Do you think there are communication differences between genders within the military? What have you observed or experienced?

2017-04-13T21:20:02-04:00

I am doing a paper for an intercultural communication class and chose the topic of gendered communication in the military. Is there a difference? Please advise.

Response by 1LT Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 13 at 2017 9:48 PM

2017-04-13T21:48:00-04:00

Col Rebecca Lorraine - Take a look at DTIC, ScienceDirect, and UMI collections. Sandy :)

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Response by SN Greg Wright made Apr 13 at 2017 11:14 PM

2017-04-13T23:14:41-04:00

I can't help with your Academic endeavor, Colonel, but perhaps I can inject a little humor into your evening: I think there's communication difference between genders everywhere on the planet, heh. Which makes it highly probable, there, too.

Response by LTC John Mohor made Apr 13 at 2017 11:19 PM

2017-04-13T23:19:26-04:00

SN Greg Wright you sure covered a lot in that brief statement! Just remember if you can learn to live by "Happy Wife, Happy Life" it all gets much easier!!!

Response by PO1 William "Chip" Nagel made Apr 13 at 2017 11:52 PM

2017-04-13T23:52:56-04:00

I would say of Course, like any other subtle cultural differences. I've worked in Most Military Environments Usually Heavily Male Influenced but I did a Tour in DC where my DIVO/Proj Lead 621 was Female Lt, Her boss was AOIC LCDR Female and Her Boss Capt Margie Turner. I would say I rather liked the Experience and was Treated Very Well by My Seniors some Minor butting Heads with the Female LTJG and Female ENS. Now the Jr Enlisted Females always acted and appeared stressed in that Environment and I really couldn't wrap My Head Around Why, I had no trouble talking to anyone. I would have to go down to Crystal City and Present Article 15's to the Chief of Staff as Command Master at Arms occasionally and it always was a Riot, No Matter how Much Prepping and Preening I did before Hand the LT would have me come down to Her Office stand on a stool Beforehand and Tape Pad Me down to make sure there wasn't a Trace of Lint on me. Another time DP3 Ran into my Office in a Panic she said the LCDR wants to see you Now! LCDR Could be Gruff but I just shook it off and slowly walked down to her office Made the Last Turn to see the LCDR up on Her Desk, She Pointed down and Her Floor was Alive with Roaches. I had to Help her Down and Temporarily relocate her while I coordinated with our Facilities Manager (Female Machinist Mate 1t Class) to Resolve the Issue. I would spend quite a bit of time in the Skippers Office shooting the Breeze with Her, I also remember when Her GS-Whatever Writer/Clerk got Snippy with Me. "CTO1 will You Excuse Us" "Of Course Skipper" She Shut the Door, I Hung out in the Lounge and shortly thereafter Her Clerk came back out and started Apologizing to Me. It wasn't a Big Deal to Me but I figured Out Real Quick. Rule #1 don't Mess with the RADM's and Capt Turner's MAA, You Won't Like the Experience.

Response by CAPT Kevin B. made Apr 14 at 2017 2:40 AM

2017-04-14T02:40:40-04:00

You bet. It was far worse when women were first being integrated into the force. A School material had to be sanitized. Some of it was pretty crude. Later on, I lived through the study and launch of women in the Seabees. A number of Flags/Seniors were clearly "What are these things?" There was a presumption that women had a steep learning curve to communicate correctly. Didn't pan out, but anything new, especially imposed, drives fear. I'd take a look at teasing out the continuum from a historical perspective and then describe the current state. A before/after gap analysis will show where the communications glitches are beyond the usual "Men are from Mars, Women from Venus" that would be considered normal.

Response by PO2 Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 14 at 2017 7:49 AM

2017-04-14T07:49:24-04:00

I have noticed I pay much more attention to my tone and body language when addressing a female unless I am very comfortable with them.

It is ironic that as a male I cherish being muscular and broad shouldered yet I have noticed I can be far more intimidating than I often intend.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 14 at 2017 10:46 AM

2017-04-14T10:46:27-04:00

I think that dropping a blanket over this isn't effective. It goes down to the lowest levels and depends a lot on individuals and command climates within a company, platoon, and even squad sized element. I've been in units where you had to watch how you communicated regardless of what genders were around and I've been in units where almost anything goes. Communication issues aren't gender specific either. A male could just as easily have trouble communicating with a male as he would with a female.

Response by PFC Tiffany Crytzer-Johnson made Apr 14 at 2017 6:18 PM

2017-04-14T18:18:01-04:00

Ma'am I can tell you that after separation there is a huge difference in communication. It is all vets vs civilians, and I have found that sex doesn't hinder communication among vets. I find it difficult to communicate with other females now that I am out of the service. I am direct and mission minded which helps when relaying direction to males but the females see me as "mean"

Response by MCPO Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 14 at 2017 11:21 PM

2017-04-14T23:21:34-04:00

I've witnessed the standard differences between gendered comms... Males tend to be direct and leap directly at the problem to get to possible solutions, ala "Private, you screwed this up by doing this, that and the other thing. What are you (or we) going to do so it doesn't happen again?" It is direct and to the point - and because it misses out on the possible core issues and focuses on the results, can take a while to get a good resolution.

Females tend to be more social and background-oriented to get at the ROOT of the problem before attacking it, ala, "Private, how are things going? Problems at home? Are you satisfied with your training? Problems with how this last evolution was handled by the brass? Well, there are some shortcomings that we need to look at..." This is roundabout, and starts out with the backstory... and can take a while to get to the good resolution.

BUT - both usually end up taking the same amount of time - they just use different tactics.

I've also seen WAAAaayyyy too many instances of males automatically "mansplaining" issues to females when there is no need - even when the females are more proficient in the matter than the males. Now THAT pisses me off.

And, for background, I started my career off in the Army, in the Infantry, where there were zero females anywhere around and the only time they were discussed were in negative or objectifying ways. I joined the Coast Guard and had QUITE the eye-opening experience when my first CO was a female O3... and then for the rest of my career I served under, with, and over females in every unit I was with. Fortunately, I learned early on how to make that transition. If you need more or need clarifications, just holler!

Response by Cpl Rebecca Nicholson made Apr 15 at 2017 9:17 AM

2017-04-15T09:17:20-04:00

The biggest difference between men and women and their style of communication boils down to the fact that men and women view the purpose of conversations differently. Academic research on psychological gender differences has shown that while women use communication as a tool to enhance social connections and create relationships, men use language to exert dominance and achieve tangible outcomes (Leaper, 1991; Maltz & Borker, 1982; Wood, 1996; Mason, 1994).

This is 10 fold within the Military setting. In order to adapt to what is still a male dominant culture, it is especially necessary for women to create and enhance relationships. Men within the military setting have a constant dominance struggle, within the ranks, within Unit to Unit etc... so we fall back on what we were conditioned with culturally. This is intermixed with Military lingo and bearing, but still very different.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 15 at 2017 10:55 AM

2017-04-15T10:55:51-04:00

It seems your question touches on the concepts brought up in relationship counseling, where males and females speak different "languages", and that sometimes causes miscommunications, even though they are both likely in agreement.

Having worked with females my whole career, and life before the Army, I honestly haven't noticed much of a difference. Sure there are unique issues that come up, but I can't say most weren't any more unique than issues males had as well. I've had female leadership that were direct and straight to the point, and I've also had some that were more of the nurturing type, or story-telling type. That being said, I've had the same from male leadership as well, although much less frequent of the nurturing communication. Then there are the issues of people (male and female) who feel they have something to prove for one reason or another, of which their communication styles seem identical to me.

In my experiences, it could also be the issue of assimilation. From what I've seen in the Army, the longer Soldiers stay in, the way they speak begins to sound the same; the Command Voice that seems to overpower any accents they may have when speaking casually. With a male majority in the force, maybe the females I've been around have just picked up a "male-like" way of communicating, therefore making me feel there is no difference. Without knowing them before the Army, I would have no way of knowing their true personality versus their learned Army version.

Response by LtCol Robert Quinter made Apr 15 at 2017 8:03 PM

2017-04-15T20:03:30-04:00

It took some reflection to decide how to respond to the question. There are really two, perhaps three circumstances that have decide my answer. First, there is the business situation. I've never had a problem there. There are specific tasks to be accomplished and I've always treated my people the same with good results both in the military and civilian environment. No matter the circumstance, you treat the individuals with respect. If they excel, you praise, if they err, you correct and if they conduct themselves in an unsatisfactory manner, you counsel, instruct and censure. As you work longer with individuals, you learn their limits and respect them, however, I never forget I'm in charge. When they came with personal issues, either military or civilian, you give advice, a listening ear and someone to talk with, but there again, you are acting as an authority figure and maintain that distance even while being empathetic and offering your best thoughts on the problem. I once had a young Marine ask me to give her away at her wedding since her father was deceased. I was as proud as when I gave away my own daughters and like to think all of my people regarded me in the same light. Biggest problem I had was when they started to cry, either military or civilian; then I had to come up with something to make them stop by somehow assuring them the world was not ending.

Response by MAJ Montgomery Granger made Apr 16 at 2017 4:06 PM

2017-04-16T16:06:24-04:00

I served the bulk of my 22 years of service in integrated Combat Support and Combat Service Support units, medical and Military Police. I believe there was no difference between male and female communication. Orders are orders and completing the mission is completing the mission. 99.9% of all soldiers I served with were good communicators regardless of gender. Good luck with your study! Hooah!

Response by CMSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 16 at 2017 8:22 PM

2017-04-16T20:22:04-04:00

Differences? Most certainly. I remember mornings I would make the rounds in the unit checking on different on-going projects. More often than not, if I approached a male member and asked for a status update, the response would be concise and to the point. Obviously, this varied depending on the person, but the response from a male was normally directed towards the question and status. However, if I approached a female member and requested an update, more often than not, I would hear about how bad traffic was to work, babysitter issues, and other personal antidotes before the actual question was addressed. I learned that actually listening to what the person was saying and being empathic improved communication and the desired result. I am a result oriented type of person and normally don't want to hear why something is not working, but what are you doing to fix it and how can I help you achieve that objective. I learned with some (not all) female members, I had to consciously adjust my approach in order to facilitate positive results. Also, realize this was an Air Force organization so the charging up the hill to take out the bunker mentality was less pervasive.

Response by Cpl Justin Goolsby made Apr 17 at 2017 9:19 AM

2017-04-17T09:19:47-04:00

Yes, I do believe there is a difference and I think it's more obvious in a "casual" environment.

Men are out in the open, loud, no matter what the topic is you'll probably hear them from down the hall.

Women are the opposite. When I see women in a work center, they're typically huddled in a corner speaking in hush tones as if they were gossiping.

I've worked with a number of different units and work centers and it always appears to be the same.

Even when I'm part of the conversation it'll happen this way. A male will ask me how my weekend was from a completely different office. A female will roll her chair closer to me and ask how my weekend was while making sure no one else is a part of the conversation except me and her.

So I'd probably say the biggest difference is Impersonal vs Personal regarding Male/Females in the military.

Response by MSgt Mark Bucher made Apr 24 at 2017 1:18 PM

2017-04-24T13:18:26-04:00

This is a tough question. As a general rule, I'd say no there isn't, there shouldn't be, but we all know there is. I know there were things that were off limits when talking with any female in uniform, there shouldn't have been off limits topics, but it happens. I know when deployed with my female troops, those lines get blurred, so it was up to me as a SrNCO to adhere to the standards of speech and behavior. If it wasn't tolerated at home station, it wasn't tolerated downrange. It was damn tough to enforce that one at times. Don't know if this helps or not, just my experience through the years