How did you prioritize career, SMs and family? Did it work?

COL Lee Flemming — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 02:41:45 -0400

The choices we make often affect others...how have you managed to prioritize your career versus the other essential aspects of life?

Response by TSgt Joe C. made Sep 9 at 2016 3:09 AM

TSgt Joe C. — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 03:09:16 -0400

I've done it through spending time with my family; vacations home also do a lot of good COL Lee Flemming.

Response by SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth made Sep 9 at 2016 7:05 AM

SGT David A. 'Cowboy' Groth — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 07:05:33 -0400

Family first, job next, military career, but put God at the center of it all.

Response by Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS made Sep 9 at 2016 7:19 AM

Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 07:19:00 -0400

The career is a means to an end. It is what allows us to support our family. That is not to say it isn't an enjoyable pursuit in and of itself, but it is "support" and family is "operations." Like the military, Support also has their brand of Operations (their own mission), which can at times run counter (or seem to run counter) to main mission. We must then work to deconflict those two things. As a parallel, getting everyone's SRB or Medical Records ready for deployment can seem like a "distraction" to mission but is absolutely essential, and is those two sections primary mission, therefore we coordinate to make it happen.

Family is no different. The military is the supporting mission, and will sometimes create conflicts, and we coordinate as best we can.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 9 at 2016 7:28 AM

SSG Private RallyPoint Member — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 07:28:41 -0400

I have ALWAYS put my family first. The reason I have done it like that is because without family you are nothing and if you do put your career ahead of your family you will end up loosing your family

Response by SGT David T. made Sep 9 at 2016 8:11 AM

SGT David T. — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 08:11:45 -0400

I had an old NCO once tell me you can have an exceptional career or family life but not both. The best can you can hope for is something in the middle. When I was in my career was prioritized higher than everything else which in turn led to a crash (metaphorically) after I got out. Now I try and balance the two. I will never go all the way to the top and that is ok. As long as I have enough money to pay my bills and have some fun it doesn't matter if I become a SES (GO equivalent) or not.

Response by Maj Marty Hogan made Sep 9 at 2016 8:41 AM

Maj Marty Hogan — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 08:41:50 -0400

Looking back- at times one or the other stepped forward. I had goals and sometimes you have to sacrifice to obtain those goals. I always strived to balance family first as I was a single parent with sole custody. He came first- but I was putting myself through school and we had to reprioritize at times. I always discussed things with him explaining why, but at 6 or 7 did he really understand? In the end, while it may not have been optimum at the time- things always turned out very well for us. I have been very lucky COL Lee Flemming Very lucky

Response by Cpl Justin Goolsby made Sep 9 at 2016 11:01 AM

Cpl Justin Goolsby — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 11:01:01 -0400

Career comes first and family comes second. As messed up as that sounds, it's my job that allows me to provide for my family and give them food, clothing, shelter, and a comfortable lifestyle. Without a job, I'd be struggling to support children and probably living out of my vehicle.

Yes, if you have an overbearing employer, then it might be time to find a new job. But having a job/career is a must.

Response by Lt Col Jim Coe made Sep 9 at 2016 11:13 AM

Lt Col Jim Coe — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 11:13:36 -0400

For the first few years I was on Active Duty, I prioritized the Air Force before my family. I convinced myself that this set of priorities was making an important sacrifice for the country I loved. After about 4 years, I realized the AF really didn't care, so I reprioritized to God, Family, AF. That worked out and led me to several great assignments and a strong family. I am talking about strategic priorities such as selecting an assignment to pursue. For example, my wife was diagnosed with MS during our fourth year of my first assignment. I could have stayed in the C-130 world by taking an overseas or CONUS assignment to a C-130 squadron (the Wing I was in was being closed). Instead I applied to be a Pilot Training Instructor. This assignment allowed me to be "home for dinner" every night giving me more time with he family. I also attended the Air Force Flight Safety Officers Course, setting me up for a prized MAJCOM Headquarters job later on, and I started my Masters Degree. Day-to-day the AF had to come first sometimes as a condition of continued employment. I did miss some important family events, but not too many. Fortunately my wife understood the difference between the big stuff and small stuff and provided outstanding support. I carried these priorities into the private sector and found putting "the job" after family was still high enough priority to guarantee continued employment, reasonable advancement, and a happy family. Over time, more and more of my peers and supervisors recognized the importance of this same set of priorities--possibly because we all gained life experience and perspective. When I went into Government civilian service, the family-first priority was shared with many of my fellow civilians. The generous sick leave, family leave, and regular leave programs of civil service made it easier for all of us to meet family expectations.

Response by SFC George Smith made Sep 9 at 2016 4:07 PM

SFC George Smith — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 16:07:35 -0400

Not Exactly... Lost my ass 3 times...

Response by SP5 Enrique Rosario made Sep 9 at 2016 11:11 PM

SP5 Enrique Rosario — Fri, 09 Sep 2016 23:11:52 -0400

It is a hard balancing act to pull off. Your family is pulling you for your time. Your job and SM's require your time too. If you neglect one too much you could end up losing out on your family, your career, or the respect of your peers. The type of command you have also makes a big difference. I don't think there's a really solid answer. I think it's dependent on the individual situation.

Response by CSM Darieus ZaGara made Sep 10 at 2016 8:38 AM

CSM Darieus ZaGara — Sat, 10 Sep 2016 08:38:39 -0400

First of all, a Family must be capable of the lifestyle that the Military presents. Only when the Family accepts this lifestyle can a Service Member pursue a career. Once a Service Member knows that he or she has that backing they can begin to learn the balance required for all aspects of life. Make no mistake, the Military must come first! Duty, Honor, Country cannot be achieved otherwise. You can balance Faith, Family and pursue education to support the after life but realize all of this must be weighed around the fact that Service Members are available 24/7!

Thank you for your service!!!

Response by SFC Joseph Weber made Sep 11 at 2016 10:42 AM

SFC Joseph Weber — Sun, 11 Sep 2016 10:42:25 -0400

Unfortunately I often put the Army ahead of my family. I got through it and am still married after 33 years and all my kids are grown and seem to like me, but..... there was a lot I missed i probably could have seen if I was not so wrapped up in everything Army. I once told my wife without thinking about it that I wished I could sleep in my shop so I wouldn't have to waste time traveling back and forth and the rest. She just looked at me and said "uh-huh" I then listened to what I had just said. Not the brightest thing to say to a woman who was already raising three kids basically be herself.

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 29 at 2025 8:13 PM

Sgt Private RallyPoint Member — Sat, 29 Mar 2025 20:13:10 -0400

COL Lee Flemming I served four hard years and then I got out, started school and worked at a chemical plant. When I obtained my degree, I worked for the Space Shuttle Program for 33 years until the Shuttle Program came to an end. I loved my work but most of those years were intense with long hours. My entire working life was long hours so I probably would have been unable to change. When the program ended, I was out of sorts for two years, so maybe I did prioritize my career over everything else.