DUAL MILITARY) Should I get married now and wait to ship out. Or should I ship out and marry in December..?

Asia Acala — Thu, 02 Jul 2020 18:34:20 -0400

Hi my name is Asia. I just finished highschool and am set to ship out July 13th. My fiancé is a year older than me and left for BCT last year in August. We got engaged last December planning a wedding in April because was going to get 2 weeks off after AIT, before his first duty station. Then COVID happened.. He didn’t end up getting to his first duty station until this June. After I graduated HS, I flew to Colorado where he’s stationed so we could get out marriage done and papers ready so my orders will be linked with his. We’ve been having many issues with getting married because I am 17. The law changed recently not allowing just notarized parental consent to grant an underage marriage, they require a court order that won’t be granted until late July . I don’t know what to do.
My recruiter suggests to get married during winter break .. but I don’t know if he’s just saying that so I don’t try to renegotiate my contract. I’m also scared of loosing my job (15E) and it being able to get it back, which he says will be very very unlikely that I’ll be able to get that same job. I need another opinion . My fiancé wants me to stay and wait. And my Recruiter suggests I go and marry in December. I’m lost and panicking as the days get closer .

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 2 at 2020 6:36 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 02 Jul 2020 18:36:45 -0400

Just wait until December and see where things are because relationships change all the time.

If you really want the MOS you are trying to get - don't mess it up. You can't get married now anyway per the law so just wait. Get your MOS. Go to basic/AIT.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 2 at 2020 7:42 PM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 02 Jul 2020 19:42:39 -0400

Focus on your career. If you and your significant other are meant to be he and you can wait a little longer to make it official. Being dual military you’re going to be apart more than just this one time so it would be a good run to see if your relationship can handle the separation (I’m not saying it can’t and won’t, but I’ve seen how things change with time/distance/life).

Focus on you. Take your spot. Do your BCT and AIT and then go from there. Nothing in life is more expensive than regret.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 2 at 2020 8:58 PM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 02 Jul 2020 20:58:37 -0400

Focus on what you want. If you are meant to be together and he really loves you he will support your decision. You are so young and have yet to experience life.

Response by SPC Stewart Smith made Jul 3 at 2020 4:56 PM

SPC Stewart Smith — Fri, 03 Jul 2020 16:56:41 -0400

Wait until you are finished with BCT, AIT, and two deployments. Then if you're still together get married .

Response by LTC Jason Mackay made Jul 3 at 2020 10:45 PM

LTC Jason Mackay — Fri, 03 Jul 2020 22:45:28 -0400

Just factor in that you are NOT dual military until you are married. No assignment consideration is made for fiancées. Once you are married, you may enroll in the Married Army Couples Program (MACP). MACP isn't a guarantee of Joint domicile, but not enrolling will ensure no consideration. The fact that your spouse to be is already assigned to a duty station, his clock of time on station TOS is ahead of yours. You need a minimum 12 months TOS to be eligible to move. A normal TOS is 36 months for CONUS, less for an unaccompanied OCONUS tour.

It sounds like the recruiter is trying to help you get MACP in place so you can work Joint domicile with your spouse to be. Take the contract or don't. It is up to you. If you get the two of you enrolled while you are in IET, and the MOS slot exists at your spouse's duty station, they can try and assign you there.

Response by SSG Roger Ayscue made Jul 4 at 2020 1:22 AM

SSG Roger Ayscue — Sat, 04 Jul 2020 01:22:03 -0400

My wife and I were dual military before I retired. If you want the MOS KEEP THE SPOT, and if he is the guy you are supposed to be married to he will be fine with waiting.
Here is a very very important thing I will say that is just the Dad and the Platoon Sergeant in me saying...Be very careful when you see each other if you have not finished your training, both basic and AIT. Basic and AIT is not the best place to be if you are Pregnant. SO....I would say wait until you FINISH your training to get married. Just a thought, because if you have a kid before you do and are put out, they will not likely let you enlist with an active duty spouse and a child. The Army doesn't like separating kids and both parents. If you have completed Training and are at your first duty station the rules are not as tight

Response by CSM Darieus ZaGara made Jul 4 at 2020 12:28 PM

CSM Darieus ZaGara — Sat, 04 Jul 2020 12:28:31 -0400

Your recruiter has no play in this situation. If you and your fiancé are meant to be, deal with these life’s changes, both of you get settled and then figure out the timing. You and your fiancé need to evaluate where you are with your respective assignments and determine the best time to get married. This Covid situation is fluid, and we all have to be as well. Literally every person on the planet has been affected in some way, and literally every person on the planet is working through it. Being flexible and sensible is the key. You two will figure this out.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 5 at 2020 5:29 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 05 Jul 2020 17:29:50 -0400

Wait! Do not get married until you have both been at your duty stations for at least year. If your relationship can survive distance then think about it next year. I’ve seen so many people get married straight out of basic only to get divorced 6 months later and still have to see their ex for the next 3 years.

Response by PVT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 19 at 2020 1:54 PM

PVT Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 19 Jul 2020 13:54:34 -0400

Yes, Fly to Vegas and get Married immediately!!

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 24 at 2020 11:47 PM

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 24 Jul 2020 23:47:16 -0400

Listen, your 17 years old and fresh out of high school. Slow down a minute and focus on your goals. He wants you and wants the best for you then He will understand sometimes you and him will have to make sacrifices that are hard for the dreams and goals you want in life. Your dreams and goals are just as important as his. I’m not gonna say it’s easy because it’s not. It’s gonna test you but even if you marry and get to be together at this duty station there is never a guarantee your always be together at every duty station. Even if enrolled into MACP and Common DEROS it won’t always happen to be very close. With that said go out and live a little won’t hurt before deciding to settle down. If it’s meant to be then your both make it work in the end no matter what. But at 17 from my prospective as a mom, I would say wait a bit and go after your dreams first and start your career. Especially if this MOS is hard to come by and get into. Focus only on Getting through basic and AIT and give it all you got. You only have one chance to be young and do whatever you want to go after. Don’t waste it.