Posted on Jun 23, 2015
Have you heard the word - Dependapotamus? I hate it.
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This is a change, I know from the normal things I see on RP, but I thought it was interesting for two reasons. I am interested, as always, in your thoughts.
1. I dealt with this directly, and daily, in my 37 months as Garrison Commander of a Large Garrison. As a GC, my main mission, aside from running the installation, was the well-being of Soldiers (Airmen, Sailors, and Marines) and Family Members. As GC, I ran my own Face Book site, which I primarily designed to allow military family members (we don't use the word dependent anymore) easy access to someone (me) who could help, if they needed help. It was great, but it was also a double edge sword. I had to quickly learn to sift through the complaining and get to issues that really needed my action because the chain of command or other options had failed. In that time, I only ever deleted one comment thread, because I think the poster was off the rails. Nevertheless, that is when I first heard the word "dependapotamus" and when I found their were countless sites dedicated to bashing military spouses... and that many were operated by other military members and spouses...
2. This pissed/pisses me off for many reasons. My wife of 32 years, spent her life in the Army, with me, moved many times, worked as a teacher many places, and had to deal with countless job hunts, and re-certifications... etc... Not by choice, but for me and for us. She managed a job(s), kids, grad school, me, and served more than once a volunteer FSG or FRG member and leader, long before FRGs were required or needed. My kids were also born in the Army... and grew up and moved away in the Army. While they are not veterans, I believe they served in many ways.
I also believe in many respects their part of the deal was harder, as it all revolved around me and I had the easy side. I always will believe my part of the Army, and the deployments while hard, very hard at times, the families at home had it harder... This is why. When you deploy, you are with your friends and comrades, and you are busy... so time goes faster... I could not (cannot) imagine, how time drags at home... waiting, or watching the news... hearing nothing (yes I was deployed before the internet, when a monthly call, or random letter was all we had, if we lucky)... And, the worst part the fear of someone showing up at the front door... uniform...
That said, the service members and leadership have to figure out how to stop this insanity in my view. I salute all military and military family members. I also hate stereotypes.
http://www.militarytimes.com/story/military/2015/06/22/dependapotamus-bashing-spouses-strike-back/27522075/
1. I dealt with this directly, and daily, in my 37 months as Garrison Commander of a Large Garrison. As a GC, my main mission, aside from running the installation, was the well-being of Soldiers (Airmen, Sailors, and Marines) and Family Members. As GC, I ran my own Face Book site, which I primarily designed to allow military family members (we don't use the word dependent anymore) easy access to someone (me) who could help, if they needed help. It was great, but it was also a double edge sword. I had to quickly learn to sift through the complaining and get to issues that really needed my action because the chain of command or other options had failed. In that time, I only ever deleted one comment thread, because I think the poster was off the rails. Nevertheless, that is when I first heard the word "dependapotamus" and when I found their were countless sites dedicated to bashing military spouses... and that many were operated by other military members and spouses...
2. This pissed/pisses me off for many reasons. My wife of 32 years, spent her life in the Army, with me, moved many times, worked as a teacher many places, and had to deal with countless job hunts, and re-certifications... etc... Not by choice, but for me and for us. She managed a job(s), kids, grad school, me, and served more than once a volunteer FSG or FRG member and leader, long before FRGs were required or needed. My kids were also born in the Army... and grew up and moved away in the Army. While they are not veterans, I believe they served in many ways.
I also believe in many respects their part of the deal was harder, as it all revolved around me and I had the easy side. I always will believe my part of the Army, and the deployments while hard, very hard at times, the families at home had it harder... This is why. When you deploy, you are with your friends and comrades, and you are busy... so time goes faster... I could not (cannot) imagine, how time drags at home... waiting, or watching the news... hearing nothing (yes I was deployed before the internet, when a monthly call, or random letter was all we had, if we lucky)... And, the worst part the fear of someone showing up at the front door... uniform...
That said, the service members and leadership have to figure out how to stop this insanity in my view. I salute all military and military family members. I also hate stereotypes.
http://www.militarytimes.com/story/military/2015/06/22/dependapotamus-bashing-spouses-strike-back/27522075/
Military Family
Dependents
Family
Edited 9 y ago
Posted 9 y ago
Responses: 33
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Interesting that you mention how easy it was for you, me and my Army Ranger Buddy were just having this same conversation just last week. His wife of 30 something years went to I believe Nigeria with a church group for one week. My Army Friend said to me, "This is Karma, all the times I deployed and left my wife and kids, I never realized how hard it was for her/them." My Ranger Buddy was so worried for his wifes safety, worried about her travel plans and location, and many other small things that add to the totality of circumstances of genuine love and concern for ones spouse. She made it home safe a few days ago. But my poor Ranger Buddy, he must have grown gray hair and lost a bit of hair. Point being, military spouses and children sacrifice a lot more than what lyes on the surface. The impact on their lives as a result of the service-persons service is immeasurable. Military Families sacrifice for our Soldiers and Country on a daily basis.
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SFC Patrick Hopkins
Could not agree more with this. My wife and children all suffered when I was deployed as a soldier and numerous times as a contractor. I took what my wife did for granted but I do have the utmost respect for her. She held our family together. Without her, I would not have been the soldier I was or the person I am today!
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Lacking the title of "Dependapotamus," I know there was more of an issue with family members, particularly wives, before OIF/OEF.
Maybe I saw a different world, because I was an MP, but on a daily basis I'd end up interacting with multiple military wives who threw out the line, "Don't you know who my husband is?" These were normally heard from the wives of recently promoted SGT's and wives of LT's. However, pre OIF/OEF, there was a lot of military wives and some children who fell under this because they felt a blanket of superiority. Even off duty, I'd walk through the Food Court of the PX, or the PX itself, and get cut off by a family member who felt entitled to do whatever they wanted. I tried to talk to one and she was very clear to tell me "UCMJ didn't effect her, what were the pussy MP's going to do?"
Even Service Members were calling FRG Meetings "The Doritos Club," because they'd take the first few minutes for the FRG Leader to talk about things the Unit wanted them to talk about. Then they'd get disorganized and talk about "The New Soldiers in the Unit" and single out the new wives who hadn't fit into a particular group of wives in the FRG.
I am, in no part, saying the title isn't offensive to some of them. I know, if this title existed openly then, some wives would have worn the title with pride.
"The Military Machine" is always changing. Society is always changing as well. I'm sure some of this issue is younger generations don't have as "thick of skin" and get offended by almost everything.
This is something which needs to be worked out, but it's going to take time and patients from everyone. It's not going to happen right away, because the military doesn't react to many changes that fast. As an easy example, the OCP's are out, but the ACU's don't have a wear out date until 2018. And honestly, how many Service Members will pay attention to another Power Point presentation before final formation?
Maybe I saw a different world, because I was an MP, but on a daily basis I'd end up interacting with multiple military wives who threw out the line, "Don't you know who my husband is?" These were normally heard from the wives of recently promoted SGT's and wives of LT's. However, pre OIF/OEF, there was a lot of military wives and some children who fell under this because they felt a blanket of superiority. Even off duty, I'd walk through the Food Court of the PX, or the PX itself, and get cut off by a family member who felt entitled to do whatever they wanted. I tried to talk to one and she was very clear to tell me "UCMJ didn't effect her, what were the pussy MP's going to do?"
Even Service Members were calling FRG Meetings "The Doritos Club," because they'd take the first few minutes for the FRG Leader to talk about things the Unit wanted them to talk about. Then they'd get disorganized and talk about "The New Soldiers in the Unit" and single out the new wives who hadn't fit into a particular group of wives in the FRG.
I am, in no part, saying the title isn't offensive to some of them. I know, if this title existed openly then, some wives would have worn the title with pride.
"The Military Machine" is always changing. Society is always changing as well. I'm sure some of this issue is younger generations don't have as "thick of skin" and get offended by almost everything.
This is something which needs to be worked out, but it's going to take time and patients from everyone. It's not going to happen right away, because the military doesn't react to many changes that fast. As an easy example, the OCP's are out, but the ACU's don't have a wear out date until 2018. And honestly, how many Service Members will pay attention to another Power Point presentation before final formation?
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SPC Rob Lewis
I was also a MP while in the Army and I had more issues with dependents than the service members they were related to.
One of the last one’s I dealt with was at Ft. Gordon; the wife of a LT. was causing a scene at the PX. She was demanding to use the private bathroom for employees because the public bathroom was beneath her.
End result: embarrassed Lt., wife getting escorted out of PX by MP’s. OD and shift sergeant also standing by.
True dependapotamus.
One of the last one’s I dealt with was at Ft. Gordon; the wife of a LT. was causing a scene at the PX. She was demanding to use the private bathroom for employees because the public bathroom was beneath her.
End result: embarrassed Lt., wife getting escorted out of PX by MP’s. OD and shift sergeant also standing by.
True dependapotamus.
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CPT (Join to see)
As the upper ranks speak of this subject, they tend to be more sympathetic. I joined the army late in life and left my career to enlist during 2 war campaigns so i apologize in advance if my viewpoints are quite different. I don't nor will i ever understand the stereotypical military wife. We are in a modern era where as women we can establish ourselves in our own right. I am seeing a shift in gender roles where the female is enlisted and the males are homemakers. Will we see the same behavior from them or will they take a different stance?? I believe if a person establishes themselves in their own right, you would not see this behavior. As long as someone marries, to ride on the coattails of someone else's achievements then this behavior will continue. They have nothing else to show status. Dual military folks exist in the enlisted, warrant and officer world, so if these folks can make a family function, i'm not going to glorify the homemaker as anything special. I'm more in awe and respectful of the dual military couple that manage their service to their country and their family. They should be held in a higher standing with respects than the homemaker. They are sacrificing much more than anyone else. I was a company commander and my dual military couples caused the least amount of drama during my command. My respects to them!!
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COL Charles Williams After reading the article I'm appalled that such pages even exist. Our family members pay a very important role in the military and to put gossip and junk on a website to hurt individuals is just down right horse manure! Those sites should be taken down. If family members are mentioned on one of these sites, then they need to block the site or try to avoid it at all costs. For a Colonel to post something on a site like that is pitiful! This is just another way for somebody that doesn't have the guts or fortitude to face individuals (face-to-face) to say things behind their backs - its childish and disgraceful to our service members and their families. Yes, I would say that to the people posting this (face-to-face).
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COL Charles Williams
You would be amazed and appalled, if you did some searching on facebook and other places COL Mikel J. Burroughs
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