Do you like to read the Friday Funnies?

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 09:59:21 -0400

September 2015, #2: Calling All Firebugs!

1. Welcome to the latest edition of the Summary of Mishaps. This week’s focus word: accelerant, both suspected and verified, not involving the crime of arson.

A. An E-6 ended up with first-degree and second-degree burns on his face, neck and arms when he tried to ignite his charcoal grill.
He should “consider other safe alternates for lighting grill,” the mishap report decreed. If that doesn’t raise more questions than it answers, I don’t know what does, since whoever made the report didn’t bother to tell us what method the E-6 had attempted (and failed at). I have my suspicions.

B. Speaking of fireballs (and unanswered questions, for that matter), a lance corporal was at a friend’s house in North Carolina. During the mid-afternoon, the mishap report says, he was “trying to light a fire in the backyard.” The next thing we know is that he suffered first- and second-degree burns to his face, along with second- and third-degree burns to his abdomen, arms and upper body
What was he trying to burn? Unknown. Ignition source? Unknown. Accelerant used, and if so, what kind? Standing too close? Exact role of friend before he had to try slapping out the flames on the flaming Marine? All unknown.
I can never figure out why these reports have to be mystery stories.

C. And then there was the E-6 who was trying to clear some land by burning fallen trees. The wood was wet and refused to ignite. Did he wait for it to dry out and come back later? No. He reached for (you don’t have to guess this time) a container of gasoline and sloshed it around. He carefully put the gas can a “safe distance” from the fire. Then he returned to the downed timber and tossed on a match.
At this point, something definitely burst into flame: his hand and arm, on which he had spilled some of the gasoline.
I’m here to tell you, there’s no safe distance from an accelerant when it is on the end of your arm, I don’t care if your name is Usain Bolt.
The mishap report says this guy was an E-6 fire controlman. I know it wasn’t that kind of fire, but that’s still too good to pass up.

D. As I have just proven three paragraphs in a row, I am occasionally confused. I wonder why certain statements were made (or more often, not made) in mishaps reports. Sometimes I have a hard time visualizing reported events. And sometimes I wonder if something was even possible.
Such was the case of the E-3 hull maintenance technician, aboard an amphib in the yards. He was unplugging a 440-volt cable when a drop of water he later described as "electrically charged" dripped on his left index finger, causing a shock.
My problems understanding the nature of electricity have been well-documented in this message, generally triggering well-meaning emails stuffed with information about amps, volts, watts, hertz, sine waves and other technical whatnot that always leave me feeling dumber than when I started. In the case of the electrically charged drop of water, however, I was fairly sure that wasn’t possible, even though the cable was in standing water.
The mishap report saved me the trouble of going out on a limb, because the reporter pointed out that “electricity does not work in the way the service member describes.” The shocked E-3 was “probably just surprised by a cold drop of water unexpectedly touching him” while he was handling the cable.

2. That’s all for this episode, friends and neighbors. See you next week.
http://www.public.navy.mil/navsafecen/Pages/funnies/funnies.aspx

 ALSAFE Messages E- Blast Friday Funnies Instructions, Policy &     Guidance Photo of the Week Posters to Download Posters to Order Public Affairs Presentations  Seasonal Resources Special Issue Magazines Subscribe to Magazines

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 29 at 2015 9:59 AM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 09:59:44 -0400

They crack me up

Response by SCPO David Lockwood made Sep 29 at 2015 10:02 AM

SCPO David Lockwood — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 10:02:48 -0400

They are hilarious! Makes you think why the hell would they even think of trying those things!

Response by MCPO Roger Collins made Sep 29 at 2015 10:24 AM

MCPO Roger Collins — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 10:24:09 -0400

All the good ones have gone by the wayside. The new ones have become boring and repetitive. I used to read them all the time. L'il Abner was one of my favorites, good political humor and a little fun included.

Response by PO3 Steven Sherrill made Sep 29 at 2015 10:53 AM

PO3 Steven Sherrill — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 10:53:52 -0400

Since this is such a heated edition, I will just leave this here LCDR Private RallyPoint Member

http://www.foxnews.com/us/2015/09/26/michigan-motorist-sets-car-gas-pump-on-fire-trying-to-kill-spider-with/

Michigan motorist sets car, gas pump on fire trying to kill spider with cigarette lighter

One motorist got more than he bargained for when he stopped at a Michigan gas station and started a fire when he tried to kill a spider with a cigarette lighter.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 29 at 2015 1:01 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 13:01:26 -0400

Here is a local entry. Someone "accidentally" pulled the foam system at the Minnesota National Guard's UH-60 hangar in Saint Paul, covering all of the aircraft in seven feet of foam. Lots of pictures.
http://helicopternation.com/11-videos-of-the-aircraft-hangar-foam-system/

11 Videos of The Aircraft Hangar Foam System

8 aircraft were covered with 7 feet of foam at the Minnesota National Guard’s Army Aviation. The aircraft hangar foam system was activated by accident.

Response by CPO Greg Frazho made Sep 29 at 2015 10:11 PM

CPO Greg Frazho — Tue, 29 Sep 2015 22:11:15 -0400

As much as I liked reading the Friday Funnies, and some weren't so much, by the way, what I really miss is reading PEARLS from selection boards: "Since reporting aboard, this Sailor has hit rock bottom....and commenced digging." "The number one promotable three years running at this command." "I would move heaven and earth to see this Sailor advanced."

Response by LCDR Rabbah Rona Matlow made Sep 30 at 2015 10:42 AM

LCDR Rabbah Rona Matlow — Wed, 30 Sep 2015 10:42:09 -0400

It shows a lot of tragedy and a lot of foolishness; it really makes you shake your head...

Response by PO1 John Miller made Oct 1 at 2015 4:18 AM

PO1 John Miller — Thu, 01 Oct 2015 04:18:31 -0400

My friends/Shipmates and I used to do stupid shit in hopes that we would get in the Summary of Mishaps. Luckily we never did!

I did however have one friend who made it. He caught a pop fly with his face while playing Captain's Cup Baseball.

Response by SN Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 11 at 2015 5:39 AM

SN Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 11 Oct 2015 05:39:24 -0400

I hated messing with the phone shore tie, sometimes it just shocks your hand to where it locks up and can't really let go. In retrospect it sounds worse than it was.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 12 at 2015 9:46 AM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 12 Oct 2015 09:46:36 -0400

October 2015, #1: Familiarity Breeds Contempt (and Flesh Wounds)

1. Welcome to the latest edition of the Summary of Mishaps. At least once a year for a long time now, I've been steering readers to an imaginary place that I call the Not-O.K. Corral.
A young Marine once told me that he'd never heard of the most famous shootout in the history of the American Wild West. Got it - everyone didn't grow up watching cowboy movies, like I did. Some people don't go to movies at all, which would rule out them having seen "Tombstone" or "Wyatt Earp."
I still like my construct, though. There's no shortage of modern military gunslingers, arriving in mishap reports and our sarcastic spotlight via idiotic, one-sided gunfights. They act like the basic rules of gun safety are as complicated as organic chemistry and written in Klingon.
My ex-Marine dad taught those lessons to my brother and me while we were in grade school, and the rules didn't seem that hard. Of course, when I was 10, pistols and rifles actually seemed dangerous, not like adult toys that you could mess around with whenever you got a hankering, drunk or alert, focused or distracted, morning, noon or night.
Here are five more episodes of ineptitude. If you think anything that the following people did was O.K., consider shooting with a camera instead of a weapon.

A. In Virginia, an E-3 hull maintenance technician bought himself a 9mm pistol. He kept it in his car, with a round in the chamber. One midnight six months later, he was riding as a passenger in his car. He decided that maybe he didn't want a round in the pistol's chamber, after all. Apparently, he preferred to have it in his right leg. He retrieved the pistol, put his finger on the trigger and tried to clear the round.
Join me in not being shocked that he had been drinking.

B. One afternoon in California, a corporal was on armed security duty in a guard shack. He decided to clear his 9mm pistol. He later admitted that he forgot to remove the magazine, but he said that he "racked the slide to the rear twice to make sure it was clear." He said that no rounds were ejected. When the slide went forward the second time, he blasted a hole through the door.body
The corporal said that he and a lance corporal (who was sitting nearby, texting his girlfriend) "looked at each other confused." The E-4 then "cleared the weapon in the correct sequence," put it on the duty desk, wiped the surprised look off his face and reported the incident.
Which raises a couple questions. If he knew the correct way, why didn't he do that the first time? And where are those videographers when i need them?
Turned out that the E-4 wasn't qualified with the 9mm pistol, a fact that doesn't surprise me. Investigators found that he either originally had the pistol off safe or mistakenly took it off safe during his abortive clearing procedure. Furthermore, he had to have had his finger on the trigger, because the 9mm won't fire while being racked.
I like the fact that the "cost of damage" was listed in the report as zero dollars. I agree - they ought to leave that bullet hole there as a reminder. They should put a sign near it, with an arrow pointing at the nearest clearing barrel. Then they could send us a photo. We could make a poster out of it, brightening up guard shacks, far and wide.

C. In Florida, an E-5 master-at-arms worked a 1400-2200 shift, then returned to his quarters. He'd bought himself a pistol earlier that day. Long about prime time (0245), he decided to clean it (when I say "prime time," I mean prime time for doing something moronic).
He "was not familiar with this weapon and didn't remember loading it before work," the mishap report explained. Why bother checking? He plowed ahead, "becoming familiar with the weapon," and eventually squeezed the trigger.
Ker-blammo! Instant (and unwanted) familiarity with how it feels to get shot in the arm. Apparently, the E-5 had had a fair amount of experience with other sorts of handguns (under "experience," the report specified eight years, four months and eleven days). However, under "cause," it said "Inexperienced personnel." I'm not sure if you can have it both ways, but his eight years of so-called experience worth were apparently worthless.

D. A lance corporal was sitting in the passenger seat of a car. He turned to talk to someone in the back. Yada yada yada, "the firearm discharged, putting a 5.56 round through the floorboard of the vehicle," the mishap report explained.
I hate those self-discharging firearms. The ones where you have to pull the trigger are dangerous enough.
Note that when I say "dangerous," I don't mean for people who pay attention to what they're doing, know how to clear a weapon, use the safety device and don't aim at themselves. Also note, dear reader, that this doesn't necessarily include you until you prove different, every single time.

E. Finally, there was the guy who was on his way to pick up his girlfriend. He made a left turn and hit a pot hole. His 9mm hand gun "started to fall off of his lap," the report said. He grabbed it and shot himself in the leg.
I thought the loaded gun in the glove compartment was bad enough.
Guys: If you're dating a girl who lives where you have to carry a loaded pistol in your lap en route, you might want to rethink that relationship.
Gals: If your're dating a guy who think he has to show up for a date with a loaded pistol in his lap, see comment above.

2. That’s all for this week, amigos. Next time: a tutorial on how not to hard-boil an egg.
Last week's issue: Caution - Steam Leaks
Check out our very first special print issue, "The Best of the Friday Funnies." If you'd like an actual paper copy, just ask using the Media Feedback link below.
Got a Funnies-worthy yarn, some feedback or just need to get something off your chest? Your two cents worth is gladly collected at [login to see] .
If you have a question about some of our odd terminology, become an insider by studying up on our Glossary.
And if you have even more time on your hands, here's the exhibit list from the Summary of Mishaps Museum.

Commander, Naval Safety Center, 375 A Street, Norfolk, VA 23511 | [login to see] (DSN 564)
Media Contact Info: [login to see] Ext: 7870 | Media Feedback | Webmaster | PAO | Last Revision: September 28, 2015

Quick Links

US Navy Recruiting | No Fear Act Data | FOIA

US Navy | US Marine Corps | Navy Reserves

US Navy FAQ | USA.gov | Section 508/Accessibility

This is an official United States Navy Website.

This US Government system is subject to monitoring. Please read our Privacy Policy notice.

The appearance of external hyperlinks does not constitute endorsement by the United States Department of Defense, or the United States Department of the Navy of the linked web sites, or the information, products or services contained therein. For other than authorized activities such as military exchanges and Morale, Welfare and Recreation (MWR) sites, the United States Department of Defense, the Department of the Navy does not exercise any editorial control over the information you may find at these locations. Such links are provided consistent with the stated purpose of this DoD web site.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 16 at 2015 10:15 AM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 16 Oct 2015 10:15:05 -0400

October 2015, #2: When Is a Safety Chain Not a Safety Chain?

1. Welcome to the latest edition of the Summary of Mishaps, four more things that four more folks shoulda seen coming.

A. An E-6 reservist in Florida was on duty one weekend. He notices that one guy wasn’t wearing the required safety glasses, so he marched over to remind him. This kudo-worthy action involved stepping over a safety chain around a restricted zone. This particular chain wasn’t held up by posts or stanchions, which is the usual approach. No, it was lying on the tarmac where the E-6 could step on it, twist his leg and break his fibula. And now you know the answer to the question, “When is a safety chain not a safety chain?”
We have installed it at the Summary of Mishaps Museum, but never fear, we’ve posted a warning sign that reads, “Caution: Safety Chain.”

B. And then there was the private in Japan who was driving a tactical vehicle from the induction line to somewhere. The report didn’t say where he was going, but it didn’t matter, because he didn’t make it. No, he backed into a parked tactical vehicle, which amounted to a $6,450 tutorial in why you need a license to drive those things.
Is there such a thing as a “deduction line”? If there is, he ought to go work there for a while.

C. One day on the parking ramp at an air station, a civilian forklift operator got the call to unload a C-17. He headed out, and as he got near the aircraft, he noticed a gaggle of Sailors. Quickly applying his time critical risk management skills, he veered to give them plenty of room.
Alas, the risk-management prowess of an E-3 (who was now directly in the forklift driver’s path) had been less acute. The E-3 was kneeling down, engrossed in taking photos. There were conflicting reports on what the E-3 had been trying to photograph. One source said it was the C-17, and one report said “scenery.”
He could have had a thrilling close-up of the business end of a forklift. However, further thoughts of photography were quickly extinguished, thanks to the forklift’s left front and rear tires running over the E-3’s left arm, hip, leg and ankle. The next set of images were taken by doctors using an X-ray machine.
According to witnesses, the forklift driver was speeding (or, in message-ese, “operating at a higher speed than deemed safe for operation on the flight line”). Still ought to look where you’re going, don’t you think?

D. A cryptologic technician who had been selected for first class (and who worked in a safety department, to make things even better) wanted to hard-boil some eggs. He figured that the microwave would be a good place to do it. Several other first-class petty officers warned him against his plan.
A few weeks later, the warning had worn off, so into the microwave went the eggs. He gave them 45 seconds. They didn’t explode or burn or do anything weird, like when marshmallows transform into a pulsating blob. “See, I knew that would work,” he thought, removing the eggs. Then they exploded, strewing their innards across the shop. The molten goop hit other Sailors. Some of it also landed in the first-class-select’s eye, burning his cornea.
A word to the wise: for everything that has a “select,” there is nearly always a “deselect.” Do you really want to have “Insists on learning the hard way” written on your eval?

2. That’s all for this time, friends and neighbors. See you next week.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 26 at 2015 8:39 AM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 26 Oct 2015 08:39:19 -0400

Repost