Do you have any good and humorous chow line disaster stories?

MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca — Fri, 08 May 2015 09:18:50 -0400

I was just getting a corn muffin at the breakfast bar and as I'm waiting to get some butter, here's this slob in front of me dropping fruit juice into the butter and jelly into the cream cheese by using the same serving spatula for both instead of the right one. Of course they walk away and don't even acknowledge the mess they made. Had to call a service person myself to put a new thing of butter out - I don't particularly care for OJ in my butter. Any other good chow line lunacy or food bar FUBARs stories out there?

Response by GySgt Wayne A. Ekblad made May 8 at 2015 9:26 AM

GySgt Wayne A. Ekblad — Fri, 08 May 2015 09:26:59 -0400

Response by LTC Stephen C. made May 8 at 2015 9:37 AM

LTC Stephen C. — Fri, 08 May 2015 09:37:12 -0400

MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca, this story appeared on the who should eat last thread, but it also qualifies as a disaster in my opinion.
Once, I served as an HHC Commander (much to my dislike). I had a mess section capable of serving the entire battalion, but most of the time, they prepared and served chow just for the headquarters and headquarters company. The mess sergeant was a gourmet chef (I exercised my official duty of sampling with frequency!), and his mess section was a finalist for the Philip A. Connelly Award more than once. Not long after I assumed command, we headed down to chow for lunch. Who was the first person in line; the BATALLION COMMANDER! I've never been more embarrassed for the officer corps in my entire life than I was that day! Needless to say, I waited 'til the very last to eat, but I don't think he ever figured it out. I wasn't going to tell him!

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made May 8 at 2015 9:55 AM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 08 May 2015 09:55:55 -0400

boot camp. one of my fellow recruits was so nervous that his stomach violently rejected the food that he had ingested...all the way across the table. We sat there in stunned silence having just been projectile vomited on & waiting for the hell that was sure to be unleashed upon him.

Imagine our relief when we heard the TI chuckle & walk up to the table. "Go wash off, Mt Vesuvius" was all he said as he tried so hard to suppress the laughter.

Response by PO3 Steven Sherrill made May 8 at 2015 10:23 AM

PO3 Steven Sherrill — Fri, 08 May 2015 10:23:24 -0400

Would referring to the fried rabbit on Easter Sunday as the Easter Bunny count?

Response by PO2 James Marlow made May 8 at 2015 11:21 AM

PO2 James Marlow — Fri, 08 May 2015 11:21:31 -0400

I cracked a joke in the line once and had a very angry Marine confront me over it. Why on earth would a SSGT confront an E-2 like he was at a bar and I knocked over his motorcycle.

Response by SPC Nate Lamphier made May 8 at 2015 11:35 AM

SPC Nate Lamphier — Fri, 08 May 2015 11:35:12 -0400

The location was Fort Benning where I was for my BCT (loved it...but thats another story). We just got back from doing something out in the field and formed up in the CQ area to enjoy our lunch. As I'm sure everyone here can remember, there are at least a handful of guys who realize they made a mistake by joining the Military and look for any possible way to get out. Well, the individual I'm about to speak of tried numerous times only to fail......on this particular day his failed attempt was countered by some TLC of the Drill Sergeants.

He was in the last platoon that went through the line of chow. On his way back the guy faked a heart attack....we know he faked the heart attack because he started screaming he was having a heart attack. During this medical emergency he dropped his plate of food. At this point, we were a few weeks in and the DS (all five or six of them, I can't recall...but there was enough to not only surround him, but make it louder than a rock concert) were tired of him.....so with that, they decided, for this individuals safety, they would check his core temperature. Needless to say, that is the only meal I have ever ate where I was only a few meters from a guy having a thermometer shoved unwillingly up his ass.

Response by PO1 John Miller made May 8 at 2015 12:02 PM

PO1 John Miller — Fri, 08 May 2015 12:02:17 -0400

I saw a guy on the mess decks of the USS Nimitz walking past the salad bar carrying his tray. He turned his head to sneeze since he couldn't cover his mouth, right at the salad bar. He would have just kept walking had many of us who saw it hadn't said anything.

Response by PO1 John Miller made May 8 at 2015 12:04 PM

PO1 John Miller — Fri, 08 May 2015 12:04:14 -0400

There was also a few times on the Nimitz where someone would be coming around a blind corner carrying their food tray and crashed into me. I knocked their tray out of their hands and kept walking.

Response by Sgt Packy Flickinger made May 8 at 2015 6:18 PM

Sgt Packy Flickinger — Fri, 08 May 2015 18:18:43 -0400

In a Marine chow hall, every meal was a disaster. Funny how they can cook chicken a dozen different ways. If its baked, its raw in the center and everything else looks like a product of 1945 Hiroshima (and all ways taste like it)

I did a few weeks on mess duty. One time we got lettuce in. They came in big crates. HUGE heads of lettuce. They were so rotten they looked like the were covered in molasses. The mess NCO just said peal it back until you reach good product. Well, they were the size of base balls by time we did.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made May 9 at 2015 12:04 AM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 09 May 2015 00:04:21 -0400

I am Preventive Medicine, so my going thru chow lines can be pretty interesting since DFACs are one of the things I inspect. When I was going thru WLC, you could see the entire prep and cooking area from the serving line. Me, and another Preventive Medicine Specialist would make a game every meal time, to see how many violations we could see during the 1 minute walk thru of the line. I usually stopped at 10. But, one of our last meals before grad was a choice of steak and lobster or shrimp. I just went with the steak to be cautious. And rightly so I did. One of my SGL classmates was sitting across from me and he had gotten the lobster. He took one bite, spit it out, then asked me to smell the lobster. It had a very distinct ammonia smell. Told him that is not how its supposed to be, that the lobster is bad and he should inform the DFAC NCOIC. He came back 3 minutes later and said the NCOIC informed him that is how lobster is supposed to smell. To this day, I wonder what the school CSM was thinking when he read my end of course critique

Response by PO1 John Meyer, CPC made May 9 at 2015 5:00 PM

PO1 John Meyer, CPC — Sat, 09 May 2015 17:00:12 -0400

The real joke is that today's hamburgers were last week's meat ball surprise, which was the prior week's meat sauce that covered your spaghetti.

Or....

A friend of mine told me he was in the deep freeze on the ship with a friend of his who was a MSSN (Mess Specialist - Seaman). The MSSN was in the middle of breaking out some food when the MS1 comes by and does a chopping motion, slaps his hands together, and then makes a motion like he's using a manual mixing bowl. Well.... MSSN goes from talking food out of the deep freeze to throwing it out. My friend asks what's wrong. MSSN says, "You see what MS1 just did?" My friend says yes, not understanding the significance. MSSN says, "He just told me.... chop, chop, bitch... make me a cake!" LOL

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made May 9 at 2015 5:33 PM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 09 May 2015 17:33:04 -0400

One of my airmen called the box lunches at midnight chow we were getting while deployed "box nasties." SSgt behind the counter was very angry. Next day the chief of services contacted our chief and demanded that said airman work a day in the dfac. My chief told them he would do that, if they could give up 5 of their dudes to work the flightline for a day because "my airman is worth 5 of yours." That was the last we heard from them! No disrespect ment to my services peeps, just that one ssgt who couldn't make a to go box ...

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 14 at 2016 2:20 PM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 14 Apr 2016 14:20:48 -0400

Found Aphids in the broccoli once.....eating a salad one day before watch and was just looking at my food and found this grey thing in the broccoli. After examining it for a few minutes, found that it was an aphid....freeze dried to the broccoli. I got a hold of a first class (who is a good friend of mine) and he looked at it and went up the salad line and grabbed the vat of broccoli and toss it into the trash, went to Master Chief and I saw his face turn green after 5 seconds. Yeah, don't eat broccoli on deployment.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Dec 26 at 2021 3:46 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Sun, 26 Dec 2021 15:46:03 -0500

We were doing a weeklong FTX in zero-degree weather. During the breakfast line I smiled and told a soldier to hurry up because I was hungry too! She looked at me and smiled.

Response by Lt Col Timothy Cassidy-Curtis made Dec 26 at 2021 7:51 PM

Lt Col Timothy Cassidy-Curtis — Sun, 26 Dec 2021 19:51:38 -0500

This is not a Chow Line story, but it might merit some mention. One of my last PHA's, I was unsure about how to go about it. (Trust me, even though I'd been through several in my career, it was still not clear about the process). So, that year, I decided to go to a MEPS Center. Still somewhat uncertain, I put on my uniform (it was a military facility, sooooo...) and went. Just to be clear, I was in the Reserves; getting my PHA in the Reserves was not the same as getting a PHA on AD.

When I got there, wholly cow! I was told (politely and respectfully) by the Facility Commander (a Major) that I SHOULD NOT WEAR THE UNIFORM. Because I was a Lt Col, and everybody else (except staff, of course) were Basics (something called "awe of rank"). And, well, wholly cow! Undeterred, I stripped, went through the cattle call, got the paperwork signed off, and went home.

I'm glad I went through the process. It was enlightening. Enjoyed being side-by-side with new recruits. No troubles: I considered it an honor.

Response by SSG Michael Davis made Dec 27 at 2021 1:54 PM

SSG Michael Davis — Mon, 27 Dec 2021 13:54:09 -0500

I guess I was lucky. Never had any bad food in the service, but dropping a tray in a crowded dining experience would have qualified.

Food poisoning would have certainly have made for some bad stories, though.