Have you considered suicide? What helped you choose life?

CH (MAJ) William Beaver — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 09:28:47 -0400

Have you ever gotten to a point in your life when you seriously considered, or possibly attempted suicide?

If so, what was it that caused to to choose to live? Or did someone rescue you? How did you overcome that level of despair?

As a 24 yr old, I attempted suicide by trying to run my car head on into an oncoming log truck. At the last second I got scared and chose life, driving off into the ditch. My faith, my best friend, and my professional mentors saved my life. I learned, with God's strength, that life can be handled, no matter how tough. I am 50 now and life hasn't been a bed of roses. But no matter how long or dark the night, the sun always comes up for me. What about you?

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 4 at 2015 9:50 AM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 09:50:30 -0400

Honestly, I love myself too much to commit suicide. Besides, my wife would kill me.

Response by SSG John Jensen made Aug 4 at 2015 10:04 AM

SSG John Jensen — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 10:04:05 -0400

suicide thought is a continual thing, but it's a sorta minor passing thought from depression, and always ends with "After BurningMan", but Burning man is my cure for society

Response by SGT Kristin Wiley made Aug 4 at 2015 10:23 AM

SGT Kristin Wiley — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 10:23:20 -0400

I tried to commit suicide when I was 14, I was dealing with abusive grandparents, parents who didn't believe me, and my high school coaches unwilling to work with me while I was sick and in therapy. My support group was down to zero, and eventually I realized that I as long as I'm looking out for myself and doing what's right in my eyes that I'm worth living worth. My psychiatrist asked me once 'who's voice do you imagine as your conscience'. Not sure what other people hear, but my psychiatrist seems to think it's normal to imagine a parent or mentor's voice advising you when debating a tough decision. I've only ever heard my voice, because everyone in my life who was supposed to be a parental or mentor-type figure has let me down in a big way at one point or another. I trust myself and I think I'm worth living for. I also don't think those people who have made it their goal to make my life miserable are worth dying for.

Response by CMSgt Mark Schubert made Aug 4 at 2015 10:28 AM

CMSgt Mark Schubert — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 10:28:32 -0400

Sir - great post CH (MAJ) William Beaver - thank you!
I never tried suicide, but I think knowing my purpose here sustains me to choose life and the same can help others. I think too often some people feel unappreciated and unwanted because they're just aren't enough kind, loving people in their life to encourage them and convince them they DO HAVE value! For 52 years, the sun has been coming up for me too, but tomorrow is not promised to any of us - do what you can for others today!

Response by SSgt Alex Robinson made Aug 4 at 2015 12:29 PM

SSgt Alex Robinson — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 12:29:41 -0400

I lost my mother to suicide when I was very young. It is a painful act that can destroy families

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Aug 4 at 2015 2:59 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 14:59:42 -0400

Yes. I realized it would not be fair to my family and might set a bad precedent.

Response by PO1 William "Chip" Nagel made Aug 4 at 2015 9:02 PM

PO1 William "Chip" Nagel — Tue, 04 Aug 2015 21:02:57 -0400

As a troubled Teenager I played with the Idea in my Brain, Sure but only if I could do it in such a way that someone that pissed my off got blamed for it. I was a Loner and I had Depression Issues. Fortunately I found someone/something that taped into my Latent Talents and never looked back. The Navy made good use of an Electronic Mischief Maker.

Response by LTC Stephen F. made Aug 5 at 2015 3:57 PM

LTC Stephen F. — Wed, 05 Aug 2015 15:57:38 -0400

CH (MAJ) William Beaver, I considered suicide many times in my life. I was molested and threatened with death by the time I was 10 years old which may have had some bearing on my depression. I took many foolish chances as a young man but by the grace of God I survived with mere bruises and breaks. I had bouts with clinical depression defined as making serious plans to end my life and being prepared to execute those plans.
I was clinically depressed before I recognized my need for a savior in 1987 and repented and became a believer in my Lord and savior Jesus the Christ.
I have been clinically depressed after that point. While the depth of depression is the same before and after Christ the sense of hopelessness I experienced prior to my salvation was not.
After my first wife served no-contact orders on my while I was going through a recent diagnosis of heart disease, I was severely depressed and made a plan to drive off a cliff somewhere. I calmly began to execute my plan when the Lord prompted me to trust Him, turn around and go home. The level of depression was the same as before but I had hope.
Hope in Christ is not a maybe it is the most surest thing in existence. I have been through many unbelievable challenging situations since my last confrontation with suicidal thoughts in the 1990's.
My hope in Christ and my absolute faith in God helps me each day. God sustains me. They that endure to the end the same shall be saved.
SSG James J. Palmer IV aka "JP4", SGT Forrest Stewart, SPC Private RallyPoint Member, LTC Stephen C., SPC Elijah J. Henry, MBA, SGT Randal Groover, CH (COL) Geoff Bailey, SSG Selwyn Bodley, COL Mikel J. Burroughs, 2LT Private RallyPoint Member, SFC Private RallyPoint Member, CPL Doug Hill, LTJG Robert M., CW5 Charlie Poulton, SSG Private RallyPoint Member

Response by PO2 Jeffrey Sheibels made Aug 5 at 2015 9:51 PM

PO2 Jeffrey Sheibels — Wed, 05 Aug 2015 21:51:53 -0400

I have contemplated it. I had lost my first job after getting out, I couldn't afford rent and was about to be evicted, my wife was talking about divorcing me. I was having panic attacks whenever I was told something bad. I felt lost, no direction, and alone. I knew there were places to get help so I walked to the closest VA clinic. I found out I had to register and be accepted for VA health care. So I registered. I saw a doctor and told him everything. He recommended me for a social worker and to see a psychologist. This was before I got the notice about being evicted. I had another panic attack and my wife was not around. It was a scary thing to experience when you are alone. I called the suicide hotline and they were able to help me stop the panic attack. I started to fight. I finally started to work again. I was driving for Uber. While I wasn't happy with that job, at least I was making money. It also made it so I had a fall back if I found a job I wanted and it didn't work out. So I have a safety net, so to speak. It is scary. Getting out and feeling like there is no one to talk to who understands. Feeling like the ones you love just won't ever understand. Feeling alone and with no direction. I guess I am lucky. I am a fighter. I never give up. I always have a goal to complete. While I might not have the financial stability I once had. I am in a way better place than I was 2 years ago. I still see the same doctor at the same VA clinic once a year. I have started to work out and I have been tobacco free for at least one year. I completed my bachelor's degree in Accounting and Business Administration. I started my own business, JV Consulting, and am a CTEC Registered Tax Return Preparer, QuickBooks ProAdvisor, and a Certified Bill.com Expert. I have 15 clients that I do tax returns for and hope to add more clients in the next tax season. I am working as an Accounting Clerk for a not-for-profit organization. I am looking to take the CPA exam next year and start volunteering at a not-for-profit that my wife is going to become the President and Chairwoman of. I am looking at volunteering to help other veterans as soon as possible. So I would say, stay strong. Things will always get better. If you are thinking about suicide contact the Suicide Prevention Hotline or go the closest VA clinic. Above all never give up and always keep lines of communication open.

Response by SA Harold Hansmann made Aug 5 at 2015 11:26 PM

SA Harold Hansmann — Wed, 05 Aug 2015 23:26:09 -0400

Yes, I have been there. I was going through a hard time in life and I had the gun loaded was in a secluded place, and the only thing that I could think of not to do it was "what's next?" And the next day I went and talked to the recruiter and joined the Navy.
That was July of '89.

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Aug 9 at 2015 4:34 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Sun, 09 Aug 2015 16:34:57 -0400

The thought I would break hearts, set a bad precedence, and a glimmer of light showed me where I must go to heal.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 18 at 2019 12:16 PM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 18 Jul 2019 12:16:24 -0400

I have built a massive community around resilience and hold summits where veterans share their stories of overcoming adversity. We choose if we want to be involved in others lives or not. It is never easy and there are so many stories of what I call "the pivot". Stay in the fight. It is only after we change our thinking that real change happens.