How do you deal with rude "Leaders"?

2015-07-22T12:13:57-04:00

There is a dept head on my ship who is just so rude and condescending. He always treats enlisted people like they're useless and unworthy of his presence. The kind of guy who will point out all your flaws, but fail to mention how much he needs you on watch with him.

Response by SSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 22 at 2015 12:21 PM

2015-07-22T12:21:59-04:00

I used to have an old boss that used the adage, "Kill them with Kindness". By doing this, you are not being disrespectful, but subtly informing that they are being (pardon the language) an asshole. If the problem continues, you may have to report it. People like this tend to find themselves "working their way out" of their current position.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 22 at 2015 12:26 PM

2015-07-22T12:26:56-04:00

Unfortunately you're going to run into that. If it's any consolation those same people are typically even more rude to the officers who work for them.

The best way to deal with it if you decide it is worth while is to approach a peer of his in a respectful way and try to get them to work with him on it. It's a hard situation to deal with.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 22 at 2015 12:31 PM

2015-07-22T12:31:23-04:00

taking your statement at face value there will be leaders who need to put down others to make themselvs feel better about thier own inadequacy. Something you can always count on in the mil. is change. I tried to learn form all my Chiefs, i looked for what they did well and took it for myself and also made sure not to copy thier mistakes or what they lacked. We all know that Chief and alot of the time karma seems to catch up.

Response by LCDR Rabbah Rona Matlow made Jul 22 at 2015 12:39 PM

2015-07-22T12:39:12-04:00

OS1, you've been around long enough now to know that you don't always get the "good ones" on a ship or station.

In a case like this, learn to smile and say "yes sir, thank you sir" and work on ways to release the anger and frustration in a safe place. You don't need to destroy your career by losing it with him. Also, how long are you on the ship? Remember that department heads are usually only there for 2 years. Maybe you'll get a better one next time.

If he crosses the line into harassment, if you're in the same department (i.e. is he OPS?) talk to your Chief, and if need be, the CMC. If he's in a different department, your leadership might be able to help you. In any case, document, never be alone with him, and remember to keep your cool.

The Navy is in an unforgiving mood these days re bad leaders, so just bide your time...

Response by Capt Seid Waddell made Jul 22 at 2015 12:42 PM

2015-07-22T12:42:21-04:00

PO1 Shahida Marmol, treat him with the respect you would give a porcupine; professional, at a distance, and with your survival in mind.
Leaders like this always fail in due course - try not to become a casualty before that happens.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 22 at 2015 1:19 PM

2015-07-22T13:19:49-04:00

Be respectful; the officer in question (I assume officer) got there for a reason. You have a duty to perform - being Dr Phil is not one of them. I would suggest having a talk with your Chief about it. Maybe he/she has built some rapport and receptiveness with this guy.
There are escalations you could take, but from what you wrote this guy just sounds like a jackwagon, not a real threat. If you feel personally threatened, use your CoC.

Response by PO1 Donald Hammond made Jul 22 at 2015 2:04 PM

2015-07-22T14:04:09-04:00

This is right up there with my new discussion. Unfortunately, you are stuck just being professional with these people. Actually the best professional relationship I had was when I was an E-5 and my Chief was a total *bleeeeeeeeeeeeeep*. I did not like him as a person so our relationship was totally professional. Never asked how his wife was or any of that stuff. Just "yes, Chief" and "no, Chief".

Of course one tactic you can use is when somebody senior to you points out something you are doing wrong, ask them to show you the right way to do it. 9 times out of 10 they can't. Sort of brings the point home to them, just a little.

How do you deal with Officers who shouldn't be one? | RallyPoint

So there I am, walking through the parking lot in the pouring rain. Lakes they call puddles everywhere. Most cars are driving nice and slow to prevent spraying on us pedestrians. Not one guy. He blows through a puddle and nails me. I yell something like "have a nice day" (or worse) at him. He actually stopped, rolled down his window, and says "Do not talk to an officer that way!" I told him I would have said the same to the 4 star if he drove...

Response by PO1 Glenn Boucher made Jul 22 at 2015 5:37 PM

2015-07-22T17:37:25-04:00

I had a Services Officer who was an LDO and a complete douche. He completely forgot where he came from and had no respect for any enlisted. During our weekly Galley maintenance meeting with A Gang when it was my turn to get status on repairs and parts he told me "your concerns are already noted on the 8 O'clock reports so we don't need to hear from you". I respectfully told him no problem Sir, so I am guessing I do not need to attend any more of these meetings and I can get on to more useful things. Yeah, it didn't go over well but I had already been a 1st class for more than 10 years so nothing more to lose by putting an jerk LDO in his place. After that he never tried to be so rude with me again.

Response by SGM Matthew Quick made Jul 22 at 2015 7:34 PM

2015-07-22T19:34:23-04:00

Grow thicker skin...this toxic "leader" will be gone soon.

Response by PO3 Jonathan Cooper made Jul 22 at 2015 8:12 PM

2015-07-22T20:12:24-04:00

Focus on what you are doing. Asshole leaders are a dime a dozen and he won't change unless he decides to change. If you do your thing and handle yourself in the highest professional and moral standards, then you "beat" this DH overall. That's something that no one will be able to argue.

Response by SCPO Joshua I made Jul 22 at 2015 9:00 PM

2015-07-22T21:00:35-04:00

Smile, nod, be polite and professional at all times.

Talk to your Chief, Dept Chief, and ultimately if you have to the CMC.

Above all, always remain professional.

Response by Sgt Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 22 at 2015 10:12 PM

2015-07-22T22:12:32-04:00

They get a side eye and ignored.

Response by SFC Joe S. Davis Jr., MSM, DSL made Jul 22 at 2015 10:16 PM

2015-07-22T22:16:59-04:00

PO1 Shahida Marmol just stay positive and give them the benefit of the doubt. What I am saying is kill them with kindness. I won a lot of rude leaders over, that hated my guts! Its all about respect in the end.

Response by SSgt Alex Robinson made Jul 22 at 2015 10:31 PM

2015-07-22T22:31:21-04:00

Kill him with kindness.

Response by LTC(P) Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 23 at 2015 12:40 AM

2015-07-23T00:40:50-04:00

Well...I can tell you what NOT to do...and that is responding to one of that leader's "episodes" with: "You are the most unprofessional officers I have ever worked with in my life." It will make you better momentarily...but that feeling will soon fade...LOL. Chances are though...just like SGM Quick said...they will be gone before you are.

Response by PO1 John Miller made Jul 23 at 2015 8:42 AM

2015-07-23T08:42:45-04:00

Treat him with the utmost professionalism and don't let him see even an ounce of perceived disrespect, especially if he is your Department Head and has a say so on your EVAL!

Response by CPL Robb Lenox made Jul 23 at 2015 8:58 AM

2015-07-23T08:58:00-04:00

He sounds like the type of person who would use you as a shield. If you know what I mean. Avoid him when possible.

Response by SCPO Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 23 at 2015 12:37 PM

2015-07-23T12:37:06-04:00

Being professional always prevails. I know it may be really hard sometimes, but bite your tongue. I would start documenting everything too. Dates, times, witnesses, and facts. That way if things blow up, you have some type of evidence. Sometimes even audio or video of what is going on can be
really helpful too. Good luck! Let me know how things evolve too.

V/r,
B

Response by PO3 Jody Wangen made Jul 23 at 2015 6:18 PM

2015-07-23T18:18:40-04:00

kind of hard to deal with this while on active duty without being charged with insubordination. chain of command. find his equal that you can talk to. see if they can talk to him one on one. if not, he may have to be written up. anyone planning to get out soon that has the balls to do file a complaint?

Response by PO3 Devin Gallagher made Jul 23 at 2015 6:38 PM

2015-07-23T18:38:50-04:00

If it becomes a problem report it. Otherwise don't give him an inch. He's already annoying you enough. Why give some other reasons to make it worse? Make sure others know what is going on. Your chief is a good start. So that way if something does happen you have someone on your side.

Response by SGT Kristin Wiley made Jul 24 at 2015 10:15 AM

2015-07-24T10:15:24-04:00

There are many leaders who I've encountered throughout my career that think they are elite and enlisted are not even worthy of being considered human. It's extremely disheartening when you're treated this way, and I hope someone puts him in his place. Just know that you do not have to accept his negative treatment, I would stand up to him and tell him that his behavior will not be tolerated. Some leaders abuse their authority because they don't think anyone will question them or stand up to them and tell them they are wrong.

Response by LCDR Private RallyPoint Member made Jul 24 at 2015 8:35 PM

2015-07-24T20:35:04-04:00

Look for something you can learn from any leader, best or worst, and respect the position and rank.

Response by SCPO Larry Knight Sr. made Aug 7 at 2015 1:25 AM

2015-08-07T01:25:41-04:00

PO1 Shahida Virella be respectful at all costs, however as a young leader in your capacity you have abilities and the means to change this. First and for most take care of the people who are under your guidance/leadership and maintain the integrity with in core group. Document everything that occurs on a daily basis , who, what ,when and where. If you have a strong Chief within your division/department confide in them of the circumstances involving this (Substandard "O"). If it should persist get the CMC involved unless he/she is included in this scenario , then your department can request CO's mast to move it further up the chain for resolution.
This type of behavioral trait is rampant as evidenced in the Navy Times articles which have come to light in previous months onboard various commands. It has resulted in commissions/careers ended on both sides Officers and Command Master Chiefs, for failure with in the command structure to take control of the negative command climate. You should really consider pursuing the path leading to a commission and help eradicate this trend from continuing in the United States Navy. I had a young second class Petty Officer in my career who actually had decided to not to reenlist , I encouraged her to go for the LDO program and wrote up a endorsement for her. She was selected and a few years later I ran into her in Yokosuka Japan, here was a very proud LT Kim D'arcy coming onboard the ship I was attached to at the time.
The LT didn't suffer the things your going through at your command, she wanted to make the Navy a career with a better retirement plan in mind. So in closing I will be here if you need to contact me regarding the situation at hand.

Response by SSG Willis Baker made Aug 7 at 2015 2:03 AM

2015-08-07T02:03:32-04:00

A person's actions, whether good or bad, will often have consequences for that person.
Keep you head high, stay focused, correct your flaws just so he doesn't keep harping on them. He won't be with you long.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 7 at 2015 3:51 AM

2015-08-07T03:51:10-04:00

Be more professional than this leader. Always appear serious and confident. Often times, they are compensating for their own lack of self confidence and if you have a hard shell, they typically will soften as they can't deal with the perceived rejection they've been facing. It's so stressful. I feel for you as you are forced to play this psychological game.

Response by SFC Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 7 at 2015 4:23 AM

2015-08-07T04:23:07-04:00

One day he will need you to cover his 6, and you will because it is your duty, but his attitude will change.

Response by SMSgt Tony Barnes made Aug 7 at 2015 8:00 AM

2015-08-07T08:00:48-04:00

He's no leader.

Response by 1stSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 7 at 2015 9:00 AM

2015-08-07T09:00:18-04:00

I would address him off to the side in private and explain that as an PO1, you don't appreciate him/her speaking to you in such a manner, especially in front of others or subordinates. Nothing in our enlistment oath states that we are required to be treated like a subservient bitch. If that fails to work, I would talk to the CMC, hopefully he/she has the intestinal fortitude to correct the situation or at least take it to the XO. Good luck and Semper Fidelis.

Response by SSG Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 7 at 2015 11:13 AM

2015-08-07T11:13:47-04:00

You walk up to that person and tell them how much u blog about them online.. Maybe they will change?

Response by SPC George Rudenko made Aug 8 at 2015 1:42 AM

2015-08-08T01:42:16-04:00

Everyone has a flaw. We are that great military because with all of our flaws we still kick ass.

Response by PO1 Leo Avalos made Aug 16 at 2015 2:54 PM

2015-08-16T14:54:50-04:00

Always smile when youre out of formation....dont let them know they hurt your feelings.....work hard to try to understand what they want as a leader...right now you are just like a rookie at training camp in the nfl.....they are trying to see what a leader you are...they are just giving you crap.....give it back respectfully and be smart about it....always stick to the facts when you are on duty and at work....hustle ....make your peers try to catch up with you and learn to love the Navy.....you are gonna miss it one day...you can do it or they would not have allowed you to make First Class....hustle and work smart and hard

Response by PO2 Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 18 at 2015 10:34 PM

2015-08-18T22:34:35-04:00

Out smart him and make him look like a fool while making it look like an accident.

Response by SGT Private RallyPoint Member made Aug 18 at 2015 10:54 PM

2015-08-18T22:54:59-04:00

I've been told to respect the rank not the man/women wearing it.

Response by 2LT Earl Dean made Dec 13 at 2015 2:04 PM

2015-12-13T14:04:39-05:00

I agree with Capt Seid Waddell, Treat them with due respect and maintain a log of there actions and comments, Document Document Document! Get written statements from others that feel as you do. and be objective in this one! Look at it from the outside in! They may not be as bad as you feel it is! And then again if it is! You need to have documentation to back your self up! If you dont you could wind up being a PO instead of a PO1

Response by PO1 Dennis DeStefano made Dec 16 at 2015 1:54 PM

2015-12-16T13:54:22-05:00

I had to learn a hard lesson in 1996, while I thought I was not replaceable, I quickly learned that, I was not. It was the hardest and darkest points in my life. Some 20 years later and I have learned that you can't let it bother you, smile be professional and eventually one of you two will be transferred to your next duty stations. I once had a C.O. who treated his wardroom like they were dogs, firing them from their watch-stations, making them stand extremely long watches or in CIC and then the OOD to CIC and then to JOOD. He took great pride in beating them down and as an enlisted person I originally thought FINALLY someone is giving them the crap they deserve. About 9 months into it, I saw the officers start to melt, they hated work, they hated him, they hated the uniform, and it all rolled downward. I had the opportunity to talk one on one with many of them and they were just tired. What I originally thought was awesome ended up being heartwrenching. Keep your head up, remain the professional you are and move on. This is my best advice.

Response by 1SG Harold Piet made May 23 at 2016 10:45 AM

2016-05-23T10:45:04-04:00

Yes, I almost was run out of the Army when I was a SSG by an Ahole by the name of wypochowski. He was a warrant, then was refused to reup as a warrant and became E-7 and stayed as my Plt Sgt. I escaped and he had the same problem with the two E-6 after me then the COC finally relieved him and sent him on his way. Pray and endure. The cream rises to the top in time.

Response by CWO4 Gene A. made Sep 1 at 2017 6:51 PM

2017-09-01T18:51:07-04:00

PO Virella,as a 1st class I'm sure you know the answer to your own question. I've never known a good CPO,SCPO or MCPO that wouldn't go to bat for you. The Chief community should be able to approach the appropriate Department Head, XO or even the CO to voice your concerns (assuming you are objective in your observation). Let the wardroom take care of their own. If some of the old Navy still exists less the PC, your concerns should be resolved in a short time. Not to forget, you dont have to like your leader in order to function professionally and keep focused on your career. Remember, what goes around, comes around. Find solace in that thought.

Response by Cpl Rc Layne made Sep 1 at 2017 8:30 PM

2017-09-01T20:30:47-04:00

Wait until he's standing at the rail by himself at night and throw him overboard? Seriously, everyone works for someone. Do your pertinent documentation for the chain of command. However, make sure that you are 100 percent in the right and not being overly sensitive. An allegation like this, if unfounded, is going to have serious consequences for the alligator.

Response by 1SG Ed Bernas made Mar 29 at 2020 6:31 PM

2020-03-29T18:31:27-04:00

Here’s an unpopular answer, maybe he works with Fing morons all day, and he’s over it? Everyone today expects leaders to go above and beyond all the while being forced to coddle worthless subordinates. Strong JR leaders don’t worry about their superiors, they go around them, and get promoted as fast a they can.

Response by 1SG Daniel Ames made Apr 6 at 2020 2:53 PM

2020-04-06T14:53:44-04:00

Keep you distance if possible when he falls he will more than likely try to take others with him.