Do you show signs of "benevolent sexism"?

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 19:17:19 -0400

I am guilty of "Benevolent Sexism" (BS) and I apologize to all of you ladies. Oh crap, I think that qualifies BS!

I think this is one of the most absurd articles I've ever read, I hope this "study" was not funded by the government. I think this could be classified as a disease, I wonder if I could get assistance from the VA for my BS problem and help me to become more of an A-Hole?

http://allenbwest.com/2015/03/damned-if-you-do-new-study-says-smiling-chivalrous-men-are-actually-sexists-in-disguise/

Damned if you do: New study says smiling, chivalrous men are actually sexists in disguise - Allen...

I'm sorry men, you can't win.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 13 at 2015 7:30 PM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 19:30:17 -0400

All the time. And my girlfriend falls in love w/ me more & more each day for it!!!! (At least that's what she keeps telling me...lol)

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 13 at 2015 7:31 PM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 19:31:43 -0400

SFC Private RallyPoint Member, if you're not careful, you'll have to redo all the harassment classes again :P

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 13 at 2015 7:31 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 19:31:43 -0400

Yes. I simply keep the act short and sweet as not to seem as if I'm trying to make a pass. That way, I've made a subtle act to show that not all men only yearn lust.

Response by Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS made Mar 13 at 2015 7:52 PM

Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 19:52:56 -0400

Benevolent sexism is nothing new.

Simply put, granting someone special treatment by virtue of class, whether sex, race, etc is an "ism." Is there really a positive "ism?" Does anyone need, deserve, or are they entitled to special treatment by virtue of a born feature?

This is not to say that we cannot give courtesy, just that we must be aware of why, and that it is a courtesy, and nothing more.

Response by LCpl Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 13 at 2015 10:27 PM

LCpl Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 13 Mar 2015 22:27:16 -0400

I liked a quote I saw somewhere that chivalry should be consensual between both parties. Some girls like being treated like a china doll, others like to get their own door. Some guys like to be genteel, some are a little more rough and tumble. All about knowing your partner and what they want.

Response by CSM Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 14 at 2015 9:42 AM

CSM Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 09:42:02 -0400

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. I tend to lean towards do.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 14 at 2015 12:54 PM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 14 Mar 2015 12:54:31 -0400

During the late 70s and 80s men where become effeminate and not very manly to say the least and women got tired of it. Feminists of that generation had used this same kind of monkey business, only to realize that they didn't like a weepy, wimpy man. So, it is like we started over again and the definition went back to the old school way, which is not always a bad thing.

Response by CAPT Stu Merrill made Mar 15 at 2015 11:12 AM

CAPT Stu Merrill — Sun, 15 Mar 2015 11:12:44 -0400

Here is a humble suggestion of a blessed father of a daughter. If we treat every women with whom we come into contact with in the same manner that we hope that our daughter will be interacted with then the world will be a more helpful, supportive place.

Never whistle, never gawk, never disrespect.

Response by Capt Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 15 at 2015 11:30 AM

Capt Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 15 Mar 2015 11:30:13 -0400

We all know the golden rule. There is a corollary that says treat others as they want to be treated. Makes more sense. Personally I hold the door open for the next person. I also greet them.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 15 at 2015 12:52 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 15 Mar 2015 12:52:20 -0400

I'm with you.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 15 at 2015 1:26 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 15 Mar 2015 13:26:09 -0400

I think now days women push more and more to be equal to men and professionally we should be. If I'm your Co worker you should give me the same respect as you give your male Co workers. I don't like being held up in my job because somebody sees me carrying a box and runs over insisting to carry it for me, I always refuse politely of course. As a soldier I see all the time that females that look and act a certain way seem to not have to do any physical work for themselves and that makes me mad also. Just last week I was loading heavy boxes into my truck and the male soldier helping me (because it's his job) suddenly stopped and rushed over to open the door for a very young and "top heavy" female soldier that didn't even have her hands full. I watched as I continued to load alone as every male in the room smiled and flirted with her on her way out. I didn't say anything because complaining won't get me anywhere, but it boiled me. It's wonderful to treat your lady very nicely and to be kind, courteous, and a gentleman in your home life and love life, but at work be a professional

Response by A1C Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 16 at 2015 12:00 AM

A1C Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 16 Mar 2015 00:00:34 -0400

Here's the deal, you "sexist jerks" keep holding doors and pulling out chairs, and I will keep saying please and thank you. If that makes you sexist then my boyfriend is one of the worst, and I don't ever want him to change, and I want any sons I have to be exactly like that.

Response by CMSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 16 at 2015 10:56 AM

CMSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 16 Mar 2015 10:56:51 -0400

Disclaimer: Potentially scandalous comment ahead

Real ladies will recognize true chivalry and never see it as anything other than good manners.

I recall plenty of times IN UNIFORM, I had doors held for me and chairs pulled out. I wasn't beating my chest or dragging my knuckles to ensure that I am "strong woman, hear me roar". I took it as simple acts of courtesy.

When I was in the Army, I remember my battle buddies literally extending their hands to help short little me in full battle rattle out of the back of a 5-ton. I also recall a comical curtsy afterwards. I will always laugh a little at the contrast of worlds and thinking, "Gentlemen rock!". :)

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 16 at 2015 11:02 AM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 16 Mar 2015 11:02:09 -0400

since when it's a crime to be a gentleman

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 16 at 2015 4:54 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 16 Mar 2015 16:54:42 -0400

Sexism definition. "The belief that one sex (usually the male) is naturally superior to the other and should dominate most important areas of political, economic, and social life."

Most males I've met who fall into that category are not chivalrous gentleman. Generally, people who think they're better than you won't hold a door for you anyway.

Response by CPT Zachary Brooks made Mar 16 at 2015 4:59 PM

CPT Zachary Brooks — Mon, 16 Mar 2015 16:59:37 -0400

Just something else to be offended by.

Funny that women got mad at me if I was not a benevolent sexist. Oh the standards, they are a changin'

Response by Sgt Cody Dumont made Mar 16 at 2015 5:02 PM

Sgt Cody Dumont — Mon, 16 Mar 2015 17:02:05 -0400

Being nice and polite is not sexist. Opening doors for poeple and other actions that gentlemen and ladies do for other poeple is just polite and shows respect for the recipient.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 16 at 2015 5:23 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 16 Mar 2015 17:23:18 -0400

This makes me sad, because I and the VERY few honorable and respectful men that exist in this gradually declining world are trapped in between all of this. Extremist and these "studies" only create man-hating woman... It's damaging our societies even more than ever. Feminism isn't what it once was thanks to those very extremist.

What ever happened to coexisting and working together as one? Getting rid of chivalry will only show our future generations how to be a coward and disrespectful man as well as setting the bar so low for woman when it comes to finding a companion. It will also create men with no spines. Father-less children with increase because of the spineless men that these extremist and "studies" WILL create.

Just as much as a woman want's to feel needed, wanted, and loved; We WANT to fight for our woman, we WANT to go out our way to make our woman feel loved and comfortable....

Keep this BS up and you'll see exactly how fast our societies will fall...

Response by Cpl Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 16 at 2015 5:37 PM

Cpl Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 16 Mar 2015 17:37:49 -0400

I'm guilty of being a chauvinist pig who has been known to open a door for a lady, pull out her chair, sit after her, take her coat and pick up a tab. It's just how I was taught; to be a gentleman and to be respectful. I applaud the anti-feminist women of the world.

Response by SFC Michael Jackson, MBA made Mar 16 at 2015 5:51 PM

SFC Michael Jackson, MBA — Mon, 16 Mar 2015 17:51:48 -0400

This is an indictment on our culture. It's just says that you can no longer be a gentlemen without being considered sexist. Pulling a chair out or opening a chair door for a lady isn't sexist, but a symbolic gesture to show our respect for women.

Response by SFC(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 16 at 2015 5:57 PM

SFC(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 16 Mar 2015 17:57:51 -0400

If one feels like less of a woman because I feel more like a man by being kind and considerate then I would suggest there is more wrong with you than I am sexist. If a woman doesnt like getting the door opened for her, paying the check or her chair pulled out, then she can hurry and do it for me... I wont mind. I wont feel less of a man because she is more than comfortable being a woman.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 16 at 2015 10:18 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 16 Mar 2015 22:18:43 -0400

Response by COL Charles Williams made Mar 17 at 2015 12:24 AM

COL Charles Williams — Tue, 17 Mar 2015 00:24:05 -0400

Yes, I hold doors, I stand up, I open car doors, I help women get seated, so I guess I am now a sexist. I have been accused of being a male chauvinist pig, and now I know why.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 17 at 2015 10:14 AM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 17 Mar 2015 10:14:24 -0400

Well, I guess I lucked out because my beautiful fiance loves my "benevolent sexism." Although, she refers to it as me being a gentleman. Does it still count if she had to train me a little bit? Hahaha... I kept forgetting to open her car door when we first started dating. No more of that!

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 17 at 2015 1:56 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 17 Mar 2015 13:56:22 -0400

Uh the first problem is that they asked college students. Really???
Second... This article is just total Bullshit.
Really no more that I can say about it.
Have y'all noticed that most women in the military or were in the military don't get this crap?
Ridiculous.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 17 at 2015 2:10 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 17 Mar 2015 14:10:49 -0400

Guilty as charged… I pull my wife’s chair out… open the door for her… give my coat when she is cold… will even stand up when she leaves or comes back to the table… Kiss my ass to all those who think otherwise

Response by SFC Michael Hasbun made Mar 17 at 2015 2:17 PM

SFC Michael Hasbun — Tue, 17 Mar 2015 14:17:57 -0400

Careful what you wish for =o)

Response by CPT Pedro Meza made Mar 17 at 2015 2:34 PM

CPT Pedro Meza — Tue, 17 Mar 2015 14:34:52 -0400

I do not call it "Benevolent Sexism", I call it Operant Conditioning my mother rest her soul used a cast iron frying pan and a broom to ensure that I knew how to be a gentleman.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 17 at 2015 6:34 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 17 Mar 2015 18:34:48 -0400

This is the most absurd concept I have seen in a while.

Mean to women- Sexist Jerk.

Polite to women- Sexist Jerk

... Welcome to our brave new world.

Response by SSgt Joe V. made Mar 17 at 2015 6:46 PM

SSgt Joe V. — Tue, 17 Mar 2015 18:46:54 -0400

I only go through two sets of doors with women...(otherwise I pretend to tie my shoe and wait till they are gone...) - the first I hold for them and the second they open for me - gender equality at its finest.

On a serious note (as serious as this 'study' allows), when did having manners become this horrific thing that paints women in an inferior light? Thank God I married a woman that likes to wear the pants with me, otherwise it would have been a marriage of pity or something... (I fully expect comments on the 'pants' reference - I am whipped and perfectly ok with it)

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 17 at 2015 8:29 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 17 Mar 2015 20:29:04 -0400

A Marine In Boot Camp Writes A Letter Home.
Dear Ma & Pa,
Am well. Hope you are. Tell brother Walt & brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before maybe all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt & Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, they git warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings.
Like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc..., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other regular food. But tell Walt & Elmer you can always sit between two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you till noon, when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much. We go on "route" marches, which the Platoon Sergeant says are long walks to harden us.
If he thinks so, it is not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys gets sore feet and we all ride back in trucks. The country is nice, but awful flat. The Sergeant is like a schoolteacher. He nags some. The Capt. is like the school board.

Majors & Colonels just ride around & frown. They don't bother you none. This next will kill Walt & Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk and don't move. And it ain't shooting at you, like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes. Be sure to tell Walt & Elmer to hurry & join before other fellers get into this setup & come stampeding in.
Your loving daughter, Gail Sue

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 17 at 2015 8:31 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 17 Mar 2015 20:31:31 -0400

From Wikipedia: "Sexism or gender discrimination is prejudice or discrimination based on a person's sex or gender."

Basically, it boils down to using the individuals sex/gender as any part of your decision on how to interact with them.

To be truly non-sexist, your decisions on, for example, whether or not to help carry groceries would ignore their gender and instead be based on things like...

- Do they look able (too small, too big, physical ability) to carry that much
- Am I going that way anyway
- Do I have the time
- Do I like/dislike them

In my opinion, and I believe the definition above and elsewhere on the internet and dictionaries supports this idea, the following is true...choose what fits for you (parenthesis indicate an optional choice):
__________
OPTION 1: Not *-ist people: I (do not) help everybody equally (situation permitting), or I (do not) help individuals based on their specific requirements [i.e. hands full, on crutches with leg brace, etc] and my ability to help. This situation does not apply to me.

OPTION 2: *-ist people: I go out of my way (not) to help [A] people; I am [B].

If [A] is: (choose as many as you like, but not all of them**) Black, White, Asian, Hispanic, "foreign", etc; then [B] is racist*.
If [A] is: (choose as many as you like, but not all of them**) old, young, teenagers, babies, etc. ; then [B] is ageist.
If [A] is: (choose ONE**) men / women ; then [B] is sexist.
___________
* Not sure about the "foreign" one. I am sure there is a name for it, but I am not sure what it is.

** Choosing all of them puts you in the above category.

EDITED for words

Response by SSG Paul Lanciault made Mar 17 at 2015 9:43 PM

SSG Paul Lanciault — Tue, 17 Mar 2015 21:43:05 -0400

Trying to figure out what a woman wants, that can be a challenge on a good day. And don't ask, because a man should know. There is a time and place for everything. When and where you treat her like a lady, or a woman, or one of the guys, and always with the right amount of respect. That makes all the difference.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 18 at 2015 8:19 AM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 18 Mar 2015 08:19:56 -0400

Warning: Not a politically correct response....

If I could punch every person that spreads this BS in the face....I would. This is ridiculous.

Response by MSG David Johnson made Mar 18 at 2015 1:22 PM

MSG David Johnson — Wed, 18 Mar 2015 13:22:59 -0400

If holding the door for a lady is BS then I am 100% BS! I was taught at a young age to hold a ladys chair, hold the door, and walk on the road side of the lady you are walking with. Walking on the road side dates back to the old days of horse and carriage. When there might be a runaway.

I was taught these things in order to be a gentleman and to respect women. My earleiest memory was at age 4 years old when I remember my mother teaching me manners. It's too bad these lessons are not taught much any more.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 18 at 2015 1:37 PM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 18 Mar 2015 13:37:36 -0400

I most certainly do not show signs of "benevolent sexism". When I see a woman walking behind me, I don't hold the door open, instead, I slam the door shut, and stick out my tongue to taunt her that the door is now closed. I also pull their ponytails.

Response by SSG Dave McPeak made Mar 18 at 2015 2:41 PM

SSG Dave McPeak — Wed, 18 Mar 2015 14:41:14 -0400

Maybe I was raised wrong, yes I open doors for ladies, yes I treat them with respect, yes I paid for meals on a date.......if I was raised wrong sue me, being polite used to be the way to act.

Response by Cpl Peter Cannella made Mar 18 at 2015 3:26 PM

Cpl Peter Cannella — Wed, 18 Mar 2015 15:26:29 -0400

No, it's polite. Sexist would be "don't let her in the car, she's a girl!" Like little kids... I guess kids are sexist come to think of it lol.

Response by SSG William Patton made Mar 18 at 2015 3:29 PM

SSG William Patton — Wed, 18 Mar 2015 15:29:25 -0400

Guess I am guilty as charged. My mother and wife would both be proud however. My mother taught me to be a gentleman and hold the door for a lady, pull her chair out at the table, stand when a lady enters the room, and always be courteous to women. My wife is glad I was well trained and says to hell with the femi-nazis.

Response by SPC Joel Quey made Mar 19 at 2015 2:24 AM

SPC Joel Quey — Thu, 19 Mar 2015 02:24:28 -0400

This was a poorly written article. It's not really fair to judge the study based on this article.

It's talking more about guys who will bend over backwards for a woman just because she's a woman, even if she's a terrible human being and doesn't deserve it.

Response by SGT Marika Waiters made Mar 19 at 2015 8:19 PM

SGT Marika Waiters — Thu, 19 Mar 2015 20:19:40 -0400

Although I've always been a really independent woman who doesn't expect all that chivalry, I think that any time chivalry raises its head, it's a GOOD thing! This new "study (I'm using that term loosely here)" is such BS! Ladies, you can't have it BOTH ways! Get over yourselves!

Response by SGM Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 20 at 2015 6:22 PM

SGM Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 20 Mar 2015 18:22:07 -0400

I need to get my disability upgraded. I obviously have one more problem that I wasn't aware of.

Response by SrA Marc Haynes made Mar 21 at 2015 1:43 PM

SrA Marc Haynes — Sat, 21 Mar 2015 13:43:10 -0400

WOW all this time I been blaming this behavior on my parents. How dare them! Teaching me to hold the doors for women, giving my seat up on public transportation, etc. I mean I guess I better sign up for therapy to unlearn this unacceptable behavior.

On second thought they, whoever came up with this tremendous waste of research time and money, can kiss my arse they are called manners. Maybe they should instill them in the younger generation. Oh wait they can't hold the doors for ladies because their to damn busy holding up their pants that are sagging to "oh nice pot leaf or playboy boxer" levels.

I guess next they will be researching and publishing articles on the evils of showing respect to elders.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 21 at 2015 1:44 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 21 Mar 2015 13:44:01 -0400

As far as this article goes, I would be guilty of this "BS". I find the assertions made ridiculous as I was raised to be a gentleman. When I was in ROTC a female cadet told me if I held the door for her one more time that she would rip off my arm and shove it up my 4th point of contact (this is the clean version). Additionally, she demanded to be treated " like a man". I am dumbfounded that traditions of chivalry are seen in such a negative manner. As an EOL I understand the concept of treating everyone the same, but changing acceptable mannerisms you are raised with is not a reasonable expectation.

Response by SrA Marc Haynes made Mar 21 at 2015 2:04 PM

SrA Marc Haynes — Sat, 21 Mar 2015 14:04:45 -0400

Oh thank the heavens for this article and the wisdom of this researchers.

I have had an epiphany because of it. My bringing flowers toy ex-wife after her giving birth to my son was really me saying benevolent sexistly that I wanted to deflower her. How could I have been so naive and stupid. I now know the true reason for the divorce.

I fear that contemplating the candlelight Red Lobster dinner the night of the birth will prove what a caveman I truly am. I am going to Amazon right now to orders straight jacket for when self evaluation driver over the edge.

Response by MSgt Steve Miller made Mar 22 at 2015 10:10 AM

MSgt Steve Miller — Sun, 22 Mar 2015 10:10:42 -0400

What’s the point in discussing this issue with liberals? I care not to change their minds on any issue! They are simply not right in the head! My lady loves that I open the door for her, and how she feels is all that matters to this old Marine!

Response by PO2 Mark Saffell made Mar 27 at 2015 8:40 AM

PO2 Mark Saffell — Fri, 27 Mar 2015 08:40:18 -0400

I'm guilty. Sorry. My mom and dad taught me that I was to always open a door or hold a chair for a lady and my mom and dad out ranks ALL officers.

Response by Capt Daniel Bradshaw made Mar 27 at 2015 12:21 PM

Capt Daniel Bradshaw — Fri, 27 Mar 2015 12:21:33 -0400

Wow.....guess I'm full of BS as well.

Response by SFC Mark Merino made Jun 13 at 2015 4:51 PM

SFC Mark Merino — Sat, 13 Jun 2015 16:51:06 -0400

I will continue to offend. I open the doors for my wife. I carry the heavy stuff, and all stuff if there isn't much. I say Sir and Maam. Some haters just gotta hate.

Response by LTC Kevin B. made Jun 13 at 2015 8:00 PM

LTC Kevin B. — Sat, 13 Jun 2015 20:00:43 -0400

I'm not a fan of Allen West, but I will admit that many times...one person's chivalry is another person's chauvinism. I remember having this debate once during grad school, where a good chunk of the class worked in the DoD and another chunk of the class was headed to careers in the State Department. The military guys didn't want women in combat, whereas the women headed into the State Department thought that was sexist. They weren't listening to what we were saying; they were hearing what they wanted us to be saying. Our point was that we don't want women in combat because we thought women deserved a better fate than being blown apart on the battlefield (i.e. a chivalrous mindset). They thought our point was that we didn't believe women could handle the rigors of combat (i.e. a chauvinist mindset). Eventually, we just stopped talking because we just saw the world differently.