Does anyone else have their adult children living with them?

Sgt David G Duchesneau — Sun, 06 Dec 2015 11:41:51 -0500

The reason I ask this question is because I was blessed with five children, two daughters and three sons, and out of these five wonderful kids, all grown-ups now, I have been also blessed with ten beautiful grand-children. For the most part, all are doing very well and have great successful jobs. But for some unknown reason, one of those freaking moments of weakness, I let my youngest one, my 27 year old son talk me into living here with me. Now, every time I turn around, this little shit is in my pocket. He’s always stepping into shit and when he does, it’s a real mess. Has anyone else made this fu-king mistake or am I the only idiot that has done this? Just wondering? WTF-Over?

Response by SSgt Alex Robinson made Dec 6 at 2015 11:45 AM

SSgt Alex Robinson — Sun, 06 Dec 2015 11:45:48 -0500

No we don't. But we continue to support them even though they have their own lives.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 6 at 2015 11:46 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 06 Dec 2015 11:46:32 -0500

Although I can't fathom ever doing that. I also couldn't fathom living with my parents ever again. I left the nest, don't want, under any circumstances, to go back. Failure to launch is your movie my friend. You should watch it.

Response by SSgt Terry P. made Dec 6 at 2015 11:57 AM

SSgt Terry P. — Sun, 06 Dec 2015 11:57:07 -0500

Sgt David G Duchesneau You are not alone.

Response by CAPT Kevin B. made Dec 6 at 2015 11:58 AM

CAPT Kevin B. — Sun, 06 Dec 2015 11:58:29 -0500

I didn't want to go there. That's why my youngest had to figure it out from a homeless shelter. Sleeping next to a different 40-60 something every night hearing their tale of woe was more "struck by lightning" vs. enlightening. He decided he didn't want that as a career. Mom suffered more than I through this phase. Her heart and brain were at severe odds with each other. He's been sober for several years now. It a bit easier now, but he knows where he doesn't want to go.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 6 at 2015 12:21 PM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 06 Dec 2015 12:21:10 -0500

Yes, both of my sons still live at home with us. One is 22 and the other is 20. They both have jobs. They both make their own car payments (no we did not co-sign for them), insurance payments, and any other bills they may have. They both help out around the house when they can and sometimes they cook dinner. They both do their own laundry. My youngest is also going to college full time using my GI Bill that I was able to transfer to him. My oldest is looking at moving out and getting his own place with his girlfriend. We have not had any issues with either of them because they know mom will still bust their asses. They are really great young men.

Response by Cpl Shane Cunningham made Dec 6 at 2015 12:43 PM

Cpl Shane Cunningham — Sun, 06 Dec 2015 12:43:18 -0500

I'd go to jail before I moved back with my parents.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 6 at 2015 12:55 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 06 Dec 2015 12:55:18 -0500

Have had my adult oldest daughter and her 'boyfriend' living with us for a little while, as soon as they found their own rental, my wife and I 'partied like it was 1999'! don't get me wrong, I love my oldest daughter. But man, they gotta learn how to fly and be on their own, make their own mistakes. I lived with my parents at times, but we kind of 'knew' it wouldn't be 'forever' that I was going to live with them. I respect them highly for that.

Response by PO2 Steven Erickson made Dec 6 at 2015 1:20 PM

PO2 Steven Erickson — Sun, 06 Dec 2015 13:20:08 -0500

I feel your pain, Sgt David G Duchesneau. I have my 28 yr old daughter and 3 yr old grandson here with my two younger boys (24 w/ autism and 17).

I love my children and would die for them, but the current situation exists ONLY because I worry about my grandson's safety if I boot his ungrateful immature mom to the f'ing street. Wait... Did that thought bubble burst?

"Tough Love" becomes "Oh, Crap, What Do I Do Now" when there's children involved.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Dec 6 at 2015 1:22 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Sun, 06 Dec 2015 13:22:58 -0500

There are two categories of people: Builders build relationships, organizations, and families. There are the Destroyers who destroy relationships, organizations, and families. I would uninvite him as he is the nut that needs to be far from the tree to grow.

Response by Sgt Kris Newcomb made Dec 6 at 2015 1:33 PM

Sgt Kris Newcomb — Sun, 06 Dec 2015 13:33:50 -0500

I have a 25 year old son and 19 year old daughter at home. They are both in school locally doing well. I told all my kids that as long as they are full time students they can stay. It can be difficult some times but if they stay at home there are rules even though they are adults. My other son is working full time and out on his own even he does need some help.

Response by PO1 Brian Austin made Dec 6 at 2015 1:38 PM

PO1 Brian Austin — Sun, 06 Dec 2015 13:38:06 -0500

I've been "lucky" in that regard. My daughter moved out to AZ when she was 20, after her fiance came back from his Mormon mission (she converted). She had been working and going to school and had her own car. My older son moved out when he was 19 after his girlfriend graduated H.S. They shacked up in San Diego for a while before things went south after a couple years. I initially helped with his rent for a few months until he got a job. For now he's an Asst GM at a Jamba Juice. My youngest moved out when he was 19, moved in with his older brother and started working at Seaworld. He enlisted in the USMC in March of this year.

I'm proud of them. They are all working hard to make their way. I'm always there for support and advice.

Response by SGT Kathleen Light made Dec 6 at 2015 1:58 PM

SGT Kathleen Light — Sun, 06 Dec 2015 13:58:01 -0500

Boot in butt on the way out the door

Response by SGT Tresa Silva-Rooks made Dec 6 at 2015 2:08 PM

SGT Tresa Silva-Rooks — Sun, 06 Dec 2015 14:08:45 -0500

My 24 year old son lives with me. He is a full time student. So far so good. :)

Response by SGT Joseph Schmalzel made Dec 6 at 2015 3:34 PM

SGT Joseph Schmalzel — Sun, 06 Dec 2015 15:34:11 -0500

Interesting question and I have and interesting response, because I live in my mom's house. Actually one of three she owns. I manage her two properties in Az and the third she manages in FL where she lives on a boat. I have had friends from time to time who needed a place to stay and my rule has always been 2 weeks and you help out with chores.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 6 at 2015 4:03 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 06 Dec 2015 16:03:05 -0500

Luckily all my children are minors but I can't imagine a reason that I wouldnt allow them to move back minus drug related! Just be sure to communicate and set boundaries. It will all work out one way or the other!

Response by SPC Stacey Lowell made Dec 6 at 2015 4:52 PM

SPC Stacey Lowell — Sun, 06 Dec 2015 16:52:44 -0500

I have my 49 year old brother living with me. And it definitely has not always been fun or amusing. My brother has done some thing which made me lose what little hair I had...But I do the best I can. The last I had heard, my brother is trying to get help to move up to Lebanon, NH so he can be near to Dartmouth-Hitchcock Hospital. And when (if) he goes, I will not be taking him back...

Response by Maj Kim Patterson made Dec 6 at 2015 5:32 PM

Maj Kim Patterson — Sun, 06 Dec 2015 17:32:32 -0500

Yes, much to my chagrin. I thought I'd launched him several times but he keeps coming back. He's 27 also. One of his previous jobs was Bearing Sea fisherman. He's had retail, construction, landscaping, food handler jobs but just can't seem to find his niche. At the moment, he is chief dishwasher, cook and gardener. He gets to keep this job til my health improves. My family runs high metabolism so the grocery bill is painful. Until I had my thyroidectomy due to cancer, I could eat like a linebacker and stay around 100 lbs. He eats like the whole defensive squad and hovers around 150 lbs/6'

Response by SSG Katherine Likely made Dec 27 at 2015 3:01 AM

SSG Katherine Likely — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 03:01:43 -0500

my son is currently living with me, my youngest that lives with me just turned 44. he's helpful at times - other times not so much.

Response by LTC Stephen F. made Dec 27 at 2015 10:43 AM

LTC Stephen F. — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 10:43:40 -0500

CPT Jack Durish our adult sons lived with us at times until they got married or had a place of there own. We live in the DC suburbs where housing and apartments are expensive for young people with low income.
I got to know many sheriff's deputies while our sons were growing up. I knew some of them from church and political involvement as well. A SWAT team showed up as I was sitting down to watch a crime drama. Since I knew the team members they took off their masks out of view of everybody else and showed me evidence of drug manufacture, etc. One of the sons was in jail by that point. I knew he was dealing but also knew if I turned him in it would devastate his mother.
I do my best to do what God tells me to do and have grown to recognize His "voice." That evening He told me to let this particular son use the family car [only well functioning car we had]. That evening that son was arrested in a sting operation and the car impounded for a month or so. The son went to prison for a time and accepted Christ as his savior when he and a friend of mine shared a cell in the local jail. They started talking about God and both believe that was their point of salvation. This was in 2011. This was a fulfillment of part of God's promise to me on October 2008 that all four of my sons would be saved.

Response by CPT Jack Durish made Dec 27 at 2015 10:55 AM

CPT Jack Durish — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 10:55:28 -0500

The consensus was, once upon a time, "A son is a son 'til he takes him a wife. A daughter is a daughter all the days of her life." Sadly, that was then, this is now...

It seems that We the people have lost the knack of raising children, especially American children. Strong. Independent. Freedom-loving. Self-reliant. Responsible.

It's tempting to blame the government, but keep in mind the government is also our product. We created it. We have the right to change it. But we don't. It seems that we have grown comfortable with a paternal government, one that provides a safety net, deserved or not. Why should we be surprised that our children view us the same?

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 27 at 2015 1:56 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 13:56:59 -0500

Sgt David G Duchesneau, Nope, all of mine are married with their own homes and kids. Whew!! Am I glad.

Response by SSG Don Maggart made Dec 27 at 2015 3:09 PM

SSG Don Maggart — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 15:09:24 -0500

Nope never had none the Army and VA saw to that...laffs

Response by Cpl Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 27 at 2015 3:23 PM

Cpl Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 15:23:10 -0500

My son who just got of the Marine Corps earlier this year lives with me, but I'm ok with it while he's going to school. Eventually, he'll transfer to a bigger school and I'll be a solo bachelor again.

Response by Vit Spirek made Dec 27 at 2015 4:09 PM

Vit Spirek — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 16:09:01 -0500

My son still is living in my house and he can help me, he is 21 and his job is IT. One of daughters is in San Francisco (with good Job) and my second daughter is in France, she will teacher after one or two years of foreign languages there. My children are very independent and for me is gift that my children are without alcohol, drugs, and they have deep heart and they know that they must be strong and creative for whole life

Response by SGM Mikel Dawson made Dec 27 at 2015 11:46 PM

SGM Mikel Dawson — Sun, 27 Dec 2015 23:46:04 -0500

I got no kids, so can't relate to your experience. I will tell two stories from growing up: A good friend of mine, on the morning of his 18th birthday came down to breakfast and found his plate turned upside down on the table. He knew what it meant from seeing his two older brothers kicked out at 18. He never looked back.
When I turned 18, I attended BSU. My Dad told me, as long as I was in college, I could stay at the house, but it wasn't for free, as nothing in life was for free. I was ok with that, so every month I paid the agreed rent. After I got out of school, I got my own place and never went back. I thanked my Dad for his support and guidance.

Response by PV2 Scott Goodpasture made Dec 28 at 2015 12:04 AM

PV2 Scott Goodpasture — Mon, 28 Dec 2015 00:04:55 -0500

No but my wife may disagree with me.

Response by SP5 Mark Kuzinski made Dec 29 at 2015 9:58 AM

SP5 Mark Kuzinski — Tue, 29 Dec 2015 09:58:01 -0500

Thank God no! It seems to be happening more and more. I can understand one coming back to the house on a short term basis, but that would be all.

Response by CW2 Ernest Krutzsch made Dec 29 at 2015 3:18 PM

CW2 Ernest Krutzsch — Tue, 29 Dec 2015 15:18:05 -0500

They move in and out periodically

Response by SSgt Jim Gilmore made Dec 30 at 2015 2:59 AM

SSgt Jim Gilmore — Wed, 30 Dec 2015 02:59:04 -0500

Show him the door......and close the Bank of Dad...

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 30 at 2015 4:30 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 30 Dec 2015 16:30:33 -0500

After my ex and I split up, I was left the lease to a house that was more then my single wages liked and two young puppies. After sticking it out a few months and talking to my landlord, I decided to call Mom and Dad and move back home for a bit until I figured things out! So thankful they took me and my animal herd in for 6 months! Totally wasn't what I wanted to do in my adult life , but after pricing out how long kenneling would be for my two labs when I had to go to NTC and what I would be saving in rent it was so worth it! More often then not I had dinner cooked and the barn cleaned so hey there's trade offs!

Response by LTC Gail Daras made Jan 7 at 2016 3:28 PM

LTC Gail Daras — Thu, 07 Jan 2016 15:28:02 -0500

My son is 20 and just failed out of college. I am still stunned by this. So on the 23rd of Dec when he confessed this to me, I said I think it is time to give the military service a try. We visited our local recruiting station on the 28th. The Army recruiters were thrilled with him, he scored a 93 on their practice test. Yesterday he came back from MEPS but he couldn't enlist that day because of his high blood pressure. He said wow they woke us at 4am and they yelled at us and degraded us. I said yes that is to prepare you for Boot Camp. So now he has to do three blood pressure checks three days in a row at the same time and provide that back to the MEPS. So I don't know if he will leave on 1 Feb or have to wait a little more. But I don't want him hanging out at home very long unemployed.

Response by 1LT William Clardy made Jan 7 at 2016 3:34 PM

1LT William Clardy — Thu, 07 Jan 2016 15:34:25 -0500

Exactly which mistake are you referring to, Sgt David G Duchesneau? Letting Number 3 Son move back in, or not succeeding in getting Number 3 Son to grow up and be worth all the oxygen he's breathing?

Response by LTC Larry Morris made Jan 14 at 2016 12:49 PM

LTC Larry Morris — Thu, 14 Jan 2016 12:49:37 -0500

My oldest daughter moved back home right after graduation from college, to escape a relationship that was not moving in the right direction and to focus on her applications to numerous veterinary schools. She was working part time at a chain restaurant chain and was able to transfer to a local store. She did take a couple of classes at the local community college just to stay busy and add to her educational background. Bottom line she did not get into vet school and decided she was going to move to major metropolitan and start her career (sucked it up and moved on). She moved out with our assistance and has never looked back. I think as parents we should be supportive but as each of us has, we have to strike out on our own and make things happen. Every family is different and every situation is different, good luck and I hope and pray that things work out for you and your family. (bourbon on the rocks also helps) :-)

Response by SSgt Eric Kolesar made Jan 14 at 2016 1:32 PM

SSgt Eric Kolesar — Thu, 14 Jan 2016 13:32:22 -0500

My wife and I came to an agreement with our children, that when they graduated high school, they had two choices:
1. They could attend a college near home, stay at the house, and finish school.
Or
2. They could get out of our house within 72 hours of graduation.
Both of my children chose the college route and finished their Associates Degrees here in Colorado. My son is still at home and pursuing his bachelor's of innovation here in Colorado. My daughter began a bachelors here in Colorado, but moved to Georgia to pursue her bachelors of fine arts.
The current agreement with the kids:
1. If they graduate from college, they can have up to 6 months here with us to get established and self sufficient before they must move out.
Or
2. If they fail college they can get out within 72 hours (or stay out in the case of my daughter) from the time of failure.
So far it appears that this arrangement is working out, and we will just have to wait and see how it turns out in the end. Things are looking good so far.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jan 15 at 2016 12:39 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 15 Jan 2016 12:39:10 -0500

When my 3 oldest graduated from HS, they all got the same speech: You have 2 options, go to college or get a job. Either way you are going to GTFO. Oldest son dropped out of college after a year and got a job as a contactor, has been overseas at various US Embassies for the last 5 years. Daughter joined the NG and used the GI Bill to pay for her college. Middle son just started college in January and my GI Bill is paying until he goes on scholarship for football in the fall. Youngest son still has 2 years of HS and says he wants to join the Army, HOOOAH, when he graduates.

Response by SGT Andrew Goetsch made Jan 19 at 2016 1:19 PM

SGT Andrew Goetsch — Tue, 19 Jan 2016 13:19:26 -0500

Everybody makes mistakes. Your problem now is not correcting it. As little as people like it, some kids will simply never do what they need to do as long as there's an easier way. And by giving them that easy out, you're just doing them more harm in the long run.

Response by 1SG Lisa Epley made Mar 31 at 2016 2:08 PM

1SG Lisa Epley — Thu, 31 Mar 2016 14:08:59 -0400

Yes. My 20 YO daughter and her boyfriend. Also my SIL that does help out when I'm at work but I also have my mother in an apt connected to my home that my late husband and I built in 2014 two months before he passed. She's 87 YO. Oh, did I mention that my daughter is 5 months pregnant due in August? I feel so frustrated. I retired from the military in 2008 and my husband retired in 2009. We expected to finally get our lives back to just us, but that didn't happen. I'm trying to juggle everything and on top of all that, I have this responsibility. I'm so frustrated that I don't know what to do. I'm afraid they are going to kill me before my time. My son is just the opposite. He's much like his dad and I. Responsible, dedicated, military, and has a great job with FedEx. Only problem is , he lives 2.5 hours away and despises my daughters boyfriend. He is a POS and she has started acting much like him and his family. WTH am I supposed to do. Her dad told her that she would always have a place to live as long as he had anything to do with it. He's no longer with me, but I keep hearing those words over and over. I just wish I had the money and I would leave and never come back. I would miss my family, but I'm not sure the reward is worth it.

Response by MSgt Bill Eastburn made Apr 7 at 2016 2:13 PM

MSgt Bill Eastburn — Thu, 07 Apr 2016 14:13:23 -0400

I see this over and over. I'm 54 and the only guy my age without "Basement Monkeys" leeching off me. My daughters are self-sufficient and contributing members of society. Why? I taught them to take responsibility for their own lives, own their mistakes, and be proud of their accomplishments. Outside of medical/mental/emergency issues, they should NEVER be allowed to move back in. If they play the grand-kid card, say "fine, sign the kid over to me if you aren't up to parenting". Our kids never grow up if we don't let them. I get it. The economy sucks and they might have to find roommates, take a lousy job, or sleep under the bridge for a night or two. It won't kill them. It will teach them the value of a dollar and self-respect. If your woman won't go along with you drawing the line with the kid, that's a common problem I won't address.

Response by PO3 Eugene Rizzardi made Apr 7 at 2016 3:03 PM

PO3 Eugene Rizzardi — Thu, 07 Apr 2016 15:03:37 -0400

I have a 24 yr old female ( not my daughter but my lady's daughter) She is living with us, she got a huge inheritance a few years ago and plowed thru it and spent it all, so now she is living with us. I hope temporarily since I do not care for it, as she feels it is her place to make a mess and my job to clean it up. She started working last month, so lets see how long this will last. She dropped out of college, and took a gig job thinking it would be great, but that was short lived. My daughter went to school, got married owns a house(with the bank) and no problems. Raise them right and there will be no issues, raise them any other way and you may be paying for them for a long time. Very sad.

Response by 1LT Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 7 at 2016 3:34 PM

1LT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 07 Apr 2016 15:34:53 -0400

There is a stigma against adult children living with their parents and that these children are lazy low lives who don't have ambition. They're leeches. I was in the position of moving back home for a while after school. It was a humbling experience. But, in terms of my parents, yes they're very generous and I'm blessed to have them. We all felt me moving in was mutually beneficial. I got a roof over my head and didn't have to worry about paying rent in the city while I was at training and then having to figure out moving and terminating a lease early upon my return. While home I prepared meals,cleaned twice a week, did dishes, helped my father bring in 9 cord of firewood thanks to me he was able to get ahead for next year. And contrary to popular assumption I was the one to split the wood and haul it to storage. It's more convenient to have one person fall the trees and do the chainsaw work and the other to split and haul. I refinished the upstairs, which is a project in a house over 100 years old. I also helped my mother with her appointments, she's older and things aren't as easy as they used to be. Truth be told--I could have easily decided to stay in the city and take on expenses for no reason, however this worked out better for all of us. In case you were wondering I had two jobs at the time. I doubt my case is a special one, especially these days.

Response by SSgt Robert Warren made Apr 8 at 2016 4:12 AM

SSgt Robert Warren — Fri, 08 Apr 2016 04:12:16 -0400

I have been blessed to have 2 wonderful daughters that I raised as a single dad both have graduated college and are married and living there own lives and doing very well. However I remarried after they left for college and thought life would be great. Then my 30 year old step daughter left her husband and has taken up residency on my couch for the past 3 yrs........and it drives me crazy.my wife wants to know what I did with my daughters and if I can teach my step daughter the same drive and discipline that my daughters have....I have told her it is to late that you have to start that when they are young.....and yes she is living out of my pocket too.

Response by SSG Roger Ayscue made May 18 at 2016 11:59 PM

SSG Roger Ayscue — Wed, 18 May 2016 23:59:23 -0400

I have my adult parent living with me.

Response by Maj John Bell made Jan 4 at 2019 4:41 PM

Maj John Bell — Fri, 04 Jan 2019 16:41:56 -0500

My son-in-law and daughter have been trying to get me and my wife to retire for about 5 years and move into a home they built for us on their farm. we're only about 30 miles away from each other now. My daughter wants my grandkids to get more of me than she got sharing me with the Marine Corps.

Problem 1) I love what I do, and I'm perfectly set up to do it on my own farm.
Problem 2) I have social circles of my own, 30 miles is far enough for many friendships to wither.
Problem 3) If I'm living on their property, and as their dependent, doesn't that kind of make me subordinate to them. I'm old, but not old enough to take that.
Problem 4) He's a damn good farmer, she's a damn good money manager, but you know what they say about Farmer's who tell you they're in the black... They need a new CPA.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jan 4 at 2019 5:38 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Fri, 04 Jan 2019 17:38:33 -0500

I have an adult daughter with me. She is bitchy, talks back, does not pick up after herself, her room is full of used bowls and dishes, and she knows everything. Sometimes you need to use tough love.

Response by Alan K. made Jan 5 at 2019 6:24 AM

Alan K. — Sat, 05 Jan 2019 06:24:03 -0500

Yup. both and a girlfriend...! They are both working and have all their own stuff but I said don't move out yet, save your money because the day will come that we sell this big house for a small ranch and then you "got to go" and it is very expensive out there...You met them all at dinner when you were up with the COL. over the summer.

Response by MSG Darold R. made Mar 1 at 2020 6:47 PM

MSG Darold R. — Sun, 01 Mar 2020 18:47:54 -0500

My 21 yo son and his gf live with us... It has its benefits but it also has some negatives.

Response by CPO David R. D. made Jun 29 at 2020 3:40 PM

CPO David R. D. — Mon, 29 Jun 2020 15:40:37 -0400

My wife and I have four children. All four are adults and positively contributing to society. Our two oldest kids (daughters), and their families live in the same farm home. Actually, four generations live in the home, since my mother-in-law, and both my parents now live with us. My oldest daughter's husband is a computer programmer, works remotely, and makes more money than I do each month. However, we have a "farm" budget that everyone contributes to, to support the farm. Our second daughter's husband works at the same place I do, which is an Aerospace Manufacturing company. He works on the production floor, I work as a QA. All the adult males in the home have full-time jobs, except my dad since he's fully retired from two careers. All families are "consumer debt" free, which means the only thing we are making payments on is our farm home mortgage. We like having four generations living in the same home. Currently, all of my grandchildren live under the same roof, and all of my wife and my grandchildren, get to see three of their great grandparents on a daily basis. If we had to live as separate families, it would be easy and we could do it, but we choose not to, at this point in time.