Getting over depression: What can I do?

A1C David Zent — Wed, 25 Mar 2015 01:04:12 -0400

It's been over 3 years... Why can't I still not move on from my past and move on with my life. I will admit I got into trouble, but at that time I was going through major depression from being at Minot AFB. The type of person I am, I bottle everything in and nobody saw that or detected anything. I didn't want to say anything because I didn't want to seem weak. I was a B-52 crew chief and everyone expected you to be tough. I am nowhere near it and didn't want to be judged for being different. The guys in my shop when I first got there hazed the newbies a lot and it just made it worse for me. We were barely allowed to talk unless it was work related. I still remember getting screamed at by ncos just for their amazement. Later down the road things did get better, but by that time I had been there for a year already and the anxiety and depression had already sank in. At one point I was sent to stay in the psych ward at the hospital in Minot. Wouldn't you think I would have been discharged? Well I wasn't and things just went even farther down hill. Still today I look back and wonder If I was treated right. Now I can barely have friends, let alone find a decent job and stay at it. What can I do?

Response by LCDR Rabbah Rona Matlow made Mar 25 at 2015 3:08 AM

LCDR Rabbah Rona Matlow — Wed, 25 Mar 2015 03:08:11 -0400

A1C David Zent I see and hear a tremendous amount of pain in you right now. It can be very difficult to get over trauma. What you have experienced is emotional, not physical, but it makes you physically ill due to various endocrine systems' responses in your body.

I hope you have a psychologist/therapist/counselor you are working with. Since you were hospitalized while on A/D at Minot, your behavioral/mental health issues should be covered by VA both from the standpoint of disability compensation and health care (more important).

If you don't have a provider, go to the closest VAMC, CBOC or Vet Center, and get seen. You really need to have a psychologist/counselor for talk therapy, a psychiatrist for medical management, and in your case, I think perhaps some group work.

Getting over emotional trauma is really a full time job, and if you're not working on it, it's working on you.

If you are ever feeling like things are hopeless, and you may resort to harming yourself, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, call the Crisis Line at [login to see] option 1.

http://www.yellowpages.com/north-webster-in/va-medical-center gives a listing of all VA Medical Centers and Clinics near you.

I would suggest that wondering whether you were treated right is an irrelevant question for you right now. The question you need to ask is are you getting the treatment you need NOW?

I make myself available for tele-health counseling of veterans. Please reach out to me off line if you'd like to talk with me; I can meet over Skype, Google Hangouts and regular telephone (I don't do Apple, so no Facetime).

Whatever you do, please don't give up. There are lots of resources out there for you and lots of people who want to see you beat this. If we talk, I can advise you on VA benefits, as well as help you with your issues.

Please be in touch...

Va Medical Center in North Webster, Indiana with Reviews & Ratings - YP.com

Find 16 listings related to Va Medical Center in North Webster on YP.com. See reviews, photos, directions, phone numbers and more for the best Veterans Hospitals in North Webster, IN.

Response by CSM Michael J. Uhlig made Mar 25 at 2015 3:15 AM

CSM Michael J. Uhlig — Wed, 25 Mar 2015 03:15:49 -0400

Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you deal with it!

You have to fix this, I can't fix it, YOU have to get this right. Get your mind right A1C David Zent, quit allowing yourself to be the victim. Once you improve your mental, physical and emotional toughness you will be fine - try a tough mudder, get rid of the negativity. Hell, we've all had setbacks and had to deal with situations that were uncomfortable, it is how you deal with it which determines how you move forward.

Response by CPT Aaron Kletzing made Mar 25 at 2015 7:30 AM

CPT Aaron Kletzing — Wed, 25 Mar 2015 07:30:40 -0400

A1C David Zent we are all here for you, brother. Shoulder to shoulder.

Response by SSG Dwight Amey MSA, MSL, BS, AS made Mar 25 at 2015 7:51 AM

SSG Dwight Amey MSA, MSL, BS, AS — Wed, 25 Mar 2015 07:51:17 -0400

A1C David Zent, hang in there brother you are not alone. If you reach out you will get help. The environment you worked in was not your fault or your response was not one of weakness. In fact the leaders you worked for were the ones who should have been discharged. They are in a position of trust. They have a lot of influential power over your daily quality of work life. To create hostile and intimidating atmospheres is criminal, in my view. I hope you are a VA Patient now.

Response by PV2 Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 25 at 2015 8:34 AM

PV2 Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 25 Mar 2015 08:34:31 -0400

We are here for you A1C David Zent. Please know that you are not alone. Please feel free to reach out to me if you need to talk brother.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 25 at 2015 8:34 AM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 25 Mar 2015 08:34:54 -0400

A1C David Zent. I too have battled episodes of depression. Having read the current responses, I think the answer is a combination of all. First, get someone objective to talk to. You also need to put yesterday behind you and ONLY focus on what you can do to improve the next few minutes. Its true we all have had set backs and will have them again.

Sometimes you have to calmly and confidently (fake it till you can make it) stand up for yourself (even to NCOs/Officers). As long as you are not violating policy or being disrespectful, you should be fine. Just remember to keep your military bearing. Lets call this being the UN-victim. After all, what are they going to do; yell at you and make you depressed? Granted, I dont know AF culture. I am frankly surprised to hear that AF NCOs are this feared. Sounds like the Army/Marine Corps of old. You cant control how they respond to you. However, you can control how YOU respond to them.

I am not trying to be a Pollyanna. I know depression and fear can be paralyzing. I remember being there. Maybe you cant stand up right now. In the meantime, get help, do some things to build your confidence, then take charge of your situation.

What can you do right now to move toward improving this situation? Try this, for the next 5 minutes, be strong and confident and dont let anyone run over you. I think having the courage to ask this forum is a great first step. What is the next step?

(Note: I am not a professional just a guy who has also experience tough times. If there are professionals who correct anything I suggested, do what they recommend and ignore mine. I want to help your situation, not hurt you.)

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 25 at 2015 8:36 AM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 25 Mar 2015 08:36:17 -0400

David,

I forgot to tell you that you may contact me directly if you would like.

John

Response by MSG Floyd Williams made Mar 25 at 2015 8:47 AM

MSG Floyd Williams — Wed, 25 Mar 2015 08:47:18 -0400

A1C David Zent....Have you seen a Veterans Administration Counselor? If you feel comfortable enough to talk I will listen and encourage you.

Response by CPT Richard Riley made Mar 25 at 2015 8:55 AM

CPT Richard Riley — Wed, 25 Mar 2015 08:55:58 -0400

Reaching out is one of the hardest battles inside yourself. While most of us are a distance from you - that does not prevent us from staying in touch with you, lending an ear and shoulder, and listening. You have many here who will walk that extra mile with you, know that and take advantage of it.
Support is a good thing. Several others have commented before me and echo those thoughts. You will never be alone in this fight, depend on that and take steps from there to take care of yourself. Reach out, message, post or do whatever is necessary to give yourself the best opportunity to improve. I'll stay in touch and check in with you every so often.
Take care!

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 25 at 2015 10:28 AM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 25 Mar 2015 10:28:36 -0400

First, find a counselor/therapist if you have not done so already. Also, what helped me, at the advice of a counselor in Iraq, was to write a daily journal of everything that happened and how you felt and what you did to fight the issues. Again, it worked for me. Think about it. If you feel it will help, then by all means do so. As the good CSM Uhlig stated, you have to fix you. We can suggest, but we cant fix. That part is up to you. Grab this particular bull by the horns, look deeply into its eyes, and spit in them.

Response by CPT Jack Durish made Mar 25 at 2015 11:38 AM

CPT Jack Durish — Wed, 25 Mar 2015 11:38:21 -0400

Congratulations! You have surmounted the first and greatest barrier to being cured. You recognize that you are depressed.

I have never had to deal with depression. I'm one of the fortunate ones who simply isn't wired that way. Yes, there is evidence that there may be a genetic component, a predilection to depression. Sadly, it runs in my wife's family and our son has it. Even sadder, he does not yet recognize it (though we've tried to help him see it) and thus, unlike you, he is not yet on the path to recovery. And, I've known others...

It's spooky just how similar this is to treating addiction. The first step of the Twelve Steps is to accept that you have a problem. There can be no progress without that.

So again, congratulations.

Others in this thread have offered advice and support. Of course, you have my support as well. Now for the advice...

Shop around for a clinical psychologist. Don't just hire the first candidate. Look for someone you really can trust. You're going to be sharing everything, literally everything with this person. They can't help if you don't.

Make sure that your treatment begins with a contract, an agreement of what you're trying to accomplish and how you'll recognize progress. You don't want to wander around aimlessly in your own feelings.

And remember, people who say you "shouldn't feel that way" will annoy you. Of course, your depression isn't "rational". It's a feeling. It's your feeling. It can't be explained rationally. Sheesh. Just keep in mind that they really mean well. Thank them and move on.

Response by SGT Alan Sledge made Mar 26 at 2015 11:26 AM

SGT Alan Sledge — Thu, 26 Mar 2015 11:26:57 -0400

Hello brother.

I call you "brother" because even though I've never met you, you chose to serve your country as well as battle through your depression. I,too, have depression. Before I go into my long winded response, I have but three words:

Go. Get. Seen.

I've had depression since 2009. My GF at the time, grandfather, and father all died that year while I was deployed. I guess I was indifferent because after the tears, I just kept going on with life as if it didn't affect me. I went to go get seen in 2011. I started getting medication in 2013.

The best thing for you to do is take care of yourself. You matter. Your life matters. What you want out of your life matters. Look at it this way, you're alive. You don't think you're strong? I've seen a lot of people take their lives because it was too late and nobody listened to them. It hurts me to see it happen, but the only way to beat it is to get the help you need. If you're not getting it, go somewhere else. Don't cheat yourself or your family by choosing to sit back and do nothing out of fear. The fear cripples us and you shouldn't let it.

Also, give yourself time to heal. It's not an overnight cure. You have to take your day, make it great, put it behind you, and do the same with the rest of the ones you have. Eat your favorite food. Do yoga. Work out. Take a nice long shower. Play video games. Build yourself up little by little, then, when you feel better about who you are, go meet people and keep the ones that will be there for you around. There's help, brother. You've got to take that first step in the door, though.

If you ever want to talk to just read my exhaustive statements, let me know. I'll listen to you and do what I can to help you through it.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Apr 15 at 2015 9:37 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Wed, 15 Apr 2015 21:37:23 -0400

I was able to beat depression by looking in the mirror 3 times a day to say good things to myself and address the gratitude for everything I loved. That breaks the cycle of negative thinking.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made May 16 at 2015 9:13 AM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 16 May 2015 09:13:25 -0400

Just remember: YOU'RE NOT ALONE! Yes, facts are facts, but everyone reacts differently to facts. When I say you're not alone, I too internalize things more often than I would like. I have my bouts with sadness, especially being away from my family at this time.

Daily I go to prayer with the Lord, thanking Him for placing me where I am and asking him for guidance with gifts that He blessed me. I also hit the gym and vent-out all my frustration whether on treadmill, elliptical, or out on the track. Please feel free to PM me at any time. I don't have a number being that I'm overseas, but I'll be happy to hear your frustrations.

Remember, Lord put you on this planet for a reason. Seek and you shall find it. Keep in touch!

Response by LTC David Stender made Jun 2 at 2015 1:19 PM

LTC David Stender — Tue, 02 Jun 2015 13:19:44 -0400

David,
Important that you know that we all get up in the morning and put on one pants leg at a time and then go on w/ our day. You are not alone and you have to take one day at a time. Some days are better than others but you keep moving forward. 2 words of advice, you are not a doctor, so don't go it on your own (do what your doctor tells you).
Second, you are not the only one suffering; volunteer w/ the VA or some other organization and help someone. Quit focusing on you and focus on helping someone worse off than you............1 day at a time

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jun 2 at 2015 4:38 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Tue, 02 Jun 2015 16:38:03 -0400

Are you being MED Boarded? Sometimes life makes more sense if you break it down to the close fight (one year) and the deep fight which is after the year.

Response by SCPO Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 2 at 2015 9:09 PM

SCPO Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 02 Jun 2015 21:09:25 -0400

Bottom line, surround yourself with positive, supportive people. The kind that will have your back through thick and thin.

Response by SP5 Michael Rathbun made Jun 4 at 2015 8:36 PM

SP5 Michael Rathbun — Thu, 04 Jun 2015 20:36:33 -0400

Yesterday I was fighting off a serious bout with suicidal ideation. I do this fairly frequently, so I am hip to the tricks, and it was more like a bout of nausea or severe headache rather than something immediately life-threatening. It was one of those evenings when the wife texted me "WHERE ARE U??" and I was out in the car crying because I don't like to upset her with this stuff.

Even though there are days when I would answer the question "What is your greatest wish?" with "Not to wake up tomorrow morning!", I'm still here.

I'm not the best at being "still here, still vertical", but I'm always around to talk to people who share these issues.

Response by CMSgt Mark Schubert made Jul 13 at 2015 2:04 PM

CMSgt Mark Schubert — Mon, 13 Jul 2015 14:04:21 -0400

Change your behaviour and respond to some of the nice people here who are trying to help you? I see you reaching out for help, but not one comment or like from you? (unless I missed it).
"I bottle everything in" - stop that. :-) You already recognized that is a terrible behaviour, so change it. If you need someone to talk to, call me! There are MANY people who will speak with you and who care about you.
"Still today I look back and wonder If I was treated right." - stop that too - living in the past and assuming perhaps since you weren't treated right, now your screwed up more somehow. Just start believing that there IS help out there, go find it, embrace it, and kick depression in the rear! Then - help others to do the same - much like I am trying to do for you!

Response by SCPO Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 13 at 2015 2:26 PM

SCPO Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 13 Jul 2015 14:26:14 -0400

Surround yourself with simple, positive people who enjoy an active and uplifting lifestyle that you aspire to make a core part of your life. Remember: you are your own key to the door to your future.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jul 13 at 2015 2:35 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Mon, 13 Jul 2015 14:35:30 -0400

What are the things that other you?

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Oct 25 at 2015 12:17 AM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 25 Oct 2015 00:17:18 -0400

Change your environment. If you are constantly surrounded by a job, a location, or people that bring you down, then find something/anything new. Keep changing your environment until you find something that works. Life can change in a heartbeat. Some things happen that you have no control over, you also have enough control to completely change your own life. You get to decide where you live, your job, who you spend time with, personal activities. For me, I've experienced a changed in environment twice in my adult life that completely changed the way I felt nearly overnight.

Also, you can never predict the future, and though you haven't stated any intent to harm yourself, you should always keep in mind that the future holds limitless opportunity. THERE WILL be better times ahead. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. As already mentioned, some things happen that you have no control over, but these random events can just as equally change your life for the better. You have literally decades both to shape yourself and to be shaped by life. Most of all, know that you are not going through it alone. There are plenty of people who share and have shared in the feelings you're having. We are all on your side.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Oct 25 at 2015 5:10 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Sun, 25 Oct 2015 17:10:02 -0400

Ernest Hemingway said when in the dark, look for the light.

Response by PVT Mark Brown made Oct 9 at 2016 8:00 PM

PVT Mark Brown — Sun, 09 Oct 2016 20:00:19 -0400

You talk about suicide and depression. I openly admit to abusing drugs and alcohol from while in the Army (1968) until I had finally had enough. Like they say, I was tired of being sick and tired. LIttle did I know the answer was a matter of going to AA and NA, going to 2 or 3 meeting everyday, get a sponsor, read The Big Book, do the steps to the best of my ability. I did all and continued to do all that.....For a period of time in mid 1990 I had an itch I just couldn't scratch. I was at a total loss as to why....I talk about my feelings, met a VN vet in AA who had group meetings at his home, and on and on and on. Depression, I did not have any idea what depression was or that I was clinically depressed. My addiction turn from drugs and alcohol to sex and food. (Only I did not see the addiction.) My life was still spinning out of control. I owned my own business which I ended up losing. Then in the year 2000 or so I made a pretty drastic suicide attempt and nearly succeeded except God wasn't ready for me yet and told me go back and try something different. I have many Vietnam Vets in my life and each and every one of them told me go to the VA. Finally, I put a call into mental health and they agreed to see that same afternoon. I spoke with a psychiatrist for for a couple hours. At the end of our meeting the Doc diagnosed my as being severely depressed, suffering from 100% service connected PTSD and just was a good thing I did not push my luck any further as it may have been too late. The true reason I did not follow through with suicide are several, the most important be that if I were to die at my own hand I would not get to heaven. By the way, I was still praying to Jesus on a regular basis, going to church, meeting with men from church, you name it. My new VA Doc wanted to commit me to the MH ward right there on the spot. I fought him on that and did not check in. He did give me a handful of drugs, got me to several meetings at the hospital and the VA Center. Slowly I started coming around but by that time it was too late to salvage much in terms of material assets. My home was gone, my business was gone, my wife was almost gone, I still played with suicide idealization and fantixation, I seem to be fixated on the idea because of all the damage I blamed on myself. Things have changed considerably over the past 15 or so years but I must remain diligent to protect myself. Depression is sneaky shit, I can never see it coming. I have a large collection of fire arms and I have never once fantasized about using a firearm My fantasy has always revolved around making it appear to be an accident. Believe me I have several ideas. My wife is nearly invalid and I can't do that to her, she has supported my all my life and she deserves more than having me abandon her this late in life. We are both nearly 70. We are on a very small fixed VA and SS income that gives up for and not much. Our home is falling apart around us, appliance are breaking down and we have no cash to do anything about any it. We cannot get credit, thanks to my stupidity.
This is a very long ass answer to a very short question. I hope this gets some attention to encourage my brothers and sisters, don't give up - try something - anything, until you find something that works. I apologize for the length of this message.