Do my financial obligations to my wife change while disputing divorce?

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 04 Jun 2014 04:08:38 -0400

I'm currently disputing a divorce with my current wife, and after speaking with my nearest legal office I was informed that I, for my pay grade, am obligated to pay her $715.20 a month as support via BAH.

DOD 7000.14-R (Military Family Law) and AR 608-99 (Family Support, Child Custody, and Paternity) are the only documents I've found with legal information regarding this, but neither seem to really give me the confirmation I'm looking for on this matter as far as the current relationship status goes. (excuse my ignorance if there are more I'm unaware of)

Between the two documents I've read many different cases of obligations and exceptions that are considered financially supporting her as opposed to blatantly shoving money in her pocket.

The reason I bring this up all ties back to the divorce and protecting myself if need be, as she's sending me signs that this might try and become a barracks lawyer and try and use the finanace against me in a contested case.

To keep it short, she has had access to the money from the time I enlisted until the time we seperated and started the divorce process. But I'm finding leads that I still have to support her while disputing this divorce as well and it may be used against me.

Can anyone give me further information on this and how I can protect myself specifically from BAH being used again me, and if I am obligated to support her still - what/how much do I have to give by regulation?

Response by MSG Wade Huffman made Jun 4 at 2014 7:26 AM

MSG Wade Huffman — Wed, 04 Jun 2014 07:26:09 -0400

I would recommend you talk to your JAG. They won't be able to represent you, but they can advise you.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 6 at 2014 12:27 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 06 Jun 2014 00:27:08 -0400

Whatever it is you do, keep COPIES. If you have a digital scanner, scan EVERY document in and save in a specific folder. If you are sending money to her, get money orders, keep the copy of the MO in a safe place, and send it to her "return receipt". This will ensure she actually receives it and doesn't try to play the your late thing. I had it happen to me in 2011 with my ex. It's a hard lesson to learn. Pay heed and stay aware. Also, KEEP all emails. Create a specific email folder and place all correspondence in it.

Response by MSG Brad Sand made Jun 6 at 2014 10:50 AM

MSG Brad Sand — Fri, 06 Jun 2014 10:50:36 -0400

PFC Allen,
I would have you think of this from a slightly different angle and, trust me I already know how hard this is, this is not going to be easy. I would contend you have a moral duty, as a soldier and man, to provide for her. Until there is an actual legal document ending your marriage, she is your wife. We as a culture have become cavalier about the institution of marriage and allowed ourselves to walk away from our most fundamental duties for little or no reasons. While it is much harder in the military, this why we have soldiers and warrior in the service, because we are willing to fight when lesser men and women run from the challenge. Fight for your marriage. Fight for it because you are a man, a soldier, a warrior and it is the right thing to do. Does she have her issues? Of course, that is why she was drawn to a man like you but we all have our roles in the problems AND in the solutions.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 6 at 2014 11:07 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 06 Jun 2014 23:07:58 -0400

PFC Allen,

I dealt with this very same situation several years ago. What you need to understand is that you do have a financial obligation to your wife per the regulation UNLESS their is a court order which tells you how much you are pay/or a court order telling you your ex doesn't receive any money.

The only way around this and this helped me out is if your soon to be ex makes more money than you. This is tricky b/c this applies to TAXABLE INCOME ONLY. It doesn't include your BAH/BAS or any other incentives you are paid.

Where this helped me was that my taxable income on my W2 was only 27K when my now ex made 90K at the time. My ex filed an IG complaint against me and I was able to prove this through out joint tax return. My CO at the time cited with me and I didn't pay my ex a dime.

Look at AR 608-99 Paragraph 2-14: This allows your Battalion Commander to waive your responsibility of payment should you meet any of the criteria in that section.

Should you need further assistance please let me know. I know this isn't easy but that's why we are all here to help you during this hard time.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 7 at 2014 12:16 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 07 Jun 2014 00:16:54 -0400

This is to easy. I just had a soldier go through this a couple of months ago.
If she resides off post you need to pay her the 715.20 a month by money order and keep the receipt of that money order. If you lived in on post housing you don't owe her anything. If she has the kids, if you had any then Id advise you to keep food in the house or add a couple of hundred to the 715.00 because that will be a reason she will call the chain of command if there is no food in the house(if you have kids, if not just give her the 715.00)
I would not pay anything extra, whatever is left you need to save just incase you have to pay alimony or anything like that. Open a new checking account and don't put her on it and send all your money there. Do not allow her access to the account if you are paying the 715.00 a month.

Response by SFC David Cook made Jun 8 at 2014 12:45 AM

SFC David Cook — Sun, 08 Jun 2014 00:45:36 -0400

I highly recommend you speak to JAG; however, I have had several Soldiers go through the same thing. One in particular was very interesting, JAG told the Soldier he was not obligated to pay her the amount outlined because she left their domicile of her own free will and the BAH is for housing. He had custody of his children from another marriage, so he had to maintain housing for them.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 8 at 2014 1:22 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 08 Jun 2014 01:22:14 -0400

Have the judge grant a temporary payment amount and get the military out of your finances. The reg and bah is only in absence of court orders. 2nd go in with all the data and numbers, and offer to give her what the army gives you due to being married, the DIFFERANCE between BAH with dependents and without. You will most likely only have to give her 1-300 a month. Most 100% civilian divorces the seperation temporary orders while going through the divorce precedings state temporary amounts.

Response by SPC Brian Bay made Nov 19 at 2015 4:50 AM

SPC Brian Bay — Thu, 19 Nov 2015 04:50:35 -0500

Consult AR 608-99 Section II, para 2-6.

Take over your finances (put your big boy pants on) and I say this because I made the same mistake. Chances are that she squandered away a fair amount of coin but she did so in a legal manner. Go through bank statements and cancelled checks; how many times did she go grocery shopping and get $20, $40, $100 cash back? Did that cash end up in an envelope under the bed or in a separate bank account that you never knew about?

Stay the hell off social media and do not post anything while your case is pending!!! As a former Family Law paralegal you'd be shocked at the shit I was able to dig up on people.

Get all new bank accounts, change passwords and go see an attorney. Get temporary orders ASAP!!!

If it's contested, I assume kids are involved. If not then you're a PFC and I assume pretty young and not married long at all. Split up furniture and debt then send her packing and move on with your career.

If you have kids, go take a parenting class, communicate with your command and get things in order. That way if you're on the ball then you look better in the Court's eyes. If you don't then I guarantee you that she's playing games with her arbitrary threats and will continue until you take charge of your life.

Response by SPC Brian Bay made Mar 5 at 2016 1:27 AM

SPC Brian Bay — Sat, 05 Mar 2016 01:27:58 -0500

Holy shit stains Batman!!! As a newly-reformed family law paralegal and someone who has a published opinion in the Court of Appeals (being the victor in that battle) I'm telling you the the best thing that you can do is separate everything ASAP!! Close Joint bank account, credit cards, etc and open up your own accounts in your name only!! If you haven't filed for divorce, FILE NOW, run, do not walk to your nearest family law attorney and get the ball rolling.

Are you in military housing? If so, then you don't owe squat. If you can get temporary orders from the Court that specify that you do not owe any alimony/spousal maintenance (or whatever new-age term that may be used) then you may get out of this relatively unscathed. Key points to consider:

How old are you, how old is she?
Do you guys have kids together?
How long have you been married?
Own any real estate, vehicles other assets?
How much debt do you have?

There are several things to think about and consider. Right now your mindset should be "This is now a business decision....all the touchy-feely emotional roller coaster bullshit can wait." This does two things; it provides you the opportunity to take a stand, get yourself grounded and take charge of the situation. Additionally, if she's younger and is pulling this crap as an 'attention-getter' then this isn't how she goes about it and that you;re not going to tolerate that. If she's going to leverage her 'love' against you and use it as a bargaining chip or negotiation tool then show her how much it's value is....nothing.

A real woman who cares and loves her man would not jack with his career; she'd come to him with the issue and a desired resolution and the two parties would figure it out because they care about each other; not because one wants to engage in a power struggle.

Let me guess, she's playing the back and forth game...and probably has been for a while now (I'm not making fun of you at all, honestly, I've seen me go through it and I've watched many a spouse, man and woman fuck with the other because of their insecurities and fear). Throw her for a loop when you stop giving a shit about what she does and move on about your life; stop taking her calls (have her communicate with your legal counsel...that in and of itself will drive her insane) keep your command informed and stay out in front. Hell it'll show them that you're not afraid to be pro-active, handle responsibilities and not get too terribly distracted. She'll probably get all pissed off, try to raise a bunch of hell, and if you;re on point and in compliance with court orders and military regs you'll be fine and nobody will take action. She'll more than likely begin to see that less and less people are paying attention to her and that her perceived power over you is falling off very rapidly; then the emails, texts and calls will start again where she'll want to make nice again. By that time, you should have time to evaluate what;s important in your life, what you want in a partner and go from there.

If you have questions PM me and I'll try to point you in the right direction but I'm not an attorney and I cannot give legal advice.

Response by MAJ Hugh Blanchard made Apr 13 at 2016 3:36 PM

MAJ Hugh Blanchard — Wed, 13 Apr 2016 15:36:15 -0400

How much money does that leave you monthly? Not a lot..

Response by CPT William Jones made Dec 26 at 2019 4:37 PM

CPT William Jones — Thu, 26 Dec 2019 16:37:49 -0500

Depends a lot on the state you are living in. Generally you are married until divorce is final and it will tell you both who is entitled to what and when you file there may be a hearing that sets up a bunch of that stuff. But until you file nothing changes on finances etc.