Does your combat and service experience make you a better caregiver?

2022-08-01T08:13:11-04:00

Serving as an infantry officer throughout my career, I didn’t expect to become a military caregiver to my wonderful, strong wife of two decades, herself a Veteran. But when she had a stroke and fell into a coma, it became my solemn responsibility to provide her with long-term care. At the same time, I became the primary parent to our two children remaining at home, and the only source of income for our household.

At the time, I was not unlike many other military caregivers in being largely unprepared for this new role and this journey. When my wife was first hospitalized, I didn’t have power of attorney to make medical decisions for her. I received it only after a trip to a judge and payment of about $1,300.

I learned how to advocate for her health care and address her daily needs when she came home. I financed her care (and our family’s necessities) with my military paycheck. Because my wife’s stroke was unrelated to her service, we did not have the option of obtaining assistance from the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs (VA). Throughout my 27 years of service, I was not made aware of my opportunity to enroll in Federal Long Term Care Insurance Program, a benefit the military has offered to active and retired service members since 2002. I strongly recommend that those who are now serving consider taking advantage of this benefit.

I was lucky that my superiors gave me ultimate flexibility to attend to my wife and family. I sought support from my extended family, friends, faith and community networks. I got through the toughest days relying on my background in service. Combat is a stressful environment, and so is caregiving.

But even in military service, there are breaks in fighting and time off. Caregiving is a full-time job without a field manual, training or paid leave.

Advocating for caregivers at the Rosalynn Carter Institute

The mission of the Rosalynn Carter Institute (RCI), where I’ve been board president since 2020, is to understand and promote the value of the 53 million Americans now serving as caregivers. For 35 years, our founder, former first lady Rosalynn Carter, has advocated for the health and well-being of family caregivers, a sizable proportion of whom are either Veterans or are loved ones caring for a service member or a Veteran.

Today, as a retired “soldier for life” and as a Veteran, I’m honored to bring my experiences as a military caregiver to my service on the board. I and other board members — most of whom are or have been caregivers — use our experiences to provide insights into RCI’s programs, research, and trainings. I am proud that RCI offers two flagship programs serving military and Veteran caregivers specifically: Operation Family Caregiver and Operation Caregiver Support, which provide one-on-one coaching and peer support.

In addition to our programmatic work, RCI advocates for state and federal policies that empower and uplift caregivers.

This is vital work because the need for informal caregiving will explode as baby boomers reach retirement age: Census data show that by 2030, more than 20% of the population will be age 65 or older, up from 13% of the population in that age bracket in 2012.

Tapping the military and Veteran communities

With the growing need for more caregivers, one of my key roles is helping RCI explore how the service member and Veteran communities can fill the gaps.

Research shows that this group may be particularly well-suited to and/or benefit from caregiving. A study of 2,025 Veterans aged 60 or older, published in 2013 in The American Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry, found that Veteran caregivers with combat exposure reporting less strain and more reward than non-Veteran caregivers, and that grandparenting was particularly rewarding. The study estimated that 20.4% of older Veterans were caregivers.

And in June, RCI partnered with VA to support caregivers of, and who are, Veterans, and caregivers who work for VA. This partnership aims to increase awareness of the needs of caregivers of Veterans; increase caregiver access to programs, services and resources; and improve caregiver outcomes.
Seizing the moment for caregivers
Although important, expanding support for the Veteran caregiving community is just one piece of a broader array of policy changes needed to address our demographic challenges.

That’s why I am looking forward to RCI’s hosting an upcoming convening on caregivers, “Seize the Moment: Keeping Caregivers Visible,” in Atlanta.
The Atlanta meeting builds on a similar event RCI held in 2019 that featured RallyPoint. The October forum enables national leaders, higher education representatives, industry executives, lawmakers and grassroots advocates to arrive at systemwide solutions to caregiver support. That may mean expanding paid leave, directing more assistance to caregivers, providing better access to mental health care or offering other types of support.
No matter which solutions we arrive at, I am proud that at this pivotal moment RCI can gather so many key players who have the power to make policies more friendly to caregivers.
In the meantime, I want caregivers to know that you’re not alone. Seek support — from RCI and other outlets — when you need it so you can thrive in your life as a caregiver.
Learn more

• Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregivers: https://www.rosalynncarter.org

• “The VA and the Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregivers partner to promote the health and well-being of Veterans, caregivers, and their families,” June 2, 2022: https://rly.pt/3JAbVAd

• VA Caregiver Support Program: https://www.caregiver.va.gov

• Federal Long Term Care Insurance Program: https://myarmybenefits.us.army.mil/Benefit-Library/Federal-Benefits/Federal-Long-Term-Care-Insurance-Program-(FLTCIP)?serv=126

• Study: “From serving in the military to serving loved ones: Unique experiences of older Veteran caregivers,” The American Journal of Geriatric Psychiatry, March 28, 2013: https://www.ajgponline.org/article/S1064-7481(12)00096-6/fulltext

• Study: “Veterans as caregivers: Those who continue to serve,” Federal Practitioner, April 2017: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6370403

Rosalynn Carter Institute – Rosalynn Carter Institute for Caregivers

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 1 at 2022 8:19 AM

2022-08-01T08:19:01-04:00

Thanks for the information & insight about caregiving.

Response by CPT Aaron Kletzing made Aug 1 at 2022 8:40 AM

2022-08-01T08:40:26-04:00

Wow, it was powerful to read about your story. Thanks for sharing. Best wishes to you.

Response by CPT Kimberley McDaniel made Aug 1 at 2022 8:47 AM

2022-08-01T08:47:49-04:00

I made a comment below but I also wanted to commend you on sharing your personal story. It was not only encouraging but a reminder of what love in action looks like. #insicknessandinhealth

Response by CWO4 Terrence Clark made Aug 1 at 2022 11:57 AM

2022-08-01T11:57:47-04:00

Thank you. Inspirational.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 2 at 2022 9:19 AM

2022-08-02T09:19:19-04:00

Thank you for posting this but also for sharing your story and your support for those who take care of us and those we care for. No one makes plan to become a burden to their family. No one has the foresight to see themselves as a caregiver. My mom suffers from advanced Alzheimers and I'm not sure I will escape its curse. My wife and I, both veterans, abide by our vows "better or worse, in sickness and in health." Neither wants to become dependent on the other (more so than a married couple already are...) but the reality is that its a reality we may have to face. Thank you again, sir, for this post and the caring heart behind it.

Semper Fi

Response by SSG Matt Wilson made Aug 3 at 2022 6:37 PM

2022-08-03T18:37:31-04:00

I myself am a caregiver for my wife dual
Military 11b…..all I can say is the VA caregiver program has caused my harm then good. We need an advocate, a real one who can put all these org’s and the CPAC on lock down….

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 4 at 2022 10:18 PM

2022-08-04T22:18:29-04:00

I believe so.

Response by 1LT Cindy Swartz made Aug 4 at 2022 10:52 PM

2022-08-04T22:52:35-04:00

We tend to rise to the occasion regardless of the hand that is dealt because that is what we do and you have done it well. You are a blessing to your family.

Response by Lt Col Charlie Brown made Aug 5 at 2022 9:12 AM

2022-08-05T09:12:40-04:00

Please join other caregivers on the Red Cross Military and Veteran Caregiver Network

Response by SPC Thomas Bourland made Aug 12 at 2022 2:51 PM

2022-08-12T14:51:22-04:00

I worked as a caregiver before moving on to a hospital setting the one thing many people fail to grasp when dealing with persons with dementia is just how exhausting it can be both on the emotional and spiritual side. I fond it best to not remember the person they used to be but who they are at this moment. I would imagine that my experiences in a medical unit added to my skillset.... these days I work on a cardiac stepdown unit, and from time to time I deal with those extra special folks.
I would answer the colonels question with a resounding yes service does in fact build ones skills at tending to another humans needs and how many service members learned how to actively listen to another person?

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 12 at 2022 4:35 PM

2022-08-12T16:35:59-04:00

It can definitely help. You have experience working with different people and from all backgrounds. You are also taught patience and respect.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Aug 14 at 2022 1:28 PM

2022-08-14T13:28:47-04:00

I admire your passion. I take care of my wife and I think we can mutually agree it is tough to watch a loved one suffer. I am decisively engaged with helping veterans with PTSD. Would you be interested in my avenue of approach? I have helped many veterans heal significantly. I too was in combat arms and want to continue leading but in a different way.

Response by SFC David Reid, M.S, PHR, SHRM-CP, DTM made Aug 21 at 2022 3:37 AM

2022-08-21T03:37:39-04:00

How would I enroll in this benefit program as I have heard of them

Response by SFC David Reid, M.S, PHR, SHRM-CP, DTM made Aug 21 at 2022 3:50 AM

2022-08-21T03:50:32-04:00

I think this could be beneficial.

Response by 1LT Richard White made Sep 6 at 2022 3:25 PM

2022-09-06T15:25:29-04:00

Your story is inspiring. Your family is fortunate to have the love and care you are providing. Thank you for writing.

Response by 1SG James Kelly made Sep 11 at 2022 11:49 AM

2022-09-11T11:49:48-04:00

No.

Response by 2LT Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 20 at 2022 3:10 PM

2022-09-20T15:10:51-04:00

Thank you for sharing. Definitely something to look up to sir.

Response by CPT Richard Trione made Jan 4 at 2023 6:03 PM

2023-01-04T18:03:14-05:00

Thank you so much for sharing!