Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 28 at 2014 7:18 PM

PO2 Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 28 Dec 2014 19:18:42 -0500

I met my husband in Great Lakes when I was on holds waiting to be sent to San Diego for "C" school. We dated before I left and while I was in San Diego. When I came home for a brief time to see my family before heading to my ship we got engaged. We were engaged for one year while I was stationed on the USS Emory S. Land. I OTEIPed on the Land for an extra year (all orders to the Land at that time were one year orders) and during my 30 day leave I was granted we got married and at the time I was 21 (I turned 22 three days later). We've been married two years now and yes we've had our struggles because of deployments and colocation issues.

We are now both in Yokosuka, Japan where I was originally stationed on the USS Fitzgerald and he was on the USS Mustin. This past January we found out I was pregnant with our first child. In July I was given pregnancy orders to work at the Degaussing Range. He is still on the ship. Right now I'm working with the detailer on my orders because of a small issue that arose with my contract ending unless I reenlist. (Long long story.) We are still married and have an adorable baby girl.

It does get stressful though. When we were on opposite deployments when we were both home it was hard to do anything because we were tired or one wanted to do something while the other didn't. We missed holidays, birthdays, and anniversaries together but we made due. It still is stressful now because while he is on deployments I'm home alone with a two month old and since we're overseas there's really no family members to come over and help. I have friends here willing to help but it's tough.

Dual military does take its toll on a lot of things. I can get a short temper sometimes and lose patience quickly. It's something I'm personally working on trying to improve. Especially since I want to be a good example to my daughter. All marriages have their rough spots and mine is no different.

Response by SFC(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 28 at 2014 7:53 PM

SFC(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 28 Dec 2014 19:53:58 -0500

My wife and I have been married 5 years now with two girls. I was 18 and my wife 19 when We got married.i was 19 when I got to my first unit. It wasn't easy but all through my first contract we never understood how people could be married and divorced over and over again and make the same mistakes.

Response by PO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 28 at 2014 8:30 PM

PO3 Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 28 Dec 2014 20:30:33 -0500

Wish I had some sage advice, but I owe the Navy 2 divorces, lol... It takes a special type of spouse to handle that kind of life. A lot of kids aren't ready for the adjustments required...

Response by SGM Erik Marquez made Dec 28 at 2014 8:51 PM

SGM Erik Marquez — Sun, 28 Dec 2014 20:51:26 -0500

When my wife and I married I had been in 5 years, was an E5p at my second duty station and 25 years old.

Been married 23 years now and no sign it will end any time in the next few hundred years.

She was in the service when we met, got out as an E5 after Desert Shield / and Desert storm.
I had 4 combat deployments with three PDSS, and many, many, many months away training.

Raised two boys grown men now and doing well..What can I saw, worked for us.

Response by MSgt Jim Pollock made Dec 29 at 2014 5:26 AM

MSgt Jim Pollock — Mon, 29 Dec 2014 05:26:45 -0500

This is a terrific discussion about an issue that concerned me throughout my 20 year career.

I very much like the suggestion that service members that enlist as single people should agree to remain single for the first two years of their enlistment.

First, plans for marrying high school sweethearts often cloud and distract the thinking of new recruits. I know this from experience. I 'swapped' an amazing overseas initial assignment opportunity for a horrible 'close to home' CONUS assignment to be close to my girl. I arrived at my first assignment and discovered that during my basic and tech training, my girl became pregnant by another man and wanted nothing to do with me. Twenty-six years later, I couldn't care less about the girl, but still regret giving up the assignment opportunity.

Second, the life of a young E-1--E-4 is not particularly pleasant. My recollection of living in the barracks/dorms and receiving meals "in-kind" equaled low net pay, an annoying roommate, regular room inspections and redundant chow hall meals. A quick trip to the courthouse for a quickie marriage equals a doubling in pay, private off-base quarters and the feeling of being treated like an 'adult.'

I know this because I did it as a young Airman. The first year or so was great, but, ultimately, the pain was not worth the payoff. The rigors of military life is tough on the strongest of marriages. Weak marriages borne of the potential payoff are generally doomed and divorce sucks under any circumstance.

Sharing my story rarely prevented similar stories from occurring among my troops as I matured and rose through the ranks. I witnessed similar pain happen time and again throughout my career.

So...a two year marriage ban may seem oppressive, but my experience is that it would ultimately save much pain and drama in the ranks while keeping young troops focused on learning their craft and enjoying their early military years. If a hometown sweetheart is truly marriage material, the relationship will last a couple year marriage delay.

Response by SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 11 at 2015 12:33 PM

SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 11 Mar 2015 12:33:55 -0400

I, like many other people, absolutely LOVE happy endings, long marriages, and all that jazz. But what really grinds my gears are people who post things like this, judging their friends for taking that leap and "abandoning their dreams" for marriage. Sure, she may have had aspirations and dreams that would take her far in her Navy career, but maybe - just maybe - she also had dreams of being a great mother and wife. It's not YOUR life nor your place to feel disappointed and/or frustrated with her decisions. She's an adult and as we all know, everything we plan for ourselves seldom goes the way we plan -- especially in the military. Marrying young, or marrying at all, in the military isn't an easy choice.. and it definitely isn't one that should have people thinking "well what will my friends think of my decision?". Military marriages aren't doomed to fail solely because the people involved are under 24 years old or E4 and below.

While your friend's decisions may make you feel uneasy, disappointed, frustrated, etc.. it's important to remember that it's not about YOU. And neither are the other thousands of marriages in the military. Focus on your own life, and make the most of your own career. If hers falters, it will be because of her own choices -- NOT because she decided to get married. The easiest thing in the world to do is to mind our own business, unless there is threat to one's safety. I don't see a safety issue here. Good luck in YOUR marriage and good luck to her as well.

Response by SCPO Donald Morris made May 9 at 2015 8:30 AM

SCPO Donald Morris — Sat, 09 May 2015 08:30:55 -0400

I got married when I was 20 years old, I had about one year two months in the Navy and a E3. We where together over 23 years and had 3 kids. Before she ask me to leave because she did not love me. That was May of 1991, I just drop my retirement papers in February of 1991 to retire in February of 1992..

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made May 9 at 2015 9:09 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 09 May 2015 09:09:40 -0400

PO3 Private RallyPoint Member I got married after completion of basic training at Ft. Benning, GA. in 2003. I was 20 and my wife was still 17. We're currently on our 5th assignment back at Ft. Benning were my career started. We've been through 3 deployments and have 2 children that are 10 and 5. We will have our 12th anniversary in June. Marriage isn't always easy, but in order to make one successful, people have to learn how to work things out. The Army has programs for marriage counseling and offers paid for trips known as "Marriage retreats" that may provide time for couples to spend together. I'm sure there are some situations that make divorce a primary option, but it's usually best to keep a family together!

Response by MSgt Brian Welch made May 9 at 2015 9:12 AM

MSgt Brian Welch — Sat, 09 May 2015 09:12:17 -0400

I got married right out of tech school to my high school sweetheart. I was young and immature. In my mind I/we were ready for anything. We had a daughter, and an unaccompanied tour to Korea. She decided the military life wasn't for her. I realize looking back the marriage was because I was a scared country boy and was simply bringing a familiar piece of home with me. I've also seen the rush to marriage within my peers in the military. I would give the advice to be committed in a dating relationship for a few years and through a deployment before leaping into marriage.

Response by SPC John Van Valkenburgh made May 9 at 2015 9:32 AM

SPC John Van Valkenburgh — Sat, 09 May 2015 09:32:13 -0400

Married at 21 yrs old 2 yrs TIS 9 years later still married with 2 kids. When the person is right they are right.

Response by Lt Col Jim Coe made May 9 at 2015 12:21 PM

Lt Col Jim Coe — Sat, 09 May 2015 12:21:38 -0400

We were married at 18. Had first daughter at 19. We both worked and I completed college and entered USAF. For 22 years she was a great mom to our kids and dutiful Air Force Wife. She enjoyed the adventure and supported me throughout. Next, it was her turn. She completed her BSN in 1999 and worked as an RN for 7 yrs. physical disabilities caused her retirement. We will be married 50 years in Nov.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made May 9 at 2015 12:34 PM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 09 May 2015 12:34:31 -0400

We were both 19 when we got married. We had been had been dating for about 3 months, but friends before that. This August will be married for 9 years.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made May 9 at 2015 12:56 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Sat, 09 May 2015 12:56:37 -0400

My last goal in life is to outlive my ex.

Response by PO1 William "Chip" Nagel made May 9 at 2015 3:20 PM

PO1 William "Chip" Nagel — Sat, 09 May 2015 15:20:43 -0400

Would I recommend it, NO! Would I do it again, Probably. The end of the story I rather like being Grandpa!

Response by CH (CPT) Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 8 at 2015 12:04 PM

CH (CPT) Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 08 Jun 2015 12:04:23 -0400

I got married before my senior year of ROTC. This summer, by God's grace, it will be 7 years for us.

Worked out as I expected? Well, certainly not. Life changes you. Jobs change you. Children change you. Marriage isn't easy, and it's rarely what we expect. But, it's good.

I know I would not be the man I am today, the chaplain I am today, the (fill in the blank with all the other hats I wear) today were it not for my wife.

Response by SSgt Donnavon Smith made Jul 10 at 2015 3:38 PM

SSgt Donnavon Smith — Fri, 10 Jul 2015 15:38:21 -0400

When we got married we were both in the AF. I was a 21 y/o E-4 and she was 19 and an E-3. That was 19 years ago this past April. I think it comes down to stubbornness and Integrity. I made a promise to her and I am damned sure going to do everything in my power to keep it.
Sidenote: the original chaplain we were going to use would not marry us because I had not "Found God". The other merely had me promise that I would do everything possible to stay together. Done.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jul 10 at 2015 3:42 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Fri, 10 Jul 2015 15:42:30 -0400

I had sympathy for the light infantry as divorces abounded.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 10 at 2015 3:51 PM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 10 Jul 2015 15:51:00 -0400

Yes and No, ended up being a single father on active duty for 6 years

Response by CPO Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 10 at 2015 3:57 PM

CPO Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 10 Jul 2015 15:57:06 -0400

I was 19, met a girl that was 20 and 2 weeks later we married. We now have 2 beautiful children and we will be celebrating our 25th anniversary in 2 months.

Response by CPT(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 16 at 2015 10:59 PM

CPT(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 16 Jul 2015 22:59:10 -0400

I'm a statistic... after 19 yrs of marriage, dual military couple, many deployments, schools, training, etc... it didnt work out!

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Aug 12 at 2015 2:03 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Wed, 12 Aug 2015 14:03:02 -0400

Was her mom batshit crazy? lol

Response by SGT John W Lugo made Aug 30 at 2015 3:28 PM

SGT John W Lugo — Sun, 30 Aug 2015 15:28:49 -0400

Yes, came home on leave to get married, but after 12 years in the military it ended in divorce.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Nov 7 at 2015 1:05 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Sat, 07 Nov 2015 13:05:49 -0500

In my bucket list was to out live my ex.

Response by MSgt Mark Bucher made Oct 6 at 2017 7:27 AM

MSgt Mark Bucher — Fri, 06 Oct 2017 07:27:08 -0400

Yes I did, and no, it didn't work out. I have no regrets, I still have nothing but great memories. The pain fades after a while.

Response by Capt David Bays made May 18 at 2018 7:26 PM

Capt David Bays — Fri, 18 May 2018 19:26:59 -0400

May dad graduated from the Naval Academy in June 1957, and married my mom later that month. They are still married.

Response by SSgt Richard Kensinger made May 11 at 2019 10:09 AM

SSgt Richard Kensinger — Sat, 11 May 2019 10:09:17 -0400

I married by very best girlfriend, Paula, when stationed at Andrews AFB on June 19, 1971. In fact, after completing med training, They forgot to assign me. To make it up to me, I got to choose my first duty station. I chose Andrews as it was closest to her. We met during my senior year in college. I will marry her again for all time in eternity! And, we had Mindi and it cost us only 5 bucks!!!. We are working on 48 years. she by far is the most important person in my life w/o a doubt.
Rich

Response by SFC Michael Hasbun made Dec 12 at 2019 12:14 PM

SFC Michael Hasbun — Thu, 12 Dec 2019 12:14:09 -0500

I mean... my third marriage is working out pretty well...

Response by PO2 Marty Sharpe made Aug 3 at 2021 8:49 AM

PO2 Marty Sharpe — Tue, 03 Aug 2021 08:49:59 -0400

I did at age 20. Lasted until I was separated and the allotment ceased.