Do civilians really understand veterans or are they really sincere?

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 11 Nov 2013 09:53:37 -0500

We, as service members and veterans, often find ourselves on the receiving end of thanks for our sacrifice and for serving. I never really thought about it until a very witty SFC told me a story once. When told by a passer by we support you he asked how? The passerby was caught off guard and could not answer that because he did nothing more than just a brief statement.

I don't think that this was the more tactful way to respond but it made me think. The SFC was a great NCO and I still look up to him. But he was simply tired of the hollowed words. Civilians really don't understand what we deal with in combat and when back home of the struggles. The mere "Thanks" is appreciated but yet we here comments of their support. Very few actually support soldiers or veterans with any tangible results. It seems similar to cheering for the Super Bowl Champions because that is what you think you should do but in reality don't even know what city the team of from.

Response by SSG (ret) William Martin made Nov 11 at 2013 1:22 PM

SSG (ret) William Martin — Mon, 11 Nov 2013 13:22:22 -0500

Personally, Veterans Day is one of the saddest days for me. I try to come up with a reason to be glad for the ones who gave all for me and everyone else, hopeful that I will live honorable life to honor the fallen, and happy that I am hear with all my body parts and my sanity to still serve in what I love to do and that's being in the army. On the other hand, it is a deeply emotional day where I think of the service members who I knew personally who gave all and lost their lives in the combat zone.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 11 at 2013 6:55 PM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 11 Nov 2013 18:55:45 -0500

Sir, when it comes down to it the only thanks that mean anything to me are the ones that come from my family. They are the people I joined to fight for. In my life I've had many people "pay their dues" just because I was in uniform or because they thought it would make them look good. People need exterior things to make them feel better about their lack of involvement. We fight the physical battles so that they can fight the political ones to keep our rights and freedoms while we are away. To be honest they fail on their end of the deal and their way of coping with it is to say "thanks for your service". Like you said there are people who really do support us but as far as whether or not it is lip service I wouldn't worry about it. Keep those personal people in mind that you fight for and let their genuine gratitude wash away the empty thanks.

Response by PFC Robert Kelley made Nov 11 at 2013 11:08 PM

PFC Robert Kelley — Mon, 11 Nov 2013 23:08:59 -0500

First and foremost, thank you brothers and sisters for your unwavering dedication to those who are and have served. Your bravery and dedication are seen all around us everyday in the liberties we enjoy. Secondly, to A1C Jerimiah, You are right, the thanks of family are the only ones that mean the most. Our families are just as much to thank as we are. If not for them we would not have the structure and brass fortitude to serve in our nations military. 3rdly, to SGT William, Understandably veterans day would be a sad day for any veteran. However, think not of the ones who gave all, think of the strength they had to give that ultimate sacrifice for you, me, our families, and every American citizen. They would not want us to morn their loss of life, but celebrate their life and their willingness to sacrifice that for us so we may live another day to defend this nation. These are just my comments, I do not mean to offend anyone, if I have I apologize, I just wanted to share my thanks to my brothers and sisters, and give my opinion to those who already have as well. To the origination of this posting, a civilian, unless from military heritage, cannot understand nor truly thank a veteran as they no nothing of the sacrifice we have given. So when someone stops me to thank me, my usual response is, "I only wish I could have done more". For the simple fact of too many of my brothers and sisters have left and yet I am still here. I live each day to remember then (whether I knew them or not) because every person who has taken that oath is my brother and is my sister and always will me. I know they are in heaven protect the pearly gates and one day I will join them in the ever lasting lost duty station.

Response by MSgt Raymond Hickey made Apr 11 at 2014 4:06 PM

MSgt Raymond Hickey — Fri, 11 Apr 2014 16:06:44 -0400

Interesting question...I am from the generation (Viet Nam Vet), where "thanks" from civilians was almost non-existant. Now the people of my generation are all over themselves with "thanks" for our Military. Do they mean it now, as opposed to what they said previously...for today's Veterans, I am glad that things have changed, however I can not accept the hypocracy of all the nay-sayers of yesteryear.

Response by MSG Jose Colon made Apr 12 at 2014 12:35 AM

MSG Jose Colon — Sat, 12 Apr 2014 00:35:27 -0400

The lesser of two evils, is sometimes the best course of action. Wen in battle, you do what would result in less casualties while at the same time accomplishing the mission.

As such, "lip service" respect, is better than no respect at all.

Response by SGT Sean Whitenton made May 7 at 2014 4:20 PM

SGT Sean Whitenton — Wed, 07 May 2014 16:20:55 -0400

Meh. I didn't join up to be thanked by strangers- honestly it kind of irritates me, though I know it shouldn't. I think about the guys that I served with who didn't get to come home. I think that those that take the time to, say, volunteer at the local VA or even sit down and talk to (particularly older) veterans are much more likely to be sincere than the guy that sees you in uniform and comes up and thanks you. When I look at some of the issues that are facing returning veterans (unemployment for one)I have a difficult time believing that the sentiment is sincere. I can't escape the nagging belief that the majority of civilians view us more with fear than anything else- due largely to what seems to have become a predominant belief that all veterans are damaged and likely to go off at any time. Of course, I could be completely wrong.

Response by 1LT(P) Private RallyPoint Member made May 7 at 2014 4:34 PM

1LT(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 07 May 2014 16:34:20 -0400

In my mind, there are three groups of civilians (who aren't vets):

1) Those who have a close friend or family member who serves, and are intimately knowledgeable and aware of the sacrifices made not only by the servicemember, but by the families - they have lived through it.

2) Those who view from afar, and either make a sincere effort to make sure those who serve feel appreciated or are uncomfortable acknowledging what the military does out of a lack of understanding. Either way, neither pretends to understand the service and keep it at arms length.

3) The friend or acquaintance who plays Call of Duty, watches war movies, had a college roommate who would occasionally wake them up as they went out the door to PT, and thinks they know exactly what being in the military is like. Common lines are "Oh, I had a friend who deployed once, I know what it can be like," followed by something to the effect of "Oh, I totally would've enlisted but [insert cop-out here]."

Pardon my language ladies and gentlemen, but the people in groups 1) and 2) are the salt of the earth, while people in group 3) are the worst type of douchebags.

Response by PO1 William "Chip" Nagel made May 7 at 2014 11:08 PM

PO1 William "Chip" Nagel — Wed, 07 May 2014 23:08:17 -0400

Sincere Probably, Understand or comprehend, I don't comprehend some of what I've been through so I doubt they do. It really is hard to put anthing into perspective unless you've done it yourself. I understand Torandos, I've done it, I Understand Volcanoes, I've been been there. IRA and Libyans conspiring to blow my ass up. They Tried. Their Hearts are in the Right Place and they know what they have seen in Movies and TV.

Response by SPC Charles Brown made May 7 at 2014 11:36 PM

SPC Charles Brown — Wed, 07 May 2014 23:36:02 -0400

I don't think they fully understand us, but I do believe that most of them are sincere. Unless you have been where we have been, seen what we have seen, and done what we have done there is no way possible for them to understand us. But looking at it from our side our culture is as difficult for them to understand as the Asian culture is for most of us who have never been there for an extended period of time. In order for them to understand us we need to open up to them and show them the beauty of our community.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made May 8 at 2014 12:40 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 08 May 2014 12:40:49 -0400

This cynical mindset bothers me quite a bit and I'll tell you why we should accept this show of support graciously:

1. Of course non-veterans cannot "fully understand" what it means to serve and why should they? They haven't served, for whatever reason or another, and that's OK. We serve so that they don't have to. We have no idea if they lost their father/mother/sister/brother/child/cousin/best friend. They might fully understand and appreciate the ultimate sacrifice even if they haven't worn a ruck sack or boots.

2. As Servicemembers, we should NEVER take public support for granted or question the "sincerity" of a civilian who goes out of their way to humbly thank us for our service. It's easy for us to thank an old Vietnam veteran for serving when we ourselves wear the uniform--it's almost like patting ourselves on the back at the same time. It's something different for someone to congratulate a someone else for something they have not accomplished themselves, and their thanks should not ever be thrown away or blown off.

Response by Sgt Randy Hill made May 20 at 2014 3:31 PM

Sgt Randy Hill — Tue, 20 May 2014 15:31:41 -0400

They try but not being immersed in military culture makes the issue a tough one. In my own opinion every able body should serve one hitch and the understanding would grow.

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made Jul 15 at 2014 11:21 AM

MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca — Tue, 15 Jul 2014 11:21:18 -0400

No one can fully understand us unless they've walked a mille or 2 in combat boots. This certainly applies in the opposite direction. We chose this life of servitude because it was what we wanted. Who knows how we would have felt if we did what the majority of Americans do and not join the military. I can't speak for the wannabee game player or resentful soldier haters out there. maybe they were rejected for service, maybe that had a relative or close friend who had a bad experience or died. The majority I believe are sincere in how they treat us, whether it be good or bad or indifferent. It all depends on where they're coming from.

Response by Sgt Mark Ramos made Jul 15 at 2014 1:14 PM

Sgt Mark Ramos — Tue, 15 Jul 2014 13:14:07 -0400

Gratitude should be accepted at face value unless some sort of danger or dishonor is attached. The witty SFC sounds like he/she was having a bad day.
I don't think it matters if civilians don't really understand. Heck, I don't understand what a combat member goes though. They understand enough to appreciate what we do or did to some degree, and that should be enough. Ultimately, we serve for our own sense of honor & duty, any outside recognition should be appreciated and cherished without judgment.

Response by LCpl Steve Wininger made Jul 15 at 2014 1:34 PM

LCpl Steve Wininger — Tue, 15 Jul 2014 13:34:34 -0400

While most outside the military community do not understand what it is actually like to serve, I think they realize to a small degree what is asked of the military, and the sacrifices they have made and are willing to make. I do think they are appreciative and sincere when they thank a service member or vet for his or her service.

The ones that bother me the most are those who like to pretend they are something they are not. In my honest opinion, pretenders are cowards seeking glory and haven't got enough spine to put it on the line.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 15 at 2014 5:16 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 15 Jul 2014 17:16:08 -0400

I can say that I had a good experience this morning. After I went to my gym I changed into my ACU's to go to work. I live a bit away from post so they don't see many soldiers in uniform. I stopped at a CVS to get a milk for my cereal. The cashier told me "thanks for your service and it is on me." She paid for my milk. I was humbled. I really appreciated it. That is what I am talking about. It was only a dollar in thirty cents but that meant more to me than a hollowed thanks for serving.

Response by PO2 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 15 at 2014 8:00 PM

PO2 Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 15 Jul 2014 20:00:53 -0400

I think it is leaps and bounds better then telling and spitting in your face. I just simply reply with thank you for your support. I would rather have the thank you than f*** you. That's just my two cents.

Response by SSgt Michael Hacker made Jul 16 at 2014 12:39 PM

SSgt Michael Hacker — Wed, 16 Jul 2014 12:39:40 -0400

Does anyone really understand anyone?

Response by SFC James Barnes made Jul 16 at 2014 5:48 PM

SFC James Barnes — Wed, 16 Jul 2014 17:48:45 -0400

I've had mixed responses on how much actual understanding and sincerity people actually have for vets. The town I call home is very big on veterans but is located in a very liberal state. Most are very sincere but occasionally I'll get the "I support the troops but this is why I don't support their actions of going to war" people. For those I graciously listen to their opinion and thank them for their support and drive on with my day. As my old 1Sg would say remain profession and courteous and be the example of a proper soldier.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 1 at 2015 3:56 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 01 Jan 2015 03:56:13 -0500

LT Rosa, I don't give a rat's a$$ if a civilian understands me or not. I don't sacrifice time with my family, risk my life in foreign countries, work a lot of holidays and weekends so some dirt bag civilian can understand me.

Fk them, I don't need their understanding. If I wanted someone to understand me, I'd go to Behavioral Health.

Is this a rant? Maybe so Sir. But I spent 14 years in the civilian world between Desert Shield/Storm and my current enlistment (2006). They didn't want to understand me then. Why are they concerned with understanding me now.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 10 at 2015 9:23 AM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 10 Feb 2015 09:23:19 -0500

CPT Private RallyPoint Member - My personal feelings are that I sincerely hope that they do not understand. Having had combat veteran friends of mine crying on my shoulder because they are struggling with decisions that they made....I don't want a civilian to ever understand the affect that combat takes on a person. I love my Soldiers, and they are a part of my Family. I love the role that we play in maintaining a society that allows free thought and debate.

I do not agree that the media and our general population should ever even attempt to understand the full spectrum of what happens. War is Hell, and I personally fight every day at home to keep my daughter from understanding the things that are bad with the world at this stage. I want her to see the good things in the world so that she doesn't have the same jaded viewpoint as her father does, and so that she has a childhood as free from all of this as possible. I want my friends to understand that being in the military entails sacrifice, but that I don't want my brothers and sisters details to be subject to criticism from people that have no concept of what is happening.

Anyone that says that they "understand what you are going through" without having been there is full of shit. They are either a liar, a fool, or both. I never once told a combat vet "I know what you are going through." I have said "I understand that you feel _____", but never once have I pretended to have a full grasp on the experiences in combat. If I, as a military member cannot say that, some civilian that has never served cannot say that.

My job has been very supportive, and when I mobilized they sent 3 boxes (very very large boxes, probably around $100 to ship) full of candies, cookies, and various other things for our Soldiers. There are a few that still thank me for my sacrifices, and occasionally talk to the patients about me being in the military.

Also, I don't worry about "what do you do for me?" Thanking me for serving and saying you support me is a far cry from the way my Vietnam brothers and sisters were treated coming home. I'll support myself and my family, and help every veteran that I can. I just ask that the civilians remember that no matter what the outcome of a conflict is, it's always the Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, Marines and Coast Guardsman that will bear the price. If we win, they still lose friends and loved ones. If we lose, they still lose friends and loved ones. Both ways people deal with the scars of war. Don't ever get in their face about the decisions that they had to make and the actions that they had to take to achieve whatever victories they could.
v/r,
CPT Butler

Response by 1SG Robert Bodeman made Apr 1 at 2015 3:27 AM

1SG Robert Bodeman — Wed, 01 Apr 2015 03:27:26 -0400

I have personally dealt with this subject... some civilians that you may encounter that says THANK YOU comes from the heart, most of the civilians we support you, THEN you say THANK YOU, if you say or ask how ....... it's not caught off guard, , it could be someone in there family or friend already served or died..... or they could possibly mean I wish I could join but medically I can not, throwing the Q? back in there face shows your anger or resentment towards that person for not knowing....... you think you have that right, but you really do not know how that person feels at that time.... I have learn through my 35 years of service is just be HUMBLE, accept there BLESSINGS and move on

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 1 at 2015 8:33 AM

Sgt Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 01 Apr 2015 08:33:53 -0400

I think it's sad we're questioning a person who has not served thank you(s) or their act of kindness. Why must everything be picked apart? Just smile and keep it trucking.

Response by 2d Lt Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 31 at 2015 2:26 AM

2d Lt Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 31 Oct 2015 02:26:16 -0400

Just be a silent professional and don't stress about itl. Don't expect anyone to understand what you actually do. We didn't sign the dotted line with the expectation that someone would "get" who we really are or what we actually do. I didn't sign up to receive thank yous and free food/booze. I signed up because serving this nation in the military is a privilege and honor. Again, just try and not worry about it. That's my two cents anyway.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Nov 3 at 2015 1:38 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Tue, 03 Nov 2015 13:38:53 -0500

I would rather hear thanks than nothing at all. This is a lot better than how Vietnam Vets were treated. Don't blame those who never walked in our foot steps.

Response by SSgt Boyd Herrst made Jul 7 at 2017 7:53 AM

SSgt Boyd Herrst — Fri, 07 Jul 2017 07:53:38 -0400

I beleive some are sincere and others put on a facade.. I had served as a National Military Service Officer/Chairman(Military Assistance Program, Operation Uplink(free call program), & Unmet Needs, VFW programs help vets. ... That is where the VFW's National Military Services (NMS) comes in. NMS consists of three main programs that exist to provide assistance for veterans and military personnel: the Military Assistance Program (MAP), VFW Operation UplinkTMand Unmet Needs.Aug 6, 2013
National Military Services Provides for Veterans - VFW. and I met a lot of great people, most family members of those serving and these were the most sincere..
They talked the talk and walked the walk.
Others were hot air..

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Oct 30 at 2021 1:46 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Sat, 30 Oct 2021 13:46:31 -0400

I will accept the thanks without any conditions. I will view it as a positive over a negative. It is not civilians' fault that they have not been inculcated into the military culture. If the civilian was mutual fund manager, I would know little about their job.