Did Maddog make the right choice?

BREAKING NEWs: After several reports that firearms are in no way more lethal than a standard household appliance, the U.S. military has decided to adopt the MH99 as its primary weapon for forward deployed soldiers.

When asked for comment SECDEF James "Maddog" Mattis said "It was really a no brainer. After I saw all these reports coming out of facebook and twitter from legit lethality experts, it was pretty clear our boys could inflict just as much damage with a sledge hammer as they could with any projectile weapon. Plus it saved us a lot of money on ammo."

Mattis also said the military looked at edged weapons as those too are just as lethal but during trials it became clear they wouldn't work. "Its just like when you give these (explitive) pistols and they all think they're John (expletive) Wayne drawing down on their mirrors from their cool guy lame ass holsters. These dumb (expletive) acted like a bunch of drunk (expletive) Samurai and one (expletive) lost a damn finger."

Interested to see how the roll out of the weapons system was received by soldiers currently deployed we reached out to them for comment but they were unable to respond as ISIS had opted to keep their rifles and according to scientists "basically killed everyone".

PICTURED: A USMC recruit trains on the new weapon system using an implied insurgent. He would go on to qualify expert, but said of the new weapon "Sure anyone can use it, I even saw an LT qualify on it... but... I don't know bro just doesn't seem very good at a distance."