Finding My Way Back on The Long Road Home

SFC Eric Bourquin — Tue, 12 Dec 2017 16:22:37 -0500

I’m not sure any of the survivors of the battle of Sadr City will ever really be home again. It is indeed a long road. But the series taught me a lot about myself, a lot about others and helped me come to grip with who I am and where I want to go next.

My experience, both with the real ambush and the dramatized version, has been insane to say the least. Back in 2004 when my platoon was pinned down on a rooftop in Sadr City, I vividly recall talking with the soldiers I was with about who we wanted to play us in a movie if one was ever made. It was a joke. A tension reliever. I did not ever imagine it would really happen. Until it did. Fast forward thirteen years. There had been more war and more loss, but the battle of Sadr City still weighed heavily. My role in the battle was written about in Martha Raddatz’s book years before, but when I was first approached about being part of this mini-series project I was very scared. I was scared of opening up my life to others. I was scared of being vulnerable. I was scared of the responsibility and frightened to come face to face with the Gold Star Families. I hesitated knowing my family would see a cinematic representation of the day I was given the greatest gift of my life. The gift of time. More time than I know what to do with and not enough time to do all the things that should be done. My worries began to fade as soon as I met the screenwriter and showrunner, Mikko Alanne. I honestly don’t know if I would have been involved if it wasn't for Mikko, who I now consider such a good friend that I look at him as family. His reassuring manner and the gentle display of empathy rekindled my own sense of empathy. That is what sparked my acceptance of the project and my willingness to put my fears aside and become part of the project.

On the very first day I went down to the pre-production office I was blown away. It was like walking into a museum where my best friends were on display. Their pictures hung on the wall, and their exploits were captured and reproduced with painstaking detail. I remember seeing the first model of the set and the way the tiny, fake paper trees were lined around the outskirts of the buildings. Small, tan army men were placed next to vehicles and on rooftops. The memories flooded back. I broke down in tears in front of a room full of strangers, making noises like a preschool child. Luckily for me, I was there that day with one of my closest friends, Aaron Fowler. I needed his support. Aaron was shot 3 separate times that day in the attempts to rescue the platoon. I’ll forever be grateful to men like him. Not just for that day, but for the strength and vulnerability they show now. They value their family and friends and aren’t afraid to ask for help. It’s what I try to do as well.

Being able to be on set and walk through that re-created Sadr City in the heart of Ft. Hood was an experience like nothing else. To say it was surreal would be an understatement. One of the greatest joys was being able to invite my comrades to walk down those dusty streets and talk about the detail, and remember—together—that day that changed us all. I will treasure the memories of being there with members of Gold Star families and walking those same dusty streets. Sharing in their experience with them will be a memory I treasure like the birth of my children. It truly was unforgettable and I’m grateful that I was able to share it with so many people because this generation of veterans does not have the chance, and maybe never will, to revisit their battlefields and this was such a perfect re-creation.

Once production got rolling it was easy to turn my mind off to what was around me and to just answer questions the cast and crew had. I’d spoken at length to some people that I respect to help guide me through what was going on and how to deal with it. I’m very fortunate to have such a wide network of friends from my time in the Army. One of the key things that helped me cope and helped me open up publicly about my own memories is my strong relationship with those friends and my family. I know that staying connected to them is what made all the difference for me. And there was the added benefit that some of them were sharing more of their experiences from April 4, 2004, just like I was. Almost every day during production I learned something new about the battle that I had never known before.

Five months of intense exposure therapy in a safe and comfortable environment that looked and felt so much like Sadr City prepared me for the media onslaught once we wrapped the production. From Cannes, to New York, to Washington D.C. and finally to Los Angeles, I told the story of my experiences of being on set with the cast and crew and on the front lines so many years before to a global audience. It was a whirlwind like I have never seen, but more than that it was another affirmation of something I already knew; family is everything. I’m thankful that I have such a great support system backing me up while I traveled around talking about this project. It was a responsibility I did not take lightly, yet it was immensely healing telling my story over and over, being able to acknowledge and share great deeds I witnessed and to pass on the legacy of warriors.

I’m writing all this just a few days before the airing of the episode titled “Abandon Hope”. I’m still not quite sure how I will feel after it airs, or even years from now. To watch the talented actor, Jon Beavers portrayal of me is an out of body experience. From the beginning Jon has shown me and all of my Army brothers, as well as the families, such care and respect. I do know this though. I know that speaking out and telling my story has helped me heal. It has helped me come to grips with who I am. I am lucky. I encourage everyone to speak out and share their stories with the people that love them. It’s always much worse in your own head than it is in reality. So thank you to my family, my friends, and my new “Long Road Home” family. With that I have to acknowledge some people and organizations that were responsible for all of this. Foremost, the Gold Star families. It is not lost on me why I draw breath. When I see you I am reminded of what sacrifice really means. I hope that this experience has been helpful and not hurtful. I know that seeing your courage taught me so much. Thank you, Martha. Your steadfast love and dedication to the Lancer family has been how this all has started. Mikko, thanks for giving our story to the world via National Geographic and all the amazing writers like Lana Cho and Alan DiFiore. Coin holders, I hope you feel the burden of responsibility and the quiet comfort of joy in what you have created.

Response by SPC David Willis made Dec 12 at 2017 4:27 PM

SPC David Willis — Tue, 12 Dec 2017 16:27:21 -0500

Didn't know it was filmed at Hood, I recognized the outdoor museum in the first episode but its cool Sadr was mocked up there as well! Also you all did a very good job with the show, way to represent 1CAV!

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 12 at 2017 4:35 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 12 Dec 2017 16:35:00 -0500

Shoot em in the face brother.

Response by SGT(P) Khalid Wise made Dec 12 at 2017 5:50 PM

SGT(P) Khalid Wise — Tue, 12 Dec 2017 17:50:49 -0500

Well said! Continue to heal... #mybrothersandsistersoftheswordforlife

Response by CPL Jeremy Glenn made Dec 12 at 2017 5:53 PM

CPL Jeremy Glenn — Tue, 12 Dec 2017 17:53:40 -0500

This show was hard to watch but so glad the story is out there.

Response by CPL Jeremy Glenn made Dec 12 at 2017 5:56 PM

CPL Jeremy Glenn — Tue, 12 Dec 2017 17:56:17 -0500

It was definitely cool seeing that it was actually filmed at Fort Hood. I spent a total of 7 years there. both with 4ID in the late 90’s and 1ACB in 2008-2012

Response by SGM Mikel Dawson made Dec 12 at 2017 7:01 PM

SGM Mikel Dawson — Tue, 12 Dec 2017 19:01:22 -0500

SFC Eric Bourquin I departed Baghdad in Feb 2003, but I remember hearing about it. I had driven through that area while there. I have not watched the show as I really don't, haven't watched shows about Iraq. Maybe I will someday. I guess for you and others there, this is a good way to get it out, which I had a good friend tell me we all need to do. I sat down and wrote a book. I will admit there are a few things I didn't put in the book, both from deployment in Bosnia and Iraq, but most of it is there. I did feel a lot better after writing about it. Yea the book is published, but I don't expect to make money, it was more for me to just "get it out". Thanks for starting this thread. BOTB.

Response by SMSgt Thor Merich made Dec 12 at 2017 7:46 PM

SMSgt Thor Merich — Tue, 12 Dec 2017 19:46:10 -0500

Thank you for sharing your story

Response by CPT Lawrence Cable made Dec 13 at 2017 9:19 AM

CPT Lawrence Cable — Wed, 13 Dec 2017 09:19:49 -0500

I have been a diligent viewer of the series. It's one of those true stories that makes you frustrated at the events, angry because of the results and still proud of the heroism of both your squad and those that attempted the rescue. I've started reading the book just to understand the back story better, which the first couple of chapters seem to do a better job of detailing what a mess the area was when you deployed. That's often the case, you really won't understand the "Blackhawk Down" incident without reading the book.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 13 at 2017 11:03 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 13 Dec 2017 11:03:48 -0500

Thank you! for sharing, your story and experience. been trying to watch but find myself pacing back and forth. But ill get through the whole series. They have done a great job at showing what happened, before, during, after and the FSG back home having very little news and what their going through, then the cutouts to the real people. Thank you for your service Sergeant!

Response by Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 14 at 2017 1:50 AM

Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 14 Dec 2017 01:50:58 -0500

Thank you, Eric, for sharing your story. I spoke to you briefly on Twitter. Love you guys. Each and every one of you. The episode last night was intense. Loved every second. I've cried for you men. I've laughed.

It all just hits so close to home for me. I lost a friend a mile or 2 E/NE of Sadr City. Pfc Josh Burrows 1-8 CAV, 2BCT 1CD. He was KIA on 26 Nov 2006. Watching the show, I feel like it also gives an inside look into what Josh was experiencing, also.

Thank you all. Love you guys. 1st Cav supporter for life.

Response by SSG Alvin Amezquita made Dec 14 at 2017 10:21 AM

SSG Alvin Amezquita — Thu, 14 Dec 2017 10:21:24 -0500

SFC Eric Bourquin. I have been watching the series even though it’s something that for me has been so hard to watch. It brings back lots memories and at times bad flashbacks. But as u said in your piece it’s a way to heal. I was in country in ‘04 and as I find out about stories like yours. I sometimes can’t believe how many of us survived such a hellhole. I was in Samarra and other places around my AO not to far from you and in April of that year all hell broke loose for us as well. This series will be a consistent reminder of those we lost and the sacrifices that brothers made for each other in battle. In closing I will share this, I learned something years ago from a Vietnam Veteran when I was a wet behind the ears private. Our job as survivors of war is to honor the brothers that we have lost. And to live everyday as they would have. Thank you for sharing your story. And thank you for you service.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 22 at 2017 3:56 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 22 Dec 2017 15:56:50 -0500

Just started watching the series. As a medic whose put his friends in body bags and treated casualties under fire it has brought back some emotions and memories I've suppressed for a long time. It's good to get it out and having loved ones or real friends who support us as we relive it. Their support is so important for personal growth, without it stories like yours wouldn't be shared.

Response by CW4 Brian Haas made Dec 22 at 2017 4:58 PM

CW4 Brian Haas — Fri, 22 Dec 2017 16:58:27 -0500

I’d give anything to be able to meet some of y’all that were on the ground. I flew cover that night in the Apaches overhead. I’ve met Lancer 06, that was while we were still deployed. Y’all were beasts on the ground, true warriors.

Response by SFC Greg Bruorton made Dec 23 at 2017 8:19 PM

SFC Greg Bruorton — Sat, 23 Dec 2017 20:19:00 -0500

Sergeant, yours is a superb write-up about the realities of war and the conflict held on a personal basis. I am happy for your ability to work with the cast and crew and to see it draw to a close. Now, the public needs to see the film and I hope to do so too.

Response by Cpl Wayne Wallace made Dec 29 at 2017 4:05 PM

Cpl Wayne Wallace — Fri, 29 Dec 2017 16:05:15 -0500

Just watch the last episode of the The Long Rode Home. All I can say is Semper Fi. I know your Army but you will be Always Faithful to your brothers and sisters in Arms.

Response by SrA Alan Dirk Scott made Dec 29 at 2017 5:08 PM

SrA Alan Dirk Scott — Fri, 29 Dec 2017 17:08:45 -0500

Thank you for posting this. I am half way through the series. I have to take it in increments as I do get some triggers and flashbacks. So why do I keep watching? Because it displays the camaraderie and brotherhood one experiences in the mission. How everyone has to do their part of the mission with focus, so our buddies do not get killed. Something you don’t experience in civilian life. I pray for all survivors of Sadr City, Impraynfor the families of those who did not make it, and all combat vets of all campaigns that we will be able to truly come home. Thank you for your service and your courage.

Response by SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 30 at 2017 11:36 AM

SSG(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 30 Dec 2017 11:36:28 -0500

My soldier participated in this film. Proud of him. It was a pretty good show.

Response by CW3 Steve Kuryla made Jan 1 at 2018 4:12 AM

CW3 Steve Kuryla — Mon, 01 Jan 2018 04:12:42 -0500

If you get a chance, email me plz. [login to see] . I was invited to the premier and sat with Ed McGurn, Phillip Noyce and a few others. Opening scene made me stop breathing, my first indicator that I have a lot more to deal with/thru.
My story is coming out soon, start filming this year I hope. "Six Days to Zeus: Alive Day", a trilogy about the Intelligence career of myself and so many others that didn't come home should be published very shortly. Drop me a line, I have a ton of questions.... considering you have tread where I'm about to go...

Chief

Response by MSG SAMS1E / GCSS Prep Pishner made Jan 2 at 2018 3:50 PM

MSG SAMS1E / GCSS Prep Pishner — Tue, 02 Jan 2018 15:50:07 -0500

Veterans need no explanation; Politicians and protesters will not understand, but enjoy the fruits of the sacrifice. Americans will sleep in peace tonight because of the sacrifice. Holding a dying soldier in my arms until God took him from me, is forever burned in my soul. I will never sleep the same again. It is no longer a memory it is a part of who I am. By MSG Joseph Pishner Jr

This was not cause by climate change Mr. President

Response by MSgt John McGowan made Jan 4 at 2018 2:52 PM

MSgt John McGowan — Thu, 04 Jan 2018 14:52:24 -0500

Remarkable movie. I don't know where I was then because this was the first time I had heard about it. But I had been long retired. I met and talked to a man that was over at Somalia when the story of Black Hawk Down was making history. He went out on the second bunch. He told me the movie followed what happened pretty good. Interesting man, went to school and went back in as a officer. This post by SFC Bourgu in is very interesting. Sgt. It was a good story to tell and one that should have been told. I know it't been long, but hope you are home now.

Response by SGT Mark Rhodes made Jan 11 at 2018 11:06 AM

SGT Mark Rhodes — Thu, 11 Jan 2018 11:06:39 -0500

Great job. I know it must be hard on you and everyone involved in the battle to relive that moment in time. I hope you and all involved stay strong both physically and emotionally.

Response by SSG David Dickson made Jan 18 at 2018 6:58 AM

SSG David Dickson — Thu, 18 Jan 2018 06:58:57 -0500

God Speed, Brother, you are not alone in this journey.

Response by SPC Tom DeSmet made Jan 28 at 2018 9:37 AM

SPC Tom DeSmet — Sun, 28 Jan 2018 09:37:34 -0500

SFC Eric Bourquin,
First and foremost, thank YOU! You are obviously a humble man, worthy of all forms of praise for your efforts both on and off the battlefield. I began watching as one of my grandsons had an "extra" role in the scenes with the families saying their goodbye's. I continued watching because your story is so riveting. The lack of armor and radio's for your convoys brings back some sad memories from the "Blackhawk Down" days. I am sure you have a lot of important opinions about how to improve things for our future warriors, and I hope you can get them out there. We should not send our precious resources outside the wire without the best equipment available. There are many things asked of our soldiers, who do their best to carry out the missions brought before them. They should be able to ask us for a few things in return!
Again, thank you for YOUR service, and God bless you and your comrades.

Response by Mitchell Tepper made Feb 1 at 2018 5:43 PM

Mitchell Tepper — Thu, 01 Feb 2018 17:43:30 -0500

You said it! Family is everything, staying connected, and telling your story to people who love you are keys to coping. Thanks for sharing here.

Response by Sgt Tee Organ made Feb 2 at 2018 9:28 AM

Sgt Tee Organ — Fri, 02 Feb 2018 09:28:09 -0500

I find it incredibly hard to watch these films as of late, they are not like the old WW2 flicks like the ones my dad saw, these are way too close to home and I can't help feeling what's going on while Im watching it play out. Then I remember my friend and the ones I learn that never returned. Really leaves me uneasy after watching. Sometimes I can even smell the settings. Really hard.

Response by LeDaisha Jackson made Feb 5 at 2018 9:01 PM

LeDaisha Jackson — Mon, 05 Feb 2018 21:01:48 -0500

I do nothing but respect all of yall

Response by SFC C Ream made Feb 13 at 2018 7:29 AM

SFC C Ream — Tue, 13 Feb 2018 07:29:15 -0500

Man I watched that show about y’all, I was in Sade city in 2008 when our company was sent to help another unit there. It was insane there then we lost a few while there. If what I saw on tv was true y’all fought your asses off and I commend you for that. You stuck together and fought together like a true team, I know it’s hard to get passed that I suffer from ptsd and I still haven’t found the right treatment for myself, we are all brothers and we need to stick together and try and fight through the invisible wounds of war.

Response by CPL Alvin Meeks made Mar 4 at 2018 2:26 PM

CPL Alvin Meeks — Sun, 04 Mar 2018 14:26:39 -0500

You never really come home when you been in firefights you change some for the reality of the awful price you pay values change your teammates become your family, they understand what cannot be put into words. I live back in the world (America)but i am not home Vietnam republic of changed us. I am sorry i know what i want to say but words will not be allowed to speak

Response by CSM John Mead made Apr 12 at 2018 11:36 AM

CSM John Mead — Thu, 12 Apr 2018 11:36:21 -0400

It was a well produced portrayal of a platoon's journey through Hell. I salute each of them. The only soldier that I didn't appreciate or respect was the one who was paralyzed from the waist down. Unfortunately, I can't remember his name at this time, but after his discharge he went on to become a advocate against the war. Though I understand his pain, the inadequate care provided by the VA, and the disintegration of his marriage, I loathe him for blaming his woes and the war on Bush, Cheney, and Rumsfeld. What did he expect when he enlisted? He wasn't drafted, so he in essence was there of his own volition. His own words were that he wanted to do something to exact revenge for 9/11. As an infantryman, you go where you're told and you do what you're told. If the character in the mini-series had any link at all to the real soldier, it was obvious that he had misgivings and wanted no real part of the war. A millennial's response to any trying task. Again, I'm sorry for his untimely passing, but his trouble's were the fortunes of war and not to placed on any one particular person. Chastise me if you want, but having enlisted myself, during a time of the draft, I accepted that anything that might have happened to me as my own doing. With that in mind, too many during a time of a Volunteer Army, have taken what I consider the route of a coward and traitor, and deserted to Canada. The mindset of having second thoughts and believing that the war was unjust, to me, is unfathomable. Once again, you/he enlisted of one's own accord. I truly have a distaste for soldiers that have gone this route. He was an insult to those members of his platoon that didn't survive, but did their duty.

Response by PO1 Harvey Morris made Jan 13 at 2019 2:21 PM

PO1 Harvey Morris — Sun, 13 Jan 2019 14:21:45 -0500

Thank you...