How can I help with motivating my spouse after he was denied Airborne School due to a health issue?

SPC Mandy Crawford — Tue, 08 Dec 2020 17:12:23 -0500

After reading the book “Can’t Hurt Me” by David Goggins’s was motivated to get back to the Army and try Special Force. Back he went and he was 11B. He even got an contact for Air Born but when he went to medical, all was over because they found something minor in his heart. So the Army decided to reclass him to 25S. He worked hard and got distinguished honor graduate hoping to get into 1 chuck, but he didn’t. I know know...I feel like his spirit is crushed and when I asked him,”Why don’t you just keep trying.” He would just respond,”What’s the point, I can’t do any of the cool stuff.”

Here is my question: What can I do as a wife? How do I motivate him again? We suppose to head out to Bliss sometime soon, anything out there he can try? Told him to go officer and see how that goes. Running out of ideas.

Response by SGT Mark Rhodes made Dec 8 at 2020 5:23 PM

SGT Mark Rhodes — Tue, 08 Dec 2020 17:23:46 -0500

Why not Drill Sergeant school

Response by CW2 Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 8 at 2020 5:34 PM

CW2 Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 08 Dec 2020 17:34:17 -0500

There's lots of other "cool stuff" besides Special Forces. I'm also heading to Bliss soon. There's a Special Operations Recruiting Battalion station there that can offer SF, Civil Affairs, and Psychological Operations which are also "cool stuff"...granted they also require Airborne. However there are things like the Old Guard, Army Attache, Enlisted Aide, Warrant Officer that are all "cool" that a lot of people don't know about.
When I get to Bliss in June I'll gladly talk with you both if you want about everything I've seen and discovered through my time in the Army (and no, I won't be a Recruiter anymore...thank Science!)

feel free to message me if you or your husband want to! I'm an honest and open book!

Response by Cpl James R. " Jim" Gossett Jr made Dec 8 at 2020 5:50 PM

Cpl James R. " Jim" Gossett Jr — Tue, 08 Dec 2020 17:50:06 -0500

Just let jim know it's not his fault, just life!

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Dec 8 at 2020 6:04 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Tue, 08 Dec 2020 18:04:15 -0500

You may not like my post. As we get older we find out that we don't have full control over our future. Sometimes we need to accept reality and go onto another path. It sounds like he needs to accept what happened and then focus on what he does have control over.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 8 at 2020 7:08 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 08 Dec 2020 19:08:39 -0500

Most importantly, he now knows about his heart where he otherwise wouldn't anywhere else.

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 8 at 2020 7:24 PM

Sgt Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 08 Dec 2020 19:24:10 -0500

SPC Mandy Crawford Being there to support your husband is about all you can do. There is plenty of cool stuff out there in the military and civilian world, but with that comes many hard hours that are not cool. Each of us has to be able to be self motivated to get up each day and have the best day that we can.

Response by CAPT Kevin B. made Dec 8 at 2020 7:44 PM

CAPT Kevin B. — Tue, 08 Dec 2020 19:44:21 -0500

Cool stuff is just that; cool. However, real cool stuff is succeeding at work that moves your life, country, company, marriage, or whatever along. I was staff corps. Cool stuff is reaching out and doing things that turn out to be cool. Our first focused operation post 911 (NOV 11) wasn't anywhere near the sandbox. There was an initiative to clear the board of hot spots the insurgents wanted to take advantage of. Did I do that? No. We figured out how to get the SOF and host MIL in there to do their job, camp them, supply them, and bring them out safe. Pretty cool. Pretty cool when you do things like Haiti Earthquake response. Or Fukushima. Or making 3 deployments to Antarctica. Captured the first penguins for Seaworld. Cool. What I'm saying is "cool" is what you create by becoming well qualified to make a difference and then doing it. It is absolutely NOT external to you. It's not who you hang with. Rock bands have groupies that follow them around. They think it's cool. Really? In extreme cases of being a groupie, that's an abnormal mental condition. Amazing how most grow out of it and discover living a real life is cool. Doing cool stuff is a personal decision with an unlimited variety of opportunities out there. Experiment by moving forward every day. Amazing what Stephen Hawking did while plastered in a wheelchair and unable to move. He just wasn't going to let his condition stop him. Making excuses not to strive forward is not cool.

Response by SFC Christopher Perry made Dec 8 at 2020 8:50 PM

SFC Christopher Perry — Tue, 08 Dec 2020 20:50:08 -0500

I totally get the “cool stuff” portion of this. However, I found that over time that the definition of cool stuff changed for me. There are always cool schools and such to go to. The reality is that a positive attitude will clear the path for these quite easy. Schools/qualifications are great motivators in themselves. Interestingly, they also have a tendency to look pretty darn good as one’s career progresses.

That being said, this is fluff. The really cool stuff Is leading soldiers. Passing on your experience and impacting the young soldiers feeds your soul.

Response by SGM Jeff Bullard made Dec 8 at 2020 9:51 PM

SGM Jeff Bullard — Tue, 08 Dec 2020 21:51:06 -0500

All you can do is try to be positive and support him as much as possible. There is excellence in every MOS in the Army. If something health wise is stopping him from one goal, look around and set another goal of excellence that is achievable.

Response by LTC Jason Mackay made Dec 8 at 2020 9:52 PM

LTC Jason Mackay — Tue, 08 Dec 2020 21:52:44 -0500

Here is a post asking similar questions.

It is a hard pill to swallow but there is life after your plan A vanishes. My whole career was a series of plan "B"s accessions forward.

There are other interesting and satisfying things to do in the Army other than Special Operations. His current MOS sets him up for WHCA which is pretty much the top communicators in the Army. Think about it.

Note my comment on high speed units. Cool guy stuff is cool, I get it, but being a squared away and proficient soldier and NCO is what is getting done across the Army everyday. That has a cool factor all its own.

https://www.rallypoint.com/answers/other-than-special-forces-and-rangers-what-are-some-other-high-speed-and-high-specialty-jobs-in-the-army

Other than Special Forces and Rangers, what are some other “high speed” and high specialty jobs...

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Dec 9 at 2020 5:28 AM

MSG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 09 Dec 2020 05:28:58 -0500

"Cool stuff" is really a state of mind. I am one of the most POG REMF folks you can come across as a Preventive Medicine guy, but I feel that we can do some pretty cool stuff. Getting to go to cool places. Not everyone is destined to do the super cool cool stuff. Either way, his career is going to be what he makes of it. Perhaps he needs some bluntness from the spouse. Could always try "Cowboy Up" or "Pull your head out of your six and do what needs doing."

Response by MAJ Javier Rivera made Dec 9 at 2020 10:33 AM

MAJ Javier Rivera — Wed, 09 Dec 2020 10:33:31 -0500

OK, I’m trying to get myself on the know here. His perception of “cool stuff” in the military is all about being a sneak eater, jumping out of a Falcon X Rocket, landing in submarines in the middle of the Sahara Desert in order to support G4 Ultra secret missions? There’s more your husband can do in support to this great nation in his current MOS. As he gains experience there is an arrange of opportunities he can move on at the strategic, national levels; like one of the other post mentioned… even the White House. He has options as he learns and becomes a master of his trade!

In today’s environment everything is about communications, from the smallest unit on the ground to all the way to the most complex military campaign. And that my dear SPC Mandy Crawford, is what “cool stuff” is all about!

Response by SPC Christopher Perrien made Dec 9 at 2020 12:24 PM

SPC Christopher Perrien — Wed, 09 Dec 2020 12:24:01 -0500

BFD , didn't make special forces. No matter his MOS , I suggest he works in it. You do have a good idea as to OCS, as an officer he could possibly laterally transfer into SF(or about anything). But the thing is most of the military ain't SF, tell him to get used to it. He can try tankin, 19K, if he wants to do some "cool stuff"LOL . You don't get to choose much in the military/Army. Just do the job they put you in , and be good at it and see how things work out.

Beesides, the SF can't roll without satellite communications. That is some "cool stuff" , and is worth alot more down the road in future post military service, than being Rambo. He is young , needs to talk to some older dudes.

Response by Sgt Michael Johnson made Feb 20 at 2021 11:50 AM

Sgt Michael Johnson — Sat, 20 Feb 2021 11:50:24 -0500

I’d say his words back to him, “You’ll never get the job you want. Why even try?” Maybe reverse psychology will work.