How do same sex couple get a divorce in the military if it's not recognized by the State?

PO2 Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 07:43:20 -0400

I am dual military married to another military member, we are a same sex couple . We have been seperated for over a year now and we cannot get a divorce. We are both are legal residence of other states and it is not legal for same sex marriage there. Any thing the military can do to help me ?

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 22 at 2014 12:12 PM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 12:12:40 -0400

You would need to talk to legal. That would be my best answer to you.

Response by MAJ Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 22 at 2014 12:35 PM

MAJ Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 12:35:56 -0400

Why would the divorce depend on your home of record vs the state where you were married? I'm a WA resident but was married in MD, so if I wanted to divorce my wife I'd be filing in MD.

Response by LTC Paul Labrador made Jul 22 at 2014 12:43 PM

LTC Paul Labrador — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 12:43:00 -0400

Is your marriage still legally recognized in the states that you were married in? If it is not, then technically you are not married in the first place.

Response by CMDCM Gene Treants made Jul 22 at 2014 8:39 PM

CMDCM Gene Treants — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 20:39:41 -0400

PO2 Private RallyPoint Member , you need to really consult a Civilian Divorce lawyer on this issue. You are really in a Catch 22 as far as the Military goes with help since it sounds as if you are Not residents of NC and may both be residents of different States and married in yet anther State. Since JaG will/can not handle divorce, even between military members, it is time to seek real legal counsel, not just opinions.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 22 at 2014 9:31 PM

SGT Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 22 Jul 2014 21:31:53 -0400

Though you said that JAG can't help you, this is exactly what I would do: Contact JAG in the state of which you were legally married. There is some JAG lawyer, somewhere, you can legally advise you of what to do. You may not be able to retain him or her, but I can guarantee that they can point you in the right direction. Even if you pose the question as theoretical, it can be answered.
Source: experience

Response by PO1 Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 23 at 2014 12:15 PM

PO1 Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 23 Jul 2014 12:15:31 -0400

JAG's will still provide guidance on what you can do. They will not represent you in court but they will help with any questions about the legalities and laws for your area. That being said....if the state you are currently domiciled in recognizes same-sex marriages....you can get divorced there. I hope this helps Shipmate. Let me know fi you have any questions or issues and I will be more than happy to help as best I can.

Response by CPT Richard Riley made Jul 23 at 2014 3:33 PM

CPT Richard Riley — Wed, 23 Jul 2014 15:33:23 -0400

If JAG is not a resource for whatever reason, look at these alternatives to try and find an answer. I would imagine, at minimum, you should be able to receive direction.

Many civil legal matters can be handled by a military legal assistance attorney at no cost to servicemembers. Civil matters include landlord-tenant disputes, wills and trust, family law (including divorce, separation, custody, and child support), naturalization, consumer issues (including debt collection, consumer scams, identity theft), powers of attorneys, advanced medical directives (living wills), and asserting your rights under the Servicemembers Civil Relief Act.

http://www.americanbar.org/portals/public_resources/aba_home_front.html

Legal Assistance Resource from the American Bar Association

http://www.americanbar.org/portals/public_resources/aba_home_front/information_center/working_with_lawyer/information_about_lawyers/military_legal_assistance/civil_matters.html

The ABA Military Pro Bono Project accepts case referrals from military attorneys on behalf of junior-enlisted, active-duty military personnel and their families with civil legal problems, and it places these cases with pro bono attorneys where the legal assistance is needed. The Project is also the platform for Operation Stand-By, through which military attorneys may seek attorney-to-attorney advice to further assist their servicemember clients.

http://www.militaryprobono.org/

ABA Home Front

Response by COL David S. made Jul 23 at 2014 5:12 PM

COL David S. — Wed, 23 Jul 2014 17:12:25 -0400

Competent legal counsel is the best answer that you will get. Find a lawyer that does divorce law, make an appointment and talk to him or her. They will give you the best advice that you will get anywhere. I practiced law for 25 years as a reservist in private practice as well as being a JAG. All the advice that you get from non-lawyers is worth exactly what you pay for it.

Response by Maj Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 23 at 2014 5:59 PM

Maj Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 23 Jul 2014 17:59:13 -0400

While not exactly on point, due to gender, the folks at the National Center for Lesbian Rights, http://www.nclrights.org/ , work this issue all the time. What you will likely need to do is establish residency in a state that recognizes same-sex marriage. It is a case of the law not catching up with current events and people rushing to pass laws without thinking of second and third order effects.

National Center for Lesbian Rights

The National Center for Lesbian Rights (NCLR) is committed to advancing lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender equality through litigation, legislation, policy, and public education across the country.

Response by SSG Trevor S. made Jul 30 at 2014 1:03 PM

SSG Trevor S. — Wed, 30 Jul 2014 13:03:55 -0400

Change your residence to a state that meets your legal needs then file.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 16 at 2014 3:17 AM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Sun, 16 Nov 2014 03:17:01 -0500

I think you have to go get divorced back to either a state that permits same-sex marriage or the original state you got married. I heard about a similar situation on the radio the other day. It's a sticky situation if you happen to be in a state that does not recognize same sex marriage. I think JAG can give you some advice about this.

Response by PO3 Josie Buchanan made Jun 16 at 2015 10:20 AM

PO3 Josie Buchanan — Tue, 16 Jun 2015 10:20:56 -0400

you can go to a civilian attorney to draw up an agreement between the both of you to dissolve your relationship. Just do it in a state that has same sex marriages allowed. You can also ask JAG how to go about it as well.

Response by PO3 Laura Thompson made Sep 17 at 2015 4:42 PM

PO3 Laura Thompson — Thu, 17 Sep 2015 16:42:20 -0400

I was married in Bethesda MD but got divorced in Camp Legune. My spouse just had to sign the papers that were mailed to them. I used a civilian lawyer. We were not same sex, so not sure how that works. I thought the supreme court made same sex marriage legal in all 50 states now, so shouldnt that make it easier?