How do Veterans help other Veterans prevent suicidal tendencies?

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 18:44:57 -0500

As I began my journey from SM to V, I began to focus more keenly on the issues Veterans face. While in the military, I felt invincible, not because I was, but because of the safety net of programs and support from my fellow Soldiers. Now that I am out here in the great big world, I began to have questions:
Am I all alone?
Is everything I did in the military for nothing?
Are the injuries (mental and physical) going to be taken care of by the VA because our country values my sacrifice?
Will I ever do anything, now that I am a civilian, that means anything?
Will I ever have friends like the ones I had in the military?
Will I struggle to find job security and steadily provide for my family like I did when I served?

These questions were the beginning of an avalanche of questions that came pouring down over me. And I wanted to hide at first. I wanted to go hike the Appalachian Trail and forget about the questions I didn't have answers to.

Then I started to reach out. I remembered that, back in 2003, when I decided to deploy with my unit instead of staying on Rear-Detachment to wait for my OCS start date, and my fourth child was born without me there, I felt this same heavy weight. Like, maybe I made a really bad decision. One that couldn't be rectified. One that was so painful, that I wasn't sure I could bear it. It was the onset of depression. But, just like in 2003, I reached out. I had a support system that didn't just give lip service to "If you ever need anything..." and they lifted me up. They pulled me through and wouldn't let me quit.

So, where was I going to find that here, in Greenville, SC, where I don't know anyone. At the VFW? Maybe... I tried. The connection just wasn't there. MOAA? Great organization, but, still not the right group. Maybe some counseling at the VA? Well, we won't go there.

So, what....was...I...going...to....DO? The thought of walking in the door of some Non-profit organization seemed almost as if I was a headcase. A number. Even if they were the best at what they did and they were able to relate, there was still a 'client-patient' feel. They weren't my buddies, who I could laugh and cry with.

So.... I started thinking, maybe there are other Veterans out there like me. Lacking purpose. Feeling alone. Needing the camaraderie and advice that can only come from someone that...well...just knows. And the Upstate Veteran Business Network was birthed.

So, why a "Business Network"? Well, in a society of networks that connect people that have something in common, or speed networking, or "Pay hundreds of dollars to use our system" networks, I wanted to create something different. Business relationships are important and can be leveraged to do more than just help people find a job or land a sale. They can help people realize their purpose. They can be an important part of who you are. This type of network (probably) wouldn't work with civilians. The idea that we can be brothers/sisters and work together in a team isn't as deeply implanted in them as it is in us. We have unique experiences that allow us to put together the core of this network that will, without a doubt, change lives by connecting them to a network that deeply cares about their personal and professional success and helps them find their purpose again.

What are your thoughts on ways to stop Veterans Suicide? I would love to hear them.

Response by SSgt Alex Robinson made Nov 17 at 2015 6:51 PM

SSgt Alex Robinson — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 18:51:28 -0500

The best thing but can do is be there for your friends. Open mind and ears. Look for unusual signs and be prepared to gently guide those in need to the proper source of care such as mental health professionals or clergy

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Nov 17 at 2015 6:57 PM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 18:57:00 -0500

Veterans at risk need an understanding family, mentor, effective therapy, someone who can instill hope into the veteran. Hope is a drug that we all need to continue fighting the good fight.

Response by PVT Robert Gresham made Nov 17 at 2015 8:08 PM

PVT Robert Gresham — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 20:08:32 -0500

CPT Private RallyPoint Member I also offer my personal services to Veterans who may feel the way that you describe, and may be suicide endangered. Although it is not on a such a scale as you offer, I have spoken with over 100 Veterans, and tried to help them come to grips with taking life one day at a time, and how important they are to others.

We are at a point where Veterans are taking their own lives at the rate of approximately 22 per day. This is a ridiculous number, and one that we CAN influence. Communication is the key, and sometimes just being there is all that it takes. Everyone needs to remember that although Veterans Day is only one day during the year, at least one of our Veterans needs support EVERY day.

Veterans answered a call when we needed them. It is only right that we should listen for their call, help them (or at be able to point them in the right direction), and make sure that their sacrifices for our country were not an empty, unappreciated gesture.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 17 at 2015 8:27 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 20:27:58 -0500

CPT Private RallyPoint Member I really like your post. I think a lot of service members share your feelings and fears. I've had the experience of being asked to help former service members who were disassociating, I searched here for ideas and information from members for a way to help. I found there is a lot of knowledge out there and networks are available. To me it seemed the major problem was that there is no order or one place from which to gather this information. We do need a centralized location for making these resources more useful and finder friendly. Maybe some of the other RP members would like to put a word in here too: COL Mikel J. Burroughs SGT Scott Gross SGT John Dupree 1SG Private RallyPoint Member LTC John Shaw CPT Bruce Rodgers @Izzy Abbas SMSgt Minister Gerald A. Thomas GySgt John Olson LTC Kevin B. CW4 Private RallyPoint Member MSG Robert Mills SSG Warren Swan SSG James J. Palmer IV aka "JP4" SFC James Sczymanski MSG Xavier James SFC Mark Merino 1SG Private RallyPoint Member Col Private RallyPoint Member

Response by LCDR Rabbah Rona Matlow made Nov 17 at 2015 8:37 PM

LCDR Rabbah Rona Matlow — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 20:37:06 -0500

CPT Private RallyPoint Member Congratulations on your transition. If you're feeling at risk, please call the VA talk line at [login to see] option 1, call your local crisis line, or go to the Emergency Room. You are too valuable to lose.

Please see my response on this thread: https://www.rallypoint.com/answers/have-you-seen-this-article-on-soldiers-and-the-stigma-of-military-depression for more information.

If you'd like, please contact me off line. I can advise you on your depression, as well as your benefits...

Have you seen this article on Soldiers and the Stigma of Military Depression? | RallyPoint

Have you seen this article on Soldiers and the Stigma of Military Depression?https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/soldiers-stigma-agonizing-depression-eryn-elisabeth-loney-mla-cdf?trk=hp-feed-article-title-shareDepression sucksIt wraps its ugly black tentacles around you and squeezes hard as it holds on for dear life. It manifests in a variety of ways that may not initially seem like depression. You are in constant pain, you have difficulty...

Response by LTC John Shaw made Nov 17 at 2015 11:14 PM

LTC John Shaw — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 23:14:25 -0500

CPT Private RallyPoint Member Yes,
Transition from the military to civilian is difficult, the service is a unique and special time for most people you should reflect on it with pride and gratitude. Your experiences matter to me and many others, so know you have a brotherhood who understands.
I have felt your same feelings more than a few times as I move back and forth from each time from reserve to active and back again to Verizon. Do you have to adjust to family, Yes, do you have to re-prove yourself work ethic to your employer and others, yes you do. Do you need to get comfortable just being you, alone with your thoughts, Yes you do. Will your wife and kids be different and some times it causes 'issues'. Yep, that is all normal life and it is all OK.
1) Go to the VA, I found caring folks who give a crap - Mental Health counselor & Family counselor, two different counselors. I had anger and anxiety issues, not sure why and could never get a real answer other than accept that I feel certain ways and those feelings will come out. My wife and I have gone to family counseling since 2013 after my Afghanistan deployment. I have been married 25 years/four children I can tell you, w/o the counseling, we would be in trouble.
2) Engage in communities you feel comfortable with, I enjoy RP and the fine folks you see listed by CPT Cannonie, we talk and banter and disagree and it is FUN!
3) Find a local group that you can connect with for the critical face to face conversations that all friends need. I am in Ohio, if I can ever assist, please let me know.
Blessings to you my friend, know you are among a community that cares.

Response by MSG Robert Mills made Nov 17 at 2015 11:37 PM

MSG Robert Mills — Tue, 17 Nov 2015 23:37:13 -0500

I'm in your area Sir we should perhaps conduct a link-up operation. Every question you listed I've asked myself, and a few more questions as well. As far as you not knowing anyone, well that is a easy fix, I'm retired and have plenty of free time. Veterans Suicide is a tricky problem these days for sure. Sometimes its an unavoidable consequence of a combination of issues that tend to "kitchen sink" themselves on people all at once. Ideas are plenty these days, and dangers are very real with this issue. Some ideas that are canned will not work on some people, as every soldier is not the same, and you have to assess each person to the capabilities they have or do not have, its a very hard thing to measure how to stop this problem. Some things just do not work no matter what, but many do as well. Soldiers are cagey by nature for more than one reason, easy to get to know, and many time easy to predict in 90% of cases, however there is always that 10% lol.

Response by CPT Private RallyPoint Member made Nov 19 at 2015 2:22 PM

CPT Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 19 Nov 2015 14:22:41 -0500

I appreciate the comments of everyone in this group. I can tell by the responses that I am not alone in this, nor are my specific issues unique to my situation. Let's all keep talking about it and don't be embarrassed to be open and honest about what you are going through so that we can all get better together.

God bless you all! Keep fighting the good fight.

Response by SPC Margaret Higgins made Nov 20 at 2015 10:58 AM

SPC Margaret Higgins — Fri, 20 Nov 2015 10:58:56 -0500

CPT Private RallyPoint Member, GOD bless you, not only for your resilience- but for coming up with a PLAN; to help other Veterans.
You are correct in your thinking that Veterans who have been there- can surely help other Veterans who are there. I used to be Very suicidal.
Once I felt better, (after twenty-seven years!) I created the following group:
http://www.facebook.com/groupforsuicidalactivedutyandforsuicidalveterans

Facebook

Response by MAJ Ken Landgren made Jul 7 at 2019 11:25 AM

MAJ Ken Landgren — Sun, 07 Jul 2019 11:25:18 -0400

As I recovered from PTSD, I felt the strong urge to help others. It's like being the quartering party. This is the road I have taken, and this is where you want to be. Bring clarity to the situation.