Empathy. The lost leadership trait?

SGT Kristin Wiley — Tue, 17 Feb 2015 21:15:15 -0500

The military is a professional organization instilled on disciple and structure. As such, an authoritative leadership style thrives. While there is nothing wrong with this leadership style, in my opinion, most leaders with this style lack a critical leadership trait. Empathy.

When leaders empathize with their troops they are forming a social bond based on trust and respect. It shows that you feel and understand the hardships they are enduring, and although you may not have the means to relieve those hardships you can provide the camaraderie and support to endure. Empathic leaders are observant of those under their care, and are skilled at active listening.

Empathy is even listed under the Leadership Requirements Model – Character in ADP 6-22. Yet, the Army rarely discusses this leadership trait that is essential to building many of the requirements in the Army Leadership Requirements Model.

I read a lot of books, and these books always portray the protagonist as an empathic leader who stands against the odds at all costs for what is right. A leader you want to follow and whose example encourages you to be a better person; while the antagonist is cold and unyielding, and uses fear and intimidation to influence his followers. So why do so many military leaders adapt this antagonist leadership style? Are our leaders lacking empathy? And what can we do about it?

LTC Harry C. Garner, U.S. Army, Retired wrote a great article on the topic of empathy, I encourage you to read it: http://usacac.army.mil/cac2/cgsc/repository/dcl_GarnerArticle.pdf

Response by Cpl Brett Wagner made Feb 17 at 2015 9:23 PM

Cpl Brett Wagner — Tue, 17 Feb 2015 21:23:42 -0500

SGT Kristin Wiley - I hear ya my sister. When I was an active duty Marine there were SNCOs & officers that were given respect because of their rank God help them if they had to lead us in combat. Then there were men like SgtMaj Espinoza who I would still gladly walk through hell for to this day.

Response by Cpl Jeff N. made Feb 17 at 2015 9:38 PM

Cpl Jeff N. — Tue, 17 Feb 2015 21:38:48 -0500

I double checked just to make sure. It wasn't there, it wasn't.

14 Marine Corps Leadership Traits

Justice
Judgment
Dependability
Integrity
Decisiveness
Tact
Initiative
Endurance
Bearing
Unselfishness
Courage
Knowledge
Loyalty
Enthusiasm

Empathy is the ability to experience the feelings of another person. It goes beyond sympathy, which is caring and understanding for the suffering of others.

Response by SPC Benjamin Smith made Feb 17 at 2015 10:43 PM

SPC Benjamin Smith — Tue, 17 Feb 2015 22:43:26 -0500

I'm reminded of the common response to Soldier complaints. "I had to do the same thing." For instance, recently a team member requested a pass to celebrate her husband's (dual military couple) redeployment. All proper procedures were followed and her leadership approved the pass, however, a senior leader denied the pass with this explanation: "I didnt get a pass when my spouse redeployed." Total lack of empathy. Why a leader want to a subordinate to endure unnecessary hardship is beyond me, especially when the leader had been in the same crap situation.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 17 at 2015 11:33 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 17 Feb 2015 23:33:10 -0500

Empathy can be easily misinterpreted as being overly sensitive and touchy feely, when that's not really what it means. What it really comes down to is the ability to see through your Soldier's eyes as well as your own. To understand where they are coming from, allow that perspective to help inform you, and - armed with that understanding - determine the best way to execute the mission.

Understanding your Soldiers is not the same as being a bleeding heart. Sometimes the best thing for the Soldier is a swift kick in the ass... sometimes it's an ear to listen and understand what they are facing... sometimes it's a written counseling statement... sometimes it's one-on-one training time... sometimes it's a directive for them to STFU... sometimes it's the one in CHARGE that needs to STFU for a second and learn what your Soldier has to teach YOU.

It's wise to have more than one tool in your toolbox.

Response by CSM Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 18 at 2015 3:04 AM

CSM Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 18 Feb 2015 03:04:37 -0500

I have commented on this type of discussion quite frequently here on RP. Character is the base attribute of leadership, you cannot be a leader without it. The Army Values, Warrior Ethos, Discipline, and yes, Empathy all fall under Character. You absolutely must have Character!

I would strongly caution putting empathy above the other sub-traits under Character. I am not saying to completely dismiss it but, you should use it sparingly. Human beings can sense empathy in their leaders much easier than any other trait because unlike the others it's emotional. Is it a weakness? It could definitely be considered one from some peoples view and maybe some of your subordinates.

Empathy definitely has it's place and time, as mentioned in most of the comments. Finding the right mix of leadership takes a long time and you will never perfect it. You are definitely on the right track and it's good to see young NCOs reading doctrine.

Great Post!

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 18 at 2015 3:26 AM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 18 Feb 2015 03:26:18 -0500

Empathy is sometimes criticized as weakness, and weak leaders believe that.

However, a criticlal thinkers we see that empathizing for what it is. They will understand if an act of empathy does not prevent mission accomplishment or cause the loss of life; then why not.

As enlisted, I hated standing in formations and sweeping the motorpool so later as a leader, what sucks from my personnel better be neccessary or I am wasting effort, morale and time. Not mine but theirs. Sometimes it is hard to get others to see that no matter how hard you try.

Response by SGM Erik Marquez made Feb 18 at 2015 7:30 AM

SGM Erik Marquez — Wed, 18 Feb 2015 07:30:38 -0500

Empathy is not what many Junior service members and leaders want it to be... When I decided to keep a SM in the field learning the skills and training needed to fight and Survive on the battlefield vs letting them go back to Fort hood for the 2, 3rd, 4th ultrasound of what was a planned and non complicated pregnancy,, I was showing Empathy for that Soldier.. I believed after it was all said and done "Empathy: the ability to understand and share the feelings of another" Includes seeing the big picture and knowing the feelings that SM wants to share with their new child and wife cant happen if they are DEAD.
Empathy can include consideration of things not immediately tangible. We can have Empathy for the SM feelings now, but have the education and experience as leaders to know, what they need is more important than what they want. A leader can empathize with a SM and still not give them what they want, just what they need.
Junior SM that think they know it all have been bucking that idea as long as there have been junior soldiers.
And it has gotten worse with the ME generation, the "I want it now" type of SM that have come to serve in the last 10~15 years.

Response by COL Jean (John) F. B. made Feb 18 at 2015 8:05 AM

COL Jean (John) F. B. — Wed, 18 Feb 2015 08:05:23 -0500

I absolutely think that good leaders must have empathy. Nothing is black and white.

There are different reasons and different circumstances in every situation and leaders must be able to look at all aspects in determining the right course of action. Showing empathy is not a sign of weakness. It is a trait of a caring and involved leader.

Response by MSgt Michelle Mondia made Feb 18 at 2015 10:24 AM

MSgt Michelle Mondia — Wed, 18 Feb 2015 10:24:54 -0500

Great post. I talked about this at my last promotion board. What got me thinking about it at the time was I got a call from one of my troops who just got tagged with supporting an Air Evac mission here state side. She called upset because she got "talked to" by some supervisor who told her she shouldn't be crying when off loading patients or while speaking to them. This was the extent of her counseling measures. So not only was she not empathidic to my troop but made me wonder why that attitude would be in a medical unit or even get promoted. One would say "oh, you gotta be hard ass because people will fall apart if you don't maintain military bearing" fuck that...I had a unit commander who used to cry when presenting awards and giving heartfelt speeches. Empathy builds trust. If you don't make an attempt to get me...I don't trust you. What has assured the survival of the human species is empathy and cooperation. We help one another, it's our strongest instinct. Sadly some folks have no idea what that means and the military dose little to foster that quality in its leaders. To answer your question as to why leaders adopt an antagonistic style...that's what happens when you give power to powerless people. some people never felt in control of anything their whole lives (Freud would say it's starts with potty training) and then they are given control over others and the fear of being found out, of being out of control causes the internal conflict that plays out in the arena of life. Sorry for the TMI but I have given a great deal of thought to this in the past. I've met some truly reducilus leaders.

Response by MSgt Michelle Mondia made Feb 18 at 2015 10:46 AM

MSgt Michelle Mondia — Wed, 18 Feb 2015 10:46:07 -0500

Intesting read. The article is a few years old. It discuses empathy and a guardian vs warrior type of mentality.

http://seattletimes.com/html/localnews/ [login to see] _policeacademyxml.html

Response by MAJ(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 18 at 2015 11:17 AM

MAJ(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 18 Feb 2015 11:17:11 -0500

I'm not certain empathy is an “across the board” leadership trait. To me, a leadership trait is something that any leader should be able to exude. However, empathy is not a trait that everyone can have. By definition alone, ‘empathy’ means that one can relate and understand because of a shared experience. A subordinate leader or Soldier might be going through a situation that the leader has never experienced; ergo impossible to empathize.

However, I strongly believe that ‘sympathy’ should be a trait that all individuals possess. You might not know from experience what someone is going through, but you have the ability to at least attempt to understand. I always try to place myself in the shoes of another. How would I feel? How would I react?

It is not always easy to just sympathize or empathize and lead away. Truth is, there are so many variables and factors in a situation that makes each one unique. At times, leading and making the hard choices with emotion is the worst course of action.

Response by CSM Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 18 at 2015 12:12 PM

CSM Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 18 Feb 2015 12:12:51 -0500

My take on Leadership. (short answer)

Balance. You cannot be one thing, one way all the time in every situation. There is a time to be authoritative and there is a a time for empathy. Some leaders lean towards one way to heavily and compromise their "base".

One key factor: Know your Soldiers (or Airman, Sailors, Marines); knowing their circumstances, past performance (or habits) plays paramount in the tact you should take.

Response by COL Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 18 at 2015 1:09 PM

COL Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 18 Feb 2015 13:09:01 -0500

I'll start with your middle paragraph. On the OER now, there are required comments on all of the attributes and competencies desired in an officer. One of those contains empathy as a subset. Now...how do you quantify that? Resiliiency is also on there. How do you quantify that in words? Very difficult. Even more difficult is actual empathy if you are set apart from the social demographic you are trying to empathize with. I am not your "typical" officer. I grew up in a two bedroom "duplex" (hovel) behind a bar on a dirt road. My dad was a laborer: truck driver, deep pipe layer (don't get any ideas...he was 5'5" and 150lbs and could fit through pipes checking fiber-optic cables and such), carpenter, mechanic, etc. We stuggled. My mom was an enlisted cook in the Army and never made it past Spec-6 because she was always getting in trouble. She married an infantry man. I grew up rough. That means I can empathize better than most. If you grew up in upper-middle class America in glorious suburbia, went to West Point, and then became an officer, you are going to have a harder time. It isn't impossible, it's just harder. I have to balance the good of the unit versus the good of the Soldier on a daily basis. Now...what's more important? My answer: you don't know until each problem set arises and you have to look somone in the eye. It's hard, but that's why they call it command...and leadership.

Response by PO1 Robert Gasser made Feb 18 at 2015 1:37 PM

PO1 Robert Gasser — Wed, 18 Feb 2015 13:37:16 -0500

You are right on "Point" sarge. You must be empathetic when being a leader. Ive strived to be like that in all of my leadership roles. It is the BEST trait any leader should have or be trained for. (USCG leadership and management sch)

Response by MAJ Monique Ruiz made Feb 19 at 2015 7:22 AM

MAJ Monique Ruiz — Thu, 19 Feb 2015 07:22:51 -0500

Another attribute missing is humility. This article was very interesting to me: http://www.ausa.org/publications/armymagazine/archive/2014/Documents/12December14/FCenter_Doty_Dec2014.pdf

Not sure what causes leaders to lose sight of their responsibilities to Soldiers. Mission first, people always. The good leaders I've known have always considered Soldiers first. It's nice to know that Soldiers will do their duty as told, but it's to do it with confidence, faith, and trust in their leadership is an even greater honor to the leader. Work harder for them, they'll work harder for you.

Response by SPC Margaret Higgins made Aug 10 at 2015 10:35 PM

SPC Margaret Higgins — Mon, 10 Aug 2015 22:35:08 -0400

I hope and pray, that as a leader, I was exceedingly empathetic with my subordinates.
A good leader, I believe: Is compassionate, empathetic, sympathetic....