Have you even encountered a veteran who wanted to have an ego contest with you? If so how did you handle it?

Thu, 24 Mar 2016 11:22:55 -0400

When I started school and I encountered a veteran who was unruly, rude, and always wanted to "whip it out and have a dong measuring contest". I generally just ignored this guy.

I always tried to be friendly to this guy just because we were both enlisted guys in a graduate program, but no matter what he always had a chip on his soldier about various things.

How have you handled similar conflict

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 24 at 2016 11:24 AM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 24 Mar 2016 11:24:44 -0400

There's always the one upper. The moment I identify the one upper and I notice a trend of the one ups...I just cease communications. I didn't join the military to brag about it.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 24 at 2016 11:28 AM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 24 Mar 2016 11:28:21 -0400

They are pretty common to be honest. They are the entitled vet class. They must be praised because they are better. They do far more damage to the very community then they realize.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 24 at 2016 11:28 AM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 24 Mar 2016 11:28:49 -0400

Don't entertain it. I simply say something to terminate the conversation - "cool" "good stuff". Stick to the important topic at hand. Ask him if he's heard of or what he thinks about something that can spark learning from each other. If it gets bad enough, I'd tell him something around the line of "I'm not looking for a pissing contest. I'm looking to network and expand my knowledge."

Response by 1SG James Wise made Mar 24 at 2016 11:32 AM

1SG James Wise — Thu, 24 Mar 2016 11:32:29 -0400

PO1 Dave Martin , ignore them - or if they are being a spectacle in class or something flip it around and one up them with a ridiculous and sarcastic response that even laymen know is a joke and that you are calling that person out as a braggart. Generally speaking though I ignore them and if they force a reply I just give them something like "I didn't serve my country to make up for a feeling of inadequacy..." - and leave it at that.

Response by SSG Jesse Cheadle made Mar 24 at 2016 11:32 AM

SSG Jesse Cheadle — Thu, 24 Mar 2016 11:32:54 -0400

Cut sling load and charlie mike. I dont need to be bogged down with negativity and dong measuring contests. I have simply said, "Dude, go squak to someone else. I am tired of hearing it." Unless there are suicidal implications thats a different story.

Response by SGT Charles W. made Mar 24 at 2016 12:54 PM

SGT Charles W. — Thu, 24 Mar 2016 12:54:08 -0400

Same way you did, just ignore him. If he doesn't cut the BS, then don't even bother trying to be buddies. You're there to learn. Who gives a shit what he knows, it's all about what YOU KNOW. Just my opinion.

Response by SPC David S. made Mar 24 at 2016 1:01 PM

SPC David S. — Thu, 24 Mar 2016 13:01:18 -0400

Being in a constant competition is an absolutely exhausting personality trait that people do not like to put up with. Direct competitors are unconsciously seeking attention and validation, which can be particularly annoying - it actually shows just how insecure the individual is, and as expected it reflects negatively of the individual.

Best advice is to be up front with him or to disengage. You coming back for more in hopes of them being different is only reinforcing their 'off-putting' personality. As he's a cohort in your class a cordial demeanor -sure, friend not so much. Personally I prefer the confrontation as in you simply disengaging there is some ambiguity in why you did - calling attention to this trait if done correctly offers some constructive feedback - how and what he decides to do with it is again up to the individual.

Response by SGM Steve Wettstein made Mar 24 at 2016 1:13 PM

SGM Steve Wettstein — Thu, 24 Mar 2016 13:13:35 -0400

After figuring out that they were a one upper, I disengaged from the conversation and leave them alone.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 24 at 2016 3:50 PM

LCDR Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 24 Mar 2016 15:50:49 -0400

PO1-Some people have to keep justifying themselves by looking for trouble where there is none...I usually find that engaging them very far is to be dragged into their misery.

Response by PO1 Darren Martin made Mar 24 at 2016 5:01 PM

PO1 Darren Martin — Thu, 24 Mar 2016 17:01:38 -0400

The guy is not bragging he has little to brag about. He actually is just rude to the other vets in our class.

Response by SFC Wade W. made Mar 24 at 2016 8:27 PM

SFC Wade W. — Thu, 24 Mar 2016 20:27:50 -0400

I have always tried to disengage immediately. They aren't worth the effort or time. I understand your frustration and, if you're like me, your embarrassment. Find a time and place where it won't be so public and see if you can help him with the problem.

Response by SFC Everett Oliver made Mar 24 at 2016 8:55 PM

SFC Everett Oliver — Thu, 24 Mar 2016 20:55:13 -0400

As Commander of a small American Legion Post i hear it all the time. I don't tell many "war Stories" because most aren't that interesting... but I've got one member who has pretty much been there and done that as long as he did it better than you did.... I let him talk, why stretch it out.. Like he is Airborne but never went to Ft Benning... I never bothered to ask him where he earned his wings...

Response by MSG Wally Carmichael made Mar 24 at 2016 9:54 PM

MSG Wally Carmichael — Thu, 24 Mar 2016 21:54:37 -0400

All great comments. To be honest I say to myself "Man, this guy sounds just like my dumb ass when I was his age. I hope he grows up some day." Not that I ever did. But I did grow out of that embarrassing trait. Thank God, and my wife for pointing it out to me every time I took that route.

Response by Capt Mark Strobl made Mar 25 at 2016 1:34 AM

Capt Mark Strobl — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 01:34:44 -0400

PO1 Dave Martin - Continue to ignore him.
1.) To engage him would only serve to validate his babble.
2.) When you wrestle with a pig, you both get dirty --but, the pig enjoys it.
3.) It'll drive him flippin' crazy to be ignored.

Response by SFC Marcus Belt made Mar 25 at 2016 2:06 PM

SFC Marcus Belt — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 14:06:11 -0400

There are two ways to handle this: one is to fight fire with fire. Unlike the literal act, this actually does sometimes work with people. Figure out how to damage his ego further and maybe he'll drop the class. Problem solved, problem staying solved. You could, for example, point out that the Nation has been at war so long that people who were five years old when the towers fell have already joined and served in combat, so if he, a Marine, couldn't manage a single deployment, then his bluster is an obvious cover for his cowardice. If he is as disliked as you say, others in the class will pile on when his vulnerability is exposed.

I'd keep this technique on hand, just in case my first course of action didn't work.

Which is to buy the guy a cup of coffee and try to figure him out.

But if that didn't work, it might be time to start hurting feelings.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 25 at 2016 4:58 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 16:58:26 -0400

I see many people on here suggesting that these folks be ignored. Unless you all have forgotten, that behavior is often typical of somebody who may or may not be headed towards suicide. The better option is to pull them aside and speak to them, or invite them on a hike or something to observe their possible change in attitude once away from the public. I speak from experience. Once they are gone, they don't come back.

Response by 1SG David Spalding made Mar 25 at 2016 8:20 PM

1SG David Spalding — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 20:20:55 -0400

Yes I have run into the sort. Agree, ignore, do what you have to. But keep in mind,today's Veterans need to be mindful of what they do and say. As a whole, we are still appreciated by civilian America, but if this sense of 'I served' entitlement goes too far, Vets will become the unwanted and unrespected class of people in America. When someone tells me "thank you for your service" I respond with a genuine "thanks for your support." If they go farther, I tell them I come from a long line, back to the revolutionary war, of a family that possessed a DNA trait that made them raise their right hand. They'll laugh, and I'll tell them "duty is in my blood. I didn't do it for the thanks, but I really do appreciate your support." As current military and as Vets we have a responsibility to keep the trust and respect American civilians have given us.
Even if he's being a 'dink' show him respect and move on.
I'll get off of my soap box now.

Response by PO1 Stephanie Dears made Mar 25 at 2016 10:36 PM

PO1 Stephanie Dears — Fri, 25 Mar 2016 22:36:57 -0400

Yep. Ignore them.

Response by 1SG Michael Farrell made Mar 26 at 2016 6:02 PM

1SG Michael Farrell — Sat, 26 Mar 2016 18:02:49 -0400

Happens with two general types of gals and guys -- wannabes who never were, and those who were damaged and never got the help they need. In my experience, the most dangerous folks are those who never talk about themselves but about their units or their teams or their buddies. And then one day they show for a parade with DSC and three Silver Stars. And they mutter something about
"Costs 85 cents at clothing sales." Also, some of the folks are those who were probably better than they let on in their attitude, but have to justify themselves. I have a close friend who was one helluva soldier, but felt inferior for some reason so he had to push the envelope. I was reasonably hard core, but Pete in full flight could make my teeth hurt. But, get past that, and he was the kindest, nicest and most gentle man I've ever known. So, deal with them as you need to, remember that every cripple has his own way of walking, and be true to your own vision. They'll either come round or never open up, and that's their loss.

Response by SGM Lonnie Durand made Mar 31 at 2016 11:27 PM

SGM Lonnie Durand — Thu, 31 Mar 2016 23:27:09 -0400

Don't bother.