Do you know how to FAIL?

Maj Stephen Parsons, PhD — Wed, 15 Apr 2015 11:06:32 -0400

How does one succeed? Success is a very personal term; only the individual can determine success or failure as only he/she knows what the goals are. This article, however, is not about defining what success is, but rather how to attain it regardless of your definition.

I will start with a liability statement that this article and the opinions within it will not guarantee any form of success, ever. This is solely based on my opinions & experience and how I have been able to stumble through life, coming out in a reasonably good spot in the end.

Do you know how to FAIL? What is FAIL-ing you may ask? Well this is an acronym – yes, in true military fashion I came up with my own acronym that I am now pitching when I speak publicly and to anyone that will listen long enough.

FAIL-ing is simple.

F=friends & family. Reach out to friends and family for help. Use your network, and if you don’t have one build one, fast! Ask them how they got to where they are, what it took, what it cost, how you can do it, is there a certification or additional education needed, and then decide if it’s something that interests you. If not, keep the info in your toolbox as it may be useful later when you are helping someone FAIL.

A=ask. Ask them (friends/family/network) for help, especially if they are successful. We can’t do it alone, everyone needs help with something. The larger your network, the more likely you will find your niche in life and be happy and successful. I’ve learned during my transition from the military that people like to help people - some folks especially like helping vets fresh out of the service. Talk to everyone you can, always get their contact info before you leave and make sure you give them yours. Additionally always, always, ALWAYS tell them (if they offer to help) that you will call or reach out to them at some point for more info. And then follow through with it. Remember to listen to them, you are not there to talk, you are absorbing information and finding ways to find your success.

I=innovate. Be an innovator. Think of new, improved methods to tackle the same old problems. Don’t be afraid to take risks. The military has taught you to adapt - this is an indispensable skill, not everyone has it and many fear it. Your service has trained you to be adaptable to almost anything at a moment’s notice. Use this skill to your advantage, find new efficient, money & time saving ways to achieve the same or better results. You will be the office hero when you do.

L=learn. Never, ever stop learning. Life is a highway moving at warp speed. Everyone is racing along trying to get to the next mile marker. If you are not continually learning new methods, techniques, or working on the next degree, you are in the break down lane getting passed because everyone else is on the move, especially the younger generations. Talk to people who are successful; ask them what certificate or degree you need. Ask them where to start. Ask them about the mistakes they made and how they would do it differently. Ask if there is a certificate, certification, or training course that would help you get a leg up on the competition (almost every career you are interested in has something these days).

So, you as an active or former service member know how to do this. None of this is new information. You have been well trained and have skills that most of your civilian competition doesn’t have. Use these skills to your advantage. When people ask me what I did to get to where I am, I tell them nothing more than what you are capable of. I listened to my mentors (more as I got older since I knew everything at 18!), got an education, gave a shit about my job and my people. The one thing that I take pride in that was solely on me is that I was smart enough to recognize an opportunity when it presented itself and I acted on it. I’ve let my fair share of good opportunities pass me by but I can rest my head at night knowing that I didn’t let the great ones get away. This is because I wasn’t afraid to fail and I had learned how to FAIL!

So get up off your ass, get out there, and FAIL. One last bit of advice is when you do stumble and fail (not FAIL), make sure you fail fast, dust yourself off and get back in the game to take another swing. Use it as a learning moment, remember what you did right, what you did wrong and use it to your advantage. Nothing in life is a failure if you learn from it.

Response by Sgt Branden W. made Apr 15 at 2015 11:48 AM

Sgt Branden W. — Wed, 15 Apr 2015 11:48:44 -0400

This is one of the key points I teach my students who are members of my after school Lego Robotics club. Do not be afraid of failing.

Be afraid of not trying again and again until it's done right or it's proven to be impossible.

So many kids these days give up after an initial failure. This needs to change and quickly.

Response by SFC Stephen King made Apr 15 at 2015 11:57 AM

SFC Stephen King — Wed, 15 Apr 2015 11:57:03 -0400

Failure is only failure if you fail to learn from it.

Life is unpredictable but having skills to be mentally tough can be the difference maker. I have had the great responsibilty to teach others how to cope with failure, stress and the triggers of life.

Response by LT Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 15 at 2015 12:22 PM

LT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 15 Apr 2015 12:22:13 -0400

No..success it is always in my mind...failure comes by accident..;)

Response by Capt Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 15 at 2015 1:39 PM

Capt Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 15 Apr 2015 13:39:26 -0400

The first thing you see when you walk into my old gym was a print of a speech given by Teddy Roosevelt (one of history's biggest badasses) called "The Critic" (sometimes called, "The Man In The Arena"). I think it sums up all anyone needs to know about setbacks and the pursuit of a worthy cause. Google it, I promise it's worth the look. As a reminder, I had it engraved on a ring I wear all the time.

Response by MAJ Nathan Potter made Apr 15 at 2015 1:52 PM

MAJ Nathan Potter — Wed, 15 Apr 2015 13:52:16 -0400

Unfortunately, I am naturally gifted at it...

Response by COL Ted Mc made Apr 15 at 2015 2:18 PM

COL Ted Mc — Wed, 15 Apr 2015 14:18:21 -0400

Good article. I especially like the grabber aspect of the acronym.

And the advice for when you achieve "negative success" is equally appropriate.

Response by PVT William Bresch made Apr 15 at 2015 4:02 PM

PVT William Bresch — Wed, 15 Apr 2015 16:02:12 -0400

Nope, I was never taught to retreat, that pretty much sums it up.

Response by SFC Stephen King made Apr 15 at 2015 5:10 PM

SFC Stephen King — Wed, 15 Apr 2015 17:10:35 -0400

“If you shoot for the stars and hit the moon, it's OK. But you've got to shoot for something. A lot of people don't even shoot.”
Confucius

Response by PO3 Richard Freitas made Apr 15 at 2015 5:32 PM

PO3 Richard Freitas — Wed, 15 Apr 2015 17:32:26 -0400

Failing is simply an opportunity to learn and succeed in the future. If you don't fail then you're not trying hard enough. Just as you push your muscles to make you stronger, you need to push your mind to learn and your position in life to succeed.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 15 at 2015 6:43 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 15 Apr 2015 18:43:57 -0400

Maj Stephen,
I am seldom inspired, I will be saving this inspirational piece of work to help the many soldiers I feel I will come to influence, be inspired by your words of wisdom. Thank you for making my day. (I will be sure to give you the credit.)

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 16 at 2015 3:04 AM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 16 Apr 2015 03:04:48 -0400

This is bad ass. I have failed many times but I never gave up. I think we associate failure with being bad too much. It not great to fail but you shouldn't be a ashamed of it. You should be proud you stood there and gave it your all. It is easy for a person to point your failure when they have never tried but then they were never there. That failure will turn into success if you use it right.

Response by SFC Stephen King made Apr 16 at 2015 12:43 PM

SFC Stephen King — Thu, 16 Apr 2015 12:43:59 -0400

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger."

Friedrich Nietzsche

Response by SFC Stephen King made Apr 16 at 2015 12:47 PM

SFC Stephen King — Thu, 16 Apr 2015 12:47:16 -0400

"I think and think for months and years. Ninety-nine times, the conclusion is false. The hundredth time I am right."

Albert Einstein

Response by MSG Brad Sand made Apr 16 at 2015 12:57 PM

MSG Brad Sand — Thu, 16 Apr 2015 12:57:57 -0400

I have had some EPIC failures...you dust yourself off and keep going. The big failures help you realize the small things don't really matter and the surviving the big one shows us, that they really are not that big? No one dead, missing a limb or lost a sense...really not that big a deal. Money? can't take it with you any way, and the Lord will provide. Others opinions? The truth is the truth, and if you do not like what I say, the truth is still the truth and that is your problem? At the end of the day, we can only do our best, hope we have helped others and pray our sins be forgiven.

Response by SFC Stephen King made Apr 16 at 2015 1:16 PM

SFC Stephen King — Thu, 16 Apr 2015 13:16:02 -0400

I believe that being aware of yourself and gaining personal growth helps with the Failure. The physical and mental strength you build through both failures and successes a the key to you pressing on. I have had failure in my Military career that has had a significant effect on me but the ability to understand what is controllable and not controllable has been my key to grow.

Response by SGM Mikel Dawson made Apr 16 at 2015 3:11 PM

SGM Mikel Dawson — Thu, 16 Apr 2015 15:11:06 -0400

Like in my business, if you've never trimmed a horse's hoof too short and drawn blood, then you've never really done too many. It's how you deal with it and learn from it that counts. From reading the posts, most here already know this. Pick up, learn, and drive on.

Response by SFC Stephen King made Apr 16 at 2015 3:36 PM

SFC Stephen King — Thu, 16 Apr 2015 15:36:50 -0400

"A human being is a part of a whole, called by us "universe", a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings as something separated from the rest... a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty." Albert Einstein

If you fail to share your expirence to others you have lost the opportunity to pay it forward. I believe my trials and tribulations will help others. Thus showing empathy to others.

Response by SFC Stephen King made Apr 16 at 2015 5:23 PM

SFC Stephen King — Thu, 16 Apr 2015 17:23:29 -0400

Optimism is essential to achievement and it is also the foundation of courage and true progress. — Nicholas Murray Butler

Being a recovering pessimist I try to learn from all failure and success.

Think about what you have been able to overcome. Thoughts either positive or negative can impact a person's emotions what you feel and reactions what you do. In the military we use the the phrase "suck it up and drive on. However to be more one must know how to Mentally suck it up and drive on.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Apr 16 at 2015 5:27 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Thu, 16 Apr 2015 17:27:35 -0400

Life in the military will not be as tumultuous if you have a good mentor. The mentor will see deeper and wider than you, and is willing to share that vision. He/she is like overhead cover as you start to maneuver in your military career. Sometimes they will pick you up, dust you off, and send you on the right azimuth.

Response by COL Charles Williams made Apr 16 at 2015 8:47 PM

COL Charles Williams — Thu, 16 Apr 2015 20:47:03 -0400

Yes, I have done it many times. The difference is/was, I don't accept failure, so I find a way around, over, under, or through...

I have also always tried to never make the same mistake twice... That means you are incapable of learning from your mistakes, which means you are not what right looks like.

Step on a rake... pick it up and out it away.

Response by SGT Michael Leahey made Apr 17 at 2015 10:23 AM

SGT Michael Leahey — Fri, 17 Apr 2015 10:23:25 -0400

to me to fail is to learn. we should always use events in our lives to keep learning. to fail is always a possibility its what you do with it, do you crumb like a house of cards or do you use it to your advantage and make it your next success.

Response by CW2 John Brookins made Apr 17 at 2015 11:17 AM

CW2 John Brookins — Fri, 17 Apr 2015 11:17:32 -0400

The hardest part of the FAIL system is the A. Asking for help is often very difficult for many of us. Although it's one of the most necessary.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 17 at 2015 11:39 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 17 Apr 2015 11:39:48 -0400

Many have said it already, but I think it is important to reiterate. You have to learn from your failures. You only become a "failure" when you refuse to learn, adjust, and better yourself and those around you as a result. I think this is a lesson we have to remember when mentoring junior Soldiers and junior Officers.

We are quick to judge and be harsh, but how often do we take these lessons and use them as a teaching moment? Something to help develop the Soldier or Officer?

One of the key aspects of an AAR is to prepare and execute re-training and events to help teach and develop. Too often we forget that part and just use it as a check the block.

Response by LTC Hillary Luton made Apr 17 at 2015 2:42 PM

LTC Hillary Luton — Fri, 17 Apr 2015 14:42:26 -0400

I think I know how to fail. I've certainly had enough practice at it.

Response by Capt Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 17 at 2015 8:20 PM

Capt Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 17 Apr 2015 20:20:06 -0400

The only people who do not know how to fail are those who have never tried anything.

Response by CAPT Stu Merrill made Apr 17 at 2015 9:28 PM

CAPT Stu Merrill — Fri, 17 Apr 2015 21:28:24 -0400

Realize failure, come to terms with failure, learn from failure, move forward from failure (and don't be surprised if you emotionally relive some of the stages)

Response by SPC Mark Beard made Dec 19 at 2015 8:42 AM

SPC Mark Beard — Sat, 19 Dec 2015 08:42:27 -0500

you only fail when you stop trying

Response by CPT Jack Durish made Dec 29 at 2015 12:46 PM

CPT Jack Durish — Tue, 29 Dec 2015 12:46:23 -0500

Your acronym provides a very good response to failure, but I only know one way of failing: Give up. Until you stop trying, you haven't failed. You merely haven't yet succeeded.