Is it standard or even typical as a form of disciplinary action for an NCO to call a soldier's parents to complain about the service member?

PV2 Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 12 Jul 2023 11:20:18 -0400

Hello Rallypoint Members!

I have a question regarding disciplinary actions that I have received from my detachment SFC. So I got myself into some trouble with an MP (argued with an MP after having a few beers), not gonna go into great detail (I own the mistakes that I made) but I am confused about one thing that my detachment sergeant has done regarding my disciplinary actions. The day after my altercation with the MP’s, my detachment SFC called me into her office, she informed me about what reprimands I could be facing (which I expected) but she also made me write down my mother and father’s phone numbers and she actually called them to tell them how much of a dirt bag I had been (which I did not expect). I am a grown man and can face the legal and moral repercussions of my own actions but was taken aback to find out that my NCO had called my family to inform them of the mistakes that I had made. Is this standard procedure in the military or even a typical form of disciplinary action for an NCO to make?
Any and all input is appreciated!

Thanks!

Response by MSG Gary Eckert made Jul 12 at 2023 12:17 PM

MSG Gary Eckert — Wed, 12 Jul 2023 12:17:50 -0400

It is not typical. Not sure it is illegal though. The fact that you got in trouble is not protected PII. You gave her the names and phones numbers so she didn’t gain any CUI from your personnel records. Real question is, was it effective. Not in you accepting the consequences of your actions but keeping you from messing up again.

Response by CSM Chuck Stafford made Jul 12 at 2023 1:19 PM

CSM Chuck Stafford — Wed, 12 Jul 2023 13:19:46 -0400

After counseling and retraining, I have called a parent -- that was because through counseling I found that the dad (retired army) was a huge influence on my Soldier's life. Use all the tools in the toolbox; in this case, the tool was able to explain the consequences of continued actions in a more relatable manner to the Soldier. Soldier matured and was pivotal downrange...

Response by SSgt Christophe Murphy made Jul 12 at 2023 2:40 PM

SSgt Christophe Murphy — Wed, 12 Jul 2023 14:40:30 -0400

It isn't a common tool but I have seen it used. Especially for entry level Service Members who are not that far removed from living at home. The argument could be made that the leader possibly overstepped but there could also be the argument made that the leader used an outside the box approach to provide a corrective measure that could possibly stick. We all get safety briefs from Leadership and see Servicemembers who still continue to make poor choices in the face of that but when Mom/Dad start checking on you that generally clears the board for trouble children. I never personally used this approach but I have seen it effectively used on occasion when a good kid needed a wakeup call before they made a permanent negative imprint on their career .

But at the end of the day you got into it with the MPs (not a smart choice) and did so after having a few tasty beverages (anything alcohol related automatically escalates the issue and elevates repercussions). I would advise that you take your licks and keep your nose clean on this one.

Response by SFC Casey O'Mally made Jul 12 at 2023 2:48 PM

SFC Casey O'Mally — Wed, 12 Jul 2023 14:48:11 -0400

Neither standard nor typical. That is reserved for only a very select few - those we see potential in, we belive are heading down the wrong path, and their NCOs have not been able to get through to them. And the Soldier in question is usually very young and at their first duty station, and their first time being out from under mommy and daddy.

Most of the time the goal is that one or both of your parents will lay into you and give you hell in a way that will get your attention. The hope is that, as your NCOs have not been able to provide that necessary "come to Jesus" moment, your parents will.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 12 at 2023 3:38 PM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 12 Jul 2023 15:38:26 -0400

I haven’t seen this addressed yet, and I’ll try to make a point without turning this into a term paper.

All of us have heard the statistic that 21 veterans die each day from suicide. Of the two military brethren I’ve lost to suicide, their friends, family or co-workers did not see it coming. We all recalled our last conversations with each of them, looking for some clue that they intended to do themselves harm. Either they did not let on, or I didn’t pick up on clues. I imagine a lot of others would say the same thing.

So, if a young, junior subordinate in my chain had made some bad calls (in your case, alcohol and a conflict with the MPs), I might call his parents. Not to bust him at home, but to understand if there is something in his life that maybe his parents are aware of that his chain isn’t.

You’re right. You took your licks professionally. Good on you. And perhaps your SFC colored outside the lines a bit. Like SFC Casey O'Mally said, such action is neither standard nor typical. But I can understand her motivation for doing so.

Response by SCPO Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 12 at 2023 4:33 PM

SCPO Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 12 Jul 2023 16:33:14 -0400

Wow! It's not any standard procedure that I've ever seen or heard of. I never did that nor would I ever do that. It never, ever, even occurred to me to do that. My view is that you are the one in the military, just as you said, not your parents, spouse, grandparents, brother, or sister. On this issue I clearly agree with your view and feelings on the situation.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 12 at 2023 5:26 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 12 Jul 2023 17:26:59 -0400

Not common, but....it is a possible tool an NCO can use. If the Soldier gets in trouble, and the NCO can't find a way to get the Soldier in question to see the light, then what better way to engage the Soldier by notifying the parents. Then the parents can/could have that Come to Jesus talk with the Soldier. Look, we all do dumb at some point in our careers. There is no one alive, or dead, that didn't screw the pooch in some fashion. Take the licks, learn from them and Charlie Mike.

Response by LtCol Robert Quinter made Jul 13 at 2023 6:56 AM

LtCol Robert Quinter — Thu, 13 Jul 2023 06:56:40 -0400

Perhaps I'm showing my age, but I find it incredible that any military authority would involve your parents in a disciplinary situation unless they were directly involved in the incident. One of the objectives of recruit training is the recognition that the serviceman alone is responsible and accountable for his actions and held accountable for his/her conduct under the UCMJ. Including a persons parents in the resolution of conduct matters sounds like the sandlot "I'm going to tell your Mommy" reaction.

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 13 at 2023 9:13 AM

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 13 Jul 2023 09:13:40 -0400

No, it is not standard or typical.
But I did it once, for the parents' sake, when my company had a Soldier desert from Fort Campbell a month after reporting from OSUT. Based one what I knew about the Soldier, I suspected that he had moved back in with his parents and went back to his previous job. And I suspected that he lied to his parents.
I called his dad (got the number from the Soldier's DD 93) to inform him that we were almost complete processing his son's AWOL, but that it would save him some money and could avoid a warrant if he returned to Campbell for a day for some paperwork.
His dad was shocked, and stated that his son told him he was medically boarded out, to which I replied, "Oh no, not at all. He had no medical issues, and a medical board would have taken a year to put him out".
I just wanted to give the parents the whole story and the opportunity to talk to their son about responsibility.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 13 at 2023 2:09 PM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 13 Jul 2023 14:09:16 -0400

Is this standard procedure in the military. . . . ? no.

Response by A1C Medrick "Rick" DeVaney made Jul 13 at 2023 3:00 PM

A1C Medrick "Rick" DeVaney — Thu, 13 Jul 2023 15:00:26 -0400

UH... "NO".....
Once You've Obtained The Age Of 18, You Are Legally An Adult.
I Don't Even Think It's Legal To Contact Your Parents Or Anyone Else
Outside Of The Military Ranks, And All Discipline Matters ARE Military At That Point.
To Confirm, Contact Your Legal Representative On Your Base.

Response by MSG Lonnie Averkamp made Jul 13 at 2023 4:37 PM

MSG Lonnie Averkamp — Thu, 13 Jul 2023 16:37:34 -0400

I do not recall having contacted a family member in a negative situation, but it might (rarely) be used as "diversionary punishment", if the NCO wanted the soldier to understand the seriousness of his actions, but avoid having a blemish on his record. Now, if it was done in addition to other disciplinary action, I would consider it to be "piling on" and inappropriate.

Response by CSM Darieus ZaGara made Jul 14 at 2023 6:27 AM

CSM Darieus ZaGara — Fri, 14 Jul 2023 06:27:17 -0400

As stated earlier by others. Reserved for those that we try to save. If terms like dirt bag, and other derogatory statements are made, I would imagine family giving her some back before hanging up.

A call to family would be more along the lines of cllarafication of instincts, looking for support from the family in salvaging the service meber, etc.

Not common, not illegal to dial a number, being abrasive and overtly mean about her portrayal of you-not right (not illegal).

So if you portrayed the gist of her call correctly, I would open door her boss. If nothing else she will know what she did was wrong or right.

Response by SSG Michael Williams made Jul 15 at 2023 1:18 PM

SSG Michael Williams — Sat, 15 Jul 2023 13:18:36 -0400

Absolutely, hell no, She steped over a line that should not be crossed. You are not in grade school, you are a member of the military.

Response by SPC Karen Holcomb made Jul 15 at 2023 2:11 PM

SPC Karen Holcomb — Sat, 15 Jul 2023 14:11:54 -0400

Oh my. When I was in my Drill Sargent's were my new parents. Lol!

Response by SFC Kevin Childers made Jul 15 at 2023 3:44 PM

SFC Kevin Childers — Sat, 15 Jul 2023 15:44:04 -0400

IN LEIU OF FORMAL DISCIPLINARY ACTION, I'D TAKE IT, BUT THEN THERE HAD BETTER BE NO FURTHER ACTION ON THIS PARTICULAR ISSUE.

Response by PO2 Michael Carlson made Jul 15 at 2023 5:09 PM

PO2 Michael Carlson — Sat, 15 Jul 2023 17:09:58 -0400

I totally agree with all these response's about it's like they're back in High School , I was in for 8years and got in my fair share of trouble State side and abroad. They never once called my Mommy or Daddy. I say it that way because that's how they are treating young Men and Women. They signed a contract to serve and protect our Nation to highest Degree and they don't need some Hall Monitor calling his or her parents because of something they may have done !!! It's this Woke Ideology they have Injected into the Armed Forces !!! There is only one way to Combat this kind of stuff and that's at the Ballot Box in November 2024 !!!! All this has my blood boiling to listen to this cr*p !!!

Response by LTC Jerome Long made Jul 15 at 2023 11:32 PM

LTC Jerome Long — Sat, 15 Jul 2023 23:32:53 -0400

This is very poor practice. At the very least the matter should have been taken to the soldier's CO and thoroughly discussed before taking such drastic action.

Response by SPC Stephen Hall made Jul 16 at 2023 2:04 AM

SPC Stephen Hall — Sun, 16 Jul 2023 02:04:36 -0400

I think that is an immature thing to do. If he/she can serve in the millitary, they are adults and should be treated as that.

Response by SPC Jennifer Skibbie made Jul 17 at 2023 6:26 PM

SPC Jennifer Skibbie — Mon, 17 Jul 2023 18:26:57 -0400

Wow, what a way to make your family think you're not doing so well. EVERY other form of discipline is deserved, and you know that. Contacting your family was out of line. They worry about you enough.

Response by SGT Ben Bearden made Jul 17 at 2023 8:19 PM

SGT Ben Bearden — Mon, 17 Jul 2023 20:19:47 -0400

first and foremost we only have your version of events, if your SFC could enlighten us as to her motivations for calling your parents we could all make a better-formed opinion. with the limited amount of information, we can only make simple deductions. You are a PV2, we do not know if you are of legal drinking age. you were involved in some altercation with an MP, you state that was an argument while you were intoxicated, we do not know your level of intoxication or the context of said argument. Did your SFC make the call to identify a substance abuse problem possibly? without all of the facts, your question seems to have started quite q debate. I would be interested to know all the facts before jumping to a conclusion.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 17 at 2023 10:40 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 17 Jul 2023 22:40:57 -0400

My first Platoon Sergeant used to say, "I can't fix their parents' mistakes." I don't mean to say your parents raised you to get into it with the MPs, or that I would presume to know how you were raised at all. It happened and yes, whatever repercussions follow, it's up to you whether you'll glean something valuable from it. It may be that your NCO probably knows their responsibility to counsel you and provide you with corrective training on this sub-standard behavior, but knows the power that guilt and shame nurtured by a parent can have on an individual's behavior. If this event was something you wish was not divulged to your family, be glad that you don't need to keep it from them. I hope neither they nor your NCO holds it over your head. Your NCO may know you well or may not, and your family may know you well or may not, but either way, their separate views of you is not who you really are. This is something that leaders have to grapple with in order to develop authentic leadership. Those that have learned to keep up a façade when interacting with others split themselves into many different faces to their own detriment. I guess what I'm saying is don't let the military make you think of yourself as a dirtbag. Instead, let it provide you with the turning point to becoming who you were born to be.

Response by SPC Woody Bullard made Jul 18 at 2023 2:15 PM

SPC Woody Bullard — Tue, 18 Jul 2023 14:15:41 -0400

The first thing you are a adult that signed up for active duty in the all volunteer U.S. Army
not a child that can be reported back to their parents for bad behavior problems.
As a adult you are responsible for your actions and I like the way you take that responsibility
in your post wanting to face all repercussions. Your detachment SFC calling your parents to
report your bad actions in a altercation with a MP is out of line on her part. As a NCO it is
her responsibility to deal with problems that occur in the U.S. Army, not civilian parents.
I served on active duty in a different era 1968-1971 and no NCO that I served with would
have called my parents to report any of my bad activity. The punishment would have been
through the U.S. Army. I was a MP in West Germany 1969-1971 and I was in altercations
both verbal and physical with soldiers that had too much of that good German beer.
I know what you are talking about from the MP side. I'll say it again, I like the way you
take responsibility for your own actions. Keep it together and hang in there brother.

Response by CW4 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 18 at 2023 5:45 PM

CW4 Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 18 Jul 2023 17:45:58 -0400

Standard? NO.
This seems more of an indictment on the SFC's lack of leadership skills & abilities. Granted, a good leader knows or should at least understand how to influence/mentor/counsel a subordinate and use what resources are available. Calling mom & dad was never in my tool box--subordinates, regardless of rank, are adults and as such responsible for their own actions.
As a former cop (a real one not an MP) I can tell you that it's not illegal to argue with a cop or MP--they are not he final arbiter on free speech. It's not the smartest move, but not illegal (you may ultimately beast the wrap but you wont beat the ride).
There remains, however, the issue of insubordination if the MP was of greater rank. Still, mom & dad have no place in this issue regardless of what disciplinary action your CoC deems appropriate, if any.

Response by CMSgt Gary Fichman made Jul 18 at 2023 5:47 PM

CMSgt Gary Fichman — Tue, 18 Jul 2023 17:47:46 -0400

I'd not call a parent to discuss a troops behavior. As the poster stated he is an adult. I have had parents contact me asking not to discharge their kid-one didn't want the daughter back!

Response by CW4 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 18 at 2023 6:04 PM

CW4 Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 18 Jul 2023 18:04:36 -0400

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 18 at 2023 6:20 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 18 Jul 2023 18:20:33 -0400

Do you think this tool the place of any UCMJ or other punishment? Like others said, it's a way to get you to fix behavior, and it can definitely be a way to justify less other stuff like taking your money.
Not gonna lie.....it's FUNNY.

Response by SSgt Lawrence Barnard made Jul 18 at 2023 6:23 PM

SSgt Lawrence Barnard — Tue, 18 Jul 2023 18:23:32 -0400

I crossed the line of getting involved in a troops personal life one time, I saw it as necessary for the mission. Very different circumstances-and it was Air Force- but I had a troop who while on deployment got a dear John letter, and the fallout of that led to one of my machine gunners at the main gate being messed up. I ended up writing her a letter and getting her email address from my troop. Didn't like getting involved, but it felt necessary due to the circumstances. My letter basically painted the picture of the impact of her communications (which he was not initiating) and how it affected everyone that worked with her former fiance. It had the desired effect, she ceased contact with him and we were able to get on with the mission.

I know this is super different than your situation, but as her communications had repeatedly interfered with duty assignments and I was concerned with suicide on a much larger scale at the time I chose to get involved. The effect on the mission was my justification, and it ultimately turned out to be the right move. I hope this helps give some perspective on your situation.

Response by TSgt Christopher Lammert made Jul 18 at 2023 6:36 PM

TSgt Christopher Lammert — Tue, 18 Jul 2023 18:36:40 -0400

Absolutely not. One thing that you need to remember is NCOs make mistakes. They don't know everything right off the bat. I would have never assumed that a parent/child relationship is on great terms and calling your mommy will be useful. Personally it seems incredibly lazy and insulting to treat an adult like a child. I would write your NCO a letter and insist that in the future they refrain from contacting your parents in the future. You don't call your NCOs parents and vent to them that their child is a poor leader. Being an adult is about being accountable, not disrespected.

Response by LCpl Jeff Moore made Jul 18 at 2023 6:56 PM

LCpl Jeff Moore — Tue, 18 Jul 2023 18:56:25 -0400

I would go talk to legal. Cause in my barrack lawyer opinion she should not have called them as you are a adult

Response by SFC Rollie Hubbard made Jul 18 at 2023 7:23 PM

SFC Rollie Hubbard — Tue, 18 Jul 2023 19:23:47 -0400

This was wrong as a Plt. Sgt. in my 21 years neither my boss's nor I as an E-7 has that ever happened you take the repercussions you earned.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 18 at 2023 8:24 PM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 18 Jul 2023 20:24:20 -0400

I would say no. This is supposed to be an adult, they are responsible for their actions. The only reason to maybe call the parents is if there's a major medical issue. But any notifications to family members would be done by a higher officer (O-4 or above), not an E-6.

Response by SSG Frank Bova made Jul 18 at 2023 8:30 PM

SSG Frank Bova — Tue, 18 Jul 2023 20:30:20 -0400

No. Leave the family out of it

Response by SPC Clayton Ellzey made Jul 18 at 2023 10:07 PM

SPC Clayton Ellzey — Tue, 18 Jul 2023 22:07:16 -0400

Blue Falcon

Response by SFC Louis Willhauck, MSM, JSCM, and ARCOM made Jul 19 at 2023 12:45 PM

SFC Louis Willhauck, MSM, JSCM, and ARCOM — Wed, 19 Jul 2023 12:45:12 -0400

Nonsense! Maybe, just maybe, if they are 17. Other than that, they are adults and deserve to be treated as such, and calling mommy or daddy is NOT suitable in my book! Sheesh!

Response by 1SG Dean Mcbride (MPER) (CPHR) made Jul 19 at 2023 4:57 PM

1SG Dean Mcbride (MPER) (CPHR) — Wed, 19 Jul 2023 16:57:11 -0400

You are in the Army (Navy, AF, etc), not in grade school! I would never threaten to or call Daddy, and Mommy on a soldier. A senior NCO should know how to deal with military discipline - it does not include calling parents, friends, neighbors, or anybody outside of the Chain of Command. That's all that needs to be said on this subject... The call was definitely inappropriate!

Response by MSG James Davidson made Jul 19 at 2023 8:22 PM

MSG James Davidson — Wed, 19 Jul 2023 20:22:59 -0400

Not in my day. You're a soldier and you face the consequences of your actions by yourself. Calling your mommy and daddy sounds like a new age thing. But today it's not like the NCO can grab you and set you straight or curse you. Maybe he or she has no recourse but to call mommy and daddy.

Response by SSgt Matthew Johnson made Jul 19 at 2023 9:30 PM

SSgt Matthew Johnson — Wed, 19 Jul 2023 21:30:45 -0400

Future advice. Tell them you are a grown-ass man! You don't answer to Mama, and dont be a pussy next time WOW

Response by MGySgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 19 at 2023 11:56 PM

MGySgt Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 19 Jul 2023 23:56:54 -0400

Wow, call mom and dad to help you discipline their child? What's is this elementary school?

Response by PO3 Raymond Marler made Jul 20 at 2023 12:08 AM

PO3 Raymond Marler — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 00:08:13 -0400

Had a Lt do something similar, difference was he didn’t ask me for phone numbers. Don’t know where he got the number from, and dad was PISSED that a commissioned officer felt the need to “tattle tail” to my parents. Dad is a retired CPO in the Navy.

Response by PVT J Leonard made Jul 20 at 2023 1:58 AM

PVT J Leonard — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 01:58:58 -0400

During my time of service, 90-95, I knew a few senior sergeants that would get a soldier to volunteer family contact information when a soldier got into trouble. Some did so th try and aid said soldier, more often the others took percers pleasure in calling parents to not just demean the soldier, also the ridicule the parents and make them feel less than. The later type of NCO/senior Sergeant would often go around bragging to their equals as another way to ridicule and punish the soldier in question. This type of "leadership" only serves to demoralize, through school yard bully mentality, that sadly is difficult if not impossible to ever live down, and for some, seems to follow them through their change of commands. This is a bigger part of soldiers opting to only do one tour, and get out, costing all branches otherwise good troops that could have done more with better support.

Response by SPC Matt Ovaska made Jul 20 at 2023 6:43 AM

SPC Matt Ovaska — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 06:43:54 -0400

mothers always stick together. The only way out is to change your sex and get a stress card!

Response by SSG Willis Baker made Jul 20 at 2023 8:30 AM

SSG Willis Baker — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 08:30:52 -0400

The NCO did not need to call his parents. An issue regarding the MPs could be handled at the 1sgt level. Extra duty works wonders. You don't want to worry the parents about a fight with the MPs.
Think back 20, 30, or 40 years ago when you were a private at your first duty station. Were you an angel? If not, would you want your parents called every time you messed up?

Response by PO1 John Runningwolf made Jul 20 at 2023 8:51 AM

PO1 John Runningwolf — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 08:51:43 -0400

Now I personally do not know why a SFC would call in a lower enlisted person who had gotten in trouble while in the military whether the event happened on base or off base, but the military (in which I served in back in 1979 through 1992 did NOT obtain a phone number from the enlisted person whom had broken specific military regulations whether on or off the base, just so that I could contact this enlisted person's parents to notify them that their son or daughter was a complete dirt bag or waste of a human being who doesn't desire the privilege of breathing air from the same room as me, I mean exactly what in the hell has Uncle Sam's misfits turned into anyway!!!??? Seriously?? Please tell me this is a joke!! Why in the world would an NCO, or hell, an officer or even the C.O. obtain the parents phone number from som dirt bag member of the military, to what?? Call their mommy and daddy to tell on their kid?? Maybe to have the parents place the service man or woman in a time out or some BS!! Uh... I mean WTF!! This question that I am responding to... Is the OP, serious?? Please tell me this is some kind of joke!! I mean I had heard that there has been significant changes in the military since back in the days when I served!! But, come on people!! Exactly what has become of the military if this is the case?? So what? Does everyone just hold hands and sing Kumbaya together around a fire, roast marshmallows and instead of carrying real weapons to defend this great nation, instead are issued their equipment from someplace like TOYS-R-US or some similar store??

Response by SPC Zoe Jane Halo made Jul 20 at 2023 8:53 AM

SPC Zoe Jane Halo — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 08:53:40 -0400

The goal as your leader is to bring out the very best in you. Sometimes that involves unorthodox means, like calling your parents. The military isn’t just any old employer. That’s why your command resorted to things that would never happen at McDonald’s. You signed on to a whole ass lifestyle when you enlisted. Your commands job is to do everything within their means to make you be the very best you are capable of. In every aspect of your life. Not just a good soldier. We’ve been turning children into adults and adults into fighters for over 200 years, and we’re pretty good at it. Get with the program.

Response by SPC Brian Ezell made Jul 20 at 2023 8:56 AM

SPC Brian Ezell — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 08:56:54 -0400

This is way out of bounds for an NCO to contact a soldier’s parents for non life threatening reasons. There is absolutely no reason for this to occur. She should be reported to her commanding officer for this.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 20 at 2023 9:16 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 09:16:59 -0400

I can't imagine that SFC has any respect from her Soldiers once they found out. What does that say to her 1SG or commander about her ability to lead?

Response by SrA Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 20 at 2023 10:09 AM

SrA Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 10:09:13 -0400

Nope, its completely unprofessional to contact the family of another servicemember unless they have been involved in a life threatening situation or have died. If the individual has a close enough relationship with the servicemember that it would make sense for them to contact the family from a personal standpoint, thats a bit of a different story, but from a professional standpoint, the servicemember was old enough to sign his life over to the military and should therefore be the only one responsible for failing to uphold the standard. Requesting next of kin info is only for official notification purposes.

Response by SPC LaToya P. made Jul 20 at 2023 10:39 AM

SPC LaToya P. — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 10:39:55 -0400

Wow, if she has to resort to calling your parents bc you're not being a responsible adult there is obviously something wrong and you need to re-evaluate yourself and your choices.

Response by CDR Tom Davy made Jul 20 at 2023 10:41 AM

CDR Tom Davy — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 10:41:03 -0400

I have never called a Sailor's parents and would only do so to either pass on good information or if the Sailor was in the hospital and the sailor was ok with it (or was not responsive). To tell parents their son is a dirtbag, is reprehensible and a clear indicator that the "leader" was no leader.

Response by PO3 Duane Bue made Jul 20 at 2023 10:56 AM

PO3 Duane Bue — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 10:56:31 -0400

??? Nevah happened

Response by SSG Bill McCoy made Jul 20 at 2023 10:59 AM

SSG Bill McCoy — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 10:59:59 -0400

It is unusual, but not unprecedented. My niece, when in the USAF, was a "problem child," and her unit called her father. A bit different ... she was getting an admin (honorable) discharge and her Colonel called her Dad to tell him she planned to stay in California, and suggested that she'd get into (more) trouble. Dad drove out and brought her home - that was 20 years ago and it ended happy.
I had a PV2 who was, frankly, an idiot. I wanted to call his parents; but his fathter-in-law was a retired Major and his wife (obviously) was an Army brat - literally a brat. She repeatedly had the PV2 file IG complaints until finally, the IG recommended admin action. BOOM - discharged.
Consider yourserlf lucky that the SFC cared enough to seek parental input and perhaps parental counselling. NCO's never know what kind of parents soldiers have, so it's kind of a crap shoot as to wether or not a phone call will do good or bad. Since you are concerned, it "seems" like your parents care and the call was probably a good thing - if nothing else, embarrassing enough to make you think twice before you lip off to any authority in the future.
I hope the only action was a butt chewing; maybe a counselling statement and no Art 15. Take it as a learning experience ... we've ALL "been there, done that."

Response by SFC Gary Wysocki made Jul 20 at 2023 11:31 AM

SFC Gary Wysocki — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 11:31:42 -0400

Going by my experience of 1967-1987, This is totally unnecessarty and PC practice. If i is the current policy, then the Army of today is completely running wild. How can we expect to recruit new soldiers if we call mommy and daddy every time the solder does something wrong. Isn't that what Article 15 is supposed be for?

Response by CSM Tony Blair made Jul 20 at 2023 3:30 PM

CSM Tony Blair — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 15:30:06 -0400

This is funny to me, because usually the parents or wife / girlfriend called me. You see I always built a relationship with the family, cause
If anything happens to them they knew me, and if there was punishment it was called for, as one mother told her son,
“ I know Sergeant Blair”
You had to do something very wrong for him to do this. That being said if that relationship was not in place before, it might seem out of place, to make that call now. That is a grey area.
NCO’s responsibility is to
1. Train
2.mentor
3. Discipline
Soldiers, and if your soldiers don’t trust to to come to you with their deepest concerns, then you as a NCO needs to ask yourself why not.

Lastly in the NCO creed doesn’t it say something about punishment and reward???
AATW!!!

Response by SSG Walker Harris made Jul 20 at 2023 5:26 PM

SSG Walker Harris — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 17:26:34 -0400

Sounds like you have a shitbag for a detachment NCO and sounds like the military has sunk to a much lower depth than I even imagined it could have. Not only do you have a case to have any disciplinary action removed, but you might even have a case to have that NCO relieved for cause. Sounds like they are about 2-3 ranks above what they should be.

Response by SSgt Joshua Sacasa made Jul 20 at 2023 5:32 PM

SSgt Joshua Sacasa — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 17:32:37 -0400

Not when I was in. It was established super early on, like in basic training, that we were all adults . I think calling a person's parents to berate a troop, is very passive aggressive and backhanded, if not cowardly. Say what you need to say to me , to my face , and we take it from there, like grown adults . I would have lost stripes , if someone went behind my back , and messed with my family back home . There are some lines you don't cross . It's basic respect .

Response by SSgt Richard Austin made Jul 20 at 2023 6:39 PM

SSgt Richard Austin — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 18:39:16 -0400

You are an adult and responsible for you own actions. It has nothing to do with your parents. She had NO BUSINESS and was 100% out of line calling your parents. The only reason to notify your parents of anything is when you are seriously injured or dead! Other than that it’s up to you!

Response by CSM Andrew Perrault made Jul 20 at 2023 7:00 PM

CSM Andrew Perrault — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 19:00:32 -0400

Too many other options in the tool kit e.g. counseling, extra training, summary art 15. Company Art15 etc etc...
If the service member continues and will not conform to the standard
Prior to kicking them out I would try calling their parents. Calling parent certainly would not be my first action.

Response by SSG Chuck Tyler made Jul 20 at 2023 7:38 PM

SSG Chuck Tyler — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 19:38:29 -0400

Stop being a fucking dirt bag. That is all.

Response by PO2 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 20 at 2023 8:27 PM

PO2 Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 20:27:50 -0400

I had a sergeant try to tell me to call my wife when I had an incident of missing pt and was late for school during my stay in Pensacola for A-school. I told him no and I will not give him that info. Told him if he was going to do it that he needed to find that info on his own. He sent me back to class and that’s when my instructor who was a First Class Petty Officer, rip him a new hole for trying to do that. Sergeant was my class advisor. PO1 threatened she was going to write him up and had no authority to call my wife who was pregnant at home at the time. Sergeant came back later apologizing for the situation. A-School 2001

Response by SPC Frank Fasano made Jul 20 at 2023 8:55 PM

SPC Frank Fasano — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 20:55:17 -0400

Should a person who asks an idiotic question get a free frontal lobotomy to see if it can reduce the number of nonsensical questions asked in a finite amount of time? If that solider is under fire and scared should we request the soldiers family members be flown over to the combat zone to make him feel better and boost morale?

Response by 1SG Ken Bedwell made Jul 20 at 2023 9:45 PM

1SG Ken Bedwell — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 21:45:51 -0400

Not typical, but I have seen it (usually younger Soldiers). The goal is not to embatass you, but to change your direction. Family can have a positive influence. If your NCO truly thought you were a dirt bag they wouldn't have bothered to call. I assure you it wasn't done lightly.

Response by SP5 James Johnson made Jul 20 at 2023 10:02 PM

SP5 James Johnson — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 22:02:13 -0400

WOW, your basic is WAY different than mine. Back in Jan 68 they'd have just shipped your ass off to Nam. Call your parents. Awwwwww are you a big boy now. And I'm laughing my a$$ off over a DI calling parents. Thanks for a major belly laugh.

Response by CMSgt D.J. Staflin made Jul 20 at 2023 10:15 PM

CMSgt D.J. Staflin — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 22:15:17 -0400

Legal ... yes. Recommended ... no. But every discipline scenario brings its own unique set of circumstances that just may warrant calling one's parents. I've read a few examples in this thread. Thank God, during my 29 years, I was never put in a position to do so. Curious if it helped this troop?

Response by CMSgt Jay Pine made Jul 20 at 2023 10:42 PM

CMSgt Jay Pine — Thu, 20 Jul 2023 22:42:04 -0400

I can’t believe the absolute crap I read on here. Calling an adults parent to adjust behavior?! Really?!

Response by Sgt Ed Allen made Jul 21 at 2023 12:38 AM

Sgt Ed Allen — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 00:38:06 -0400

You can make of it what you will.

On one hand, she really wanted to get you on the straight and narrow. You really don't want to start your career developing a bad reputation.

On the other hand, I wonder about her abilities as a leader IF she couldn't get you to see the light of day.

Is it possible that you really are a dirt bag? Are you too immature to act like a man and keep yourself out of trouble?

During my 9 years of service, I only had to write up 3 people. Two of them got the book thrown at them, one of which ended up with the Big Chicken Dinner. The third one was granted leniency.

The difference?

Two of them lied and I had no tolerance for liars. If I can't trust you to speak to me truthfully, I can't trust you to have my back in the heat of battle.

The third on saw his screw up, manned up, and corrected himself. He was a good marine. He just made a mistake.

Hopefully, you just made a mistake. If you were the dirtbag, I suspect you would be getting more attention than you wanted from your command.

As for calling your parents, I, most likely, would never have done that. Once you graduated from basic, you became responsible for your actions. If you couldn't make the adjustment, you would reap what you sowed. My wish, and goal, would be to see you become a good soldier/marine/sailor/airman who matures and grows out of childhood.

Response by GySgt Ken Norwood made Jul 21 at 2023 1:17 AM

GySgt Ken Norwood — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 01:17:50 -0400

Certainly sounds like some piss poor leadership, or the lack thereof, in my opinion. She could not figure out how to handle your discipline issues so she calls mommy and daddy to do her job…

Response by CW4 Thomas Shefflette made Jul 21 at 2023 8:15 AM

CW4 Thomas Shefflette — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 08:15:59 -0400

This was absolutely inappropriate. You are an adult, and I don't care whether you were in training or at a permanent assignment. After over 30 years of service and in every rank structure, (enlist/NCO (drill instructor), commissioned officer to include as a company commander and warrant officer (retired as CW4)), I have not only never heard of anything like that but have never done it. You are an adult in the military and you need to take personal responsibility for your own actions. If you want to talk with your parents over it, that is your decision. Personally, I feel that this should have been brought up with the chain of command and she should have been counselled/disciplined for her actions, still, just my opinion. Good luck.

Response by MAJ William Newton made Jul 21 at 2023 9:24 AM

MAJ William Newton — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 09:24:45 -0400

No, it is not.! The Army is not a kindergarten, grade school or high school. You have owned up to your misconduct. Your lesson will be with you for many years to come. It is all part of your growth as a human and as a soldier. Stay the course. Keep growing!
Your detachment SFC has lost your trust. She went outside the Army. She is in for a reprimand at the least. Do report this to the inspector general or, better yet, report it up your chain of command. And if all else fails, your congressional representative.

Response by MSG Percy Johnson made Jul 21 at 2023 9:25 AM

MSG Percy Johnson — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 09:25:48 -0400

No. You’re a grown adult responsible for your own actions. SFC can kick rocks. You should have exchanged yours for hers, so you could call her parents and tell them what a horrible leader she is..

Response by CW4 Michael S made Jul 21 at 2023 9:32 AM

CW4 Michael S — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 09:32:57 -0400

As a former junior NCO and retired CW-4, i fully support the efforts of senior NCO’s to use every means at their disposal to reach young troops and motivate them.. many young folks are not used to the discipline of the military. They may have had structure at home that will help them kick it up a notch when parents are notified. One thing i learned in my career is that we are all our brothers keepers. We are part of a team.. we are also our own worst enemies. Especially when we open up our mouth when we should be listening to those that know.. your SFC cares a great deal about you.. now lean into the task at hand and ruck up.. you will be fine..

Response by LTC Pete Moore made Jul 21 at 2023 10:30 AM

LTC Pete Moore — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 10:30:45 -0400

I think your energy would be better suited in getting squared away than whining about your detachment SFC. Clearly you need to grow up! You're lucky she cares enough to make the effort, where is your effort? Grow up, suck it up, and drive on. If you're a "grown man" act like a grown man not a cry baby. Is it standard, "no", is it called for....not sure...I again want to see what you are doing to improve yourself.

Response by SGT Nate Whitehead made Jul 21 at 2023 10:34 AM

SGT Nate Whitehead — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 10:34:19 -0400

I would suggest speaking with the IG. I don’t know for sure if this is any sort of policy, regulation, or legal violation, but IMO, without your expressed consent, without being obtained under duress, this is grossly unprofessional.

I think the best test for what is appropriate, is always to flip the scenario. Would it be appropriate for you to call her parents if she were a toxic leader? If that isn’t appropriate, they why would it be appropriate for her to call yours about something negative? You’re a grown adult

Response by CH (CPT) Jerry McGowin made Jul 21 at 2023 12:49 PM

CH (CPT) Jerry McGowin — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 12:49:11 -0400

This never should be done. Way out of line. I would strongly consider a a formal complaint. You are an adult. Schedule a Judge Advocate meeting through your platoon sgt, if questioned tell him it is a private matter. Get advice from the JAG, then you will have and know your options.

Response by Sgt Jadyn Slack made Jul 21 at 2023 1:11 PM

Sgt Jadyn Slack — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 13:11:20 -0400

What in the TOXIC command BS is that?? That NCO is Way out of line. Standard for BS NCO's or commands to do, but no, its not right, its not standard, and its not something anyone should do. That is unbecoming of an NCO for sure. Had a crap command before, and while she drove me close to the edge of needing suicide watch (along with several others in the platoon), she didnt drag my parents into it. Gloves would have been off of she called up my dying mom to tell my mom how much of a deplorable she thought I was. Hell no. Not OK.

Response by 1LT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 21 at 2023 1:23 PM

1LT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 13:23:41 -0400

No. You are a grown

Response by SPC Patricia K. (Williams) Elliott made Jul 21 at 2023 2:43 PM

SPC Patricia K. (Williams) Elliott — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 14:43:52 -0400

To my knowledge, when you sign those enlistment papers you are considered an adult! Why this SFC would call your parents, I have no clue, and in my opinion she crossed the line!!! I'm quite shocked at this and if it had happened to me. I would be seriously pissed!

Response by PO2 Marlon Blount made Jul 21 at 2023 2:55 PM

PO2 Marlon Blount — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 14:55:19 -0400

It seems like a lazy form of leadership. I had an officer ask me "Do I need to call your daddy?" Because something insignificant that didn't even warrant NJP. That may work to scare a naive 18 year old kid but it's not good leadership.

Response by CPT Don Lanier made Jul 21 at 2023 3:56 PM

CPT Don Lanier — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 15:56:07 -0400

I have to stand with LTC Quinter. I cannot imagine any disciplinary situation involving an adult (which any person who can enter into an enlistment contract is, by definition) where the involvement of the soldier's parents is warranted. I would also have some questions for the NCO involved about why contacting the soldier's parents would be an appropriate action.

Response by SPC Danny Barnes made Jul 21 at 2023 4:54 PM

SPC Danny Barnes — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 16:54:43 -0400

What said it all. "the nco is a female". Even at 17, if you join the military, you're considered a man. you own up to what ever happen & take the punishment. If he wasn't going to be put in jail, then he could handle it all himself.
Seems to me the NCO is trying to be abusive or to prove something to her self.

Response by SPC Charles Aguero made Jul 21 at 2023 5:09 PM

SPC Charles Aguero — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 17:09:35 -0400

This is totally unacceptable what happens in the military should stay there, you aren't in HS anymore

Response by CW3 Clayton C. made Jul 21 at 2023 5:53 PM

CW3 Clayton C. — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 17:53:11 -0400

Not standard or typical. You did give that information though.

Response by CPL Rick Berry Jr made Jul 21 at 2023 6:20 PM

CPL Rick Berry Jr — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 18:20:39 -0400

When I was in calling a parent was unheard of.

Response by MSgt Rob Oman made Jul 21 at 2023 6:22 PM

MSgt Rob Oman — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 18:22:42 -0400

No, the service member is solely responsible for his or her actions, period.

Response by SrA William Giraldi made Jul 21 at 2023 6:24 PM

SrA William Giraldi — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 18:24:06 -0400

Maybe it's the fact that I'm blunt and kept myself out of trouble during my 11-year tenure in the military (Army and Air Force), but you're supposed to be responsible for your own actions. FFS, I learned to be responsible while a junior and through senior year in HS (graduated in 2002). Your detachment NCO should've just smoked your ass for a while and make ya sweat instead of calling your parents. Wtf are they gonna do about the incedent?

Response by SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 21 at 2023 6:34 PM

SGT(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 18:34:35 -0400

At my NCO induction ceremony in Bagram (2012) the CSM who spoke said to do this. He specifically said that if your Soldier had a hard time making formation on time, to call his mom and ask why! I talked to Seniors after the fact and they were all on board. I was disgusted. That is not treating your Soldier like an adult.

Response by 1stSgt Ronald Sheps made Jul 21 at 2023 6:35 PM

1stSgt Ronald Sheps — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 18:35:33 -0400

I would oppose this under all circumstances. We are developing independent humans that need a value system instilled in them if one wasn't developed at home already. I have known many fine men who arrived in front of me as a result of "escaping" from their home. A bigger question for me is whether this was a legal order? My personal belief (which is worthless in a court of law, I know) is that this was not a legal order. While not the same as civilians, everyone has certain rights. Why couldn't I order someone reporting to me to give me the phone number of their kid sister (or brother)? Where is the legal line?

Response by 1st Lt Padre Dave Poedel made Jul 21 at 2023 6:39 PM

1st Lt Padre Dave Poedel — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 18:39:29 -0400

As much as I challenged the patience of my NCOIC (he was an idiot) the one thing he did not threaten me with is a call to my parents! I know this was in the dark ages of the 1970’s, but still. Years later as a Squadron Commander my few disciplinary functions never even considered this. Not good, IMNSHO.

Response by SGT James Colbert made Jul 21 at 2023 6:42 PM

SGT James Colbert — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 18:42:43 -0400

I have seen this work on a number of time in the army...because ...well the thought process would be that if you don't listen to your chain of command. You definitely listen to your mother and or father. Like the CSM said...a good majority of the young soldiers in the army have retired parents or brother- sister in the ranks. I new a 1SG who called a PFC older brother, be cause he was a 1LT.. Family has a unsuspecting big factor in the influence of soldiers.. you may not understand the system or yout punishment from the army side ..but your parents explaining army punishment from their POV ..is different.. My advice to you would be ...taken it with a grain of salt...no counseling is bad counseling....do you still face NJP. No doubt....but it may not be as bad as you think..and with the army helping you and your parents offering sustainable counseling on both side of the obstacle is not always bad

Response by Sgt G. Joseph made Jul 21 at 2023 7:14 PM

Sgt G. Joseph — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 19:14:25 -0400

To have spoken with your parents proves beyond the pale; this, for 90+% of new recruits wherein such doing may be understandable and even warranted in some measure, yes, if the service member's responsible authority fancied that there proved merit in doing so; nevertheless, such proves most unusual, indeed, given that generally 100% of all new recruits' ages at the time of enlisting or commissioning are 18 years -- marking the legal definition of what in the USA constitutes adulthood, else all consequences that follow should rate this as at best a mockery; at worst, a needless chastisement.

Response by LCpl Dana Troup made Jul 21 at 2023 7:28 PM

LCpl Dana Troup — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 19:28:07 -0400

The new military,????????????
I disagree, with all their new policy
I did 2 tours in the Marines, my opinion , it sounds like a power hungry woman , again my opinion, she's acting like a 2 year old, I'm telling, sad situation

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 21 at 2023 7:58 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 19:58:43 -0400

No one, and I don't care if it's the CSM should be contacting anybodies parent for any type of UMCJ action, or company, battalion or Brigade level local punishment, unless the soldier is AWOL, and they are trying to track down the soldiers whereabouts. A soldier is at a minimum of 18 years of age, and considered an adult. Even if the soldier enlisted at 17 years old with a waiver, calling a parent is way out of bounds, regardless of the circumstance, unless it's a medical emergency, and the parent is on the contact list.
In all seriousness, what was the outcome of contacting the parent were they looking for. If they felt calling a parent was going to solve the issue, then they too need to remove themselves from their leadership position, because it's obvious they have failed as a leader to teach, coach, mentor, and motivate the soldier to operate within the core Army values.

Response by SGT Timothy Posemato made Jul 21 at 2023 8:48 PM

SGT Timothy Posemato — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 20:48:14 -0400

I always handled my guys at our level unless they really screwed up. But WOULD never call mommy and daddy. It's the Army, not the boy scouts or girl scouts. All my time in service I've never seen any NCOs officers ever call a parent. Maybe no days with this soft army, they do it. But as an "old timer" I just can see that ever being done. Very unprofessional. I'm really mystified by her conduct. I guess it's the new modern scout detachment of the Army.

Response by Sgt Connor ORourke made Jul 21 at 2023 8:51 PM

Sgt Connor ORourke — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 20:51:38 -0400

No that’s not right at all. Shitty example of an NCO it should be between you and the NCO not mommy and daddy I personally would’ve been pissed and had a problem with them thinking that my parents influence my life like that I don’t know if it’s legal or not but I’d use this as an example of what never to do or act like when your an NCO

Response by 1SG Brian Holt made Jul 21 at 2023 9:03 PM

1SG Brian Holt — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 21:03:40 -0400

No, leave that decision to the chain of command; an NCO would be responsible for documenting everything, so non judicial punishment could be administered properly. In my experience, calling parents is never a good idea... depending on the situation, an NCO could direct the PV2 to call home (under supervision).

Response by PO2 Scott Surbrook made Jul 21 at 2023 9:06 PM

PO2 Scott Surbrook — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 21:06:03 -0400

No, it's not any kind of procedure, and it was unprofessional on the part of your SFC. I'm sorry you had to experience that. I hope it serves as some sort of consolation on the matter to know that sometimes it backfires on them. I had an E-6 try the same thing with me over the speaker phone in his office. The thing he didn't know was that my Dad was an 0-4 and I had him dial his work number. He was immediately ordered to switch from speaker phone, and proceeded to have his ass handed to him. Sure, I got an earful from my father later, but the satisfaction of seeing the fear in that E-6's eyes as he was on the phone was priceless!

Response by MSG Steve Wiersgalla made Jul 21 at 2023 9:45 PM

MSG Steve Wiersgalla — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 21:45:23 -0400

Wow. I guess that is a method, in my opinion a very poor method. I cannot say calling a soldiers parents ever even crossed my mind once. This soldier made his mistake, has owned it and is ready to accept the consequences for his adult actions. He is a soldier not a child, mommy and daddy have nothing to do with military discipline. We as NCO's and leaders are preparing soldiers to perform their duties and survive in combat not grade school! They are adults treat them as such. In my opinion that NCO needs some retraining on leading soldiers.

Response by SGT Erick Holmes made Jul 21 at 2023 9:58 PM

SGT Erick Holmes — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 21:58:45 -0400

I never heard of this nor did I do to my Soldiers when I was in. I agree with you on being a grown man and accepting your punishment and owning up to your mishap. I think the NCO did go to far on calling your family. However, if there is more to this story on if you did some time in the brig or going to jail then yea I would inform your family as well. Not to tell them your a dirt bag just to let them know. There could be more to this story than we know but going by what you wrote yes I agree with you that the NCO shouldnt have called your family on that unless your life have been compromised as in your in the hospital fighting for your life etc. Hope thia helps. All I can say is take what you learned from this and apply to life lessons learned and we move on. Remember, no one got hurt no one went to jail so its not the end of the world. Don't do it again buddy.

Response by SSG Rick Miller made Jul 21 at 2023 10:02 PM

SSG Rick Miller — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 22:02:37 -0400

No, it's neither standard nor typical. Your SFC should have jumped in your ass knee deep with both feet. Next would definitely be that infamous "Come to Jesus" meeting. Then some type of corrective action. Note I said corrective, not disciplinary. Absolutely last would involving your family, and only if all else fails. If I had to get Mom and Dad involved, it would only be to tell them you were coming home, since we were going to Chapter you out. Trust me, you would get the point sooner rather than later if you worked for me. If your SFC went to that call first, she has a serious lack of leadership skills. She's your Detachment SGT, not your babysitter.

Response by CMSgt Vince Mee made Jul 21 at 2023 10:35 PM

CMSgt Vince Mee — Fri, 21 Jul 2023 22:35:22 -0400

No, the troop needs to stand on own feet and deal with it. NCO was waaaaay out of line, her job to discipline! That is the problem with society today an enlistee is an adult and should be treated as such - the defence “ he/she is only 20+ is bullshit!

Response by SFC Jim Tanquary made Jul 22 at 2023 1:34 AM

SFC Jim Tanquary — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 01:34:53 -0400

Not unless he or she is a Recruiter. I was told from Basic on that an NCO is your new parent.

Response by SrA Lisa Hunt made Jul 22 at 2023 7:19 AM

SrA Lisa Hunt — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 07:19:19 -0400

This was wrong for her to do! Keep in mind that just because someone outranks you, it doesn't mean they always make the right decisions. I would go above them and make a complaint. I always stood up for myself, regardless of the other person's rank. If it feels wrong or you feel slighted, run it up the chain. You have rights!

Response by Sgt Steven Baldwin made Jul 22 at 2023 8:26 AM

Sgt Steven Baldwin — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 08:26:16 -0400

Seriously? Call mommie and daddy? It's NOT a Frat house, it's not the civilian world! If a soldier/airman/marine/sailor is "fit for world wide duty" then treat them like a responsible adult, NOT A FUK-N CHILD!

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 22 at 2023 8:38 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 08:38:19 -0400

Typical DIRTBAG FEMALE NCO! Let me guess, she is of color and you are Caucasian? (No, I am not being racist here, so don’t anyone take it or me the wrong way) If you fuck up in the military it’s the military’s involvements and responsibilities not your parents! Regardless of the situation the government OWNS you! You parents can’t ground you or punish you. All your DIRTBAG NCO did was being “UNPROFESSIONAL” to embarrass you and your parents! My suggestion to you would be look up Army Regulations on anything and everything! You can get the publications! Be knowledgeable on regulations! Sometimes DIRTBAG NCO’s (including most females), will go off on power trips doing shit out of regulations all because they get you to believe they can do whatever they want to you outside of regulations!

I had my experiences with many female NCO’s that outranked me or equal to my rank as well as some female Officers. I didn’t do anything wrong, if I saw or heard about one that went after one of my soldiers or soldiers in general in the unit I looked at the facts of the situation and if the NCO or Officer was rightfully out of line in their actions I informed them of regulations and quoted such pertaining to the incident or punishment. I was not liked my many whom I addressed, but I wasn’t looking for a popularity contest either! Some even tried to retaliate in making shit up about me or what I said, did, or doing, but I was always smarter than they were because I made sure at all times I had other soldiers and witnesses around me at all times. I won’t get into stupid detail It became aware to these NCO’s and Officers, I don’t fuck around and I don’t bother with higher Chain of Command, I write off Congressional's and done so a couple of times in my career only because I knew higher command would sweep the shit under the rug.

Best advice to give you, don’t go out and do dumb shit, keep your ass in line, always make sure no one can make any false claim in something you supposedly did or say. Now that you have an NCO who called your parents she will most likely target you at every chance. Anytime you are called into a superiors office you request your Squad Leader to be present. You cannot be denied having a witness with you regardless of who’s office you are in NCO’s or Officers! In todays military do you think a female should be in an office alone with the opposite sex? No because it isn’t going to happen because many females will claim some sort of harassment or sexual assault! Anything can be said, same thing if the tables are turned! And last note: start reading and memorizing REGULATIONS, the more you start quoting regulations on power tripping NCO’s and Officers on what they can and can’t do, the more they are going to realize you know your shit and they don’t and because of that, they will leave you the fuck alone unless you fuck up!

Response by SSG Evan Williams made Jul 22 at 2023 9:02 AM

SSG Evan Williams — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 09:02:32 -0400

SOP? No. This a matter between a Soldier & his Leadership (possibly Company Commander, depending on the severity), not the parents.

Response by SSG Laurie Mullen made Jul 22 at 2023 9:08 AM

SSG Laurie Mullen — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 09:08:47 -0400

I hope your parents told that "NCO" off. WTF was she thinking calling mommy and daddy on you?

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 22 at 2023 9:30 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 09:30:34 -0400

Not a normal tool I would use. However, it is thinking outside of the box. If you have a great relationship with your parents maybe they can still have some influence in your life. If the NCO was slandering your name that isn't professional. Did she call you a dirtbag to your parents? Or is that just what you think she said?

Response by Cpl James Pedersen made Jul 22 at 2023 10:08 AM

Cpl James Pedersen — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 10:08:30 -0400

Absolutely. Act like a child get treated like a child.

Response by SSG Chris Garabitos made Jul 22 at 2023 10:35 AM

SSG Chris Garabitos — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 10:35:47 -0400

If all facts are as you lay them out, then you hat your detachment sergeant did is a sign of weakness. She is passive, non-confrontational and probably not a parent. You, the service member are the adult. Every boss has a boss. So she should have “tagged-in” someone else from your chain of command or support channel to assist. End of the day, you have access to legal services like everyone else. Keep a record of what happened (an impartial one) and best of luck in your career!

Response by GySgt Tim Shea made Jul 22 at 2023 10:37 AM

GySgt Tim Shea — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 10:37:36 -0400

Perhaps some SFC should have called Pvt King's mother. He would be in Texas now instead on North Korea.

Response by CPL Brandon Gurney made Jul 22 at 2023 10:55 AM

CPL Brandon Gurney — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 10:55:00 -0400

The actions taken seem counterintuitive to maintaining good operational security consistent with AR 530-1 considering most parents of soldiers don’t have access to secure telecommunications. Additionally, the MOS of the soldier proposing this question has access to sensitive information regarding healthcare-and while it may not be classified information, any Senior NCO should encourage any communications to external sources to follow AR 360-1.

Response by SFC Sammy Salaiz made Jul 22 at 2023 11:02 AM

SFC Sammy Salaiz — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 11:02:44 -0400

Not too sure if anyone has brought this up, but I would never do this for the following. First, not everyone who joins the military had a good or even a decent family life/dynamics. Just imagine giving a family member more ammunition to make the soldiers life a further mess. Second, some members joined the military against their parents wishes. Once again more fuel for the fire. Finally, based on the info provided, the member is at least 21 years of age and not new into adulthood. Adults get adult consequences and don't get put in timeout by their parents.

Different leaders have different leadership styles, but this one is a new style that needs to go away.

Response by LTC Martin Glynn made Jul 22 at 2023 12:31 PM

LTC Martin Glynn — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 12:31:15 -0400

Welcome to today’s Army.

I served from 1987-2017. When I was a commander, there were five potential situations that would cause me to call a Soldier’s parents:

1. He did something incredibly good, and he’s getting a medal for it.

2. We’re downrange, he was WIA, but he’s alive and will (hopefully) recover.

3. We’re downrange, he’s MIA, and I will keep calling back with updates.

4. We’re downrange, and he was KIA. (This call would only happen after official notification was made.)

5. He’s sounding suicidal, in which case we’d bring in all the reinforcements we could get to prevent that from happening.

“Got into an argument with an MP” ?? FFS, that’s nothing. If I was your commander, I’d be ecstatic that you didn’t get in a brawl with the MP’s, and Top and I didn’t have to go get you out of jail.

Response by SGT Glenn Speck made Jul 22 at 2023 12:36 PM

SGT Glenn Speck — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 12:36:40 -0400

Totally inappropriate.

Response by SFC Byron Perry made Jul 22 at 2023 12:44 PM

SFC Byron Perry — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 12:44:33 -0400

That was totally unprofessional of her.

Response by SGT Glenn Speck made Jul 22 at 2023 1:05 PM

SGT Glenn Speck — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 13:05:00 -0400

Totally inappropriate.

Response by FA John Hargis made Jul 22 at 2023 1:29 PM

FA John Hargis — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 13:29:18 -0400

It helps more than harms. A neighbors son was having a real screw up time, NCO called and talked with his Dad, Dad talked to the son, and he had a great carrier thereafter. It really depends on if all the stars align, the right NCO, that recognized potential, the right parents that the son respected enough to listen. #quote

Response by SGT Mike R made Jul 22 at 2023 2:24 PM

SGT Mike R — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 14:24:02 -0400

A poor woke NCO that can't lead troops and relied on "family" intimidation to keep troops in line...is the First SGT or Plt leader or XO going to call their parents when they fail the PT test or get a poor score at rifle/ pistol qualification?

Response by SFC Terry Creason made Jul 22 at 2023 2:30 PM

SFC Terry Creason — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 14:30:25 -0400

Absolutely not. It isn’t elementary school.

Response by CPT Rick Clark made Jul 22 at 2023 2:30 PM

CPT Rick Clark — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 14:30:58 -0400

Wow. The NCO that called your parents is the dirt bag. I served from 01 to 14 starting as a SPC and involuntarily separated as a CPT. I had my fair share of interesting characters. The only time I ever saw parental involvement was when it was destruction of government property from intentional negligence. What you describe should have been taken care of through the good ole Oak Tree Counseling or unit level.

Response by MSG Tony Hughes made Jul 22 at 2023 2:45 PM

MSG Tony Hughes — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 14:45:29 -0400

Bullshit made up topic.

Response by SSG Paul Carrier made Jul 22 at 2023 2:45 PM

SSG Paul Carrier — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 14:45:32 -0400

Totally inappropriate on the NCO's part to call your parents.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 22 at 2023 3:29 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 15:29:29 -0400

Seems illegal to me! Soldiers are adults and are entitled to some level of privacy. I would never contact family without the Soldier’s authorization

Response by COL Victor Hagan made Jul 22 at 2023 3:39 PM

COL Victor Hagan — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 15:39:58 -0400

When I was a new LT my battalion commander directed that all platoon leaders write a letter of introduction to the parents of all our Soldier directly out of basic training. Initially, I thought it was a little corny until one of my Soldier wrote $300 worth of bad check to the Exchange in 1989. After explaining the situation to his father and giving him the phone and hearing his Drill Sergeant Daddy eat him up I kinda felt bad. His parents paid the bill so he didn't receive any UCMJ punishment or go on the AFFES bad check list. After that he was a model Soldier and Outstanding NCO. Some young people leave home and get with the wrong crowd. Their parents can give them a reality check without destroying their lives.

Response by PV2 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 22 at 2023 4:11 PM

PV2 Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 16:11:19 -0400

In Caifornia where I'm from after age 18 your'e an adult. So I say with all due respect the SFC is out of bounds regardless of rank or status. 4/7 Inf Bn 3ID 1988-1992

Response by 1stSgt Deborah J Anderson made Jul 22 at 2023 4:34 PM

1stSgt Deborah J Anderson — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 16:34:06 -0400

I do not believe that they had the authority to call yoiur parents!

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 22 at 2023 4:50 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 16:50:56 -0400

This doesn't seem necessary to reach out to someone's mother or father in this situation but then again you never know how a Soldier may respond to such decisions made (positive or negative).

In a similar situation a one of my battles from basic training who was in my platoon was accused of calling a female trainee the B word. My senior drill sergeant made him call his mother. His mother didn't pick up the call so the DS left a voice message yelling about how she didn't appreciate her son calling another woman a B and how would she feel he called his own mother a B... (he said he never said the B word). My battle maintained his composure, took whatever criticism he had coming and moved on. We both graduated basic training but here's the kicker...the Soldier went back home to Texas(he was national guard) and spoke to his recruiter about an issue with his BA in criminal justice initially not being included in his recruitment paperwork. Things got smoothed out, he eventually became an LT. As a LT he spent a few months in Qatar(all of this is within his first contract). After 2/3 months in Qatar guess who he sees??? Our former drill sergeant from basic training. He told me when the former DS saw him she was staring at him with such a screwed up face. As they crossed paths he purposely stopped in front of her because he was waiting for her to salute him (she was SSG). He tell she didn't want to do it but she did it. If she didn't he planned to take it up with her leadership. Small world. You never know now things might turn around for you.

Response by Sgt Benjamin Turner made Jul 22 at 2023 8:58 PM

Sgt Benjamin Turner — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 20:58:08 -0400

Absolutely inappropriate, doing so is an open admission you failed as a leader. You’re treating your charge like you would a school aged kid and sending a note home. What’s next they going to ask for a parent conference. Weak, VERY weak, toxic leadership.

Response by SFC Ross Boger made Jul 22 at 2023 9:03 PM

SFC Ross Boger — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 21:03:23 -0400

it was chicken shit

Response by SGT Charles Koch made Jul 22 at 2023 9:04 PM

SGT Charles Koch — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 21:04:56 -0400

That servicemember is legally a grown adult, not bound by their parents authority. Therefore its none of their business and calling them with intent to just degrade their childs character is technically slander.

Response by Lt Col Brett Meyer made Jul 22 at 2023 9:30 PM

Lt Col Brett Meyer — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 21:30:41 -0400

As a commander I did it on numerous occasions. Most of the troops were very new to the military and after their parents had a talk to them they were able to avoid UCMJ that could affect their career. If it did not work then I used UCMJ.

Response by CPL Dennis Clark made Jul 22 at 2023 9:42 PM

CPL Dennis Clark — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 21:42:38 -0400

That doesn't make any sense because what happens in the workplace stays in the workplace, and such a thing would normally be considered a breach of confidentiality, unless the time in service was in jeopardy, due to criminal investigation. Why call the parents? You're in the military because you are an adult. Do they expect your parents to come over and give you a spanking? What goes on at my work is none of my parent's business, unless I invite them in, via conversation.

Response by PO1 Andrew Boner made Jul 22 at 2023 9:52 PM

PO1 Andrew Boner — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 21:52:51 -0400

If you worked for me and I found out you called a members parents because you have a discipline issue with them, I would relieve you of your leadership role. The only reason to call a service member's parents is if they are hospitalized or deceased. PV2 should have refused to give the information. He is an adult, whether he is acting like one or not.

Response by 1SG Susan Dean made Jul 22 at 2023 9:54 PM

1SG Susan Dean — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 21:54:51 -0400

I’m a retired 25 year Army 1SG. I have been out of service for 2 decades. What is your current duty status, meaning are you in basic, AIT, or first duty station?? I had many soldiers I would have loved to have talked to their parents!! However, I see what happened to be of a breach of trust of that NCO’s responsibility level.

Response by MAJ Louis Giamo made Jul 22 at 2023 10:12 PM

MAJ Louis Giamo — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 22:12:26 -0400

The only time I can remember having a parent told about a soldier's disciplinary action was when I was in Korea. We had a PFC Court Martialed for black market selling of alcohol (1982). After the Court Martial, our Bn Cdr made a call (using the MARS system) to inform his parents that said PFC was being shipped home in custody and that they could meet him when he arrived in the US before he was confined for his sentence. I think this was more of a courtesy call to inform the parents that their son was going to be confined and then discharged. The kid was only 19 at the time.

Response by SPC BrookeandKaleo Ariola made Jul 22 at 2023 10:28 PM

SPC BrookeandKaleo Ariola — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 22:28:18 -0400

It's unprofessional to involve parents in disciplinary actions. The service member is by definition an adult. Furthermore if the service member is indeed a "dirtbag" it is most likely the parents faults which in most cases wouldn't care and would be upset at the call.

Response by SPC BrookeandKaleo Ariola made Jul 22 at 2023 10:30 PM

SPC BrookeandKaleo Ariola — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 22:30:14 -0400

Jjuu

Response by PO1 Todd McMillin made Jul 22 at 2023 10:45 PM

PO1 Todd McMillin — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 22:45:58 -0400

The only time I ever called someone's parents in my entire career was when I was confirming an AmCross Message to send someone home because of a death in the family.

Honestly, What kind of horseshit of bad leadership is this? Unless the individual had caused the death or near death of themselves or a fellow military member then there's no reason to contact them at all. This kind of post Error of Reagan Bush Sr Education fuck up is why we see idiots blame parents after the adult child leaves the home. Seriously, if this person didn't get washed out in Boot Camp, AIT, or A/C Schools then someone in those leadership roles clearly Fornicated Canine in being able to do their jobs.

Again, this kind of mindset goes back to the fact we don't teach children the basics anymore #NoChildLeftBehind was a fucking joke on the American Education system along with their idiot ideologies from a bunch of Evangelical Extremists out of TexASS who fucked up our Federal Education System that was based in 5 separate regions and under Federal Authority vs the #AssholesfromElPaso. It's why America went from being in the top ten at number #7th after WW2 to being #17th under the #ErrorofReagan which started the whole #BlameTheParents vs holding Teachers and Parents accountable. Also and because of the fact the nuclear family model fell apart thanks to Reaganomics and other Neoliberal Policies. While Bush Sr and the CIA imported Cocaine and Crack into the Inner Cities because of how monstrous Bush Sr was as a Nazi Sympathizer and Supporter. All because of wanting to fund illegal wars in Central and South America on the sly to justify invasion of South America at some point had Bush Sr gotten another 4 years in office. Then again Clinton wasn't better since he exported 75% of American Blue Collar Work overseas to Asia for the Waltons and other Billionaires to fatten their wallets, This is while enriching Chinese Shipping and helping with cutting funding on Smuggling (Arms, Drugs and Human Trafficking) fun since Clinton was just as Neoliberal as Reagan was people were just too stupid to notice it because of being "Not Bush or Reagan" rather than getting someone like Gary Hart or other decent people into the Oval Office. Hell, I would have settled for a dipshit like Joe Biden back then vs Joe Biden now.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 22 at 2023 10:52 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 22 Jul 2023 22:52:29 -0400

Did the detachment commander give the OK for the phone call ? Did he or she know the NCO was going to do this ? The author did not give any clues about where the commander stood on this. This is not something I would have done without the CO's blessings.

Response by SMSgt Lawrence McCarter made Jul 23 at 2023 4:11 AM

SMSgt Lawrence McCarter — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 04:11:11 -0400

Once You enter the Military service You are now considered an adult and responsible for Your own conduct. I fail to understand why there would even be any thought of contacting Your parents even if You hadn't already accepted any punishment or corrective action that was due. The Military like any other employer, You and only You are responsible for Your own actions and either correct he conduct or suffer the consequences. I always found after a corrective action if the offense wasn't repeated i would not even remind the Military Member involved of the mishap provided it never happened again. Let them get focused again on their responsibility and move on in the proper direction. The idea is to have them learn from the mistake and not repeat the offense and them and doing that in front of peers isn't proper let alone involving parents for a grown Military member. I've NEVER encountered an Officer or NCO that had ever contacted parent for issues like that or think it should even be considered especially if they don't even know the parents and they aren't even involved. At this point in life it's Your chain of command and the UCMJ You are responsible to, NOT Mommy and Daddy ! I feel that NCO stepped way beyond what is proper ! NO, it is NOT typical !

Response by Lt Col Timothy Parker, DBA made Jul 23 at 2023 8:07 AM

Lt Col Timothy Parker, DBA — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 08:07:30 -0400

Generally speaking, I would be surprised to see a parent contacted in a disciplinary matter. That said, if the NCO saw value or thought the soldier was worth the effort to "save", then I can see reaching out to the parents. I would not expect it as a routine or standard action.

Response by MSgt Michael Campbell made Jul 23 at 2023 8:10 AM

MSgt Michael Campbell — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 08:10:19 -0400

I've done it. I've talked to the wife and explained howthe member's actions could get them discharged. The goal of counseling is a change of behavior. If you are a good military member then that is the goal of the supervisor. Otherwise I would do that paperwork for discharge.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 23 at 2023 8:48 AM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 08:48:20 -0400

Ur in the military he had no business including ur parents in this. The only people that should have heard of this from ur NCO is the next person up the chain of command. Ur parents should have only heard about this from u since they are NOT in the military and are not a part of u chain of command.

Response by MAJ Tony Blasioli made Jul 23 at 2023 9:19 AM

MAJ Tony Blasioli — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 09:19:07 -0400

Of course NCOs should communicate with parents, not only when disciplinary action has been taken but also just to stay in touch, send them Christmas cards and gifts, drop in for coffee when in the AO, etc.
What, are you friggin' crazy!? If I caught an NCO tattling to Mommy and Daddy, I would bust him or her or them or they or whatever to PFC and let them explain to Mommy and Daddy how that happened.

Response by PO2 Stephen Bonelli made Jul 23 at 2023 9:38 AM

PO2 Stephen Bonelli — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 09:38:12 -0400

No, parents should not be involved in any military disciplinary actions.

Response by SSG Clayton Lam made Jul 23 at 2023 11:32 AM

SSG Clayton Lam — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 11:32:34 -0400

no this is not standard procedure. you were not required to give the senior NCO your number. I believe that might be overstepping on the senior NCO's part. You could file a complaint if you want to against that NCO (but I don't see the point) or you could just tell the NCO tactfully that you do not appreciate her involving your family. She had no right to do that. Your family is a personal matter. I think that was rather ridiculous. If you truly feel bothered by it then use your chain of command to address the matter.

Response by 1SG John Highfill made Jul 23 at 2023 12:15 PM

1SG John Highfill — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 12:15:55 -0400

no business calling your parents your are an adult and responsible for your own actions

Response by SPC Curtis Rimm made Jul 23 at 2023 12:32 PM

SPC Curtis Rimm — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 12:32:47 -0400

The only time anyone in my chain of command ever contacted my parents was my first duty assignment, my squad leader called my parents. He explained our unit's mission and what they could expect in regards to being away from garrison due to field commitments and deployments.
He also extended to them the opportunity to contact him at any time regarding my welfare.
To my knowledge that was the only contact my COC had with my family.

Response by HN Kathleen M Peck made Jul 23 at 2023 12:39 PM

HN Kathleen M Peck — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 12:39:30 -0400

I don't think parents, or anyone for that matter should be contacted. He is a grownup after all! I rest my case!!

Response by SPC Donald Donovan made Jul 23 at 2023 12:42 PM

SPC Donald Donovan — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 12:42:59 -0400

Gotta disagree here. The poster is a grown adult. I do not see what calling mommy and telling her what a dirtbag the SM is is going to accomplish. It is about as confusing as a zebra meeting a referee.

Response by MSgt J D McKee made Jul 23 at 2023 12:51 PM

MSgt J D McKee — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 12:51:37 -0400

That may be the sorriest shit I ever heard of in damn near 70 years. The NCO evidently mistakes herself for a schoolteacher.

Response by Kayla Wood made Jul 23 at 2023 2:11 PM

Kayla Wood — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 14:11:55 -0400

Neither typical or standard... parent contact should be reserved for emergencies or praise.

Response by SMSgt Michael Gleason made Jul 23 at 2023 3:18 PM

SMSgt Michael Gleason — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 15:18:47 -0400

If you were still "a juvenile" aged 17 or younger, then perhaps that would have been warranted, but as an adult soldier responsible for your own actions, your parents were "beyond that scope". Somebody should call that SFC's parents and tell them what an out-of-bounds jerk SHE's being!

Response by SFC Chuck Jones made Jul 23 at 2023 4:05 PM

SFC Chuck Jones — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 16:05:17 -0400

Truly unprofessional. It's not a leaders responsibility to involve a soldiers parent's in his or hers legal or
private matters. She has a chip on her shoulder. I would go up the chain of command and make her apologize to you and your parents. I was an Infantryman and spent 11 years in 10th Group on a few teams. I never involved parents in a soldiers personnel life. As a leader it was my responsibility to help a soldier correct his bad conduct and develop him into a professional. If I had to rat on a soldier to his parents, that would mean I failed as a leader in so many ways. Good luck and stay safe!

Response by LTC Kevin Kelly made Jul 23 at 2023 4:34 PM

LTC Kevin Kelly — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 16:34:04 -0400

That is not acceptable and in my opinion weak leadership. Each Command team has to use what they can to straighten out and help soldiers grow and learn. I certainly called many parents but they were all for one of two issues. The best were to call them and inform them of Promotions and awards. And made every effort to meet them if they were able to come to the ceremony. The worst was to inform or console after tragic events involving their sons or daughters. A terrible task for any leader but it must be done.
For me those the most important reasons to call the parents...

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 23 at 2023 4:40 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 16:40:56 -0400

Thats totally messed to no end brother

Response by Capt Bill Gaumer made Jul 23 at 2023 4:59 PM

Capt Bill Gaumer — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 16:59:44 -0400

Last I heard, disclosure of personal information can be a legal civil rights issue. Might be OK to suggest to parents that they ask their son/daughter whether they are staying out of trouble. Don't blindside your personnel.

Response by MSgt Robert Kagel made Jul 23 at 2023 5:38 PM

MSgt Robert Kagel — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 17:38:53 -0400

This is not normal from my experience, but I do understand your SFC's motivations. I would not have done it, especially since there are pretty clear instructions regarding what needs to happen per given criteria. I don't think it was good idea to call your parents, Geesh, she must have some free time to do that, but I don't think you could sue her for it either. Good luck with your journey, Collin.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 23 at 2023 5:44 PM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 17:44:05 -0400

I would have loved for my first line to call my Mother she would have chewed him out the way every other Sr. Leader replying to this would have. I would have gotten a ear full from my mom later but I know she would have recognized the immaturity of this leader and would have probably made his life worse by letting everyone in the command know of his bullshittery.

Response by CW3 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 23 at 2023 6:22 PM

CW3 Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 18:22:55 -0400

If this isn't about the dumbest f***ing thing I've ever heard of leadership doing in the realmof disciplinaryaction, it's definitely pretty damn close to the top. Far out of line. We're constantly saying if we treat soldiers like kids, they're going to act like kids....and this lobotomy candidate of a "leader" wants to bring it back to grade school? I'm very scarcely someone who even considers "go tall to IG" but you can bet I'd be going over there. That'd be stirring the pot though and perhaps it's not worth the hassle in your case right now, but oooh....wouldn't blame you.

Response by SGT William Benson made Jul 23 at 2023 6:35 PM

SGT William Benson — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 18:35:26 -0400

Absolutely not! You join the armed forces as an adult and therefore you should be treated as an adult. Sergeant first class completely in the wrong!

Response by MSgt Brian Gundlach made Jul 23 at 2023 6:44 PM

MSgt Brian Gundlach — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 18:44:19 -0400

I would not.It is none of your parents business.

Response by Maj Gary Gault made Jul 23 at 2023 6:59 PM

Maj Gary Gault — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 18:59:33 -0400

Very strange. Once a young person enters active training for the services then they should be treated as adults who are responsible for their own actions. That particular NCO needs further training to be educated into service requirements and appropriate actions regarding trainee behavior and knowledge.

Response by LTC George Morgan made Jul 23 at 2023 7:33 PM

LTC George Morgan — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 19:33:23 -0400

Hell, NO, whoever a soldier is, he/she is the responsible party. This is not Mr. Rogers land!

Response by Sgt William Brackett made Jul 23 at 2023 9:01 PM

Sgt William Brackett — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 21:01:09 -0400

That is hilarious
Called your parents and told them what you did.
This has to be a joke?
The US Military can not be doing this?
Really?
Well then
This would have been entirely different outcome in my period of service.
Arguing with a MP would of been off to the brig.
Which could be a very interesting vacation
Your SFC called you into office to talk to you? There would have been words expressed at me in a very loud voice with maybe the SFC up in my face.
If this is the way your SFC handled your I’ll advised discussion with the MP you are lucky the SFC didn’t put you over their knee and give you a good ole spanking
You may want to rethink your statement your a grown man you have done growing to do in the brain housing group

Response by CSM Michael Boom made Jul 23 at 2023 9:35 PM

CSM Michael Boom — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 21:35:49 -0400

This is how it was in the Old School Army in effort to save a Soldier. A Squad Leader was a troopers big Brother and the SFC was referred to as The Platoon Daddy. We knew our Soldiers like our brothers, what they did during their off time and who they hung out with. This SFC probably thought by reaching out to the Soldiers primary influences, she could help that Soldier get back on track and save their career. It's called Leadership.

Response by SGM Douglas Vidakovich made Jul 23 at 2023 9:57 PM

SGM Douglas Vidakovich — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 21:57:09 -0400

I did have several responses and after some consideration, opted for the mature approach. Leadership isn't easy. Regardless of your MOS, your training, years in service, leadership position(s), etc...leadership skills come to us differently. It's a trait that some say you are born with, others say it's something you learn. I believe both are true. But, I truly believe it comes from observation and seeing how others have effectively using the tools they've developed. And, your scenario is but one more observation that you will hopefully put in your kit-bag and use to develop your own leadership skills and style. I want to share three examples of interacting with parents and then you decide how to use this information because everything everyone says below is both right and wrong. #1: in my first six months in the service, I received two ART 15s. The second was when I went AWOL during my second AIT (my first ART 15 resulted in reclassification). Still doing stupid stuff, me and a friend went AWOL from Fort Jackson. After three days, I called my father to ask for bus money home. He told me to wait where I was and he would call me back. About 30 minutes later, my commander came to where I was, I saw him but he didn't see me, and I immediately left. The next duty day, I returned to my unit and turned myself in (in retrospect, I don't think they knew I was missing). I took my punishment and moved on. My father to this day denies turning me in and also says he doesn't remember this happening. I still don't believe him but I am also grateful of the outcome, specifically, that I used these events to help formulate my own leadership styles. #2: While sitting in for the 1SG while he was out for surgery and recovery, I was handed a problem soldier. This guy was a dirt bag. I already knew his history; he had already received one ART 15, was pending a second, and probably was going to get discharged. During this period of punishment and confinement to the barracks, he would still take off during the duty day without authority and using varying excuses to justify his absences. One day while walking past him in the hallway, he was on the phone with his mother whining about how the Army was picking on him and without justification, was going to discharge him, probably under other than honorable conditions. As I walked by, he wanted to hand me the phone to talk to his mother because she wanted to know why the Army was picking on him. In a clear and loud voice so she would hear me, I told him if I talk to your mother, I'm going to tell her all the things you've done wrong and just how lousy of a soldier you truly are. #3: A good friend who lost several soldiers during operations in Iraq, would call (and still does) the parents of the soldiers killed. But, one in particular died not in combat, but during the commission a horrific crime. The solider killed was incidentally killed by another soldier. But, what frustrated the parents of the victim was how the Army went about with the investigation and sharing of information. Beyond their loss of their son, which goes beyond comprehension, these very patriotic people lost faith in the Army. But, it was this one CSM, who to this day, still communicates with the parents, that the parents were able to find some semblance of faith that the Army does have some good leaders. There is no answer to your question, at least no firm yes or no. But, for you, it's just one observation that you can use to form your own leadership style and start building the skills necessary to lead those under your charge. As you move along your life and career, whether in the military or other, you will be able to look back and evaluate the effectiveness of this incident and the ones I've described and decide for yourself if this is an effective tool or how to use something similar. If there is one change I have noticed during my final years in the service (the period after 911) was family was far more involved with their children's entry into the military, whether it was at the recruiting station, graduating from basic and AIT, or returning from deployment. The military as a whole is far more family oriented than it was prior to 911 and that includes the extended family. Your NCO might be a product of this evolution of the military and sees contacting your parents as normal, whereas in the era prior to 911- at least from my POV- it was unheard of to talk with extended family except in certain circumstances.

Response by SP5 Gerald Santomassimo made Jul 23 at 2023 11:01 PM

SP5 Gerald Santomassimo — Sun, 23 Jul 2023 23:01:36 -0400

Say what?!?!? That is bizarre. Even if you're 18, you are an adult serving in the Military. You are responsible for your own actions, just like you said. Your parents have a unique role in your life, but it no longer includes concerning themselves with "correcting" your behavior. I think your supervisor was way out of line to make contact that could only be characterized as to embarrass or humiliate you, neither of which is her job. Good luck down the road with this NCO, she sounds like a real piece of work!

Response by CPT Jose A “Tony” Fernandez made Jul 24 at 2023 12:53 AM

CPT Jose A “Tony” Fernandez — Mon, 24 Jul 2023 00:53:03 -0400

As an Ex-NCO and retired teacher, I am perplexed and appalled, that a “leader” gives the impression to be eliciting the assistance of “mom & dad” in dealing with “willful-child” under his care! Lead by example?? We are called upon to train, coach, guide, etc., our subordinates into becoming independent leaders themselves, that can think, act, take, and give orders when appropriate. This is not Kindergarten! Thus, I ask: who the hell is in charge??

Response by SPC Casey Ashfield made Jul 24 at 2023 1:05 AM

SPC Casey Ashfield — Mon, 24 Jul 2023 01:05:03 -0400

Completely unprofessional. If soldiers are adult enough to enlist then any punishment levied should be be fit for an adult. Calling a soldier's parents is something a school teacher would do, and not a professional military action.

Response by GySgt Derrick Staten made Jul 24 at 2023 6:20 AM

GySgt Derrick Staten — Mon, 24 Jul 2023 06:20:12 -0400

This has got to be the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of. This sounds like something a K-12th grade teacher would do. What is the military coming to

Response by SPC David Hannaman made Jul 24 at 2023 8:37 AM

SPC David Hannaman — Mon, 24 Jul 2023 08:37:19 -0400

I'd never heard of something like this. On reading the comments, my question would be "Is this an Article 15 punishable offense?" if your NCO is calling your parents as a way of applying pressure instead of pursuing UCMJ action, say "thank you" and drive on.

If this is a case of using humiliation on top of UCMJ it's starting to look like a vendetta, and I would run it up the chain of command.

Response by SGT M C made Jul 24 at 2023 9:24 AM

SGT M C — Mon, 24 Jul 2023 09:24:39 -0400

All I can say is we are "DOOMED"

Response by CPT Ahmed Faried made Jul 24 at 2023 7:05 PM

CPT Ahmed Faried — Mon, 24 Jul 2023 19:05:24 -0400

Your detachment SFC could have simply left it at the reprimand but the fact that she chose to seek other avenues to get you on the straight and narrow tells me that she thinks you have the potential for bigger things and as such she used all the tools in her tool box. Look at it that way and drive on. Climb to glory.

Response by MSgt J D McKee made Jul 24 at 2023 7:14 PM

MSgt J D McKee — Mon, 24 Jul 2023 19:14:46 -0400

Here is a better answer I thought of after my original response:

Either A: The soldier is an adult, in which case why would you involve the parents?

Or B: The US is guilty of using child soldiers.

Consider the possible fuck-ups involved, too. In my time, there were many people including myself who left home for the service because we didn't want to have to put up with our parents. Since being in a painful situation one cannot escape is one reason for suicide, making ones situation (with parents) inescapable by calling them in, is a potential reason for someone getting pushed over the line.

And, why in hell would that even occur to anybody? It's egregious overreach of authority. I bet there is not one NCO, officer, or any other leadership school anywhere in any of the services that promulgates getting in touch with the parents as a means of discipline.

Response by CPL Musset Joseph made Jul 25 at 2023 7:13 AM

CPL Musset Joseph — Tue, 25 Jul 2023 07:13:17 -0400

No this is not a Standard procedure by the military but this is just a courtursy By that SFC not reconmand you to be kicked out the military, SFC is hoping that you will change your attitude by calling your parents in your presence and by the way, She already knew your Parent numbers and she wanted you to be aware of that. You should say thank you to that SFC when you see her or if she is your drill instructor, you should volunteer of every thing she has to offer for that day. Have repect for yourself, your family and the unit and once you understant that all is going to be well for you during and after your miliary career. I served proudly and discharged honorablely, I have good and bad time serving but I always maintain discipline toward myself and all appointed above me.

Response by SFC Jimmy Williams made Jul 25 at 2023 11:02 AM

SFC Jimmy Williams — Tue, 25 Jul 2023 11:02:26 -0400

I never contacted a soldier’s family to correct a behavior problem. My leadership style was to become the father figure, if possible, for young soldiers (18-20 year olds or just immature). I used monthly counseling to address poor behavior and recognize good behavior.
I wasn’t able to save all of my problem soldiers, but a lot of them responded well.
What ever I did served me well. I had successful tenures as squad leader, ply sgt, and 1st sgt.
I did contact a soldier’s family and encourage participation when one of my troops was being promoted or awarded.
Keeping up with monthly counseling and coaching was a lot of work, but I don’t regret it. In 22 years, I only had 3 that just wouldn’t respond and suffered the consequences.

Response by PO1 Steven Ewing made Jul 25 at 2023 2:03 PM

PO1 Steven Ewing — Tue, 25 Jul 2023 14:03:01 -0400

If this had been posted on April 1st I'd know for sure if this post is real or if the poster is just "messing" with us. If this is real then the military (the Army for sure) is in a downward spiral.

Response by GySgt Dennis Slack made Jul 25 at 2023 6:08 PM

GySgt Dennis Slack — Tue, 25 Jul 2023 18:08:12 -0400

What your sergeant did is not only unprofessional but in my opinion beyond military SOP. Your and adult in a military organization. Not some misbehaving child in school. Your sergeant has some serious supervisory issues that need to be addressed by her superior. Maybe even some retraining.
GOOD LUCK,
Retired Gunnery sergeant
USMC

Response by CPL Michael E. R. made Jul 26 at 2023 8:30 AM

CPL Michael E. R. — Wed, 26 Jul 2023 08:30:10 -0400

Well being from the great state of Texas I would have refused to give my family's number and then let her know I stepped on my richard and am prepared to take whatever punishment is decided upon. This is a tough scenario since I never served with woman,However there was a e5 from my home town who broke bread with my wife and I in my off post housing.She returned to Houston for her mothers health and friday night while out with my team, This sgt on CQ duty took a call from my wife telling her I was hitting the strip clubs while doing coke and drinking and he thought he saw me with a hooker. All untrue except for some beer.. fortunately , My wife knew me to always be honest with her and I was able to smooth those feathers. 2 weeks later young oh so clueless sgt.smith having enjoyed quite a few pitcher stumbled to the barracks from his POV and ran right into a world of hurt . This man was so unliked that while I tried dislodge all that guilt trapped in his airway with repeated blows to the ribs and head, to assist him since he was clearly having trouble breathing. and other soldiers did the same. a practice you just dont see in a combat unit. when he had me called into the CO's office on Monday morning I luckily had 15 statement's in my cargo pocket explaining how he had attacked me in a fit of rage and jealousy clearly upset about his lack of a penis.
strangely; some of those soldiers had been off post that night. curious! and when asked about my lack of wounds by comparison,I calmly replied that when a man fears for his life ...like I did ...you move fast and get lucky . Now I know this doesn't help you young E2 unless I spell it out. learn the system, and be so squared away that when you do step on it, everyone is not perched waiting tc come down on you like a ton of bricks . DBAP ( don't be a pussy) and for God's sake quit arguing with MP's when you been drinking

Response by TSgt Tommy Amparano made Jul 26 at 2023 6:12 PM

TSgt Tommy Amparano — Wed, 26 Jul 2023 18:12:36 -0400

I have never heard of that before. Honestly, I have no problem with it either. If you are going to act like a child be expected to be treated like one. Even if you say you are a "grown man and can face the legal and moral repercussions". Grown enough to face the consequences, but not grown enough to not commit the offenses in the first place. Maybe a little embarrassment and advice from your family is what you need to not repeat your actions. One of the worst things I could think of is disappointing my parents or bringing shame to the family.

Response by SGT James (Bob) Shepard made Jul 26 at 2023 8:19 PM

SGT James (Bob) Shepard — Wed, 26 Jul 2023 20:19:15 -0400

No they are adults at this time in there life and should be responsible for their own actions.

Response by PO3 Christopher Alben made Jul 28 at 2023 1:53 AM

PO3 Christopher Alben — Fri, 28 Jul 2023 01:53:37 -0400

No, that's not normal for any job to do that. Frankly it's extremely unprofessional.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 28 at 2023 12:18 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 28 Jul 2023 12:18:39 -0400

No. No, it is not.

Issues I have with it:
1) You are an adult.
2) This is poor leadership. I'm telling mommy and daddy is not a corrective action plan.
3) They don't know your parents relationship. Maybe you hate your parents.

Response by 1SG Frank Girona made Jul 31 at 2023 8:40 AM

1SG Frank Girona — Mon, 31 Jul 2023 08:40:41 -0400

Absolutely NO.. How can you move this problem to the parents of the Soldier, this is totally against the NCO standards.. NCO are the leaders, No the parents or anyone out of the military.

Response by Cpl John Prentiss made Jul 31 at 2023 11:01 AM

Cpl John Prentiss — Mon, 31 Jul 2023 11:01:44 -0400

Hell no. Request Captain Mast and lodge a complaint. Even if you are a dirt bag that should never happen.

Response by Cpl John Prentiss made Jul 31 at 2023 11:02 AM

Cpl John Prentiss — Mon, 31 Jul 2023 11:02:10 -0400

Hell no. Request Captain Mast and lodge a complaint. Even if you are a dirt bag that should never happen.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 31 at 2023 4:12 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 31 Jul 2023 16:12:24 -0400

this is way out of line for the SFC. Keep it in house. She should be the disciplinarian not pass it on to the parents.

Response by PV2 Glen Lewis made Jul 31 at 2023 5:55 PM

PV2 Glen Lewis — Mon, 31 Jul 2023 17:55:46 -0400

Told your parents on you? You aren't in kindergarten. The NCO should've landed on you like a ton of bricks and let you know in no uncertain terms was your behavior or mistakes going to be tolerated. Stop whining and get your act together. It's too late to be worried about what Mommy and Daddy are pleased with.

Response by Cpl George Matousek made Aug 5 at 2023 3:11 PM

Cpl George Matousek — Sat, 05 Aug 2023 15:11:17 -0400

That is pointless. You are a grown man and that is all she needs to talk to. Semper Fi

Response by PO2 Christopher Foss made Aug 10 at 2023 10:46 AM

PO2 Christopher Foss — Thu, 10 Aug 2023 10:46:52 -0400

Should you care to, you can file charges. Your family is not part of the chain of command, and those actions constitute harassment. I would argue that your senior's actions are worse than yours, since they abused their authority AND civilians unrelated to the legality of the incident.

That said, the question becomes, do you want to go down that road? It will, most likely, have consequences such as hostile work environment and all that follows.

Response by CPT Larry Hudson made Aug 12 at 2023 9:27 PM

CPT Larry Hudson — Sat, 12 Aug 2023 21:27:11 -0400

Absolutely not. It is not military protocol to get parents involved in a soldiers life because the soldier has volunteered to become a military professional. Poor taste!

Response by MSgt Tim Ulery made Aug 22 at 2023 9:49 PM

MSgt Tim Ulery — Tue, 22 Aug 2023 21:49:47 -0400

That's a piss poor NCO that would stoop to that level.

Response by Liz Hodges Flores made Aug 23 at 2023 10:04 PM

Liz Hodges Flores — Wed, 23 Aug 2023 22:04:32 -0400

GENERAL PATTON WAS DETERMINED TO HAVE ALL HIS SOLDIERS TO BE SAFE DURING THE WAR WITH DISCIPLINARY ACTIONS !!!!

Response by SFC Bob Kreidler made Aug 25 at 2023 11:34 AM

SFC Bob Kreidler — Fri, 25 Aug 2023 11:34:48 -0400

This is not kindergarten call parents if this is the new army should call it boys scouts

Response by SGT Debra McDonough Travis made Sep 27 at 2023 9:39 PM

SGT Debra McDonough Travis — Wed, 27 Sep 2023 21:39:19 -0400

Are you kidding me. She called Mom and Dad. How unprofessional that is. You handle the problem with the service member only.

Response by 1SG Harold Piet made Oct 14 at 2023 5:00 AM

1SG Harold Piet — Sat, 14 Oct 2023 05:00:52 -0400

I never called a soldier's parents.

Response by PFC Kathleen Woolrich made Oct 14 at 2023 6:22 AM

PFC Kathleen Woolrich — Sat, 14 Oct 2023 06:22:41 -0400

If someone called my mom she would hang up lol

Response by A1C Medrick "Rick" DeVaney made Oct 14 at 2023 1:52 PM

A1C Medrick "Rick" DeVaney — Sat, 14 Oct 2023 13:52:48 -0400

I've Read This Post Over And Over; Even Made A Comment Or Two.
But I'm Just Back Today, For ANOTHER Good Laugh...
Our Military Services Just Become Dumber And Dumber With Each Passing Day.
How In "L" Do We Survive, With Bull Sh*t Like This Going On?

Response by SSG Dwight Thompson made Oct 19 at 2023 9:39 AM

SSG Dwight Thompson — Thu, 19 Oct 2023 09:39:39 -0400

Calling a SM's parents could be a good and bad thing. Some parents were and are Veterans. Some SM's don't want to disappoint their parents. And calling the parents just might get the SM' attention and if not then the parents won't be shocked when their son/daughter is involuntarily separated

Response by SP5 Robert Kennedy made Dec 16 at 2023 2:17 PM

SP5 Robert Kennedy — Sat, 16 Dec 2023 14:17:16 -0500

As a QUALIFIED NON-EXPERT on this matter, I think it's part of the new WOKE military. Next may very well include spankings. Where am I wrong here? Is the military not funded, trained and maintained for the protection of our Country? Next there will be new awards and medals with little rainbows and kittens.
LET ME BE CLEAR HERE... I was drafted July 1967. I lived a short $0.25 bus ride from the Ambassador Bridge to Canada. It would've been easier to get to Canada than to get to the place they wanted me to report for being sworn-in. I was tempted, to say the least. But I am an American. My dad and uncles from both sides of my family went to war because our freedom was worth facing death to maintain.
We need to return to basic understandings. Being physically powerful is more important than being a good knitter. Having skills in weaponry and survival is how we defeat and intimidate our foes... Not singing little rhyming songs or looking down our noses at those whose intent is to kill us.
In kindergarten I learned "sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me." Not bad for a 5 year old... but absolutely absurd for the military.
I love you guys. I love my Country. I am in awe of all those lying in peace beneath those white markers who've preserved Liberty and Justice for all of us.

Response by SFC Stephen Smith made Dec 18 at 2023 5:28 PM

SFC Stephen Smith — Mon, 18 Dec 2023 17:28:43 -0500

Hahaha wait I’m laughing too hard to type. lol if they did, get in a different squad, platoon, company, battalion, brigade or division or whatever ever it takes to get away from that NCO. When to poo hits the fan, is he/she going to call the enemy’s mother?

Response by WO1 Dean Casey made Jan 9 at 2024 9:15 PM

WO1 Dean Casey — Tue, 09 Jan 2024 21:15:27 -0500

Agree

Response by PO1 David M Burns made Jan 11 at 2024 7:23 PM

PO1 David M Burns — Thu, 11 Jan 2024 19:23:24 -0500

That is the most disgusting thing I ever heard! The female sfc ought to be busted BUT in this NEW army she will probably get a commendation medal!

Response by Cpl Shawn Hueter made Jan 11 at 2024 8:55 PM

Cpl Shawn Hueter — Thu, 11 Jan 2024 20:55:05 -0500

That's actually kind funny. Imagine being a grown ass adult and your leadership calls mom and dad. If that was my dad who picked up the phone, he would laugh then call me.

Response by 1SG Charles Butts made Jan 17 at 2024 8:51 PM

1SG Charles Butts — Wed, 17 Jan 2024 20:51:00 -0500

Wow has the Leadership in US Army changed that much....where I as a Supervisor contact your parents about the soldier's behavior??!!!! Who signed up the soldier or the parents???
"A Sergeant Morales & Audience Murphy Club member!!

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 17 at 2024 8:59 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 17 Jan 2024 20:59:53 -0500

An NCO called your mother???? I don’t even have the words…

Response by SGT David Trujillo made Jan 23 at 2024 3:07 AM

SGT David Trujillo — Tue, 23 Jan 2024 03:07:07 -0500

I don't ever recall the military issued parents. That would not be a way to teach the soldier responsibility for his actions. In my opinion it would be a way for him to just blame his actions on the way he was raised.

Response by 1SG John Millan made Jan 24 at 2024 12:20 AM

1SG John Millan — Wed, 24 Jan 2024 00:20:54 -0500

Serious IG complaint. Absolutely out of regs. She could be fried for that.

Response by Sgt Dan Gahafer made Jan 25 at 2024 1:00 AM

Sgt Dan Gahafer — Thu, 25 Jan 2024 01:00:14 -0500

It definitely shouldn't be standard, but sometimes it's better than not doing it. I had an issue with another airman early in my hitch and he decided to kick it up a notch. So he knocked on my door in the barracks and when I opened the door he coldcocked me right in the jaw. I don't know why he did it, but it didn't have the affect he intended so he immediately turned left and ran as fast as he could. When he came to the door at the end of the hallway, he stuck his arms out to push it open but they went right through the glass. He was bleeding bad and going into shock. By that time I had made it to him so I got the bleeding under control and brought him back to my room where I cleaned him up as best I could and told him to go the the hospital and get it looked at. He did and he told the medical personnel I had assaulted him. They called the base security police and he swore out an affidavit saying I assaulted him and caused the injuries. The base security police came to the base softwball game I was playing in and arrested me in front of over 100 people.
Long story short, I told my Commander and 1st Sergeant what happened. My Commander called the guy's parents and told them the entire story including his side and my response, and asked them to talk to him because the Air Force was going to launch and investigation into this and if he was telling the truth then great, but if it didn't happen the way he said and he was found to be lying they would court martial him and he would likely get a bad conduct discharge. They also said that if he came clean and admitted to what actually happened, he would be separated "at the convenience of the government". (This wasn't the guys first rodeo).
His parents talked to him, he copped to assaulting me, and admitting everything I said was true. He also implicated another airman who had an issue with me. He said that guy was the one who took him to the hospital and told him to tell everyone I had assaulted him. That wasn't that airman's first rodeo either and once he admitted to it, he got the same discharge.
I think about how silly I thought my Commander had been to call a 21 year old airman's parents about some trouble he was in and I realize that it brought about the fastest and cheapest justice we would ever have seen. In fact, given the lack or witnesses and actual evidence, it might just have saved my young ass.

Response by SFC Robert Walton made Apr 6 at 2024 10:11 AM

SFC Robert Walton — Sat, 06 Apr 2024 10:11:43 -0400

The Correct answer is NO. We do not expect the Parents to get involved. On some level you may find out that a Soldier is basically a good Soldier and that one or more of the Parents are active military Or former Military, and maybe salvageable So a call to the parents may help. Other wise you never get the parents involved. They can create more damage than you can ever fix. We use the Uniform code of Military justice It has nothing to do with parents of Civilians.

Response by SPC Toni Hogue made Apr 8 at 2024 9:17 AM

SPC Toni Hogue — Mon, 08 Apr 2024 09:17:14 -0400

Wow! No that is not right! Did you report it to a high up? If you mind me asking what happened after that?

Response by PO1 Robert Ryan made May 5 at 2024 11:36 AM

PO1 Robert Ryan — Sun, 05 May 2024 11:36:17 -0400

Not when I was in the Army. March 1967-December 1977.