How do you draw the line between being a good supervisor and being too friendly?

SSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 24 Feb 2016 16:34:28 -0500

Response by MSgt Robert Slagle made Feb 24 at 2016 4:38 PM

MSgt Robert Slagle — Wed, 24 Feb 2016 16:38:10 -0500

Easy, you be a polite, kind and caring supervisor and not a friend.

Response by 1SG Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 24 at 2016 4:42 PM

1SG Private RallyPoint Member — Wed, 24 Feb 2016 16:42:06 -0500

I know my Soldiers, and I care about their well-being and that of their families.
I am fair to them, and I give them opportunities in responsibility and training that wil allow them to grow.
I give a damn, and make sure they know both when they do something that makes me proud and when I am disappointed.
I make sure that those that go above and beyond are recognized, in both awards and evaluation reports.
I counsel them, to make sure they can meet their goals, as well as mine and those of the commander.
I listen to them and get them help when they need it.
I let them know when they need to put their pants on, drink water, and do better rather than mope or feel sorry for themselves.
I am their dad at times, but I am not their friend. That may come later, when we are peers or move on to a different relationship than supervisor/ subordinate.
Never blur the lines, but don't turn those lines into walls that block communication.

Response by SPC David S. made Feb 24 at 2016 4:51 PM

SPC David S. — Wed, 24 Feb 2016 16:51:34 -0500

If you start mixing professional relationships with personal relationships more often it will lead to trouble or conflict at some point in time. I certainly think you can be a friendly supervisor just not a friend.

Response by Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS made Feb 24 at 2016 5:14 PM

Sgt Aaron Kennedy, MS — Wed, 24 Feb 2016 17:14:31 -0500

When you are unable to take necessary actions due to the level of familiarity.

Response by Lt Col Scott Shuttleworth made Feb 24 at 2016 5:50 PM

Lt Col Scott Shuttleworth — Wed, 24 Feb 2016 17:50:46 -0500

First of all, you are not there to be their friend...you are there to be their supervisor to make sure they are doing what they need and are required to do in their capacity. You are to give them the tools necessary for success and mentor, train, and hold accountable those that work for you. You can become their friend only after they understand that you are their supervisor first. Give them direction and hold them all accountable and they and you will know where those lines are. They will respect you and if a friendship grows out of that then so be it but while you are wearing the uniform, the mission always comes first as there is someone somewhere relying on you and them to get it right every time.

On my last assignment prior to retirement, I worked for a Wing Commander who was my neighbor and good friend when we were both Captains at another station. He progressed to Colonel and me to Lt Col. We maintained a friendship but the social aspect of it changed because we knew it had to. Off duty playing golf or at dinner with the families we chose not to talk shop to separate the two. I had respect for his rank and authority as he valued my opinion as a subordinate. He also held me accountable in a situation, and rightfully so.

Response by PO3 Michael James made Feb 24 at 2016 6:01 PM

PO3 Michael James — Wed, 24 Feb 2016 18:01:58 -0500

SrA Kampe, Sir; Being too friendly will eventually cause slackers.. Being a good Supervisor, one would encourage individuals, try to motivate others, and offer help/training/assistance to others when necessary. A good supervisor would stand with his group, and if/when wrong would take responsibility, and not play the blame game !! A good supervisor would always communicate what is expected of others, and Demand one carry his/her own work load to the best of their ability !

Response by Capt Tj Feeley made Feb 24 at 2016 6:14 PM

Capt Tj Feeley — Wed, 24 Feb 2016 18:14:12 -0500

Setting expectations as soon as possible and having this discussion is always the best bet. Once most people know their roles, group dynamics, etc, the easier it will be. Oh, and always be professional. You are being watched 24/7.

Response by TSgt Terry Hudson made Feb 24 at 2016 8:30 PM

TSgt Terry Hudson — Wed, 24 Feb 2016 20:30:15 -0500

The answer to your question is in the question, you draw the line. You make sure the troop(s) clearly understands you are there to help anyway possible but you are not there friend. Don't put yourself in situations where they can misinterpret your actions as an invatation for a friendly relationship.

Response by MSgt William Shimmin made Feb 24 at 2016 9:17 PM

MSgt William Shimmin — Wed, 24 Feb 2016 21:17:26 -0500

Unfortunately it's dependent upon the political climate of the USAF in the era of operations. Many believe you have to clearly distance yourself from your subordinates, being "all black and white down to business. Leadership by example on the other hand demands you personally invest in your subordinates, as does the proffed hypocritical "Core Values" completely ignored by the upper echelon of command. A leader who works WITH his subordinates, who places trust while affording them the personal responsibility to perform and meet expectations is far and few between in this day and age. The majority of supervisors have been misdirected into believing they need to be more concerned in covering their backs with a blanket while "burning" any and all to get ahead in the career ladder.

Follow your instincts above anything else. If you lead by example, are willing to get down in the dirt and tell your people you'll never expect them to do anything you aren't willing to do yourself... and show them, they'll follow you into the thick and have your back, because they know you have theirs. INTEGRITY is everything! Yes, you're going to have the new age supervisors talking behind your back and looking for ways to get YOU burned. Thing is, you have to live with yourself when it's all said and done. Truth be told, once you retire, you're forgotten anyway... except by those you maintained your personal integrity with. They Never forget the influence you had in their forming.

Response by SrA Matthew Knight made Feb 25 at 2016 1:49 AM

SrA Matthew Knight — Thu, 25 Feb 2016 01:49:46 -0500

I draw the line when they try getting me to go out eating or drinking with them. I am not saying one can't be friends to a degree with a supervisor but I have had one who didn't take the hint that I refuse to go out for social bar visits with him. Finally stopped asking after a while, think he realized I was never going to say yes even when he said he'd make me one day.

A good supervisor will look out for their troops, give you advice when they can and try to set you up for success. Beyond that, little things here and there aren't bad, like a supervisor of mine back at Scott who would invite people from the flight to go paintballing or skiing but I think the fact that he invited pretty much anyone from the flight to go was why it wasn't bad. Getting to friendly is something along the lines of what I said above with trying to get a couple people to go out drinking or anything like that. I am not a drinker to begin with but even on the rare occasion I do it won't be with supervision because when all is said and done it's there word against yours and lets be real, most people are going to listen to the NCO over the junior enlisted if things for some reason go south. I'd rather just not put myself in that situation to begin with.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 25 at 2016 7:04 AM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 25 Feb 2016 07:04:39 -0500

There is nothing wrong with being friendly. It's when that friendy is taken more as friendship, than it can cause problems. Remember this, 'mission first, people always'. You have to be there for your people, that you care about them. But that doesn't mean drinking buddies. Give them the opportunity to be successful and give them the instruction they need to get there. Let them lean on you for your mentorship and advice. It will return and reflect on you as a good supervisor. And that you know how to get the job done, while taking care of your troops.

Response by MSgt John Grollimund made Feb 25 at 2016 8:57 AM

MSgt John Grollimund — Thu, 25 Feb 2016 08:57:54 -0500

Saw this the other day. Pretty spot on.

Response by MSgt Private RallyPoint Member made Feb 25 at 2016 2:03 PM

MSgt Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 25 Feb 2016 14:03:20 -0500

Maybe it's because I was almost 28 when I enlisted, but I've never had an issue being friendly but not their friend. As some have said above, if you find yourself unable to carry out your supervisory duties then you need to cut ties and reevaluate your relationship.

Response by MSgt Kurt Woodward made Feb 25 at 2016 2:33 PM

MSgt Kurt Woodward — Thu, 25 Feb 2016 14:33:47 -0500

SrA Kampe, being a first time Supervisor is rough. ALS, doesn't really address this issue that much. When you go from being one of the "boys", to the boss. I would just privately talk with each person and let them know where the "line" is during duty hours and off duty. If someone is not able to maintain the standard you have set; then you can choose to either give a verbal counseling session, and a MFR for the reason, or a formal written counseling session. Most times talking to the individuals and letting them know about what you expect and what your standards are will correct the problem. If not, I've given you the advice on what to do as a next step.

Response by Maj Mike Sciales made Feb 26 at 2016 10:28 AM

Maj Mike Sciales — Fri, 26 Feb 2016 10:28:33 -0500

A good leader is a subject matter expert. They teach everyday. They display pride, professionalism and dedication. They are caring and cordial & they make it clear they expect others to rise to that level. People respect that and will like them naturally. At least that's my experience. I had great mentors.

Response by CSM Private RallyPoint Member made Mar 9 at 2017 4:45 PM

CSM Private RallyPoint Member — Thu, 09 Mar 2017 16:45:31 -0500

You start out making sure they know the difference between business and friendship