How do I get my soldiers to respect me?

2017-09-23T02:38:38-04:00

I've been told that there are many ways in which to be a good leader. As a fresh NCO, I would like some advice on how to earn and not force the respect of my soldiers. I've always been a lead from the front kind of guy, but I've been told by my COC that I need to work less and supervise more, which I kind of disagree with. Any advice?

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 23 at 2017 2:52 AM

2017-09-23T02:52:13-04:00

listen to your COC. One of the hardest things a new NCO learns is how to transition from a good, responsible follower to a good, responsible leader. Learn to delegate. I am in a low density MOS and until I was a senior SSG, I was often a 1-man show. I was often taking initiative to set up the tables in the motor pool for chow, sweeping the drill hall, etc. A great mentor and now 1SG pulled me aside and noted that no one feels a need to follow me as a leader because I am confusing leading from the front with doing everything and not allowing others to be led.

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 23 at 2017 2:58 AM

2017-09-23T02:58:07-04:00

SGT Private RallyPoint Member I agree with your COC. As a NCO, your job is to accomplish the mission. You do that by leading your men rather than working along side of them. As a leader, you are tasked with ensuring that your men are trained. Taking care of the soldiers under your charge, will help earn their respect. As a NCO, you are no longer one of the guys. Listen to your COC, and others that have been in your shoes.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 23 at 2017 3:09 AM

2017-09-23T03:09:49-04:00

I know I'm low on the pole here but from the bottom looking up these are my quick thoughts. Be the NCO that your guys know they can go to for instruction without a second guess. I've listened to guys talk and experienced it myself when an NCO is wrong or doesn't know the answer. That's not bad, but how you handle being wrong or not knowing changes perception.

Probably a frustrating thing I'm sure many of us have experienced at least once is doing a task correctly, being told you did it wrong and to change it, then to be told by a SNCO or Officer to do it the way you did it the first time. So I guess that goes into being proficient and good with communicating with your Soldiers, your peers, and your COC.

I don't know if I'm wording it right, but you're not their friend you're their Sergeant. Saying it makes sense to me but what I mean is that you're a mentor now and a leader. You need to delegate and work on improving the guys below you but sometimes I don't think it hurts for them to see you get your hands dirty alongside them.

Response by MSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 23 at 2017 3:31 AM

2017-09-23T03:31:59-04:00

As you stated in your post, respect is earned. It is difficult to get former peers to accept the new order. You must, not only lead from the front but you also need coach, train, and mentor. Set the right example, and be the leader you wish you had. Delegating is the easy part, but motivating your Joes to go the extra mile is the real challenge. Counseling, you better have good counseling skills, and use that initial counseling to share your expectations. Last, be fair and impartial.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 23 at 2017 4:36 AM

2017-09-23T04:36:42-04:00

As cliche as it sounds, there are parts of the NCO Creed that answer directly to this. While I do not see the creed as some magical set of words, that once memorized and uttered at a board, transform a terrible person into a great leader; it does provide a description of an ideal leader the Army would like, which is actually based on logic and human psychology (at least in American ideology). I excerpted a few lines I felt were more related to your situation going down to your Soldiers. Think about these particular lines as it pertains to your past leadership. Did they neglect these areas? Did you respect them because of it? Also check out this video on leadership; Simon Sinek gives a interesting breakdown of how people perceive leadership:

"I will not use my grade or position to attain pleasure, profit, or personal safety."

"My two basic responsibilities will always be uppermost in my mind—accomplishment of my mission and the welfare of my Soldiers."

"I know my Soldiers and I will always place their needs above my own. I will communicate consistently with my Soldiers and never leave them uninformed. I will be fair and impartial when recommending both rewards and punishment."

" I will be loyal to those with whom I serve; seniors, peers, and subordinates alike. I will exercise initiative by taking appropriate action in the absence of orders. I will not compromise my integrity, nor my moral courage."

https://youtu.be/ReRcHdeUG9Y

Simon Sinek: Why Leaders Eat Last

About this presentation In this in-depth talk, ethnographer and leadership expert Simon Sinek reveals the hidden dynamics that inspire leadership and trust. ...

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 23 at 2017 4:36 AM

2017-09-23T04:36:58-04:00

EDITED to remove mobile error.

Response by Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS made Sep 23 at 2017 7:46 AM

2017-09-23T07:46:02-04:00

Every person you has ever worked with has taught you leadership lessons.

Some have been what to do. Some have been what not to do. Remember those lessons and apply them.

Leadership is the ART of influencing people to accomplish a specific mission or goal. It is based on refined practices (SCIENCE). There are things that work and don't work, but there are also things that work which can be applied badly causing them not to work. Look back through your career and take your personal lessons to heart.

As for your COC saying "work less, supervise more" they are in reality telling you "Get out of the Tactical, and start thinking Operationally/Strategically." You have already proven yourself at the Tactical Level, and they will use you there if needed, but they need you to refine the Operational+ skill set. You have to stop thinking at the basic Task level and start delegating (supervising) because your scope of influence is larger and your view of your battlespace is larger. If you have tunnel vision at the Task level, you can't accomplish Operations.

As an example, "Take that hill" (Task) vs "We need that hill so we can provide/deny coverage for our next advancement" (Operational level). The more pieces you know (because you have more information gatherers, and are fed more information from above), the better decisions you can make as a leader. These in turn, feed back down to your guys from the fundamental "Mission Accomplishment, Troop Welfare" standpoint.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 23 at 2017 7:56 AM

2017-09-23T07:56:43-04:00

Hello SGT Senn!
Ultimately, you need to adhere to the guidance given by your CoC. However, I would suggest that you take a look at a few factors to determine how much you are "hands on" vs "hands off", or supervise. They are as follows:
1) What's the current OPTEMPO of your unit?
2) How many Soldiers you oversee? Can these Soldiers accomplish all tasks associated with your/their MOS, your current, current mission?
3) What is the maturity and intelligence level of your Soldiers? Are they disciplined? Do they take initiative? Are they go-getters, or are they "sham shields".
I think that answering these questions could give you better insight as to how you should lead your Soldiers. As far as earning respect, starting off with treating them with respect is always the way to start. Remember, just because you firmly task a Soldier to do something does not make you are disrespecting them. Another good point I would leave you with is to train your Soldiers. If they did not know how to complete a certain task it is your job to teach, coach, and mentor them. Take time out (hip pocket training) and show them how and where they can obtain information on their own to learn more about their craft. If you're not sure where to start with this, talk to you section NCOIC/PSG/1SG.

Response by SGT Leon Riege made Sep 23 at 2017 8:59 AM

2017-09-23T08:59:25-04:00

always lead by example , always tell the truth , if you can't think of something good to say hold your mud as gossip is poison

Response by SGT David T. made Sep 23 at 2017 9:17 AM

2017-09-23T09:17:55-04:00

First and foremost earn their respect. I am not talking having them stand at parade rest. I am talking about trust. They need to know that you will take care of them and have their back. I am not saying coddle them but you need to make sure they trust you. Attempting to force respect will backfire every time. Your Soldiers aren't stupid. If they see you trying to force it, then they are not going to respect you as a leader.

As far as working too much, that is a finer line. It's easier if they are all in one area. If they are in multiple areas you need to bounce between them. Put your hands on things even if it is just for a short time before going to the other group. Don't be the NCO that hides in the office.

Also, allow your E-4s to take charge sometimes. Give them a task and let them see it through to conclusion. Don't tell them how to do it. Let them figure it out. Of course follow up and make sure it's done, but give them the ability to lead.

Lastly, and this is VERY important. Do not ever give the troops any reason to think you are only concerned about your NCOER. If they get that impression, you will never get their respect.

Response by TSgt Johnnie Keller made Sep 23 at 2017 9:29 AM

2017-09-23T09:29:21-04:00

Set the example, do what is right and lead from the front.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 23 at 2017 10:28 AM

2017-09-23T10:28:39-04:00

Start simple...
1. Look at your soldiers like they are family. Love them as such and look out for them. No one will really follow someone who does not care for them. A man will follow his brothers and sisters willingly to the grave.
2. Always strive to learn more.
3. Coach, teach and mentor your soldiers.
4. Lead by example not with your mouth
5. When in doubt refer to rule number one.

Response by COL Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 23 at 2017 11:47 AM

2017-09-23T11:47:44-04:00

Be trustworthy and dependable - if you don't know something ask.

Soldiers/people don't care what you know until they know that you care - about them, doing a professional job, and completing the mission.

This is a great career field work hard, enjoy yourself, and do the best you can to help others be successful.

Response by Sgt Wayne Wood made Sep 23 at 2017 12:07 PM

2017-09-23T12:07:33-04:00

Leaders lead. Sometimes they lead by example & get dirty. Sometimes they lead by teaching, sharing their experience. But at all times they must be like Caesar's wife... beyond reproach.

One thing you must remember is that part of your job is to help groom the next generation of leaders. Don't be afraid to delegate. But also remember, you can delegate authority but not responsibility.

Good luck!

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 23 at 2017 1:17 PM

2017-09-23T13:17:12-04:00

If you look at the leadership you've had rising up the ranks during your career, both the good and the bad, your answer is there. Emulate the good you've seen, and leave out the bad. Focus on improving yourself, both technically and tactically, and pass that knowledge to your subordinates. One of the hardest things to do is passing some of the work on to juniors. As a Lance Corporal, I'd always volunteer for trouble calls (being an IT guy) so that I could escape the monotony of sitting around in the shop when there were no tasks. Even as a Corporal I'd take every task I could and learned more and more. It wasn't until I was in my next unit and when my three-Sergeant section picked up a Corporal and Lance Corporal that I had to let them learn. Sometimes the best thing to do is let them figure things out on their own, and only when they're about to give up do you teach them. Train everyone as a team and employ them in accordance with their capabilities when it really matters.

Above all else, know your subordinates and look out for their welfare. You don't have to try to be buddies with everyone, but know how to separate work and play; go grill out and have some drinks with them while catching a football game, but flip the professionalism switch back on in the workplace or they'll take advantage. One PFC tried with me once by failing to address me as "Sergeant" after a day of cliff diving back in Hawaii with a bunch of other Marines of various ranks, and I was quick to put him back in his place, and then after, explained the importance of knowing when there's a time for having fun and treating each other like normal human beings, and then there's a time for work and being serious.

Basically, you already know how to gain the respect of your subordinates based on everything you've experienced from your past and current leaders, and if you've been working with them long enough you've probably already had their respect before you even picked up the rank. Just don't lose sight of the added responsibilities that come wiyh being an NCO and you'll do just fine. It's definitely a process learning everything but you got this.

Response by SPC Dawn Appelberg (Johnson) made Sep 23 at 2017 3:35 PM

2017-09-23T15:35:18-04:00

Lead by example. You are not their friend. You are not their buddy. You are their leader. Too often I see potentially good leaders fail as they want to be liked by their troops, hence do not keep that barrier between the ranks. Do not be the ass of course, however show up first for formation, always in correct uniform. Ensure you are last to leave. Never give your soldiers the opportunity to say, "SGT Senn did it so can I."

Response by SSgt Gary Andrews made Sep 23 at 2017 9:03 PM

2017-09-23T21:03:18-04:00

3 things: set the example......stand up for them when you can......stand up to them when you have to. If you do the first two well, you may never have to do the third.....but if challenged, you must stand your ground or you will lose all respect.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 24 at 2017 9:24 AM

2017-09-24T09:24:38-04:00

Be your self, be fair and continue to lead from the front. Congrats on your promotion

Response by MSgt Mark Bucher made Sep 24 at 2017 5:29 PM

2017-09-24T17:29:07-04:00

You EARN respect as a person. The rank commands respect, but you'll learn that by earning respect, you'll be a more effective NCO and leader.

Response by SFC William Stephens A. Jr., 3 MSM, JSCM made Sep 25 at 2017 9:55 AM

2017-09-25T09:55:53-04:00

Stop asking for soldierS respect! It will come to you if you earn it!

SAM007

Response by SFC Christopher Taggart made Sep 25 at 2017 3:38 PM

2017-09-25T15:38:53-04:00

“…but I've been told by my COC that I need to work less and supervise more, which I kind of disagree with…” I too, was a hands-on NCO, who did the dirty work right along side those that I supervised. Work less and supervise more? I think that’s where I lost the respect of my peers, as well as Senior NCOs. I was never a “political” NCO and didn’t do very well in “kissing ass.” I do know, once you lose respect with your peers or Senior NCOs, getting things done, IS like pulling teeth! When I ESTd from my last unit in 2010, an end-of-service award or a goodbye get together were never given to me. I just said a few goodbyes to Soldiers I knew, put the rest of my stuff in my truck and drove out the front gate…I’m not ashamed to say…in tears.

Response by SFC Jim Ruether made Sep 25 at 2017 3:52 PM

2017-09-25T15:52:12-04:00

Listen first! My grandson told me we all have two ears and one mouth so listen twice as much as you speak! Don't do the work for your soldiers. Tell them what you expect and then when the task is done you can inspect what they did and make corrections if necessary. You can't expect if you don't inspect! The very best of luck to you young man and thank you for serving our country!

Response by Cpl Justin Goolsby made Sep 25 at 2017 5:40 PM

2017-09-25T17:40:24-04:00

As an NCO, you should be working less and delegating more. But that doesn't mean you can't lead from the front either. I've known plenty of NCOs and SNCOs who will work alongside their junior troops to emphasize that no one is above doing a little work.

My guidance to every single one of my Marines was, "Be the kind of NCO that you wanted when you were a Junior Marine. Emulate the best qualities of your good NCOs and disregard the bad qualities of your bad NCOs."

You asked how to get your soldiers to respect you. Well one of those ways is to be that good leader your troops need. Whether it's making sure they stay in shape, cheering them up if they're homesick, or giving them the benefit of your experience and knowledge. You are the example they have to look forward to, so lead from the front and be the NCO they need and the respect will soon follow.

Response by SPC Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 25 at 2017 9:33 PM

2017-09-25T21:33:34-04:00

Take them to a strip club.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 26 at 2017 2:31 AM

2017-09-26T02:31:21-04:00

Did your soldiers respect you as a leader when you were a SPC (P)? I hope the answer is yes. The only thing that should have changed besides the rank on your chest is that your soldiers now understand that you are not merely trying to uphold a standard. You are the standard.

Working less and supervising more does not mean you stop working entirely. A lot of NCOs I have seen make that mistake. There is nothing wrong with working alongside your soldiers. In fact, if they see you working beside them they tend to be more willing to listen to you as a leader. But as a matter of necessity, you will have to supervise more and trust them to do the bulk of the work you once did because as an NCO you will be burdened with other taskings junior enlisted do not receive.

Also, don't be afraid to council soldiers that give you attitude or are disrespectful. Trust me, I tried to be that nice guy NCO that everyone wants to be, but there is always at least one junior enlisted that will try to take advantage of your 'niceness' because they see it as a weakness to exploit. It happened to me. It happened to other NCOs I have seen. I'm certain it happens to every NCO. Some soldiers will not respect you until you lay down the law.

Anyway, that's my two cents on top of all the tips you have been given so far. Welcome to the NCO corps.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 26 at 2017 3:30 AM

2017-09-26T03:30:07-04:00

Your CoC is correct. A good leader does lead by example but they also must delegate or you will burn yourself out. That is a strong tendency in NCOs and I had the same problem when I wore stripes. Often it is easier to just do it yourself than to train someone to do something and possibly do it over several times. That's your job though. You are the primary trainer of troops. It is your experience and expertise that put you in that leadership position but now you must lead as well as do. Rule 1: Respect your troops. Treat them as proud professionals and even if they aren't most will respond in kind. Respect is ALWAYS a two-way street and people generally behave the way you expect them to. Expect them to be professionals warriors and they will be. I learned what a good leader was as a Private. Think about the leaders you wanted to follow. They were always the people who were looking out for you and genuinely cared about you, your family, and your career. You could always tell who was genuine and who was a phony and so will your troops. I have an extremely simple command philosophy; do the right thing and take care of each other, everything else is BS. As a Light Infantry company commander, I used to tell my PLs that part of their job was to fight for their men with ME. If I was inadvertently screwing their platoon they needed to step up and tell me, which leads me to Rule 2: Take care of your people and they will take care of your mission and YOU. Few people join the service to be a dirt bag. We all want to be proud of our service and our organization. Be the leader YOU want to follow and you will be the leader they want to follow. That means being tough on them when it really counts. When you train them remind them that amateurs train until they get it right but professionals train until they can't get it wrong. Push yourself to be as proficient at your warrior tasks as you can be and then push them to be better than you. You will have people with different gifts and talents and they will also have weaknesses. Emphasize and promote their strengths while working on their weaknesses. Pair up troops that compliment each other in both areas so that they can help each other improve. As a junior NCO you are where the metal hits the meat and it is up to you to ensure that your metal hits enemy meat and not the other way around. One of the best modern examples I can think of is SSG Tim Nein. He was very effective at training his squad and survived and defeated a major coordinated ambush because of it. You can read about him here: https://www.stripes.com/news/heroes-2006-bullets-pinging-all-over-the-place-1.50135#.Wcn_fMZryUk

Good luck and God Bless

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Response by AA Joseph Moody made Sep 26 at 2017 7:01 AM

2017-09-26T07:01:00-04:00

I see quite a few good posts here on what To Do on how to be a good leader, but that is only half of it, so here is a brief list of things Not to do.

1- Be a hypocrite. The moment they see this for the first time it will be seared into their memory and forever more their view of you will be tainted with this doubt.

2- Lie. Just don't do it. Trust like paper is a thing that once it is wrinkled once it will always have that mark on it.

3- Gossip. This is a big one, We all like to talk and there is nothing wrong about that, but unless it is for an official reason the only person you should discuss someone's shortcomings with is them. If you ever want to know what your friends say about you the only thing you have to do is listen to what they say about others. It works the same way in leadership as well.

4- and last but far from least is taking joy and satisfaction in administering discipline. People mess up, that is just a fact of life and how we deal with out mistakes tends to be what defines us as much if not more than our virtues, good people mess up once and grow from that mistake, so don't be the leader who looks for reasons to validate their existence with administrative action because the only thing that does is stagnate growth of your people. A disapproving scowl can work wonders if applied well.

Response by SPC Sheila Lewis made Sep 26 at 2017 8:30 AM

2017-09-26T08:30:10-04:00

Remember that at one time You were an E-1/E-2/E-3/and E-4....and it is a tough climb to the top...(I am still climbing).

Response by PO2 John Zodun made Jun 16 at 2019 8:02 PM

2019-06-16T20:02:01-04:00

I was always told you have to give respect in order to receive it. It works for me