Gaining Freedom - A Personal Journey in Surviving PTS and TBI

SgtMaj James Kuiken — Mon, 02 Mar 2015 11:44:15 -0500

I’ve known I’ve had Post Traumatic Stress (some call it a “disorder”…but not me), and Traumatic Brain Injury (from blast / concussion injuries) for decades – but I was strong enough to manage it on my own – didn’t need any coddling or help from anyone else. I wasn’t one of those weak, attention seeking veterans whining about how tough they had it in “the war”, and how rough it was back here at home trying to “adjust”.

After all, I had been the Sergeant Major of Marine Forces Pacific, the highest Combatant Command in the Marines (overseeing 2/3 of the combat capabilities of the Marine Corps) – and was a highly decorated, combat wounded veteran of 30 years’ service in multiple wars / conflicts (both active and reserve).

I had also been a member of the federal Senior Executive Service, and a Director in the U.S. Department of Homeland Security; a former Vice President and President/CEO in the corporate world; and a former candidate for United States Congress (TX-15).

Obviously, I didn’t have any problems…

Not that I was unsympathetic. With 22 Veterans / servicemembers a day committing suicide (that figures out to one killing themselves every 65 minutes), the toll is intolerable. Can you imagine if that many were dying in combat during the wars – the media and the public would go ballistic! But since its suicide, the numbers are shamefully underreported by media, and unrecognized by most of the public.

I became involved in trying to slow those numbers down, save lives, and reduce the unprecedented numbers of homeless veterans as the Vice-Chairman of the Board for Veterans 360 (http://www.vets360.org), an organization focused on saving lives by helping post-911 service members and Veterans with PTS and TBI issues. It wasn’t until Vets360 put out a survey to try and identify those with PTS, and I took it just for the heck of it, that I realized just how affected I was. When my survey came back, the Executive Director called me to ask if I was seeing anyone, concerned that I might be suicidal - because I “redlined” the survey (maxed out the results for PTS). I’ve never been suicidal, but that got me thinking.

I realized that once I had retired, I had begun spending more and more time in my chair, sometimes days at a time, and only getting up once or twice a day for food when I couldn’t avoid it anymore. I also realized that starting with my return from the Gulf War (1991) I had been increasingly isolating myself from family and friends, and that had only gotten worse with my trips to Bosnia, Kosovo, my activation for Op Enduring Freedom in 2002, and my time in Iraq in 2005-2006. In retrospect…I realized I had actually been having significant problems since my return to the U.S. in the mid 70’s after my first deployment... I was in serious trouble, and needed help.

I had applied to the VA for benefits / treatment in 1977, 1986, 1991, 2001, 2011, and 2013…and to date, have never received any benefits or treatment from them. Even with my Purple Heart paperwork and combat related medical records, they classified my injuries as “not service connected”… It was up to me to find my own help.

Someone recommended a service dog, so I researched it online, looking for dogs specific to PTS and TBI, and that is how I found K9s For Warriors (http://www.k9sforwarriors.org), a fantastic organization who pairs rescue dogs with post-911 Warriors. I contacted them, and went through a very detailed application and vetting process, and was accepted into the January 2015 class. I had no idea what I had let myself in for.

As K9s says, “We rescue the dogs, they rescue their warriors.” They use mostly rescue dogs (mine came from a high-kill shelter in Kentucky), train them for several months, and then give them additional training to help with the specific issues that their future Warrior partner has listed on their application. Once the Warrior (K9s’ terminology for the human half of the K9 team) arrives, s/he begins the three week intensive, live-in, total immersion training, where the teams bond, are trained to work with each other, the human partner is trained to continue the K9 partner’s training and certification…and the magic happens.

I remember the moment I first met Freedom…my K9 partner. I can’t describe the overwhelming joy I felt when he came directly to me, licked my hand, and sat by my side. We quickly became inseparable, and a completely bonded team.

Many of these Warriors are early in their recovery, and have significant issues with crowds, noises, ambient movement, etc…and as happens in each class, most of them (myself included) have episodes or even melt-downs during the training evolution. K9s is well equipped to recognize the signs, pull the team aside and mitigate the issue, and then put them right back up in the saddle to continue to gain exposure and training. The biggest factor is the dog – your partner. Often they recognize the signs before you do yourself, and take action to get you focused, on track, and feeling safe and not isolated.

This does not come cheap. K9s, like all non-profit organizations, works at finding funding every single day to save these rescue dogs lives, and provide the training and service that can help save Veteran’s / servicemember’s lives. To put a single K9 Service Team through costs thousands of dollars. Luckily…my Team was sponsored by Petsmart (http://www.petsmart.com), one of the corporate sponsors that have stepped forward. Petsmart not only sponsored my Team, but continues to work with and help fund the K9s for Warriors program.

Since returning home, Freedom and I have continued to bond (I didn’t think it could get any deeper, but it does) and work, play, and go everywhere together. I’ve begun to re-establish the connections with family and friends that I had withdrawn from, and recapture the life I had let slip away. I now see with clear eyes just how far I had let it go – and how much trouble I was actually in. When he came into my life, I gained Freedom from a hard downhill slide, and now look forward to helping to “de-stigmatize” PTS and TBI, which as I mentioned in my earlier post (Lets Get Real about PTS and TBI), is “a normal reaction to an abnormal situation”.

http://www.jameskuiken.com/sergeant-major-musings/gaining-freedom-commentary

Response by Capt Richard I P. made Mar 2 at 2015 12:06 PM

Capt Richard I P. — Mon, 02 Mar 2015 12:06:00 -0500

SgtMaj James Kuiken Thank you, again, for having the courage to post your personal story here. Your example to us all as leaders to frankly discuss our challenges can only serve to inspire others to seek a hand with challenges. There isn't weakness in seeking help when you need it, it takes strength.

Response by PO2 Jonathan Scharff made Mar 2 at 2015 3:41 PM

PO2 Jonathan Scharff — Mon, 02 Mar 2015 15:41:49 -0500

SgtMaj James Kuiken I also thank you for sharing your story. I am so happy that you have found a path back to happiness. I wish there was one cure all for all our vets, however we know that that isn't the case. This is why it is so important to have so many resources available. Unfortunately we all know that there just isn't the desire to take care of our vets.

Your story is inspiring and again, I thank you for sharing. Semper Fi Marine and give Freedom a hug from me!

Response by SGT James Elphick made Mar 2 at 2015 3:44 PM

SGT James Elphick — Mon, 02 Mar 2015 15:44:51 -0500

Great personal story of overcoming adversity, thank you for sharing SgtMaj

Response by SGT Ben Keen made Mar 2 at 2015 3:45 PM

SGT Ben Keen — Mon, 02 Mar 2015 15:45:16 -0500

This is one of the best posts I've seen on this site in a long time! This is what RallyPoint is meant to do. To allow us to share our thoughts and ideas. Here is a senior leader, awards up and over his shoulder sharing the troubles he had showing younger service members that the problems a lower enlisted service member just isn't exclusive to them; they go all the way up the ranks. They cross MOS and branch. The courage and strength that SgtMaj James Kuiken demonstrates in this article will hopefully encourage someone who is going through some to exact same issues to stand up and leave the shadows. I encourage those that might be facing a difficult time in their transition to reach out to someone; either here on RP or in your local area. You are not alone in the troubles. A huge thank you to SGTMAJ Kuiken for taking the time to write this post!

Response by GySgt Wayne A. Ekblad made Mar 2 at 2015 3:45 PM

GySgt Wayne A. Ekblad — Mon, 02 Mar 2015 15:45:34 -0500

Inspiring ... thank you for sharing SgtMaj James Kuiken! SEMPER FI!!

Response by CSM Michael J. Uhlig made Mar 2 at 2015 4:04 PM

CSM Michael J. Uhlig — Mon, 02 Mar 2015 16:04:30 -0500

SgtMaj James Kuiken, thanks for having the maturity and guts to share your story. Many of us are still in denial, trying to tough it out.

Response by CW5 Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 2 at 2015 7:16 PM

CW5 Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 02 Mar 2015 19:16:48 -0500

You are an inspiration, SgtMaj James Kuiken! Thanks for sharing your story. And for sharing your special bond with Freedom. (What a GREAT name!)

Response by SGT Jim Z. made Mar 2 at 2015 8:32 PM

SGT Jim Z. — Mon, 02 Mar 2015 20:32:41 -0500

SgtMaj James Kuiken very inspiring and thank you for sharing your personal battle with these two major issues that are affecting numerous veterans.

Response by PV2 Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 3 at 2015 9:36 PM

PV2 Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 03 Mar 2015 21:36:18 -0500

This is inspiring. I truly appreciate you sharing your story SPC Private RallyPoint Member. Semper Fidelis!

Response by CPT Pedro Meza made Jul 13 at 2015 1:43 PM

CPT Pedro Meza — Mon, 13 Jul 2015 13:43:16 -0400

SgtMaj James Kuiken, we have a lot in common, my solution was to keep deploying and have a meaningful death but in 2011 ARMY doc told me that I was to damaged to deploy and I was a liability to the team. Now commenting on RP combined with Deep Breathing meditation is part of my therapy to retrain my higher level thinking mind so that new neurons are established and hopefully by pass the damaged PTS and TBI parts of my brain. I do have a small dog and a calico cat, that 20 minutes prior to a quite lost in space episode bring toys for me to play with them.

Response by PFC John Henry Parker made Feb 10 at 2018 9:04 AM

PFC John Henry Parker — Sat, 10 Feb 2018 09:04:16 -0500

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Response by PFC John Henry Parker made Feb 10 at 2018 9:04 AM

PFC John Henry Parker — Sat, 10 Feb 2018 09:04:27 -0500

https://vimeo.com/253898431

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Response by SP5 Larry Morris made Feb 10 at 2018 1:57 PM

SP5 Larry Morris — Sat, 10 Feb 2018 13:57:21 -0500

Yes you are right screw that did it on my own did VIET NAM my dad WW11 and he gave me the best he said one day at a time and that was all yesterday