How do I file for divorce in the military while stationed in Germany?

2016-04-13T10:33:02-04:00

To my military brothers and sisters,

I need some serious advice. I am currently stationed in Germany and am about to begin going through the process for a divorce. We have no children, no property, and no shared debts. She is a civilian and I am active duty. We were married in Maryland, however, I am a Tennessee resident. How do I go about finding out how to do this while stationed in Germany? Obviously I can't just fly to Maryland to start the process.

Any advice would be great. Thanks in advance.

Response by SSG Jeremy Kohlwes made Apr 13 at 2016 10:36 AM

2016-04-13T10:36:37-04:00

Set up an appointment with your JAG office. They can tell you everything you need to know. I believe they can helpnas long as it's mutual and uncontested.

Response by SFC Michael Jackson, MBA made Apr 13 at 2016 10:40 AM

2016-04-13T10:40:48-04:00

Get an attorney in the state your marriage license come from and have he or she file on your behalf.

Response by SGT Edward Wilcox made Apr 13 at 2016 10:45 AM

2016-04-13T10:45:36-04:00

So, I am assuming that she is a US citizen, based on the fact that you were married in Maryland. First things first. Ship her back to the US. Remove her access to all of your bank accounts. Make sure she has no Power of Attorney. JAG cannot help you. Divorce is not what they are there for. Next time you are home on leave, contact an attorney who is willing to help you while you are out of the country. You could even start calling around now, if you don't mind putting in the late nights to catch them in their offices. Call attorneys in both states and go with the state that will be most to your advantage. The thing to remember is, you do not have to get the divorce in the same state that you were married in. IF your HOR is still Tennessee, then that might be the best place to file. Make sure the filing is in the county of your HOR.

That should get you started. Anything else should be directed to an attorney. Best of luck.

OH, and make sure you file before she does.

Response by SFC David McMahon made Apr 13 at 2016 10:49 AM

2016-04-13T10:49:49-04:00

First thing is first and you both need to come to an agreement on who gets what. I will tell you from experience that you can always buy new stuff so if she wants it all, don't argue (trust me, it's not worth it).

If you both are in agreement about separating like adults the process is simple.

You can either divorce in your state, her state or the state you were married in. Do some research and figure out who is the cheapest and easiest.

Once you pick a state then contact a lawyer. A simple google search will lead in you the right direction. You do NOT need to pay for a consultation. If someone wants money to talk, move on. This is a simple divorce where the property has already been agreed upon and you both only need the paperwork. Do what I did, write a bunch in a simple BLUF format (Bottom Line Up Front) like you did here and I'm sure you will find someone easily. A simple POA for your attorney should allow you to conduct this without trouble.

Past that, it's just money.

Now, if she is here-no brainer you need to do an EROD and send her on her way with her property (that you both agreed upon).

If she isn't here, then it's slightly easier.

Then it's just a matter of the courts and the time you have to wait for processing.

Couple of helpful hints. "Getting divorced" and "divorced" is not the same. Perception is reality so if your seen "around town" doing questionable activities with someone else, I would expect you to end up "on the carpet" very soon. Do be "that guy" and either keep yourself "hidden" or just wait.

Also, I assume your currently listing her as a dependent (for taxes). Our tax law states that if your divorced at ANY time during the year, your considered single for the ENTIRE year (so you may owe taxes when it's all said and done). You can try to switch it now but unless your S1 is dialed in (mine wasn't) you may be able to save yourself.

If she's is the states AND your collecting BAH for her, ensure that ANY agreement for that money to be used other than paying her rent is in written form (consenting). For example, if your collecting BAH and you two want to use that money to pay for the divorce, get written consent from her stating so.

Lastly, inform your chain of command. It may sound dumb and trivial, but in the event stuff goes sour and your Commander gets a call, he/she will already be tracking your current course of action.

Sorry to hear about this and I wish you the best. Not to sound mean, but if you two think this is the way to go, then both of you need to place your feelings aside and think logistically through until its completion. When tempers flare it only prolongs the "misery" and can (usually does) get very expensive.

If you have any questions, let me know. Like I said, unfortunately I'm really good at this part.

Response by Capt Tom Brown made Apr 13 at 2016 11:17 AM

2016-04-13T11:17:43-04:00

SGT Private RallyPoint Member Sounds like you have gotten some good advice here on RP. There are more than a few of us who have gone through the same mess. Best wishes in the future.

Response by SSG Leo Bell made Apr 13 at 2016 11:22 AM

2016-04-13T11:22:36-04:00

Talk to your JAG officer, or when you go on leave you can get a divorce in a week. All you have to do is sign the papers. I know I was married in Alaska and was living in Puerto Rico. I got a divorce in Florida because my wife was a resident it took a month with a lawyer we paid. We went to JAG got all the papers signed and notarize and sent it to them and it was done.

Response by SFC David McMahon made Apr 13 at 2016 11:25 AM

2016-04-13T11:25:42-04:00

By the way, I meant logically not logistically. Stupid iPhone.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 13 at 2016 11:56 AM

2016-04-13T11:56:11-04:00

first talk to jag, second is this mutual, are there any contentions, i divorced my wife 2 yrs ago, ny, uncontested, did it on line took 45 days, cost me less than 500 bucks, being over seas i dont know

Response by LTC Thomas Tennant made Apr 13 at 2016 2:15 PM

2016-04-13T14:15:34-04:00

SGT David Callis,

You have gotten a lot of good advice but I would distill it down to this:
. 1. Go to your legal assistance office on base and get competent legal advice from a JAG lawyer.
. 2. If you two are "friendly" and you and your soon to be "ex" want this to be a "no fault" divorce, you can almost do 90% of the paperwork at no cost....depending on how helpful your JAG counselor is. And yes, the stuff she wants is just stuff, so cut your losses and run.
. 3. If there are some complications, every state has a list of attorneys who will do "pro bono" work and help file the paperwork and represent you at the hearing.
. 4. If you have a contested divorce, you might have to wait until you DEROS.

NOW....a small point that no one seems to touch on. BUT ... Until you have a finalized divorced you have to become a monk. Yep, you heard the implications correctly, you are under UCMJ authority and can not afford for anyone to hit you with adultery charges or worse. There are all sorts of mean spirited anal retentive "leaders" out there who would not think twice to take action on even a perception. So attend chapel, live at the gym, study for promotion, take correspondence/on-line courses and/or get a degree. Point being, keep yourself busy and leave the fraulines alone until everything is final. Trust me, you will be glad you did.

Good luck and Stay Strong

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 13 at 2016 3:14 PM

2016-04-13T15:14:31-04:00

Contact your CoC; they know what needs to be done in order for the paperwork to flow. It's tough being abroad with divorce filing/proceedings. The CoC will contact necessary persons (your legal dept, etc.) and get paperwork running.
Hoping that your spouse is in agreement and is willing to cooperate, they will get the info to her (after you sign). If you don't have anything that is shared, the proceedings should go as swiftly as it should.
My nephew is struggling right now with the whole thing (stationed somewhere, spouse is home state where they were married). The spouse isn't cooperating (after he's signed) and there's a chance that the command will be contacting her to get the paperwork signed; that's a big ball of more headache. Hopefully you will not have to deal with this.

Good Luck to you!

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 13 at 2016 3:54 PM

2016-04-13T15:54:34-04:00

What I did was simple. Goto divorcewriter.com I believe is the website. Find the state you want to file your divorce. It will walk you through the process of filling out the forms and how to file. If you and your wife are on the same page, you can have someone from home serve her, she signs and has it notarized. Sent back to you and you sign have it notarized that is half the battle. Now depending on your state, the most you might have to do is take leave and file the paperwork with the court in person. That is how I did mine. But my ex and I still talk and it ended on good terms. So it was a no hassle for me.

Response by LTC Robert Chaucierre made Apr 13 at 2016 5:15 PM

2016-04-13T17:15:58-04:00

SGT Callis, I have endured an excruciating divorce throughout the last 12 months, and my trial is set for 23 May. FYI, not all divorces go to trial. Be very prudent when choosing an attorney. So far, I have hired four lawyers; the previous three led me down a path that were unfavorable to me. Had I listened to them, I would have lost my homestead and been forced to move; I would not have gotten all the banking/investments/assets & liabilities/employment/et al records that I am entitled to have by law (which is 100%), etc. I am age-55, 32 years of military service, recently retired as an O-5, and returned to the USA from Europe a few years ago. I also don't have any children. I could be considered an expert in divorce law by now. Right now, I surmise that you are in the age range of 25-30, you have less than 10 years of military service due to your rank, and your wife is within 5 years of your age. I only mention these items, because time in service and time in marriage matters, but more so when it starts to reach 10 and 20 years of overlapping times. Here's my advice below.

1. This first statement is paramount to remember—All divorce attorneys care about are that they get paid timely and they will divide whatever assets and liabilities between you and your wife. You are young and probably have fewer assets and more liabilities (or debt) together in your marriage. The older one gets, the assets usually grow and the liabilities fluctuate.
2. All judges care about are that the divorce attorneys do their jobs, both parties show no contempt during the divorce, and both parties behave civilly and respectfully. If they don’t, then a judge may be forced to divide everything 50/50 and levy fines if necessary. As a result and depending on circumstances, you or your wife, or both may get short-changed and dispirited.
3. Attorneys are notorious for playing games (or strategizing as they would say) and not answering your questions fully or only responding to them artfully (leaving you to ask more questions or asking the same questions again to get the same answer). I have the impression they employ these tactics to draw you into a series of phone and email exchanges. Remember, all phone calls, emails, and appointments are costing you, except maybe the initial meeting or phone call.
4. Attorneys mainly advise and advocate for you; you and their paralegals do all the tedious work. Attorneys don’t get bogged down with research and other time-consuming tasks. You are paying both the attorney and the paralegal for their time in incremental minutes (phone calls and emails) and hours (appointments), but their service fees should be vastly different and stated in the law firm’s retainer agreement before you sign it. Fees usually depend on years of experience and functions. If you don’t see the breakout of fees, ask!
5. Expensive attorneys are often not any better than cheaper ones. If someone has lots of wealth, more expensive attorneys may be the solution. The greater wealth one has, the harder an attorney works for you. It shouldn’t be this way, but it seems to be true.
6. If you and your wife can work out a divorce on your own, like a software program, it’s much cheaper. In your case without children, it would most likely divide your assets and liabilities, then you would just pay the associated divorce filing and court fees. I do know a few couples (same age group as me), who did this, and the couples merely walked away from the marriage with whatever belonged to them in the beginning. Being overseas and apart from your wife, this reason alone may force you to hire an attorney and represent you. Sometimes, I have heard of married couples, who just wanted to split amicably and take their own possessions, using the same attorney to save money.
7. All states have “no fault” divorce law, meaning it doesn’t matter whether you or your wife are unfaithful with one or many suitors. It doesn’t matter who spent what, how much, and how often. Remember, the attorneys are only looking to separate your assets and liabilities. Another tidbit… the division of all assets and liabilities are negotiable, meaning you might want this versus that and your wife is willing to compromise, and vice versa. States have different laws pertaining to division of assets or payment disbursements relating to inherited property, pensions, alimony, etc. Court and filing fees are set differently in each state too. Do your own research or ask your legal service office at your military installation for some guidance.
8. Try to remove your emotions early and throughout. Avoid going to trial too! To date, I have compiled $50,000 of debt in legal fees; $20,000 of it is my trial retainer alone. This is my portion only.
9. If you and spouse hire separate lawyers, stop all communication with your spouse. Part of a lawyer’s or spouse’s game is to trap you into a corner, whether you think so or not, for their gains. It may be hard in certain circumstances, but you must understand that it is for your advantage.
10. I recommend contacting the attorney who wrote the book, called The Military Divorce Handbook ISBN-13: [login to see] 051. The attorney is Mark E. Sullivan, a retired Army Colonel, and his Administrative Assistant is Barbara Gallis. They work in Raleigh, NC and can be reached at office phone, [login to see] ; or you can look up the law firm at http://www.ncfamilylaw.com. You may contact Ms. Gallis for attorney referrals (who they partner with) in the states of Tennessee, Maryland, or the state of marriage license. This firm might give you other suggestions, but they will have to run a conflict check on you and your spouse first. The conflict check is standard protocol to see if they represented or had other ties to you or your spouse in the past.

In any event, I hope these items of advice help you and others out there. It's my part in giving back. Good luck!

North Carolina Divorce Attorneys, North Carolina Family Law firm, Law Offices of Mark E....

North Carolina Family Law Firm: Law Offices of Mark E. Sullivan, P.A., handling divorce, mililtary divorce, custody, child support, mediation, arbitration, North Carolina family law, domestic law, alimony, visitation, Divorce in North Carolina

Response by SGT J M Porters made Apr 13 at 2016 5:47 PM

2016-04-13T17:47:33-04:00

Sorry to hear you and your wife are not able to work it out. Remember a quick fix to a long turn problem normal does not work out. If I may make a suggestion talk to your Chaplain. And remember it is not about things but you have two lives that have been impacted by the chain of events that have brought you to this point. The first question I would as is - is your wife there with you in Germany or stateside? And remember this your emotion will lie to you also. Are you able to talk to her? The major question? " Is there someone else in either of you all life?" I think the first step is the Chaplain and then work your way from there. You may not believe this but it will have a big impact on your life and future if not done correctly.

Response by SGT Paul Mackay made Apr 13 at 2016 7:43 PM

2016-04-13T19:43:33-04:00

talk to Jag that's what I did back in 1973

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 14 at 2016 1:15 AM

2016-04-14T01:15:08-04:00

Thank you everyone for the advice and input. I guess a further note for clarification, I am currently TDY/Deployed until 30 June. My wife is in Germany and has told me that today she will go to JAG and to my commander. I've talked to my commander but I cannot speak to JAG. Unfortunately for me, she has the upper hand because I am in an area with no JAG available.

I have drafted a letter to have signed by my supervisor to serve as a revocation of power of attorney, so hopefully that will suffice until I can get to a JAG.

Once again I thank all of you for your advice and support.

Response by SPC Heidi Goodnature made Apr 14 at 2016 9:48 AM

2016-04-14T09:48:52-04:00

I had a similar situation when I was deployed. I filled out all of the divorce papers myself when I was in Iraq. I just had to get them notarized. I sent them to my mom who filed them with the courts, they served my ex with the papers. I had a court date when I got back which was uncontested. I was fairly simple.

Response by CPT Arch Nissel made Apr 18 at 2016 8:56 PM

2016-04-18T20:56:51-04:00

Good luck

Response by PO2 Private RallyPoint Member made Apr 21 at 2016 12:55 PM

2016-04-21T12:55:29-04:00

I got my divorce while stationed on board a ship so this might help. Contact a lawyer in the city your spouse is in. Ask them to video chat with you so that there is face to face communication. You might be able to file for divorce based upon separation of more then 1 year, no communication with that spouse, have witnesses willing to testify you have had no contact and try it that way. You might also get advice from the base Legal office.

Response by CPL Tara Kimble made Jun 4 at 2016 12:51 PM

2016-06-04T12:51:11-04:00

Go to the JAG office they should help.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 4 at 2019 2:35 AM

2019-02-04T02:35:52-05:00

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