Does life just happen or do things happen for a reason (Destiny)?

LCpl Steve Wininger — Sat, 21 Jun 2014 20:40:57 -0400

Since my suicide attempt earlier this year I have begun writing a book, based on a book of travels, but about life's journeys. I often wonder if things happen for a reason and we all have some sort of destiny prior to death, or is it all a big accident that we just have to take as it comes.

I was interested about what everyone else thinks, or if they have a different philosophy to share it.

My philosophy about life is that we are all born with the destiny of death, it is the only certainty other than taxes we have. However, I believe things happen for a reason, and that we all have a purpose in life. Our life's journey is finding our purpose and fulfilling our destiny.

Response by CPT Dave Shephard made Jun 21 at 2014 9:33 PM

CPT Dave Shephard — Sat, 21 Jun 2014 21:33:56 -0400

My thoughts on destiny are eloquently summed up in a great quote I once heard,

“Your beliefs become your thoughts,
Your thoughts become your words,
Your words become your actions,
Your actions become your habits,
Your habits become your values,
Your values become your destiny.”

So in essence I believe we have tremendous control over our own destiny.

Response by LCpl Rick Ponton made Jun 22 at 2014 7:54 AM

LCpl Rick Ponton — Sun, 22 Jun 2014 07:54:49 -0400

DEAR HOORABLE BELOVED GODLY INTELLIGENT LOVELY LCPL WININGER THE MEDIA DOES IS BIASED AND I THINK YOU NEED TO WATCH CSPAN AND FOX NEWS AND YES THE DEMOCRATS ARE CORRUPT AND JUST LOOK AT THEiR RECORD AND THE PRESIDENTS RECORD AND BUSHES RECORDS AND REAGONS RECORDS AND BELIEVE ME

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 22 at 2014 7:57 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 22 Jun 2014 07:57:13 -0400

Everything can look like "destiny" or "design" in retrospect. But I've always favored the John Lennon quote, "Life is what happens while you're making other plans".

Response by LCpl Rick Ponton made Jun 22 at 2014 8:03 AM

LCpl Rick Ponton — Sun, 22 Jun 2014 08:03:37 -0400

GOD IS MY JUDGE AND YOURS

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 22 at 2014 8:48 AM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 22 Jun 2014 08:48:27 -0400

I believe that most things people intuit to be fate or fortune are really highly probable given the Law of Really Large Numbers. Luck turns around, not because of faith or destiny, but due to a principle called Regression to the Mean.

What am I saying? I'm saying outcomes are input driven, 100%. Some of those inputs you control and some you do not. But you can influence your own outcomes.

In the end, your story is your story and it will all seem to make sense in retrospect because the moments and events of your past are automatically connected to your future. It's a mathematical fact!

I am a religious person because I believe that the Torah tells me the correct way to manage my life so that I am influencing the variables toward positive outcomes. And when I break faith with that, the results are generally negative. I do not believe in the "grand design" theory or predestination. I believe that G-d has told us the answers and we are free to make our own choices. The concept of redemption is to simply say that as soon as you are willing to change your life and act right, good things will happen - again, mathematical, not divine intervention.

The quote that is meaningful to me is: "The good thing about science is that it's true whether or not you believe in it.” ― Neil deGrasse Tyson

Science is G-d acting on our world. It is both random and methodical.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 22 at 2014 9:47 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 22 Jun 2014 09:47:07 -0400

I have always lived by a belief that life is what we make of it. We have no control over the day we are born but everything in between is entirely in our hands. The decisions we make cause our lives to change directions despite what we may have planned. Everything has a cause and effect. The picture I have attached may seem dramatic but it is a brief look at the life of a soldier and NCO I once led. I'm sure many will agree.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 22 at 2014 9:57 AM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 22 Jun 2014 09:57:03 -0400

I very much believe everything happens for a reason, sometimes it's just not obvious at the time. For example a few years ago right before my mom was supposed to have a hip replacement surgery, she had a stroke. Tragic as this may seem it most likely saved her life. While running the tests for the stroke, it was discovered she had a double brain anuryism and had she not had the stroke and gone in for the hip replacement, the blood thinners probably would've caused the aneurysms to break and she would have died. Instead it was caught, removed and she has a new hip chasing the grand kids.

Do we have a destiny? I don't know that I like to think that what I'm supposed to do is predetermined and I'm following a path already laid out for me. I think there are a few things in life that we are meant to do (pre determined) and the rest of life is for us to do some type of good.

Response by CW2 Joseph Evans made Jun 22 at 2014 11:34 AM

CW2 Joseph Evans — Sun, 22 Jun 2014 11:34:02 -0400

My thoughts vary from time to time... usually based on whether I got laid the night before...
My primary thing though is "Bad things happen to everybody... usually because they did something stupid."
We all make mistakes, its part of growing and learning. You don't always have the crib notes when life decides it's test time. You can't cram for life's lessons, the material actually needs to be learned. Also, one wrong answer doesn't mean you tank the rest of the test.

Response by PO1 William "Chip" Nagel made Jun 22 at 2014 12:17 PM

PO1 William "Chip" Nagel — Sun, 22 Jun 2014 12:17:08 -0400

Wow! I think that is a marvelous way to Heal. I hope you Publish because I can't wait to read it.

Response by MSG Martin C. made Jun 22 at 2014 12:43 PM

MSG Martin C. — Sun, 22 Jun 2014 12:43:31 -0400

LCpl Wininger I am a follower of Christ however this a new path I opted to take a few years back when I was dead in the inside. I believe in a creator and that we all were born for a purpose. If you would ever like to ask me my journey inboxme am I'll gladly will give you my phone number for whatever you need as far support or simply just talk.

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made Jun 22 at 2014 1:17 PM

MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca — Sun, 22 Jun 2014 13:17:54 -0400

Wow, that is deep, LCpl Wininger, I can't imagine the depth that one reaches when they get to that point but so glad you are still here with us, celebrating life! I have been to the door twice myself due to medical trauma, but have not been called home yet, so I believe we have a purpose, a destiny to fulfill.

I go about my life with Aerosmith's philosophy that, "Life's a journey, not a destination." I believe our destiny is a series of happenings that defines who we are and what we leave as a legacy as we pass through - the people we interact with, the choices we make that affect ourselves and others and the actions we take.

as CW2 Joseph Evans says, things happen, things we may not be ready for. Its our reactions to these things that define us and our destiny. My wife and I were brought together and somehow we have survived so many things together - deployments, illnesses, set backs, issues with our 3 children, 1 of which is autistic but highly functional and another who has a leaning disability. We always find away and rely on each other.

Bottom line for me and my wife is you play the hand you're dealt because you don't fold in life. Don't know if you've ever watched, "The Adjustment Bureau" with Matt Damon but the whole movie is about choice and destiny.

I hope that you have found peace in your life LCpl Wininger and that you continue to reach out to your RP family. Would really like to read that book someday!

Response by 1LT Shawn McCarthy made Jun 22 at 2014 3:05 PM

1LT Shawn McCarthy — Sun, 22 Jun 2014 15:05:30 -0400

Man, I feel like we should all have a beer for this one...

So, I have had WAY too many negative things happen in my life that led me to more positive turns to NOT believe in destiny.

Having a girlfriend of 3+ years cheat on me (crushed me) inspired me to get back in the Army, get back in school, get my degree and my commission.
Shattering my left hand in a car accident as a teen forced me to be a more diverse fighter later in life. Exploring different fight camps got me in touch with a recruiter that recommended ROTC to me. ROTC enabled me to attend a private university that would have otherwise been out of reach.
A variety of personal struggles led me down a search for greater faith. That led me to explore Catholicism. That led me to need a sponsor for RCIA, so I asked a Catholic girl I knew from class. She was an acquaintance at best. My spiritual journey led me to get confirmed as a Catholic and the relationship we built during that journey led to us getting engaged and eventually married.
I have 4 beautiful children.
Each one of them owe their life to my cheating girlfriend, my car accident and my personal struggles. Without those, I don't meet my wife.

Response by 1LT Shawn McCarthy made Jun 22 at 2014 3:11 PM

1LT Shawn McCarthy — Sun, 22 Jun 2014 15:11:06 -0400

I will say that after a while I think it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Whenever something bad happens, I start looking for the good.
I truly believe that it is out there...and that the bad will not last.

If the pain makes you close your eyes, or the gloom causes you to lower your head, you'll miss the light at the end of the tunnel.

Response by PO1 G. Leslie /Stiltner made Jun 22 at 2014 3:16 PM

PO1 G. Leslie /Stiltner — Sun, 22 Jun 2014 15:16:08 -0400

I have to agree, things happen for a reason, let me give you one of two examples in my life that happened. My husband and I were both in the Navy he was an E-7 me an E-6. He was on sea duty I was on shore duty, we had two little boys 1 and 2 at the time, he was going to be out to sea while I was pregnant with our 3rd child who was due while they were gone. Upon return of his sea duty he was suppose to transfer to Shore Duty and I to sea duty shorty there after. Well our daughter was born with a Heart Defect which we were sent to San Diego (we were stationed in Hawaii) within days of her birth, remember my husband was out to sea off the coast of Korea some where. He did make it to San Diego on Saturday evening and we met with the surgeon on Sunday and surgery was set for early Monday AM. We had surgery with some complications of seizures and then heart block that required her to have a pacemaker put in at 21 days old. We spend a month together in San Diego my mom and ship mates helped with our boys who had now turned 2 and 3. Well Just before going on Deployment we went to Sams to get hubbys stuff for deployment. Well the boys were throwing a fit as they were just 1 and 2, well this stressed my husband out so much that we made a b-line for the batteries and then the cash register, instead of shopping for the rest of the stuff he wanted. While spending a month together watching our little girl struggle for life, we decided I would ask for a hardship discharge when I got back to my command. I did get the discharge even though my command said they would send someone on deployment in my place, I still chose to take the discharge. See I felt that the boys Sams club fit and the My daughter being born with her problems were a sign and the sign was I needed to get out of the Navy as my husband would not have the ability to take care of our three small children while I was away for 6 months on deployment. I did not take my command offer because we did not know her prognosis and I did not feel it was fair for others to have to pull my load as we had Drs Appt, Cardiology, Neurology and Opthomoligy, Therapy (OT, PT and Speech) and lots of hospital stays. I Loved the Navy but this was my sign that I needed to get out and take care of my family. Had my daughter not been born Special Needs I would most likely have stayed in and who knows what would have happened to my husband as his shore duty was more demanding it seems than his sea duty was. Sorry this is so long!!

Response by 1LT Shawn McCarthy made Jun 22 at 2014 3:20 PM

1LT Shawn McCarthy — Sun, 22 Jun 2014 15:20:59 -0400

Hey brother,
I'm 2.5 hours up the road in Fort Wayne.
You need someone to vent to, copy-edit your shit (I am an expert-level grammar nazi) or buy you a beer to collect your tears, give me a shout.

Seriously.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 22 at 2014 4:06 PM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 22 Jun 2014 16:06:09 -0400

I'm sure of one thing - I'm definitely interested in hearing more about your journey. Whether you publish or not I would be honored to read what you have to say. If you can reach others that might be at the same point you are, or even in earlier stages, perhaps the message can be useful for many other veterans. Like I've heard before - no one hears a vet, like another vet!

Write on brother!~

Response by MSG Brad Sand made Jun 22 at 2014 5:57 PM

MSG Brad Sand — Sun, 22 Jun 2014 17:57:34 -0400

Yes.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 22 at 2014 7:51 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 22 Jun 2014 19:51:17 -0400

My philosophy has changed over the course of my life and I find myself at a point where I believe everything happens for a reason, that we have a purpose in life. Our life is the journey we take in order to fulfill that destiny. But as we are endowed by our creator with freedom, our choices help to shape the journey. Only when we are ready, will we be able to then continue on the path towards our destiny.

Response by LCpl Mark Lefler made Jun 22 at 2014 11:06 PM

LCpl Mark Lefler — Sun, 22 Jun 2014 23:06:47 -0400

sort of in the vain your talking about, my cousin, she wrote a book about her experience losing both her parents to cancer and how she dealt with that and kept going. It's going to be made into a movie staring Jennifer Lawrence.

I know I wanted to write a book growing up being bullied and being bisexual but I'm not really sure how to do that without offending a lot of people.

Death is the high cost of living, you can even evade taxes. I read in a psychology book that life was a terminal STD.

I believe in a mix of making our own destiny and fate, there are outside influences we can't control but there are many we can.

Response by 1LT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 23 at 2014 2:23 PM

1LT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 14:23:23 -0400

I'd have to tell you that while I do believe that certain things happen for a reason I also believe that life is what you make of it. If you are willing to work harder than everyone else than you will find that things will work out for you, and this goes vice versa, very often you will not find success with the guys that live in their mom's basement and play video games all day. Overall what I will tell you is work hard, push yourself and you will surprise yourself with your accomplishments. Hope this answers your question and finally, good luck with your book. Hopefully your story will help others with their struggles. Best of luck to you.

Response by SrA Eric Olsen made Jun 23 at 2014 9:51 PM

SrA Eric Olsen — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 21:51:11 -0400

LCpl Wininger,

Interesting question. At one time I thought that life just happened. Now I realize that it is so much more. It is a combination of the choices we make, our thoughts and what some would call "fate" such as being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

When it comes to the choices that we make we have a huge impact on how things turn out. Like joining the service, who we marry, whether or not we leave 15 minutes early for work and whether or not we choose to do an illegal drug or drink and drive. If we make the wrong choice then we will pay for that choice.

Another area that is often over looked is in how we think. How we think can have a huge impact on our lives. I highly recommend reading the book "The Answer" by John Assaraf & Murray smith, "The Power of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale, & "You Can Work Your Own Miracles" by Napoleon Hill. Fill your library with authors like Jim Rohn, Darren Hardy, Og Mandino, John C. Maxwell, Stephen Covey, Dale Carnegie, and Ryan Blair-gang member to co-founder and leader of a company changing tens- thousands of lives in North America and some European countries for the better (Nothing to Loose is his book).

Not much to say about fate. If you are in the wrong place at the wrong time it can have a huge impact on your life. But it's how you handle it that is important. Choosing how we react to it will play a part in our life.

In a nutshell, we have more control of our lives and the direction it goes than most people think. We only need to get the education on what to do and then act upon it.

Response by PO3 Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 23 at 2014 10:17 PM

PO3 Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 23 Jun 2014 22:17:41 -0400

I think we make choices that affect the results or consequences we receive.

I have made many good choices.

I have made many POOR choices.

The question is do you learn from the poor choices and make better choices going forward or do you wind up in a cyclical pattern of bad habits?

I have determined that many of my mistakes were made for a reason. I share my story with anyone who is willing to listen. I think that's part of my purpose in making better decisions now. Many of my poor decisions were financially based. I still haven't quite figured it out. I'm certainly not perfect, as I still make dumb choices every so often that cause set backs. Sometimes, those set backs are necessary to keep me going though.

Response by SPC Charles Brown made Jun 24 at 2014 10:48 PM

SPC Charles Brown — Tue, 24 Jun 2014 22:48:21 -0400

My personal opinion goes something like this; shit happens, but it happens for a reason.

Response by COL Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 19 at 2014 6:14 PM

COL Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 19 Dec 2014 18:14:24 -0500

LCpl Steve Wininger, I believe that we are all masters of our own destiny. Now I am also a believer in a higher power who is external to time. The juxtaposition of these ideas is not lost on me. In this higher power's understanding, being ever present, he has already seen and judged everything that we have ever done. If that version of fate doesn't appeal, then some atheists argue for pre-determination based on the chain of events from the big bang. The choices you make are the only ones you could have made at that time given the amazing set of circumstances that led to that point in time. That being said, I believe that we can all effect our lives for the positive or the negative. More importantly, those around us can set the circumstances that shape our fate. Surrounding ourselves with positive, supportive and loving people of character is often more important than the actions we take ourselves.