How do I manage Family and Work?

2014-05-18T09:17:58-04:00

This August I will be getting married. I'm currently in Nuclear Field A School. What advice do you have for managing my time at home and in the classroom to assure that as few conflicts as possible emerge.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made May 18 at 2014 9:18 AM

2014-05-18T09:18:45-04:00

Do what your wife tells you to do.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made May 18 at 2014 9:48 AM

2014-05-18T09:48:58-04:00

The bottom line is communication.

Edit: Up-vote for asking advice instead of suffering silently.

Don't be too proud to ask advice or assistance.

Response by CPT Jacob Swartout made May 18 at 2014 9:50 AM

2014-05-18T09:50:25-04:00

Don't bring too much class room work/studies to home and solely focus on that. I used to do a lot of work at home when I was an Executive Officer and I might as well just stayed in the office. Spend as much time as you can with your family. There is nothing wrong with studying for class but you must take time to be with family too. You will always have some conflicts but some can be managed well with changes.

Response by WO1 Private RallyPoint Member made May 18 at 2014 10:27 AM

2014-05-18T10:27:46-04:00

Find (safe/legal) ways to unwind and don't forget about her your significant other.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made May 18 at 2014 11:31 AM

2014-05-18T11:31:40-04:00

Work when it's time to work and spend time with your family when you're free from work. Never take work home unless you really really have to. It will be hard to balance sometimes but you gotta learn to set priorities.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made May 18 at 2014 1:10 PM

2014-05-18T13:10:52-04:00

The main thing to remember is to talk to each other. Be open with your spouse when you have things going on at work. Let them know when something is going on at work that you can't talk about. Also let them know when you are struggling. They are in the perfect position to help you through your issues. Communication is the best way to go, but above all, be honest with them when you can't talk about something or when something is going on.

Response by MSgt Keith Hebert made May 18 at 2014 4:37 PM

2014-05-18T16:37:57-04:00

Communication communication communication that cannot be said enough.
Make sure ahe understands the rigors if being a military wife(deployments,long hours,etc)
Get her plugged into the base family programs(she will be alone in a new place)
Make sure the time you spend is quality not quantity
Communication
Good luck

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 4 at 2014 12:32 PM

2014-06-04T12:32:34-04:00

Make sure that you let your spouse know the demanding weeks to come, especially in NPS and NPTU. Make sure you have enough time to take care of your family, but not try to neglect your studies. It's very hard to figure out a good balance, but it will come in time. But most importantly, keep your wife happy. Happy wife, happy life.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 4 at 2014 1:10 PM

2014-06-04T13:10:02-04:00

SN Pearson,

First off, congratulations and I wish you a long and happy marriage!

After reading through the responses here I see a lot of wisdom, so there isn't much to add. Someone mentioned quality time over quantity time, and you'll see that is often what you'll be forced to do. My wife and I look at the short and long range training calendar and make plans, be it family time or husband and wife time. You'll be under a lot of pressure at school, so try to make your time enjoyable and fun for both of you.

As much as you'll need your wife to encourage and motivate you, remember to encourage and motivate her in her pursuits. Take the time to explain your duties to your future wife, why it's important, and how your success can benefit the both of you. Let her know how important she is to you, even if you can't always be home.

Unfortunately, there are going to be giant unavoidable conflicts. You'll be deployed for family events, anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, etc. You may be on duty odd hours. Remember those are only temporary conditions, so focus on the time you can spend together. Make that time special, make it count.

Worth repeating: COMMUNICATION

Response by 1LT Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 4 at 2014 8:07 PM

2014-06-04T20:07:53-04:00

Dear SN Pearson & Fiancee,

Make certain you spend some quality time together on as many days as possible.

Don't be engrossed by TV, computer, etc when falling asleep, talk to each other.

Try on your own but get help if needed to talk, fight, and decide issues together.

Don't make unilateral decisions! Don't lie!! Don't hit, injure, or wound each other!!!

Congratulations on your engagement. May you both be forever happy together. :)

Warmest Regards, Sandy

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 4 at 2014 9:07 PM

2014-06-04T21:07:52-04:00

I have been in your shoes, newly married and headed to nuke school. Keep in mind marriage is not 50/50, it's 100/100! You both have to communicate and take time to understand what both of you are going through. Make sure she understands your schedule and extensive work hours while you understand what she goes through daily. It also helps for you guys to have a strong non-navy set of friends to give you a mutual outlet away from work.

Response by CMSgt James Nolan made Jun 4 at 2014 10:28 PM

2014-06-04T22:28:19-04:00

You have to make the decision to stay together. Too easy to just quit when things get tough, and they will.
Treat her like a princess, she is one, just ask her father.
Always remember-if momma aint happy, aint nobody happy.
Don't cheat-it is easy, but will forever devalue a relationship.
Be honest with her, and talk of your hopes/dreams and foster hers.

The fact that you are asking, in a forum like this speaks volumes. A successful marriage takes work. It is worth it.

Response by LTC Private RallyPoint Member made Jun 5 at 2014 7:38 PM

2014-06-05T19:38:43-04:00

There was a SGT I knew that said "If Uncle Same wanted me to marry he would have issued me a wife." Well yeah go figure he is married now. It is really hard to balance any competing priorities, but you can always make it work if you have the will and desire. Ensure that your wife knows what you want in the military and you know what she wants from you and her life. There should be a balance so you can have a good life and fulfill your commitments to both parties.

Response by 1SG Robert Branch made Jun 5 at 2014 7:40 PM

2014-06-05T19:40:43-04:00

At my stage in life, I do NOTHING and I don't start that till after noon.

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Sep 1 at 2014 11:13 PM

2014-09-01T23:13:07-04:00

Two words: YES and DEAR. Together. Never forget. TRUST ME!

Response by MAJ Robert (Bob) Petrarca made Sep 16 at 2014 7:23 PM

2014-09-16T19:23:46-04:00

Congrats to the both of you!!

It helps to set priorities for "free" time, COMMUNICATE constantly, and never forget to plan a date night every other week or as often as you can to leave the world behind and catch up with each other. 20 years and 3 kids later, it still works for us.

Response by PO2 Tony Casler made Sep 16 at 2014 7:40 PM

2014-09-16T19:40:47-04:00

I may catch some down votes for this, but my advice is not to get married. You have less than a year in and haven't been to the fleet so you don't have a good frame of reference yet for what Navy life is like. Your first ship/sub will be a HUGE adjustment for you and piling that stress on a new marriage, especially for a very young couple, is almost guaranteed to be too much.

My advice to every new SM thinking about marriage is to wait until the end of your first enlistment and do not have any kids. After that initial four years you will be in a better position to judge the rigors of military life, make a decision on whether to get out or reenlist, and if she is marriage material then she will still be by your side. If it doesn't work out it is better to break up with a girlfriend than divorce a wife.

I do not know a single "A" school couple from my classes that are still married, it seemed like most barely made it to a year or two. The odds weren't much better on my friends who married later either but with a few years under your belt you are in a better position to judge whether or not you want to roll those dice. I am glad I didn't.