How can I overcome being nervous and scared about failing and not achieving my potential in the Military?

SPC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 06 Jul 2020 10:29:46 -0400

I'm 28 years old and just enlisted in the National Guard. I've been feeling great since the moment I took my oath and feel a great sense of pride. I want to serve our country and that's the main reason I enlisted. I make good money as a leasing agent, but I want to serve and also challenge myself. I want to gain more experience and provide a better life for my son. These past couple days though I've had some negative thoughts that relate to my age and fear of not accomplishing my goals.

When I was in high school I took JROTC for 3 years. I considered joining active-duty Army at one point, but life took me somewhere else. I became a dad at 19 and had a long term relationship through a good bit of my late teens and 20's. This year I thought to myself, "If I'm going to serve, it has to be now." I'm 28 so it's a now or never type of thing for me. And I desperately want to serve this great nation. I know I'm not super old, and my age isn't stopping me from serving. But I can't help but feel a bit bummed out thinking I could have joined at a younger age. A part of me though feels good knowing that I can share this excitement with my 8 year old.

Another thought that has come to me is the fear of not achieving and becoming all that I can be. When I started my first job I was super energetic and interested in learning everything. I would constantly ask my supervisors if I could learn x and y positions and they'd put me there and I grew a lot. Over the years, however, I've lost that bravery to ask for a promotion or to learn something new. I don't know why I've put myself in this shell. I want to break out and reach for more, I just get nervous and shy. I've been leasing apartments for the past 7 years when I feel like I could have been asking for a promotion. I'm just scared that I'll carry this mentality into the military and that's not what I want.

How can I break away from this and actually become how I used to be and even better? I want to serve the United States to the best of my ability and want to reach for the stars. I want to get promoted. I want to advance and I don't want to get lost in the shuffle. Sometimes I remember that God called me for great things and that comforts me, but I can't help but get nervous and scared of failing. How can I overcome this fear of failing?

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 6 at 2020 10:56 AM

SFC Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 06 Jul 2020 10:56:57 -0400

If it doesn’t challenge you or have fear of anticipation of the unknown, it’s not for you. Everything you’re speaking on is natural. Life is about choices, you live, you learn, you exceed. Even if you don’t get something the first time, you pick yourself up, learn from the experience, improve the challenges and do it again....the only way to fail is to do nothing. Entering the military at an older age is actually a plus for you because you’re already mature which is going to make is easier for you to discipline yourself.

So I challenge you to embrace your fear, it’ll help motivate you to be the best you can be!! Good luck to you, I’m positive you’ll do great!!!

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 6 at 2020 11:36 AM

Sgt Private RallyPoint Member — Mon, 06 Jul 2020 11:36:07 -0400

SPC Private RallyPoint Member Being afraid of the unknown is natural, but to grow you must take on new challenges and adventures. If something does not turn out exactly how you want, tackle it from a different angle. We all make mistakes but learn from your mistakes and do not make the same mistake twice. When you have those negative thoughts, banish them with positive thoughts of accomplishing your goals. Good luck and keep us posted.

Response by LCDR Joshua Gillespie made Jul 6 at 2020 12:21 PM

LCDR Joshua Gillespie — Mon, 06 Jul 2020 12:21:42 -0400

Brother, we've all been there (well... most of us anyway).

Think of it like this; the Military (including the Guard) is a HUGE organization. Things begin with recruiting; they're not specifically trying to make dreams come true... they're trying to fill quotas and meet manning requirements. That means a guy off the street might have everything inside of him to be the next Audie Murphy, or Pat MacNamara... but if they need 88Ms, that may very well be the direction he's headed. So right from the start... some things come down to fate.

However, even getting in the door isn't enough. PLENTY of folks make it into their "top choice", only to fail to make it all the way to their goals. When you consider the attrition rates of most of our "desired" MOSs, designators, etc... that's not surprising. The old adage, "look to your right... now look to your left; two of these people won't be here at the end" rings true.

Also, consider that every "cog" in the machine does matter. The trick isn't wondering "what if", but doing "what is" as best as you possibly can. I've known people who retired as Blue Angel pilots and Navy SEALs... but also as mechanics and radio repairers. Guess what; I know a great many more folks who did the "Five and Dive", or got RIFTed at the ten-year mark.

Finally, bear this in mind... it doesn't end when you get out. Veterans are often looked to for leadership, knowledge, and mentorship. When I came home, I found ways to continue to serve: the American Legion, civic government, the Boy Scouts, etc., etc.

Only YOU know what you want to get out of continuing to serve. Is it in your heart to be a hard-charging Ranger qualified door-kicker? Well, then you know the path to that, how long the "odds" are, and that you'll have to "jump on the train" at just the right moment-with no small amount of luck on your side. I recently read about some Chaplain in his 40s who earned his "tab"... it all comes down to desire and commitment. On the other hand, you can indeed give all you have as a 91B...if you start each day with that as your goal.

Best wishes, and Good Luck!

Response by CPT Lawrence Cable made Jul 6 at 2020 12:39 PM

CPT Lawrence Cable — Mon, 06 Jul 2020 12:39:39 -0400

First of all, relax a bit. I was 27 when I enlisted and not in real good physical condition. I was laid off and decided to use the time to do something that most of my family had done, serve in the Military, and I wanted a physical challenge, so I chose Infantry. It was a physical challenge at first, but I found that I liked the physical and mental challenge. So some advice to get started. At Basic, the Drills will be very load and directive, mainly because most of the people you are there with have no experience outside of home and can barely find their ass with both hands. The Drills typically pick the older guys and any prior service guys as the initial student chain in command. It can be a pain in the butt, but it's good experience. Get in physical condition before you ship it possible, passing the first PT test will make your life a lot easier. You won't believe it at first, but your drill instructors job is to get you through basic and teach you to be a soldier. Pay attention to what they say to do. A lot of the things that are the biggest pain in the ass are things that get you out of that civilian mode. Give it 100 percent and you will be fine.
When you get back to the unit, hit your readiness NCO up for all the schools you need to maintain your MOS and make you eligible for promotion. You need to look after your own career, nobody will do if for you.

Response by LTC Jason Mackay made Jul 6 at 2020 12:58 PM

LTC Jason Mackay — Mon, 06 Jul 2020 12:58:09 -0400

Your first couple promotions are largely based on TIme in Service, and Time in Grade (TIS/TIG). You'll have plenty of time and opportunity to prove yourself. Promtotion to SGT E5 is going to be based on you, your performance, and your potential for future service. You are joining the Guard, so unless you compete to serve as an Active Guad Reserve (AGR) you are going to have to make your civilian career happen.

Just curious, why did you not pursue an AD enlistment?

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jul 6 at 2020 1:30 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Mon, 06 Jul 2020 13:30:20 -0400

Work hard. Have a good attitude. Constantly strive to be better and learn new things.

Response by Maj John Bell made Jul 6 at 2020 1:49 PM

Maj John Bell — Mon, 06 Jul 2020 13:49:52 -0400

You are over-thinking this. Some opportunities are mutually exclusive. Ask yourself...
_"On my death bed, what will I value? Family?, Friends?, Wealth?, Fame?, Public Acclaim?"
_"on my death bed, what will I regret more; what I tried and failed, or what I never tried?"

_If you gave it all and fall short, there is a hungry contentment.
_If you half-step and fail for lack of effort, the regret never ends.
_If you never try... that is living death.

Failure is not final until you quit.

Response by Robert Harris made Jul 6 at 2020 3:16 PM

Robert Harris — Mon, 06 Jul 2020 15:16:30 -0400

Strive to become the best that you're capable of being; Fear can also be construed as never forgetting about where you started from & being merciful enough to consider your objective without sacrificing your soldiers to obtain your goals.

Response by Sgt Jose Najera made Jul 7 at 2020 12:28 AM

Sgt Jose Najera — Tue, 07 Jul 2020 00:28:48 -0400

I joined The Marines at 27, just work hard and learn your MOS, Stay fit and you will be alright.

Response by SGT Michael Boston made Jul 7 at 2020 12:48 AM

SGT Michael Boston — Tue, 07 Jul 2020 00:48:54 -0400

Everybody has that since of excitement and pride when they enlist. As time grows closer that little fear and doubt sets in. But once training starts you'll fall in the groove. As long as you put a 100% you'll be fine. It don't matter how long you serve you will have many triumphs , some short coming and yes some degree of failures. Anybody that served be 4 yrs or 30 you will have them. Its the failures and how you respond will determine how successful your time was when you hangup the dig tags for the last time.

Response by CSM Jim Corrin made Jul 8 at 2020 5:00 PM

CSM Jim Corrin — Wed, 08 Jul 2020 17:00:33 -0400

We learn more from our mistakes than we do from our successes. Look forward but concentrate primarily at the task at hand. Your chain of command will be concerned about tomorrow. You must concentrate on the NOW and execute like it is the only task you have to accomplish. Whether it is BRM<PT, or a facing movement.

Response by 1LT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 8 at 2020 6:58 PM

1LT Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 08 Jul 2020 18:58:42 -0400

Congratulations! As a junior Soldier, your commander can actually choose to promote you early to the next grade by waiver depending on availability and your performance. There will be plenty of room for growth and development.

As for the mentality piece, I think the best way to grow is to stay outside your comfort zone as much as possible. I deal with this a lot as well. As a junior officer, I am always outside of my comfort zone trying to learn as much as I can. At the end of the day, I will either feel much better about what I now know how to do, or I will know where I need to study harder. With this, however, failing is a part of the process and will happen. I always let my failures to remain as scars, but I never allow them to dictate my future. My philosophy behind that is to learn from mistakes rather than dwell on what could have been.

I wish you the best of luck moving forward!

Response by SGT Charles F Edney Sr made Jul 9 at 2020 5:08 AM

SGT Charles F Edney Sr — Thu, 09 Jul 2020 05:08:26 -0400

Are you full time guard or part time? If you are part time rank will be slow .pick a mos that you like if you are full time rank will come faster. The guard is a good place to be a lot of good fellowship and friends for life dont worry have a good time. RET SGT EDNEY ARMY NATIONAL GUARD/ARMY

Response by SPC Kenneth James made Aug 1 at 2020 6:07 PM

SPC Kenneth James — Sat, 01 Aug 2020 18:07:28 -0400

I think I realized I was a good soldier was one time as a spec 4 I was in formation after a night in the club I was hungover and top wanted volunteers and I broke ranks thinking I was going to stay back from pt and buff the barracks well surprise top told me to go to Division Headquarters I was ushered into the Division Commanders office imagine when I saw the two stars I snapped to attention and went through my spill spec4 James C/Battery 3/319th field artillery sir reporting for duty he stood up from his desk with a pt uniform on I almost crapped on myself when he told me to grab the Division Guideon so 5 miles later carrying that wonderful wand of post flag and streamers from every unit of ft campbell ky was well worth it I walked so much taller than I ever had

Response by SPC Kenneth James made Aug 1 at 2020 6:11 PM

SPC Kenneth James — Sat, 01 Aug 2020 18:11:32 -0400

And when I earned my Air Assault wings because I was terrified of heights but then all of a sudden they could not keep me out of the black hawk from repelling helped my fear of heights go straight to hades