How do I deal with a narcissist at work?

2016-04-15T03:58:31-04:00

"Narcissistic personality disorder is found more commonly in men. The cause is unknown but likely involves a combination of genetic and environmental factors.
Symptoms include an excessive need for admiration, disregard for others' feelings, an inability to handle any criticism, and a sense of entitlement." ~Mayo Clinic

Response by CW4 Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 15 at 2016 4:35 AM

2016-04-15T04:35:58-04:00

You know why they call those cell phone pictures "Selfies"? Because those who take them can't spell "Narcissistie".

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 15 at 2016 7:45 AM

2016-04-15T07:45:55-04:00

Wow....looks like you have your hands full with the guy. You mentioned you've tried coaching, reprimanding and nothing is being done? I would honestly get some more assistance by going up the chain. If the kakhis see that he's not pulling his weight around, get enough complaints about him and after they try taking a stab to get him together, they will go higher as well. There was one person who was removed from my ship and re-assigned for something similar to this.
If it really is causing you to have issues with your workload and how you perform, take it up the CoC. We've all dealt with the likes of this guy and some either get the hint or they are kicked out as if they didn't see it coming.

All the best of luck to you.

Response by Capt Tom Brown made Apr 15 at 2016 8:06 AM

2016-04-15T08:06:13-04:00

PO2 Private RallyPoint Member Sounds like you have spent enough time exercising leadership on this SM and now need to start building a case to get rid of him as per PO1 Private RallyPoint Member Documenting everything he does or doesn't do, use some of your comments herein as a starting point. Consult with the Chief you mention and get him to add to the statements. If other members of the shop are working extra to take up his slack or work not getting done in a timely manner etc, you can add those example to the file. Documenting any counseling can't hurt in this day and age. Best wishes in cleaning this up.

Response by PO2 Aaron Smith made Apr 15 at 2016 8:40 AM

2016-04-15T08:40:52-04:00

Make sure you have all your s*#$ in one sock and start up the chain. Also, when going up the chain, don't let them blow you off. If the first one you go to doesn't want to help get their assistance going up to the next step in the chain.

Response by SrA Edward Vong made Apr 15 at 2016 9:17 AM

2016-04-15T09:17:51-04:00

"He's from NJ too so the accent makes him seem all the more terrible."

Hey, hey! NJ accents aren't all that bad!

Response by SPC(P) Jay Heenan made Apr 15 at 2016 9:37 AM

2016-04-15T09:37:04-04:00

"...He has ADHD or something..."
"...He's creepy too likes to lean close when he talks to you and stick his ass out funny and slightly cross eyed so it weirds you out when looking directly at him..."
"...from NJ too so the accent makes him seem all the more terrible."

So you attacked his mind, his appearance and where he comes from all in one post. Maybe he does have ADHD, maybe he has a lazy eye (which is a medical condition), and he can't help where he was born and raised, so you should just stick to his work performance. This is not how leaders are supposed to act. Set the bar, don't crawl underneath it. Sounds like you have a legit question regarding his work performance, but it is lost when you veer away from topic and start making fun of him. Puts you in a negative light as his leadership.
That all being said, get his next higher leadership involved and make sure you document your case. We can't control who the military sends to us, but we can ensure that person will be given the nations best leaders to assist him/her into conforming into our military services.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 15 at 2016 9:44 AM

2016-04-15T09:44:22-04:00

FC2 - are you his WCS? If you are, counsel him. Counsel him every time he skips the chain of command, every time he fails to do something that is a valid order/tasking. Eventually, you'll have a nice packet, in which you can sit down with your LPO and preferably your LCPO and discuss suitable options for this guy (ie: potential Captain's mast).

When I was a young FC3 - I avoided cranking at all costs....because I wanted to do my job and work on my system. Any FC or for that matter - any operator/maintainer that rather go cranking vs maintain their gear...I have to doubt their loyalty to their actual job and I'd wonder about their actual technical proficiency. Cranking is an easy way for turds to hide out - especially during deployments.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 15 at 2016 11:05 AM

2016-04-15T11:05:30-04:00

I don't know what FC3 means, but he sounds like a stand-up guy. Maybe he needs some engagement from his leadership/chain of command.

Response by Capt Mark Strobl made Apr 15 at 2016 11:07 AM

2016-04-15T11:07:03-04:00

PO2 Private RallyPoint Member - There's a reason you have two chevrons under your crow --and he has one. You need to start documenting his behavior NOW. You may not have any case regarding his personality. But, you sure can record his performance. At the end of the day, we all have to work with "dynamic" personalities. I hate to suggest passing off "leadership challenges." But, he may be best suited in the MWR shop --counting basketballs.

Response by SFC Pete Kain made Apr 15 at 2016 12:06 PM

2016-04-15T12:06:10-04:00

Guess a blanket party is out of the question, sigh. I miss the old days.

Response by PO2 Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 15 at 2016 12:58 PM

2016-04-15T12:58:25-04:00

sorry if its rude but, act like a second class! act like a WCS! like mentioned above. give orders and tasking and follow through. if tasking isn't complete hold liberty. stay yourself to ensure its done and done properly. if its not worth your time then its not a big enough deal. also, don't get petty about him. he may be creepy but you are going to have to deal with creepy. if It crosses into harassment that's a whole different ball game but if youre posting this on a public forum id imagine others around you know how you feel about this FC3 as well. that only weakens your position and authority as a leader. not what you want to do. especially at your first level of actual leadership.

Response by CPT Joseph K Murdock made Apr 15 at 2016 2:24 PM

2016-04-15T14:24:08-04:00

Hahahahaha glad it's you and not me. Send him to mental eval.

Response by PO2 Michael Henry made Apr 15 at 2016 3:26 PM

2016-04-15T15:26:51-04:00

Division-wide intervention. Hell bring in his mentor, department level SCPO and even MCPO for some extra salt in the wounds. If this fails, find a reason to send him to DRB and that will stop any plans of him moving up. WCS doesn't put yourself in a position to make people pay. Just puts yourself in the cross hairs of the division office. He also needs to know the equipment inside and out to be a WCS. OCS requires a Bachelor's degree and excellent reviews from your command. Something he will never get obviously. All else fails recommend to the "office" that he may need to be discharged, they may feel the same. The Fire Controlman rating needs people who are truly serious about the job and the people they work with because FCs actually "fight the ship". T.A.O gives the orders, but we operate the equipment. Just remember to document everything for evidence.

I was an FC2, but the only time I had age as an advantage was missing the command wide under 25 years old Alcohol Awareness training which included the aftermath of a DUI with baby's funeral included. I don't drink anyway.

Response by SN Greg Wright made Apr 15 at 2016 10:33 PM

2016-04-15T22:33:54-04:00

I understand you're frustrated, but I wonder if you realize that you just insulted everyone from New Jersey?

Response by PO1 William "Chip" Nagel made Apr 16 at 2016 8:34 AM

2016-04-16T08:34:35-04:00

Wish you luck. It sounds very challenging. Makes me Glad for the 3rd Classes that worked for me.

Response by CPT Mark Gonzalez made Apr 16 at 2016 9:34 AM

2016-04-16T09:34:32-04:00

I like to be nice to people, but you are in the wrong on this post.
You describe him as a narcissist, but after reading the description I come away more with sense that you are a poor leader. You attack him on a personal level and it is petty. Re read your post and think about how unprofessional the personal attacks make you sound. He may be a narcissist, but what does that have to do with him being cross-eyed or sticking his butt out? You could argue that you are making fun of someone with a disability or some sort of sexual insinuation. It would be relatively easy for him to print this post and file a complaint against you.
We all have subordinates that irritate us. The military is wonderful in that it is standards driven. You document the behavior and what the standard is. You bring them to standard with a plan of action or not and you document some more. Eventually that documentation is all you need, as standards are standards regardless of personal issues or his connections. In the meantime rather focus on how this guy doesn't measure up, you need to look in the mirror and seek mentorship as you are still a developing leader. Dealing with this situation properly will develop you and stay with you a lot longer than the current irritation.

Response by SCPO Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 16 at 2016 1:57 PM

2016-04-16T13:57:50-04:00

When you figure it out, let Washington, D.C., know, so they can work with the POTUS.

Response by PO2 Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 16 at 2016 1:59 PM

2016-04-16T13:59:52-04:00

Assuming you're his LPO, take the time to bring his chief in and maybe even the divo and shit all over his eval point by point and give him a clear understanding of what the problem is. Since the picture you paint has him as somebody who either can't learn or refuses to learn, you're going to have to be blunt to him. If that doesn't work, start building a case for DRB and mast.

Response by SGT Robert George made Apr 18 at 2016 2:57 PM

2016-04-18T14:57:58-04:00

Good luck my mom was one !!!

Response by PO2 Nick Burke made Apr 18 at 2016 6:09 PM

2016-04-18T18:09:53-04:00

I've always ignored them or if they were negatively affecting me I was more than happy to give them enough rope.

Response by PO2 Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 21 at 2016 12:43 PM

2016-04-21T12:43:13-04:00

Quiet, dark hallway and a ball bat will fix the problem. Just have your story straight for afterwards and maybe an alibi of being somewhere else with a witness...lol. Naw, just kidding. But what you can do is openly bring that issue to attention to others in a public setting, tell the story with them right in the room...a lot of times SHAME works wonders.

Response by PO2 David Welch made Apr 26 at 2016 10:59 AM

2016-04-26T10:59:19-04:00

Document the behavior, get the support of your chain of command to provide a recourse for further adverse behavior. Also, try challenging him to become even more knowledgeable. The quickest way to subvert a narcissist is to learn more and out perform them, but offer them the opportunity to compete. You may gain an ally.

Response by PO2 Kevin Hobart made May 1 at 2016 9:58 PM

2016-05-01T21:58:30-04:00

I think it is the next thing to ......Look I know I don't fit in but, you cant ignore me....Just another form of bulling.

Response by PO2 Damien Holliday made May 6 at 2016 1:38 AM

2016-05-06T01:38:39-04:00

It will get worse when you get in the civilian sector!!!!!

Response by PO2 Mike Vignapiano made Jun 1 at 2016 7:38 AM

2016-06-01T07:38:21-04:00

Here's a good article on how to desl with it if it's a supervisor/boss https://www.ivyexec.com/executive-insights/2014/8-ways-to-deal-with-a-narcissistic-boss/

Simple and Effective ways To Deal with A Narcissistic Boss

Working with a narcissistic boss is challenging unless you know how to properly deal with them.

Response by PO2 Charles Ringling made Jul 28 at 2016 10:50 PM

2016-07-28T22:50:57-04:00

My daughter and I talked allot about psychology. I love abnormal psychology, she is working on her PHD now and has her masters in it. The best way to deal with him is to be a follower. If your set on taking him down then make him believe you are on his side, narcissist see enemies or followers, not equals or superiors. They will play the game to get up in rank but feel they are always the superior person. You can use this to create enemies for the narcissist, make sure they are enemies he can not handle like a general's son. And don't do it yourself, use rumors and innuendo not directly communicated to the narcissist. And don't get between him and his enemies, exclude yourself somehow, pretending to be weak or afraid and in need of his protection as his minion works also. The narcissist always must feel superior and this works. And lastly, how do you know he is a narcissist? Most people are not skilled enough to diagnose even minor BPD's.

Response by PO2 Peter Klein made Aug 31 at 2016 10:15 PM

2016-08-31T22:15:49-04:00

Nominate him for president. Oh, never mind, it's already been done.