Have you heard the word - Dependapotamus? I hate it.

COL Charles Williams — Tue, 23 Jun 2015 11:43:30 -0400

This is a change, I know from the normal things I see on RP, but I thought it was interesting for two reasons. I am interested, as always, in your thoughts.

1. I dealt with this directly, and daily, in my 37 months as Garrison Commander of a Large Garrison. As a GC, my main mission, aside from running the installation, was the well-being of Soldiers (Airmen, Sailors, and Marines) and Family Members. As GC, I ran my own Face Book site, which I primarily designed to allow military family members (we don't use the word dependent anymore) easy access to someone (me) who could help, if they needed help. It was great, but it was also a double edge sword. I had to quickly learn to sift through the complaining and get to issues that really needed my action because the chain of command or other options had failed. In that time, I only ever deleted one comment thread, because I think the poster was off the rails. Nevertheless, that is when I first heard the word "dependapotamus" and when I found their were countless sites dedicated to bashing military spouses... and that many were operated by other military members and spouses...

2. This pissed/pisses me off for many reasons. My wife of 32 years, spent her life in the Army, with me, moved many times, worked as a teacher many places, and had to deal with countless job hunts, and re-certifications... etc... Not by choice, but for me and for us. She managed a job(s), kids, grad school, me, and served more than once a volunteer FSG or FRG member and leader, long before FRGs were required or needed. My kids were also born in the Army... and grew up and moved away in the Army. While they are not veterans, I believe they served in many ways.

I also believe in many respects their part of the deal was harder, as it all revolved around me and I had the easy side. I always will believe my part of the Army, and the deployments while hard, very hard at times, the families at home had it harder... This is why. When you deploy, you are with your friends and comrades, and you are busy... so time goes faster... I could not (cannot) imagine, how time drags at home... waiting, or watching the news... hearing nothing (yes I was deployed before the internet, when a monthly call, or random letter was all we had, if we lucky)... And, the worst part the fear of someone showing up at the front door... uniform...

That said, the service members and leadership have to figure out how to stop this insanity in my view. I salute all military and military family members. I also hate stereotypes.

http://www.militarytimes.com/story/military/2015/06/22/dependapotamus-bashing-spouses-strike-back/27522075/

'Dependa' bashing: Mudslingers stun military spouses

The military wife was with her 16-daughter at home when the notifications started on her phone. "Why are people using these words?" asked her

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 23 at 2015 11:46 AM

LTC Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 23 Jun 2015 11:46:34 -0400

Great Share Sir! Anything we can do for our Better halves the better off the Military will be as well!

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made Jun 23 at 2015 11:54 AM

MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca — Tue, 23 Jun 2015 11:54:39 -0400

It's been used in a few posts around here sir. Very funny!!

Response by COL Mikel J. Burroughs made Jun 23 at 2015 11:56 AM

COL Mikel J. Burroughs — Tue, 23 Jun 2015 11:56:33 -0400

COL Charles Williams After reading the article I'm appalled that such pages even exist. Our family members pay a very important role in the military and to put gossip and junk on a website to hurt individuals is just down right horse manure! Those sites should be taken down. If family members are mentioned on one of these sites, then they need to block the site or try to avoid it at all costs. For a Colonel to post something on a site like that is pitiful! This is just another way for somebody that doesn't have the guts or fortitude to face individuals (face-to-face) to say things behind their backs - its childish and disgraceful to our service members and their families. Yes, I would say that to the people posting this (face-to-face).

Response by 1SG David Lopez made Jun 23 at 2015 12:29 PM

1SG David Lopez — Tue, 23 Jun 2015 12:29:06 -0400

Interesting that you mention how easy it was for you, me and my Army Ranger Buddy were just having this same conversation just last week. His wife of 30 something years went to I believe Nigeria with a church group for one week. My Army Friend said to me, "This is Karma, all the times I deployed and left my wife and kids, I never realized how hard it was for her/them." My Ranger Buddy was so worried for his wifes safety, worried about her travel plans and location, and many other small things that add to the totality of circumstances of genuine love and concern for ones spouse. She made it home safe a few days ago. But my poor Ranger Buddy, he must have grown gray hair and lost a bit of hair. Point being, military spouses and children sacrifice a lot more than what lyes on the surface. The impact on their lives as a result of the service-persons service is immeasurable. Military Families sacrifice for our Soldiers and Country on a daily basis.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 23 at 2015 1:44 PM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 23 Jun 2015 13:44:04 -0400

Lacking the title of "Dependapotamus," I know there was more of an issue with family members, particularly wives, before OIF/OEF.

Maybe I saw a different world, because I was an MP, but on a daily basis I'd end up interacting with multiple military wives who threw out the line, "Don't you know who my husband is?" These were normally heard from the wives of recently promoted SGT's and wives of LT's. However, pre OIF/OEF, there was a lot of military wives and some children who fell under this because they felt a blanket of superiority. Even off duty, I'd walk through the Food Court of the PX, or the PX itself, and get cut off by a family member who felt entitled to do whatever they wanted. I tried to talk to one and she was very clear to tell me "UCMJ didn't effect her, what were the pussy MP's going to do?"

Even Service Members were calling FRG Meetings "The Doritos Club," because they'd take the first few minutes for the FRG Leader to talk about things the Unit wanted them to talk about. Then they'd get disorganized and talk about "The New Soldiers in the Unit" and single out the new wives who hadn't fit into a particular group of wives in the FRG.

I am, in no part, saying the title isn't offensive to some of them. I know, if this title existed openly then, some wives would have worn the title with pride.

"The Military Machine" is always changing. Society is always changing as well. I'm sure some of this issue is younger generations don't have as "thick of skin" and get offended by almost everything.

This is something which needs to be worked out, but it's going to take time and patients from everyone. It's not going to happen right away, because the military doesn't react to many changes that fast. As an easy example, the OCP's are out, but the ACU's don't have a wear out date until 2018. And honestly, how many Service Members will pay attention to another Power Point presentation before final formation?

Response by SFC(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 23 at 2015 3:02 PM

SFC(P) Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 23 Jun 2015 15:02:20 -0400

COL Charles Williams Siir, This is the first time I have heard this term used. I didn't even know "dependent" was no longer an acceptable definition! I agree this quite unacceptable. Our spouses play a vital role in what we do every day. I would not be where I am today without the support from my husband and the sacrifices that he makes for me to continue my Army career. BLUF: If more of the civilian population served, we wouldn't have these types of issues. We wouldn't have the adult cyber bullies, those who "support the troops, but not the war", and the ungrateful entitled American who is 100 percent aloof of our sacrifices for the freedoms that they enjoy on a daily basis.

Response by CW5 Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 23 at 2015 3:34 PM

CW5 Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 23 Jun 2015 15:34:52 -0400

The first I heard the word was back in the 90s. It was common, even in the days before all the pay raises and deployment money to have those who would look for a military husband (perhaps wives as well but I never saw it) just to have a secure life and benefits for their children from previous relationships. There were more disingenuous names as well but I won't go into that.

Nothing like the spouses that wore their new husband's rank as they progressed from up to SPC. I actually had one tell me to drop what I was doing and help her load her kids in her car because her husband was a SPC and I was a PFC. I told her she could have just asked.

I would have thought that after all these years of war these insults towards spouses would have faded away.

Response by Capt Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 23 at 2015 4:41 PM

Capt Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 23 Jun 2015 16:41:24 -0400

Had not heard this. This is despicable. The most overlooked part of our military family are the spouses and children of active duty troops.

They all deserve a medal for the hardships they endure supporting the member.

Response by Meagan Ahmad made Aug 29 at 2015 11:09 PM

Meagan Ahmad — Sat, 29 Aug 2015 23:09:18 -0400

It's bullying, plain and simple. I had to leave our main spouse facebook because of the constant put downs. It's become culturally acceptable to publicly bully each other on social media.

Response by MSgt Niclas Svensson made Aug 30 at 2015 12:23 AM

MSgt Niclas Svensson — Sun, 30 Aug 2015 00:23:19 -0400

While I don't condone the public bashing of anyone, SOME mil spouses bring this stuff on themselves by their own actions, and in turn, ruin it for the rest. While most spouses, including my own, have earned my respect and admiration for what they have to endure and how humbly they carry themselves, there are the few out there that feel they are entitled to something because of what their spouse has achieved in the service...now THAT pisses me off.

It's sad that the good ones have to endure bullying like this due to the actions of a few.

Response by SGM Mikel Dawson made Aug 30 at 2015 12:59 AM

SGM Mikel Dawson — Sun, 30 Aug 2015 00:59:44 -0400

Sounds a lot like the school yard bullies on the play ground. Some people just never grew up. Not much I can say, as all the times I was deployed, my wife was in Denmark and never had any contact with other military wives or such. I find such behavior from service members way out of line and if found out should be taken to their higher command for action.
After reading the article, I was surprised, yet not surprised. With in the military communities you will always find those who feel they are superior and feel the need to put others in line because of the rank or position their spouse holds. I think it has always been there, but after the electronic age, just like everything else, things are so much easier to post and now many more trolls can join in because they get their courage from being behind the keyboard. If had to come face to face with people, I think many would keep their mouth shut.

Response by 1LT William Westervelt made Aug 30 at 2015 2:12 AM

1LT William Westervelt — Sun, 30 Aug 2015 02:12:41 -0400

In my experience, this term is largely used inside the social circles of military spouses towards those spouses who support the stereotype of being an entitled freeloader. A "dependapotamus" is depicted as an overweight (lazy) spouse who wears her husbands rank, married him to get benefits for her children from a previous marriage, expects a military discount everywhere she goes, and doesn't care about keeping her affair a secret. It's an unfortunate moniker, but so, too, is the spouse that reinforces that stereotype. They are a blight upon the reputation that honorable spouses across the military strive to build and uphold.

Equally despicable is the trend of internet shaming. In this new age of social media, the gall that some display in calling forth the masses of the world wide web to focus their shame on regular people for bad decisions or honest mistakes is an atrocity. It's an atrocity punctuated by more than a few suicides. It's one thing for people to be upset at the actions of others (such as the dependapotamus,) it's another thing for them post pictures and PII online for the world to levy their wrath against them.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 30 at 2015 8:02 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 30 Aug 2015 20:02:23 -0400

I think this is no different from from the term POG. There are some that are just that. It is not a label that you are a given but earned. Even an infantryman can be a POG. It happens. Now with this dependa business. I have seen enough wives in my time to say there are some good ones out there. I have the best wife that I could ever imagined but I can't say the same for others. I have seen some horrible wives out there. Some feel they are entitled just as a service member. I don't think I am entitled to anything more than a pay and some medical care. Some out there throw their dependent status out there like it is a business card at a job fair. My wife's friends know what I do but my wife doesn't go out of her way to get anything more than what a regular spouse would get .

Response by MSgt Erik Copp made Aug 30 at 2015 8:23 PM

MSgt Erik Copp — Sun, 30 Aug 2015 20:23:46 -0400

It's really surprises me that so many claim to have never heard mention of dependapotomus/dependa. It's a term that has been around longer than I have. As mentioned by the good Lt. Below. It is a term used for the significant other that marries into the military for nothing more than their spouses pay and benefits. I know you have all seen it. If not then your not in touch with your people. You may need to spend more time around your peeps than in your office. The stereotype is as mentioned above, throw in rude, obnoxious, loud, way obese, and thinks that they hold their active members rank all the while cheating on their marriage. That is the stereotypical dependa. The FACT is, they are out there.
My wife stood by my side my whole career, all spouses that uphold their end of the bargain have my respect. I don't like the term directed at good people. Some though, some, earn the name.
I'm sure my opinion may not be popular on here, but, that's all it is.

Response by CSM Charles Hayden made Aug 31 at 2015 12:46 AM

CSM Charles Hayden — Mon, 31 Aug 2015 00:46:59 -0400

COL Charles Williams, Have you shown your wife how you praised her in your 'rant' about her service to you, your family, the US Army Family and the Nation? Military spouses s/b praised to the ends of the earth, where their husbands were!

(CSM speak COL: when did you last send your darling, a loving, caring greeting card in the U.S. Mail?).

CSM Charles Hayden

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 31 at 2015 9:36 AM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 31 Aug 2015 09:36:47 -0400

There are some awful truths in this article, beside the terrible initial story. It is not a rumor that military spouses have tried to use and abuse their spouses ranks. During my time as active duty I saw it often. Statements like "you know who I am? I am the Majors wife". I even knows MPs that has been approached by military spouses demanding that they are saluted - which is terrible indoctrination of the military. One would think that the military member in this situation should correct this behavior within his or her own house.

There are some solid stereotypes regarding the military spouse, and I must say they are there for a reason. This doesn't warrant that military spouses belittles in any way - unless it is completely self-inflicted, like in the scenario where they believe that their spouses rank should result in special treatment.

When it comes to social media one should always be careful, and make sure who has access to it and put that in relation to how thick skin one has.

Response by SSG Justin McCarrell made Mar 30 at 2017 1:45 PM

SSG Justin McCarrell — Thu, 30 Mar 2017 13:45:39 -0400

I have always been a firm believer the spouses who stay at home while their service member is deployed in some far off land should receive some form of compensation when their service member retires or chooses to ETS. They are often forgotten even though they've most likely sacrificed the most. When I was in the Army there were wives that assumed their husbands rank. To me, this was always annoying and pissed me off. While I do understand the wives of the senior leadership have sacrificed a lot I feel they should be looking to help the other spouses if needed, not threatening them. My wife had a hard time when I deployed to Bosnia being forced to take the lead on all family affairs. She was raising, at the time, our two very young children who are only 14 months apart in age and had to navigate being a single parent. The job is very hard for anyone. Anyways, she ran into a couple if problems and my 1sgt's wife tried to order another wife to come to my house to help. That's not right at all because, at the end of the day, they are all civilians and don't have that type of power over one another. I don't think we had a term for women like that when I was in but I truly felt that behavior is totally out of line. When Congress decides to pay the spouses who are stuck at home while their soldier is deployed then maybe they can assume that type of role. Some spouses are just rude and brutal that way.

Response by PO2 Amanda Morgan made Apr 6 at 2017 2:41 PM

PO2 Amanda Morgan — Thu, 06 Apr 2017 14:41:55 -0400

Yes Dependapotamas is a derogatory way to coin military spouses but this isn't directed at all military spouses (more like a "if the shoe fits" type of term, and I am great friends with many women who husbands are military either officer or enlisted that don't try to wear there husbands rank (they usually meet the women this term describes and shudder) and I'm not trying to defend it but the term is used for those spouses that believe they wear their spouses rank. Those women who believe that because their husband is an O-4 or higher they need to be saluted at the gate(when decals were a thing) or other special privileges...a friend told me that this women at the commissary cut the very long line and when questioned about it she threw out that her husband was an O-5... we'll the GC's spouse was there (somewhere in the middle of the very long line) and set her in her place ( I live near an Army post now, instead of a Navy base) As a former sailor as well as spouse of a military member I've have had my own encounters including listening to an Officers spouse complain about how females should never serve in the military in any capacity and how I was drain on the Navy's resources because I had my young son with me and was in uniform E-5 ( I had already done a deployment and was on my shore duty rotation at this point) she then preceded to complain about how they should have different clinics for Officers and Enlisted because Enlisted just like to waste time to get out of work... I was mortified at the things she was saying about me(she never said them too me just loud enough for me to hear), she didn't know who I was or anything about me... she didn't know that I was getting ready to go back sea duty and that because of we were divorced my ex husband was still going to be underway or out to sea for the next 18 months and we had to send our son to my mothers house 3 states away. Dependapotamos is not a term for all military spouses only those that believe they are better than anyone below their spouses rank.

Response by SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth made Apr 6 at 2017 5:39 PM

SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth — Thu, 06 Apr 2017 17:39:52 -0400

My wife of 37 yrs. as of yesterday, went thru 20yrs. with me being in the Guard(I had already been in 4 yrs. when we got married) she was part of a group of wives the worked with the Family Support Group that we had at the Armory, all the wives got along like sisters.

Response by SPC Roger Giffen made Apr 9 at 2017 4:11 PM

SPC Roger Giffen — Sun, 09 Apr 2017 16:11:16 -0400

My favorite line was "I am Mrs. Col. Smith..... as if she assumed her husband's rank. Didn't impress my wife one little bit.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 9 at 2017 4:33 PM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 09 Apr 2017 16:33:19 -0400

In my whopping 11 years of service, I have generally observed three types of spouses:
1. Doesn't want anything to do with the military. This spouse wants the SM to get out of the uniform immediately upon arriving at home. No conversations about the military are allowed in the home and this spouse certainly doesn't want anything pertaining to the military to be visible in the home. The only locations on base/post that this spouse cares about are the PX/BX, Commissary, and medical center.
2. The spouse who tries to wear the SM's rank. This is the spouse who will say things like: "Don't you know that my husband is a {insert rank}?" This spouse thinks he/she is in the know.
It is these two groups of spouses that get called "dependapotamouses."
3. This is the middle group and, I believe, includes the vast majority of spouses. This group cares enough about the SM's career to be informed, yet doesn't go overboard. This spouse knows the rank structure, understands the CoC, and can utilize that information to obtain necessary services and support, while treating those providing said services and support with dignity and respect.

Response by SP5 Manny Matos made Apr 9 at 2017 4:59 PM

SP5 Manny Matos — Sun, 09 Apr 2017 16:59:58 -0400

When I deployed from Germany to Desert Storm in 89, I lived 45 minutes from post in Small farming/lumber community in the German community. My wife spoke no English and didn't drive at that time. Plus. New baby born to to us before I deployed with a Co-Hort unit from Ft Hood. I worried more about her when I was deployed to Saudi than she was of me being there. In the 6 months that I was deployed, my unit never called or visited her as they told me they would. She managed on her own plus the great help she received from my German neighbors. My wife spoke German before she spoke English. When we returned to Germany, my CO's wife asked to see if my wife would bake cakes for a coffee party that she was having. I told her that since she didn't care about my wife or baby for six months, why would she want my wife to bake for an officers coffee party. Glad I married a strong determined woman since my chain of command failed them while I was off to war.

Response by PO3 John Keas made Apr 9 at 2017 5:57 PM

PO3 John Keas — Sun, 09 Apr 2017 17:57:41 -0400

There is a HUUUUUUGE difference between a Dependapotamous and a Military Spouse. A Military Spouse is respectful, kind, and doesn't demand rights and privileges they don't earn/deserve. A Dependapotamous is a moron. Has nothing to do with how easy or hard their lives are or are perceived.

Colonel Williams' wife...Military Spouse.

Sgt Whatever's wife who barrels thru the PX browbeating everyone telling them they need to move out of her way because her husband is a Sgt and they MUST respect her authority...is a Dependa.

(Also works for husbands as well, by the way)

Response by SGT Tony Clifford made Apr 9 at 2017 6:48 PM

SGT Tony Clifford — Sun, 09 Apr 2017 18:48:54 -0400

Here's my problem with your post Col. You're assuming that dependapotomus is a catch all term for military spouse. Or is not. It is a term for one who marries a soldier to reap the benefits of being a military spouse and throw the service member's rank around all while cheating on them and being an all around terrible person.
I'm glad that you were able to find yourself a respectable spouse, but a large portion of us thought that we did only to come home from a deployment with our bank accounts drained and our spouses shacked up with someone else. It happened to more than a few of my guys and it happened to me. He'll it even happened to my little sister after one of her deployments.
I agree that it is unfair to call all spouses dependas but the term still has utility in describing spouses who take advantage of their service member and leave them broken men or women.

Response by Lt Col Jim Coe made Apr 9 at 2017 6:53 PM

Lt Col Jim Coe — Sun, 09 Apr 2017 18:53:07 -0400

I agree with your distaste for the bullying of military dependents in any form. We've all run across people who gives their person-group a bad name. We are wise to discount them as aberrations, not the norm. Senior leaders need to continue to praise the support spouses give their military member in public forums and to forcefully discourage behaviors that insult or discredit them.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 9 at 2017 7:16 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 09 Apr 2017 19:16:53 -0400

My wife of 18 years was forever my rock. I couldn't have done all of those deployments without her.
When she told me she was done and was leaving, I knew it would change things.
What I didn't know is that it would change everything.
Now as a single father, I have to balance the requirements of the Army against theirs in a way that wasn't there before.
Even though she is gone, I remain grateful to her for making my service possible.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 9 at 2017 8:35 PM

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 09 Apr 2017 20:35:12 -0400

No, but I am aware of Depends. Get them at COSTCO. :)

Response by SP5 Robert Ruck made Apr 9 at 2017 9:05 PM

SP5 Robert Ruck — Sun, 09 Apr 2017 21:05:09 -0400

Without question military families make huge sacrifices for their/our country. They deserve the same respect and reverence as their active military members. Thank you for the post.

Response by SPC Ruben Marin made Apr 9 at 2017 11:34 PM

SPC Ruben Marin — Sun, 09 Apr 2017 23:34:07 -0400

In the five years I was in, I had my fair share of both the good family members and the ones that wear rank on their clothes like they were actually in service. I like to believe there are more good family members than bad, but I do understand why people have created such a derogatory term. There needs to be a class for family members which explains their role as military family members. A class that teaches them how to properly act around military personnel. And from what I remember, this course could benefit our younger enlisted and commissioned soldiers family members because it's always them thinking they wear their soldiers rank trying to bark out orders like they themselves were in charge. Like I said before, the term is derogatory, but sometimes these family members earn that title with their lack of respect for services members.

Response by MSG John Duchesneau made Mar 4 at 2018 11:16 PM

MSG John Duchesneau — Sun, 04 Mar 2018 23:16:25 -0500

Just remember that service members who don't have supportive spouses and families are jealous of those that do.

Response by SGM Bill Frazer made Mar 5 at 2018 12:06 AM

SGM Bill Frazer — Mon, 05 Mar 2018 00:06:10 -0500

Sir everything you say is true- yet for every good thing you saw/said- there is at least one family member who stomps around trying to wear their spouse's rank and demanding all the benefits. I have seen battle hardened officers literally blanch when told to handle Mrs. So-So from the FSG. I have had my driver, asking why the CPT's/MAJ's wife wanted him to take her to the PX to shop- or pick up little johnny, etc.

Response by SGT Jamarl Jones made Mar 5 at 2018 1:05 AM

SGT Jamarl Jones — Mon, 05 Mar 2018 01:05:41 -0500

Isn't the term "Dependapotamus" reserved for the excessively obese dependents? Excessively fat dependents are real... Calling them mean names doesn't accomplish anything, but good luck trying to get servicemembers to stop being crude asshats.

Response by TSgt Melissa Post made Feb 16 at 2020 1:56 AM

TSgt Melissa Post — Sun, 16 Feb 2020 01:56:42 -0500

I understand this post is quite old but the title captured my attention. Yes, I have heard it and used it. However, there is a difference between a dependent and a dependapotamus. Dependents are just that-family or people you are responsible for as the service member. The support you emotionally, mentally and in any other possible way you need. A dependapotamus however, is that spouse (male or female but typically the female) that loves to go around wearing their military spouse's rank. I as a female service-member take great offense and as you put it get pissed off at people like this. Typically these individuals tout their spouse's rank as though they themselves earned it while they sit at home doing nothing productive with their lives except watch soap operas and bitch on the spouses pages of social media starting drama for their sponsors to deal with during duty hours. I'm sorry when did you go to BMT, report for duty, sign the dotted line, raise your right hand and deliver an oath that you would defend your country against all enemies foreign and domestic, and further more just how exactly did you earn that Sgt, Maj, or Col rank you spout off about all the time? Oh...you didn't. That's right. If a dependent feels the urge or necessity to use their sponsor's rank or grade as a buffalo tactic then let's give them the rank they deserve...dependapotamus although I suppose a more accurate term would be dependuffalo. I do agree with you that the family is put through a lot on their side of this deal. However, that is just part of what it means to be a military family. I am so glad my husband doesn't deploy anymore because I honestly don't know if I would be as strong as some of the women out there like your wife sounds. I would be in tears every night being away from him and knowing that he was in harm's way. Those are the women I look at and say kudos to you for what you have had to sacrifice. I don't call it serving, because I still don't know if I personally consider it "serving" but I do recognize it is a sacrifice and a very costly one at that.