Do you let people know that you have been deployed?

SPC Michael Stanko — Mon, 09 Feb 2015 15:44:25 -0500

In the civilian world do you let people know that you have been deployed or what you have done in the Military. I often find myself telling people that I have been in the Military but I tend to not go into much more detail than that unless they start asking questions. I have people that I have worked with for almost six years that have just found out that I was deployed. What have you done?

Response by SGT Jim Z. made Feb 9 at 2015 3:48 PM

SGT Jim Z. — Mon, 09 Feb 2015 15:48:39 -0500

I will tell people I served and if they ask I will tell them what I think they need to know.

Response by SPC Michael Stanko made Feb 9 at 2015 3:52 PM

SPC Michael Stanko — Mon, 09 Feb 2015 15:52:50 -0500

SFC Mark Merino I would like to get your input on this seeing as you have been deployed a couple of times.

Response by Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS made Feb 9 at 2015 3:53 PM

Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS — Mon, 09 Feb 2015 15:53:19 -0500

Some things are public, some are private.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 9 at 2015 5:45 PM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 09 Feb 2015 17:45:59 -0500

If someone asks, I'll generally tell them I deployed to Afghanistan. I rarely go into more detail than that unless I'm with other vets (at a VFW meeting, for example).

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 9 at 2015 6:46 PM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 09 Feb 2015 18:46:44 -0500

only if they ask

Response by Capt Richard I P. made Feb 9 at 2015 7:05 PM

Capt Richard I P. — Mon, 09 Feb 2015 19:05:47 -0500

You can know what I need you to know, when I need you to know it.

Response by CPT Jack Durish made Feb 9 at 2015 8:00 PM

CPT Jack Durish — Mon, 09 Feb 2015 20:00:47 -0500

Why shouldn't you tell?

This isn't the Vietnam War. We kept everything quiet because the loonies would stalk our families if we knew we were in Vietnam. They would send fake death notices and harass them. None of that is going on now, is it?

Maybe people need to know that someone is still going in harm's way. The news media isn't saying much about it. It might embarrass someone if people knew too much. Maybe We the People have a need to know.

Maybe you need to talk it out. Warriors have been internalizing their experiences as long as there have been wars. They make excuses. They want to protect loved ones. They're ashamed of some of the things they did to survive.

Internalizing issues is never good. Many people explode when they keep things hidden. Some even hurt the ones they've been trying to protect. Their actions cause far more damage than their words.

Think about it...

Response by SFC Stephen Yanovich made Feb 9 at 2015 8:03 PM

SFC Stephen Yanovich — Mon, 09 Feb 2015 20:03:42 -0500

I'm private.

Response by SPC Neil Hood made Feb 9 at 2015 8:23 PM

SPC Neil Hood — Mon, 09 Feb 2015 20:23:00 -0500

I tend to only speak on experiences if asked.

Response by SFC Collin McMillion made Feb 9 at 2015 8:29 PM

SFC Collin McMillion — Mon, 09 Feb 2015 20:29:16 -0500

Letting people know I was in the military, yes, I was proud to serve. Where I was and what I did is in the history books and I would like it to stay there. I have enough problems with those reminders as I can deal with now, don't need rhem back to the surface.

Response by TSgt Kevin Buccola made Feb 9 at 2015 8:38 PM

TSgt Kevin Buccola — Mon, 09 Feb 2015 20:38:07 -0500

I love it when people do not know me - then they start talking about the military and blah, blah, blah then I just mention that I was in go from there.

Response by CSM Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 9 at 2015 8:51 PM

CSM Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 09 Feb 2015 20:51:33 -0500

You'll know what I want you to know when I want you to know it.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 9 at 2015 8:56 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 09 Feb 2015 20:56:32 -0500

I don't talk about it unless asked. If I am with other prior or current service members, especially those who I know have deployed, and even more so those who have been in actual combat, then I will definitely be more open - possibly even discussing specific details without going into anything classified. It has to do with knowing that they've been through some of what I've been through... Not even my wife knows as much about my combat experiences as some of my military friends do.

Response by CW3 Eddy Vleugels made Feb 9 at 2015 9:37 PM

CW3 Eddy Vleugels — Mon, 09 Feb 2015 21:37:53 -0500

It's a combo between need to know and what I want to tell them based on the situation I find myself in. Sometimes it's OK to share an experience with friends or family...

Response by SGM Mikel Dawson made Feb 9 at 2015 10:04 PM

SGM Mikel Dawson — Mon, 09 Feb 2015 22:04:42 -0500

I'm very rarely asked. Most know I'm retired and it's in the past.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 10 at 2015 12:03 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 10 Feb 2015 00:03:54 -0500

I avoid talking about Military stuff in the Civilian work place as most do not understand and there is too much explaining necessary.

It really should not have any bearing on your Civilian Job SPC Michael Stanko

Now the last Civilian Job I had new I was leaving because of a pending deployment with the National Guard. They did not want me to leave and the Senior Managers were trying to talk me out of it. Of course that did not happen.

Another problem with talking about stuff in the work place is that they ask some wild questions. Some of which can be inappropriate.

The best way to answer is to say, "I did what was asked of me." or something to that effect.

Response by 1SG Todd Sullivan made Feb 10 at 2015 12:39 AM

1SG Todd Sullivan — Tue, 10 Feb 2015 00:39:05 -0500

I keep it to myself It was my journey not theirs, and unless
It is with brothers in arms it's not open for discussion.

Response by 1SG Todd Sullivan made Feb 10 at 2015 12:40 AM

1SG Todd Sullivan — Tue, 10 Feb 2015 00:40:49 -0500

I keep my journey through deployment and combat to myself... They don't / won't get it. Other brothers in arms will.

Response by SPC Michael Stanko made Feb 10 at 2015 1:37 AM

SPC Michael Stanko — Tue, 10 Feb 2015 01:37:49 -0500

Thank you everyone for the response so far. There are some new ideas here that I will have to try.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Apr 11 at 2015 11:42 AM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Sat, 11 Apr 2015 11:42:09 -0400

We go to war and they go to the mall. It appears many of the civilians care only about your status as a veteran or serving military member. I rode around in 70 ton tanks, 1500 turbine engine, and a main gun that is lethal, but they don't care about the details unless you are talking with friends.

Response by COL Ted Mc made Apr 11 at 2015 12:05 PM

COL Ted Mc — Sat, 11 Apr 2015 12:05:10 -0400

And there isn't very much that people NEED to know.

Response by MSgt Steve Miller made Apr 11 at 2015 12:07 PM

MSgt Steve Miller — Sat, 11 Apr 2015 12:07:36 -0400

When I first got out and for a few years that followed I wore one those retirement hats! When it wore out I did not replace it, and I most likely never will. Home Depot know as the 10 percent off makes a difference in GP with much as I buy from them. TailGate Bar & Grill knows.....best chicken wings around, and I accept their discount, but that's it. I don't tell people anything. It only starts up the near 3rd degree question session. I find it easier to keep my lips zipped.

Response by Maj Mike Sciales made Apr 11 at 2015 12:57 PM

Maj Mike Sciales — Sat, 11 Apr 2015 12:57:12 -0400

I don't bother Gunny. Most people don't ask and I don't tell. If they've deployed, they understand, if they haven't they can't really imagine the experience and are usually too self-absorbed to care. One of the downsides to a professional force of arms is that you have an experience that only about 7% of the population has ever experienced and can relate to. Nobody wants to ask the guy at the sausage factory how it is made or what his experience was like. They just want to know the sausage is available. Same same for "freedom" or whatever it was we accomplished over there.

Response by SSG Trevor S. made Apr 11 at 2015 1:41 PM

SSG Trevor S. — Sat, 11 Apr 2015 13:41:58 -0400

Option 4, it is situationally dependent.

I never hide it, but in some conversations it is just not relevant.

ie...

"Thank you for your order, would you like fries with that?"

"As long as their freedom fries. Who's got two thumbs and deployed? This guy."

Response by SFC Christopher Perry made Apr 11 at 2015 2:52 PM

SFC Christopher Perry — Sat, 11 Apr 2015 14:52:16 -0400

I have no issue with answering the question of if if I served. I simply avoid any sort of specificity. The people who need to know the specifics already know them.

Response by SGT John Wesley made Apr 11 at 2015 3:09 PM

SGT John Wesley — Sat, 11 Apr 2015 15:09:16 -0400

It doesn't come up much unless I'm at a jeep meet and someone sees my 2nd ID sticker. Oh, yeah, I'm a sucker for anything Jeep related!

Response by SGT Mark Rhodes made Apr 11 at 2015 4:23 PM

SGT Mark Rhodes — Sat, 11 Apr 2015 16:23:14 -0400

I only share with people that I know that served in the military, my own wife does not know she has asked once when we were dating but 17 years later she does not ask.

Response by SSgt Dan Montague made Apr 11 at 2015 7:48 PM

SSgt Dan Montague — Sat, 11 Apr 2015 19:48:14 -0400

People always ask...did ya make it over there? I kinda feel as if that is a dumb question. I did 6 deployments. 3 before 9/11. People tend to forget that several of us deployed to other places as well. My first pump was in Somalia.

Response by SSG (ret) William Martin made Apr 11 at 2015 7:50 PM

SSG (ret) William Martin — Sat, 11 Apr 2015 19:50:16 -0400

My brother thought I was a desk jockey until I told him I left the FOB 4 or 5 times a week.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 11 at 2015 7:52 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 11 Apr 2015 19:52:15 -0400

Nope, not at all. Only those with a need to know.

Response by SFC (CA) Roland Dell made Apr 11 at 2015 9:53 PM

SFC (CA) Roland Dell — Sat, 11 Apr 2015 21:53:59 -0400

I share with vets normally; in my particular case after my mobilization, I nearly died of a "MI" while in training. My buddies never held it against me that I was not deployed with them ; they were just glad I was alive.
I knew a man in my unit that died, (after years of suffering from IED burns, from his fuel truck) most civ people only understand the "sensationalism or entertainment of war" -- and although I was not deployed; I am haunted at times by my friends who were, and that I was not with.
Most veterans seem to understand this - but rarely does "an air stealing civilian" just kidding>(lol) ...
So I had to learn the hard way, to shut my mouth about myself, in what I have done, and not done.

Response by PO2 Barry Baker made Apr 11 at 2015 10:49 PM

PO2 Barry Baker — Sat, 11 Apr 2015 22:49:19 -0400

I used to tell people. Not anymore.
First my reactions from civilians have been blase to terrible. I was never asked questions that I felt were intelligent. Being asked if you have killed people or whatever is insulting. I have had people try to lecture me for various conspiracy theories they ascribed to. Too many negative things to write when thinking about times I have tried to interject my service into a boring conversation.

However I do have a couple lifelong friends who many times out of nowhere tell people "Hey my best friend here was in the Iraq and Afghanistan wars" Now the normal response people give him is to ask "really" (and that response is "Yup.") or, "how was it" (and that response is "hot")

Sadly too many who try to be supportive talk about how they hate Muslims (I do not) or how we should just nuke the place (another thing I do not support) So I try to stick to other topics in public.

Response by SPC Patrick Gearardo made Apr 12 at 2015 12:25 AM

SPC Patrick Gearardo — Sun, 12 Apr 2015 00:25:43 -0400

Most of my friends don't know half of my life story. Probably never will.

Response by PO3 Rebecca Rotundo made Apr 12 at 2015 12:50 AM

PO3 Rebecca Rotundo — Sun, 12 Apr 2015 00:50:10 -0400

In the career that I am going into one of the points is everyone understanding and excepting the people coming back. Some of the missions my ship has been on it is hard to explain to a civilian, but it makes it easier that some are already movies. I give footnotes, most people get awkward if I tell the truth or actually tell people of my deployments. They want to hear the crazy stuff. Which isn't easy for most to explain.

Response by SPC Casey Ashfield made Jul 7 at 2017 8:02 PM

SPC Casey Ashfield — Fri, 07 Jul 2017 20:02:41 -0400

I would say 99% of my "war stories" go something like this. "I was in the Army." "8 years." "Yes I deployed." "Afghanistan." "Infantryman/11B." And that pretty much covers most questions I get.

Now and then I will divulge more information to co workers during a long shift. Maybe a funny or gross story about local food or customs. Every now and then I might share about something cool "Call of Duty" like stuff like a raid or air assault mission. The only people I share the stuff nightmares are made of is to my wife and best friend.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 20 at 2019 6:54 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 20 Jul 2019 18:54:47 -0400

Pretty much keep it to myself, I did it not for recognition. Don't wear the hat the vest or put stickers on my car. That makes me a target. 99% of people are supportive, that 1% concerns me. Just me being me you be you and handle it your way

Response by SrA Katherine Hedlund made Jul 31 at 2019 11:15 AM

SrA Katherine Hedlund — Wed, 31 Jul 2019 11:15:14 -0400

I served in multiple areas. In one of them, i dealt with Secret material. Even though it has been almost 50 years now, some of those systems are still in place. But even if they were not, I gave my word not to share with anyone. And I don’t. Not even the work I did. We are nothing if we go back on our word or our oaths.

But non-classified parts sometimes adds to the sharing of our service and commitment to our country and fellow soldiers, airmen, marines and navy (coast guard and others included).

Response by MAJ Michael Scharff made Dec 17 at 2019 5:08 PM

MAJ Michael Scharff — Tue, 17 Dec 2019 17:08:12 -0500

I find it odd when someone gives me their entire deployment history when we first meet (and they don’t even know I’m a vet as well). I just say thanks for your service and move on.